Try it, or let it go?

[ppc]

Hi!

After my breakup (it was a really bad and short relationship) I downloaded Tinder and started to talk to a guy. At this time I travelled home to my parents for 1,5 month, but we kept talking more and more.

He is not really the texting type, and he admited that sometimes he just forget to write because his head is full of other things, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to talk. He is not that living in social media type.

When I came back we had 4 dates n 2 weeks.

First time we had some drinks, a really good conversation and we kissed in a park. He asked me to go up to him, but I said no.

On our second date we had sex (we both were a bit hungry, to be honest...), and talked for hours.

On the third date I went to his place , we had a lot of sex but also cooked, had a walk, watched a movie etc...

He texted me not so much after this day, that maybe I want to go with to the beach. We did like that. We met on Thursday night, he asked me whether I missed him, he said that I look really great and said that he finds me more and more attractive by time. We watched the sunset with a bottle of wine, and I felt like that he is starting to open to me emotionally too (he is a bit of shy type). The day after we had a really nice day together, went to the beach, cooked and had lot of fun together. When we are in public he always touches me (for example in the subway he touches my knee, he rests his head on my shoulders etc.), he smiles at me a lot, and we're laughing all the time... When we said goodbye on Saturday, he hugged me tight, kissed me.

We talked on Sunday , he flew home on Monday but he didnt contact me since then. He saw my status, but didnt write anything.

 

What do you think? Maybe he is just busy with his family? Or after that he started every date, and mostly he texted me first.. Maybe he is waiting for me to text? Maybe I didnt gave him enough sign? Or he is just wanted sex, and now that we are not in the same country not interested in me anymore.

 

I also have some issues, because I was cheated on, and I am already thinking that maybe he sees somebody else too (however after some date he doesnt owe me loyalty). When we talked about that we had a really great day and started to talk about that "perfect dates" he mentoined that he had a really great date once. And he said this with happiness, that I felt a bit bad, that maybe I cannot get above this. Im really insecure and stressed all the time (not just about this, about everything) I think I just really really want somebody to love me, after a really toxic 4.5 years long, and a stressed 2 months relationship. And I never felt myself so free and calm like I did with this guy... But I dont want to ruin this with insecurity...

 

I know that after just 1,5 months talking and 2 weeks of dating I cant be his priority while he is with his family after months, but what do you think will he write me during his holiday? Im just too impatient? Should I just wait until he comes back and continue the dating if he asks me out, and not talk to him during his holiday? But when we were just talking, he also had a holiday, and we talked in every 2-3 days... So I dont know!!! Im realllllyyy confused :confused::confused: Or still the option, that he just wanted sex, not me... Im a really overthinking and overanalyzing type....

 

Other thing is, that we have amazing sex, but I cannot come. And he feel a bit bad about this, however its not his fault, but mine, bcause my first boyfreind made me hate sex so much, that I still cant enjoy it. (However I felt sometimes really close to orgasm, but couldnt came) Maybe this isnt feel good to him, and maybe dont want me because of this? he said, that the sex is amazing with me but he also said, that he never says no to sex (I overalanyzed this sentence too!!) But he didnt had sex since February so maybe I misunderstood it.

 

(I texted him some hours ago, he replied in 4 minutes, we talked a bit, he asked how I am, and write a bit about what he is doing...)

 

Thank you for your advice and help!

Edited August 2, 2018 by ppc

[blackandwhite77]

Hey there!

 

I just saw your quote just after mine.

 

My advice on this is maybe you should wait till he comes back.. and then maybe you can ask him what's going on and that you really missed him when he didn't write you back.

 

Take it easy and be ready for any consequences!!

 

I probably think he's just busy with his fam. But you should ask him what's up with him when he gets back.

 

cheers!

[ppc]

Hey there!

 

I just saw your quote just after mine.

 

My advice on this is maybe you should wait till he comes back.. and then maybe you can ask him what's going on and that you really missed him when he didn't write you back.

 

Take it easy and be ready for any consequences!!

 

I probably think he's just busy with his fam. But you should ask him what's up with him when he gets back.

 

cheers!

 

Hi! I just edited the post, sorry, because somebody came across my mind. . He replies me in some minutes usually, and he didnt seem like dont want to talk at all. Not long text, but at least we talked a bit. He mentoined that he didnt had time to write the report, so I guess he is quite busy, he wrote that now he is playing with his brother.

Im always ready for the worst!! I dont want to be clingy, needy after 2 weeks of dating. The thing is that in the middle of September I have to go home for some months, so even if we will fall in love, it will be suuuuper hard.

[blackandwhite77]

HAHA..

Told ya !

Just stay in touch with him and i'm sure, it'll go good. try video calling him and stuff. Love always wins. You can always reach him even if your away. Nothing would change!

[40somethingGuy]

[]

What do you think? Maybe he is just busy with his family? Or after that he started every date, and mostly he texted me first.. Maybe he is waiting for me to text? Maybe I didnt gave him enough sign? Or he is just wanted sex, and now that we are not in the same country not interested in me anymore.

 

I also have some issues, because I was cheated on, and I am already thinking that maybe he sees somebody else too (however after some date he doesnt owe me loyalty). When we talked about that we had a really great day and started to talk about that "perfect dates" he mentoined that he had a really great date once. And he said this with happiness, that I felt a bit bad, that maybe I cannot get above this. Im really insecure and stressed all the time (not just about this, about everything) I think I just really really want somebody to love me, after a really toxic 4.5 years long, and a stressed 2 months relationship. And I never felt myself so free and calm like I did with this guy... But I dont want to ruin this with insecurity...

 

[]

He probably does like you and for sure likes having sex with you. He's male. He probably is being cautious to not be too available since it may turn you off (in his mind). Obviously not responding always to your beckon call has you wanting more and thinking about him so he is doing it right. Be very careful to not over analyze and remember that while your scars from prior relationships remain, it is not his fault and he very well may not be the type to cheat. But if and when you two do escalate the relationship, make sure he knows how your heart cannot endure that again but express that you trust him and wouldn't be with him if you felt he was that way. Also, get a Hitachi Magic Wand viberator and introduce it when you have sex. Just have him inside you when you use it and that should do the trick.

Edited August 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[ExpatInItaly]

Regardless of what happens with him, I would encourage you to step back and take a deep breath.

 

You're already quite emotionally attached and fearful, which is never great after just 2 weeks and a few dates. You don't know him yet, and this could go either direction. And that's normal, given the little time that you have known each other. Sure, it would be disappointing if it doesn't work out, but you have to work on your inner confidence so that are also okay if you two discover it's not a match.

 

I would be concerned how you will handle distance, though. You're going away for several months in the middle of September, and if you're this stressed after just a handful of dates, what's going to happen when you are gone for a while?

[ppc]

Regardless of what happens with him, I would encourage you to step back and take a deep breath.

 

You're already quite emotionally attached and fearful, which is never great after just 2 weeks and a few dates. You don't know him yet, and this could go either direction. And that's normal, given the little time that you have known each other. Sure, it would be disappointing if it doesn't work out, but you have to work on your inner confidence so that are also okay if you two discover it's not a match.

 

I would be concerned how you will handle distance, though. You're going away for several months in the middle of September, and if you're this stressed after just a handful of dates, what's going to happen when you are gone for a while?

 

I know that I should be more relaxed, and take this not so seriously. I'm working on my confidence, and the thing is that when I was with him, I felt like I'm a superwoman. What I never felt in my life before.

As I told, I'm working on myself... I'm learning mindfulness (because of the problems with overthinking... they are really bad, sometimes I have physical problems because od stress), started to run some months ago which makes me always really relieved. (And running is a common thing between us )

 

I think that the big problem with me is that I really want somebody to love me after my horrible experiences (like everybody) and thats why Im overreacting every little stuff in the beginning..

Maybe I'll use this weeks to concentrate on myself, and I'll see what happens when he will be back. !

[ppc]

He probably does like you and for sure likes having sex with you. He's male. He probably is being cautious to not be too available since it may turn you off (in his mind). Obviously not responding always to your beckon call has you wanting more and thinking about him so he is doing it right. Be very careful to not over analyze and remember that while your scars from prior relationships remain, it is not his fault and he very well may not be the type to cheat. But if and when you two do escalate the relationship, make sure he knows how your heart cannot endure that again but express that you trust him and wouldn't be with him if you felt he was that way. Also, get a Hitachi Magic Wand viberator and introduce it when you have sex. Just have him inside you when you use it and that should do the trick.

 

Haha, I didn't even think about this, that he is doing this on a purpose... But who knows!

I know that these things are not his fault, and I have to learn, not to start every relationship with trust issues... But it's hard, however, he seems a really caring and nice guy.

 

I was thinking about the vibrator, but I feel like that maybe this would make man uncomfortable and feel like that 'they cannot do the work' , but I have some ideas, how I should reach that point (I think it is also because of my overthinking, and previous experiences...)

[smackie9]

You barely know the guy...he's the one still on trial. If things get better with communication then great, BUT if this keeps up, you will have to make a decision. You either accept that he will not communicate with you all the time the way you like it (which I find is a compatibility issue) or you walk and find someone that fulfills all your expectations. At this point you are infatuated, so go forward with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

As for the vibrator, if that's a ball buster for a guy, that to me is a dealbreaker too. It's something you both can use and enjoy. Like why not?

 

 

 

I dated a guy that thought it was concerning about me helping things along. He was too close minded for my liking. He turned out to be a bit of a dipsh*&

[ppc]

You barely know the guy...he's the one still on trial. If things get better with communication then great, BUT if this keeps up, you will have to make a decision. You either accept that he will not communicate with you all the time the way you like it (which I find is a compatibility issue) or you walk and find someone that fulfills all your expectations. At this point you are infatuated, so go forward with caution.

 

 

 

 

 

As for the vibrator, if that's a ball buster for a guy, that to me is a dealbreaker too. It's something you both can use and enjoy. Like why not?

 

 

 

I dated a guy that thought it was concerning about me helping things along. He was too close minded for my liking. He turned out to be a bit of a dipsh*&

 

I was satisfied with our communication just now that he went home to his family dropped a bit. But he didn't see his family since months and according tó hős reply he is quiet busy there.

Well... We Will see ín this weeks how much we will communicate.

 

I Will look this up to. Thanks! I'm really into this stuffs

[ThreeRainbows]

Hopefully everything goes well. Don't worry needlessly.

 

 

That being said, I think it's always wise to go a touch slower with sex. It will weed out guys who are not as interested in you. 2nd date is too soon for me.

 

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

Also, about having an orgasm - most women cannot orgasm during sex without clitoral stimulation. Nothing is wrong with you there. It can be fun to involve masturbation into sex, as a way for you come, and he will enjoy it. I prefer my own fingers to a vibe. It takes a lot of practice and patience to learn though (have to quit vibes to rebuild your sensitivity). It's 100000x sexier than using vibes, though, if you ask me.

[coolheadal]

OP, This one type of guy is pretty hard to tell, but if I was you just wait and see. I see you had hated sex with your very first BF, so you can't come with this guy. Yeah I know how that is. It takes time to trust and love again once you do you'll feel like coming, trust me.

[40somethingGuy]

Haha, I didn't even think about this, that he is doing this on a purpose... But who knows!

I know that these things are not his fault, and I have to learn, not to start every relationship with trust issues... But it's hard, however, he seems a really caring and nice guy.

 

I was thinking about the vibrator, but I feel like that maybe this would make man uncomfortable and feel like that 'they cannot do the work' , but I have some ideas, how I should reach that point (I think it is also because of my overthinking, and previous experiences...)

 

 

Just tell him how much you enjoy sex with him and the viberator is to intensify/maximize your pleasure. You can butter him up by saying him inside while doing the viberator will be mind blowing and you can do this together. Just make sure he knows he is good in bed. The whole point is for you to get off anyways.

[ExpatInItaly]

Haha, I didn't even think about this, that he is doing this on a purpose... But who knows!

I know that these things are not his fault, and I have to learn, not to start every relationship with trust issues... But it's hard, however, he seems a really caring and nice guy.

 

I was thinking about the vibrator, but I feel like that maybe this would make man uncomfortable and feel like that 'they cannot do the work' , but I have some ideas, how I should reach that point (I think it is also because of my overthinking, and previous experiences...)

 

I would not introduce a sex toy until you know if things are even going somewhere. One step at a time, OP.

 

Somebody will love you again. Remember that this is stage at which a guy needs to show you he's just as interested as you are. And if he doesn't? You will know he's not the right dating candidate for you. Don't get too hung up on hoping someone will love you until you really get to know them. It's important you pace yourself so you can discover if he is what you are looking for too, not just the other way around.

[ppc]

Hopefully everything goes well. Don't worry needlessly.

 

 

That being said, I think it's always wise to go a touch slower with sex. It will weed out guys who are not as interested in you. 2nd date is too soon for me.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I was thinking about this... But honestly, we both really needed it. Maybe I should have been wait for but once in a lifetime I lived for the moment. And enjoyed it.

[ppc]

I would not introduce a sex toy until you know if things are even going somewhere. One step at a time, OP.

 

Somebody will love you again. Remember that this is stage at which a guy needs to show you he's just as interested as you are. And if he doesn't? You will know he's not the right dating candidate for you. Don't get too hung up on hoping someone will love you until you really get to know them. It's important you pace yourself so you can discover if he is what you are looking for too, not just the other way around.

 

Thank you for the nice words. I know... I experienced this with my previous boyfriend... I had to realize that no matter how much I want to love him, we are not matching and I just wanted attention and not him. Hopefully, I will find somebody soon (Maybe this guy, maybe not.)

[ThreeRainbows]

Yeah, I was thinking about this... But honestly, we both really needed it. Maybe I should have been wait for but once in a lifetime I lived for the moment. And enjoyed it.

 

 

Hey, no judgement. I did this, too. It was a lovely experience in the moment. Got my heart broken a couple months later. Ah, well.

[ppc]

Hey, no judgement. I did this, too. It was a lovely experience in the moment. Got my heart broken a couple months later. Ah, well.

 

We will see what happens. I truly (try to) believe that every people in our lives have something to teach us before we find the right one. And hopefully we find him....

2 heartbreak would be a bit too much for me within a year..

[ppc]

Hi!

 

I need advice again. When I wrote this last week I texted him, we talked a bit. On Saturday he wrote to me how is my weekend going, we talked some, but just basic how are you stuffs. I replied to his last message Sunday morning, he only answered me ín the evening, but something I couldnt reply to, and here we are now.

Usually he reads/replies to my messages ín minutes őr whenever he has time but usually within an hour, and also initiate the converstaions. But since he is at home on vacation with his family this is the situation that we dont really talk.

I dont know that if I should take this as a sign that because of something he lost interest in me, or I shouldnt take this personally because he is with his family and having vacation. Before he lett he said that that we will stay in touch and he wants to meet me when he is back.

 

What do you think?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think the level of contact is fine.

 

I live abroad, and when I go home to see my family and best friend (once a year) I barely touch my phone while I'm with them. I have a serious relationship now, so of course he and I communicate consistently when I'm gone, but when I was dating casually, my priority was not the newest guy in the picture.

 

Don't sweat it.

[ppc]

I think the level of contact is fine.

 

I live abroad, and when I go home to see my family and best friend (once a year) I barely touch my phone while I'm with them. I have a serious relationship now, so of course he and I communicate consistently when I'm gone, but when I was dating casually, my priority was not the newest guy in the picture.

 

Don't sweat it.

 

Yeah, I try to think like this, that he is just busy with his family and it's not against me. If he doesn't write maybe tomorrow I'll ask how is he doing.

[ppc]

I think the level of contact is fine.

 

I live abroad, and when I go home to see my family and best friend (once a year) I barely touch my phone while I'm with them. I have a serious relationship now, so of course he and I communicate consistently when I'm gone, but when I was dating casually, my priority was not the newest guy in the picture.

 

Don't sweat it.

 

Seems like I just needed to tell this question, he just texted that how am I doing.

[ppc]

So. Some of you read my previous thread about that I met a guy, and I didn't decide that he likes me or is just sexually interested in me.

He is in his home country now since 3 weeks, will come back next week. We have a casual texting, about how we are, how is the weather here/there, what do we do...so small talks, nothing deep (what I dont mind, because I had bad experience with too much texting), usually replying each other within some hours, what I think after 4 dates, and knowing eachother 2,5 months is fine. Sometimes we had 2-3 day when we didnt talk, but I did know that one of us will initiate the contact soon.

This week he started to write a bit more, even if I "closed" the conversation he asked something. So like I think, I wasnt wrong hoping that he likes me.(He already mentoined that he wants to come back).

 

But the other thing is, that in a month I'll go home (another country) at least for 9 months, because I have things there I have to finish, before I can move here for a good.

 

I worked a lot to getting rid of my negative thinking/overthinking/overanalyzing so I was quite positive about this guy. He gave me signs that he really likes me, so why I should be worried? If it's meant to be, we will work this out..

BUT, yesterday I had a really bad day and I've seen everything in black (smaller-bigger problems at home..) and he also took 12 hours to reply me (usually when he replies to my last text I'm already sleeping, I reply him in the morning.. so maybe he was just busy all day, and replied me later in the evening). Well, the thing is that I mentoined this to my best friend. She is always really honest with me, and just hit me with this: "What do you want.. Whats your plan? You can only spent 3 more weeks with him, and it's very unlikely that you'll get/stay together." I was just sitting there, and somehow reality hit me and all of my positive thoughts went away. I started to cry, didnt say anything, and cried myself to sleep, thinking that how big moron I am, that I always think that maybe this time it will work.

 

So my question is. What should I do?

Continue dating him, have fun and enjoy eachother and only think about this when it's time go home, and decide what do to then?

Or shoudl I stop dating him, not giving a chance , before I start to have more and more feeling for him and I might get hurt, because maybe he will dump me before I go home?

 

 

Now I feel really hopeless, because the whole reality jst hit me. I have a good job in a really good environment, in a country, city where I finally started to get rid off all my anxieties. Dating a nice guy, and I started to feel like a real woman. Started to feel like that I can be finally happy. And 1 month and I have to fo back to my "real" life, and might lost all of this things.

 

Maybe my thread feel a bit messy, I'm sorry for this, but so many things going on my mind now.

[ExpatInItaly]

But the other thing is, that in a month I'll go home (another country) at least for 9 months, because I have things there I have to finish, before I can move here for a good.

9 months is a long time when you've barely just started dating.

 

Well, the thing is that I mentoined this to my best friend. She is always really honest with me, and just hit me with this: "What do you want.. Whats your plan? You can only spent 3 more weeks with him, and it's very unlikely that you'll get/stay together."

I would listen to your best friend here. She is right. It doesn't make a lot of sense to try to date someone when you're facing an extended absence. I am sure he likes you well enough, but I would not try to keep this going right now. You are already emotionally attached to him, and you're about to leave for a while. This is why I would recommend that you don't date him in the couple weeks before you go, because it seems you are going to have trouble keeping it light and not expecting anything. However, that's not to say you can't reconnect when you are back.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, though. You like him and want to see him. It's just not the right time, and it's not very realistic to put yourselves on hold for 9 months when you hardly know each other. That's not a criticism; it's just the fact of the matter.

Edited August 18, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[d0nnivain]

Keep the casual texting thing going with no other expectations. While you are apart for 9 months each of you needs to be free to date others. You don't have enough of a foundation to put yourselves through the frustration on an LDR at this point.