tattoos Posted August 17, 2018 Posted August 17, 2018 I usually try to stay level-headed and always try to look at the bright side of things. But this time around i'm actually disappointed to say I have made no progress and i'm 99% sure my ex is probably never coming back and is going to be in a long term committed relationship with her coworker (the rebound). Which has caused me lately to reset my healing process yet again. (13 months since original break up, 5.5 months since failed "recon".) She has been NC with me for 2 months now. Not a peep from her. If you look in my past two threads, I stated I was going to initiate NC and I actually did it the "correct" way without answering any calls and the last time I actually had a conversation with her through cell was me stating that in fact I needed to cut contact with her. She never called or anything after that and this was 4 months in of her being with her coworker which I was already afraid of but decided to listen to everyone's advice and just focus on myself. I went one month of NC. I was fine to be honest, I had even gone to visit some friends that go to school down south and I wasn't even THINKING about her. It was on my way back home on that trip that I started getting urges to call her. I mean usually the way things were working is I would leave her alone for a week or two and she'd usually call. I expected her to actually listen this time, so I wasn't expecting a call from her. But I was shocked when I called and received no call back. Heartbroken, again I let it go. Things just kept getting worse and this was about 3 weeks ago. I kind of picked up where I started I called a couple times through out the past couple weeks. And even messaged her on instagram a couple times reverting back to my panic mode. She answered one time stating "I appreciate that, I hope you're doing well." and after that not a peep. She always used to answer and now it's like she's gone rogue. No responses. So About a week ago I bid her farewell for about the third time in a long message. Just stating how Im now realizing i've been in this mess for a year, apologizing for everything and being here so long, how unhappy I am that this is happening, and that I tried my very best to prove to her that I do love her and that I changed from my immature and selfish behavior and that I really always cared. Sending that at 4am I quickly woke up to see a no reply and tiny text that read "Seen". Crushed is an understatement. I've been in bed just about as much as when she broke up with me in July of last year. And I haven't felt this sad in a while. It's like i'm actually processing it now because I gave into all the breadcrumbs, "I love you's", and "I miss you's." In that time about 2 weeks ago. I went to a bar and an old friend that i've known since middle school that has a class with my ex actually spoke to me about her. I was with a couple of buddies and she approached me. She asked if I had spoken to her recently and I had admitted that I had reached out and that she essentially just ignores me. She admitted that she had been studying with my ex a lot recently due to them having a class together and she apparently talks about me all the time and confides in my friend about the situation since they've been around each other a good amount recently. In which she also has no idea this girl is my friend. My friend informed me that she actually is having a super rough time not speaking to me and wants to respond to all my messages and calls but is apparently not responding because her coworker resents me. Apparently when she replied that message I mentioned earlier (the last time I heard from her) he flipped and they got into a pretty huge fight about it. My friend states that her reasoning is that she likes this new guy and wants to give him a chance due to me hurting her in the past but at the same time apparently she was complaining saying he's immature and he doesn't really understand her like I did. Halfway through that conversation I just asked my friend to stop because all that did was give me false hope to try again which I haven't because I know the end result of me contacting her won't change. I heard stuff like this before from people and all it did was hurt me. She then interrupted me and stated "You know, she calls me in tears when you message her. I've seen all your messages all the paragraphs. She's done it multiple times. She won't tell anyone but she deeply cares about you, i'm telling you she does. She admits it to me and it bothers her not to respond. She just doesn't want to mess up things with this guy because she already messed up with him before (two timing with me and him) and she just wants to give him a chance. In my opinion I don't think that they're going to last or workout." She then just advised me to keep doing what I was doing and to give her space. But now I feel as if it's just too late. I deeply love this girl, I have been dating since with regained confidence but I ended up ending the first one in a week and the other after the full period of one month NC with my ex. I just don't see as much of a connection with anyone else but her. I'm not going to sit here and wait but hopefully her rebound fails soon. I'll be back, tattoos...
Normm Posted August 17, 2018 Posted August 17, 2018 If she breaks up with the other guy she'll probably coming looking for you. Meanwhile I wouldn't wait around for that to happen and for goodness sake stop messaging her, it only makes you look weak and sappy. If she wants back in she knows where to find you.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2018 Posted August 18, 2018 OP, at some point, you have to stop beating the dead horse. She is prioritizing her new boyfriend and their relationship now. Yes, she probably feels terribly guilty when you send her messages and I imagine she doesn't feel good knowing how much you're hurting. That's where those tears are coming from. But the bottom line remains the same - she doesn't want to be with you, and evidently doesn't want you to keep contacting her. You have to stop doing this to yourself, man.
CKJD Posted August 21, 2018 Posted August 21, 2018 You're showing no respect to her, her new partner nor yourself. You don't want to keep on this path because the next stage is getting into stalker territory. You really need to take a step back, breathe, and force yourself to do an about face on this situation so you can get some emotional self-control back. Ok, she left you for somebody else, but this doesn't always translate into the phrase "he/she is just in a rebound relationship" which you see getting thrown around a lot by dumpees who are hoping for another shot with the ex. Rebounds are more likely to crop up in situations when dumpees begin dating again too soon. If someone leaves you for somebody else, it is much trickier to assess whether that relationship is a rebound. It shouldn't matter either, because the problem with this concept is that, regardless of whether the one they left you for is a rebound or not, it ignores the fact that someone you loved did not value you enough to dedicate themselves to the relationship. This means that they should be working hard to get you back, and not the other way around. You are doing all the work here and to no avail because your efforts are making you look desperate to her and, at best, tapping into feelings of guilt. And you know damn well why this guy would be annoyed by you contacting her because you would be annoyed too if you were in his place. In fact, you are hoping to be in the other guy's place, so you should be able to empathise with him here. This is not fair on him either. Instead, it seems like you think this crack in their relationship speaks to her wanting you again, and that her inability to move on from a previous relationship is somehow a good thing. It seems you think he doesn't have a right to be bothered by your constant intrusion and that he is somehow lesser than you for being unimpressed. Let's say you do get back with her, would you be happy accomodating this guy's attempts at wooing her back? No, you wouldn't. You would seem him as over stepping a boundary and take issue with it, even though you are doing the same thing here. She's the common denominator. These are her choices that are effectively hurting two people. She doesn't deserve the ego boost, and the first one to make the break and go full no contact with her will be the one who wins. It's time for her to grow up learn she's not the pinnacle of every guy she dates' world. Show her that by being strong and walking away. With any luck, this other guy will too and she can have some alone time to reflect on her choices. Think about it. Would this guy be with her if she was telling him what this mutual friend of hers was telling you? I don't think so. What do you think your ex is saying about you to the new guy? I'm sure it is not in your best interest, and more than likely a huge betrayal. You just don't need this. You should be wary of your ex because it seems like her lack of integrity is everyone else's fault to her. 13 months on, you deserve so much better than this in your life. Good luck.
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