I always get rejected sooner or later

[Versacehottie]

Didn't read all the posts in this thread so I apologize if someone said this already but a quick look at some of the things you said, OP, it sounds like you might be uber-practical, which i think is a disadvantage in dating (for guys, for girls). It's not a job, a job interview or your parents so find your way to be more of the freer, carefree, happier, exuberant you, if that makes sense. An example of being overly practical is not replying to his last message because "it did not require a reply." Ok that applies sometimes but generally let's assume you want to build a connection with someone--so find a way to connect with them. Even if you were "signing off" you want to leave the person with some assurance that you are interested and make him feel good. Like conveying that you had fun, looking forward to your vacation & will contact him when you're back. And important to add more personal touch that shows you listened to or "get" him by saying something about whatever he has coming up while you are gone or teasing him about something that was talked about on the date or whatever.

 

Really important IMO to not be boring, overly practical or efficient even if you are responsive and say the things I am saying to convey, it needs to have a personal touch, a bonding thing...so that you can bond. These aren't merely pleasantries with some acquaintance. This is some guy you hope will be the one. So it's good to kind test out that chemistry and express your own uniqueness so the person can appreciate you/"get" you. That rarely happens if you default to practical concerns, formality or rote statements. Basically, you want to take each opportunities to build on what exists and might exist in the future. Not deep moments necessarily but playful, special, funny, and yes sometimes deeper. I think if you don't like parties as well it may be because you don't naturally express yourself or open up easily and fall back on a bit of detached engagement until people get to know you. That may work in a work or friends situation especially if there is time or a forced situation (like work) where a person gets to know you and for you to open up. In dating, you will often miss the window of opportunity if you don't find ways (littler and what might seem like big to you) to do some real bonding. I think this is part of what is going on.

 

I would suspect that the lack of reply to his last text and then maybe hoping to hear from you while on the vacation (ball is in your court for that as he may not want to interrupt and basically he's been left hanging from last text) and then this all may have followed a date where it was hard to get you out of your shell or just be normal, polite but neither here nor there. This is my guess. Keep posting and we will help you. I think you should contact him though. Just say that it was a rush getting out of town to head off for your vacation and then EXPRESS enthusiasm, in your way, for what you did and what you are excited for coming up & same goes for being interested in what he's been up to etc. You don't have to fully ask him out but say now that i'm back we have to do xyz (something you have a common interest in, that you spoke about before or tied to the time of year or summer getting close to be over). Hope you get what I am trying to say. Good luck!

[Carlotte]

Didn't read all the posts in this thread so I apologize if someone said this already but a quick look at some of the things you said, OP, it sounds like you might be uber-practical, which i think is a disadvantage in dating (for guys, for girls). It's not a job, a job interview or your parents so find your way to be more of the freer, carefree, happier, exuberant you, if that makes sense. An example of being overly practical is not replying to his last message because "it did not require a reply." Ok that applies sometimes but generally let's assume you want to build a connection with someone--so find a way to connect with them. Even if you were "signing off" you want to leave the person with some assurance that you are interested and make him feel good. Like conveying that you had fun, looking forward to your vacation & will contact him when you're back. And important to add more personal touch that shows you listened to or "get" him by saying something about whatever he has coming up while you are gone or teasing him about something that was talked about on the date or whatever.

 

Really important IMO to not be boring, overly practical or efficient even if you are responsive and say the things I am saying to convey, it needs to have a personal touch, a bonding thing...so that you can bond. These aren't merely pleasantries with some acquaintance. This is some guy you hope will be the one. So it's good to kind test out that chemistry and express your own uniqueness so the person can appreciate you/"get" you. That rarely happens if you default to practical concerns, formality or rote statements. Basically, you want to take each opportunities to build on what exists and might exist in the future. Not deep moments necessarily but playful, special, funny, and yes sometimes deeper. I think if you don't like parties as well it may be because you don't naturally express yourself or open up easily and fall back on a bit of detached engagement until people get to know you. That may work in a work or friends situation especially if there is time or a forced situation (like work) where a person gets to know you and for you to open up. In dating, you will often miss the window of opportunity if you don't find ways (littler and what might seem like big to you) to do some real bonding. I think this is part of what is going on.

 

I would suspect that the lack of reply to his last text and then maybe hoping to hear from you while on the vacation (ball is in your court for that as he may not want to interrupt and basically he's been left hanging from last text) and then this all may have followed a date where it was hard to get you out of your shell or just be normal, polite but neither here nor there. This is my guess. Keep posting and we will help you. I think you should contact him though. Just say that it was a rush getting out of town to head off for your vacation and then EXPRESS enthusiasm, in your way, for what you did and what you are excited for coming up & same goes for being interested in what he's been up to etc. You don't have to fully ask him out but say now that i'm back we have to do xyz (something you have a common interest in, that you spoke about before or tied to the time of year or summer getting close to be over). Hope you get what I am trying to say. Good luck!

 

Thanks for the response. I think you are right, I'm very practical and kind of serious person and it's difficult for me to relax. I have problem with making bonds with not only men but also with friends, I think I'm just scared of being rejected (bad experiences in the past) and in the end I get rejected anyway. How can I make this bond?

 

As for this guy, I wrote him, he said he was about to write me (I'm not sure...) and asked how I spend second week of my holidays. I'm sure I told him I'm taking just one week. After a while conversation died and my message was the last one. I really think he just lost interested after offering the second date. It's not the first time it happens to me.

[Exformer]

It sounds like the momentum did die in the conversation somewhere. A vacation thrown in so early didn't help out, but of course is unavoidable.

 

Even if communication keeps up, momentum can die. I'm not saying you have to flirt beyond what you're comfortable with, but perhaps be sure to angle the conversation to future dates and plans to keep the talk on task and full of anticipation.You also may consider how you are relating your experience and expectations to the person you're dating. Does your fear of rejection come across when you speak to these guys?

 

Anecdotal...but I'll give you an example of how this works against you:

Several years ago, I dated a girl who was a virgin. i didn't care. I liked her, and that's why I agreed to go out with her. But she feared that I would have a hang up with her being a virgin, and this fear came out in many unattractive ways.

 

She assumed this would be an issue, partly because I had already dated her two roommates in the past and knew how those relationships went, and partly because she thought this was a reason her relationships hadn't worked out previously.

 

She let this fear get the better of her, and she became suspicious, needy, constantly apologetic over nothing, etc. and I lost interest. It wasn't for the things she thought I'd break up with her for, but for how she acted in the relationship. No amount of me saying otherwise was going to do it for her. The relationship was over before it really got started.

 

I'm thinking that perhaps you are letting your fears hold you back, or they are coming out in the way you communicate, and that's turning some of the guys off.

But also don't forget: Not everyone is compatible with everyone else, and that's okay. All but the last relationship you're in is sure to fail, and most of the people you see in happy relationships had a ton of failure first. Heck, I honestly can't tell you how many girls I've dated/talked to on my journey to a happy, long lasting relationship.

My best advice is to let go of the fear and any thoughts about where a relationship is going or how it could end. Instead just enjoy the ride. That enjoyment will translate over and make the experience more fun while it lasts. Dating should be fun, especially in the early stages. If it feels like a choir, reassess.