I always get rejected sooner or later

[Carlotte]

Hello!

 

I am writing to ask for an advice. I am 26 years old woman and single my whole life. I was seeing 2 guys for few months but I would not say these were relationships.

 

Lately I met a guy online. I wrote him first (I rarely do but I really liked his bio, he’s not that handsome). He responded, we were writing, he asked me out. We went for a walk, he told me I’m pretty and at the end of a date that we need to see each other again. He wrote me the same day that it was very nice to talk to me and offered a date after I come back to the city (I was leaving for holiday). We were talking, he asked me for a number “to not loose contact”. I asked him what is he looking for, he said that something serious. We were talking about my holidays, and he send the last message. I did not respond but this message did not require it. Now 6 days passed and he did not contact me.

 

It is not the first time for me a man acts interested and then just acts cold or goes silent. I was thinking maybe they need to be sure I like them so I was initiating contact but in the end they just were loosing interest and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what I do wrong. Do you have any idea?

 

I am not desperate or pushy. I have my life and interests. Sometimes I also reject men who I am not interested in but then I do not act as if I was into them and always tell them straight away that we are just meant for each other. I never meet guys who are super hot or ritch, just regular guys. Why can't any men fix on me so I could move forward with them?

[coolheadal]

Hello!

 

I am writing to ask for an advice. I am 26 years old woman and single my whole life. I was seeing 2 guys for few months but I would not say these were relationships.

 

Lately I met a guy online. I wrote him first (I rarely do but I really liked his bio, he’s not that handsome). He responded, we were writing, he asked me out. We went for a walk, he told me I’m pretty and at the end of a date that we need to see each other again. He wrote me the same day that it was very nice to talk to me and offered a date after I come back to the city (I was leaving for holiday). We were talking, he asked me for a number “to not loose contact”. I asked him what is he looking for, he said that something serious. We were talking about my holidays, and he send the last message. I did not respond but this message did not require it. Now 6 days passed and he did not contact me.

 

It is not the first time for me a man acts interested and then just acts cold or goes silent. I was thinking maybe they need to be sure I like them so I was initiating contact but in the end they just were loosing interest and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what I do wrong. Do you have any idea?

 

I am not desperate or pushy. I have my life and interests. Sometimes I also reject men who I am not interested in but then I do not act as if I was into them and always tell them straight away that we are just meant for each other. I never meet guys who are super hot or ritch, just regular guys. Why can't any men fix on me so I could move forward with them?

 

What type of woman are you.

1. Single

2. 26

 

Are you stern, direct, you are no nonsense type.

Do you see yourself as a flirt, tease, playful

Are you looking for a man to married or just someone to hangout with?

 

 

Can you give example when you go on your dates?

 

1. Where do you meet them?

2. What is the first thing you do when you meet the man?

3. When it comes to transportation do you use their vehicle or yours?

4. Where you dine out with the man, do you do all the talking?

5. Are you paying attention to the man?

6. When you exit the dine out place what happens next?

7. Do you go home right after you dine out?

8. Do you kiss on the first date?

9. Do you hug and kiss or hold hands.

 

A. Are you a lovey dovey woman?

B. Are you into Nice, Bad, Aggressive types?

C. How long does it take you to know if you Care/Like about the guy?

 

Also personality traits

Thinker

Controller

Entertainer

Feeler

 

How do you see yourself:

Strong Emotions

Excitable

Egocentric

Exhibitionist

Impulsive

Histrionic

Active

 

Changeable Temperaments

Playful

Easygoing

Sociable

Carefree

Hopeful

Contented

 

 

Weak Emotions

Unchangeable Temperaments

Anxious

Worried

Unhappy

Suspicious

Serious

Thoughtful

Reasonable

Principled

Controlled

Persistent

Steadfast

Clam

 

So you would have to answer which are you in the above. Then judge the right guy by what you are. Something to think about. If your not aiming for the man with the same personality then maybe that's where the issue is with you and men.

Edited August 16, 2018 by coolheadal

[Zahara]

Seems like he was interested. He was wanting to see you after you were back from your holiday. Did you reach out to him when you arrived home?

[coolheadal]

Seems like he was interested. He was wanting to see you after you were back from your holiday. Did you reach out to him when you arrived home?

 

Didn't she say: Why can't any men fix on me so I could move forward with them?

 

So it has to do with her? What is she doing to cause them not to fix on to her and then move forward with them? That's the key to this mystery?

[Zahara]

Didn't she say: Why can't any men fix on me so I could move forward with them?

 

So it has to do with her? What is she doing to cause them not to fix on to her and then move forward with them? That's the key to this mystery?

 

Feel free to do your own investigation. Please don’t tell me how to respond to OP.

[Carlotte]

Thanks for your replays.

I look for someone like me, reliable, honest, who knows what he wants, ambitious. I am not flirty or playful but these kind of women also find someone to be in relationship with, right?

 

 

Now I think that if he were interested he would ask me about my holidays (it's been 6 days). I think he is just exploring other options.

 

I have no idea what I do wrong but there has to be something.

[Zahara]

Now I think that if he were interested he would ask me about my holidays (it's been 6 days). I think he is just exploring other options.

 

I have no idea what I do wrong but there has to be something.

 

Yes, he would be asking you about your holidays. But did you contact him when you returned? Communication is a two way street.

 

Online dating is a tedious task. It’s a beast. A numbers game. I’ve been there and you’re going to likely miss more than you hit. It’s not for the faint of heart. Have you tried meeting men through social events, meetups, etc.?

 

It’s difficult to pin down why you’re having issues keeping a man’s attention while discussing it online. I read your past threads. It could be the guys you’re picking. The way you present yourself. Or how you communicate. Your personality. And most times it isn’t about you. It’s just the timely process of meeting someone that is compatible to you.

Edited August 16, 2018 by Zahara

[Carlotte]

I did not come back yet, I have my holidays for 9 days.

I don't meet many men "in real life". I have been moving a lot for the last few years and it was difficult for me to meet someone in "real life". I work, volunteer, attend events, but I did not meet anyone and I didn't meet anyone single who I would be interested in also. During my studies, high school and at work there are not many man, my field is very feminine.

[BaileyB]

Dating is hard. I did this for a lot of years before I found the right guy... It was not fun.

 

You just have to keep the faith and keep trying. Look for opportunities to meet new people.

 

And, when you do find the right guy, you will know how blessed you are and you will appreciate him as such...

[coolheadal]

Feel free to do your own investigation. Please don’t tell me how to respond to OP.

 

I am going by what she said, that's why I was wondering if you didn't see that point it's okay all is good...

[coolheadal]

I did not come back yet, I have my holidays for 9 days.

I don't meet many men "in real life". I have been moving a lot for the last few years and it was difficult for me to meet someone in "real life". I work, volunteer, attend events, but I did not meet anyone and I didn't meet anyone single who I would be interested in also. During my studies, high school and at work there are not many man, my field is very feminine.

 

I didn't really start myself until mid 30's. I did the same thing you did put work first. Now you are looking and you will find them. Not easy at first. OLD = online dating is not as it was many years ago. Quality of people on their are not what I would deem someone you can really be happy with. Do you get to go to parties that friends invited you too. Sometimes even having a dog walking you never know who you run into.

[Zahara]

I did not come back yet, I have my holidays for 9 days.

I don't meet many men "in real life". I have been moving a lot for the last few years and it was difficult for me to meet someone in "real life". I work, volunteer, attend events, but I did not meet anyone and I didn't meet anyone single who I would be interested in also. During my studies, high school and at work there are not many man, my field is very feminine.

 

I’m not sure if you’re back, still on holiday or haven’t left yet based on how you are phrasing it.

 

In any case, after his last communication with you, you should have reached out at some point to keep the momentum going. It’s not up to one person to keep it alive. There’s another thread you made about another guy you met online where communication died.

 

It took me decades to find the right guy for me. Dating is a process and finding someone compatible to you is likely going to take time. OLD isn’t fun as I’ve tried it.

 

You’re 26 with decades ahead of you. It will come to you and when it does you’ll understand why all the others never made it through.

[Zahara]

If I’m reading it right because I’m a dummy, you’re still on vacation and it’s day 6 of 9. If so...

 

No, I wouldn’t expect a guy I’ve just met to reach out while I am on vacation. When someone is on vacation, you leave them be especially when you both hardly know each other. I don’t even contact my boyfriend when he’s away on holiday because that’s his time away and I usually just let him reach out when he has down time.

 

Also, expect that he is dating others. And you should be doing that too. But still meet to see if there’s a connection between you two. As I said, OLD is a numbers game.

 

When you get back, reach out to him. If he responds, great. If not, you’ll move on.

[JuneL]

Send him a light message sharing something cute about your trip. This can also act as a reminder that you’ll be returning in a couple of days.

[Carlotte]

I don't really like parties. In the past I was forcing myself but I don't want to waste my time on something I don't like just to potentially find boyfriend... So you think it is not issue with me? I am not desperate but I am 26 and I really think there has to be something about me what put off men.

[Zahara]

I don't really like parties. In the past I was forcing myself but I don't want to waste my time on something I don't like just to potentially find boyfriend... So you think it is not issue with me? I am not desperate but I am 26 and I really think there has to be something about me what put off men.

 

When you get back, send him a quick message that you’re home and how much you enjoyed your trip. Or as JuneL suggested.

 

See how he responds.

 

Don’t fault him for not reaching out while you are away. He’s likely respecting your time away and keeping a boundary.

[Curious-One]

I met alot of girls like you who dont ever initiate conversation at first and then i end up thinking they are not interested so i dont send anymore texts.

 

In todays world man are scared to be too clingy too. We are thought never to double text and according to what you said he sent you last text msg...if he sends you another one he is double texting and that is a big no no in online dating.

 

 

I know this is all stupid games but i see no reason why you would not send him a text msg if you are interested.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm not sure you're doing anything wrong.

 

Dating is above all a numbers game.

 

So when you say this always happens ... are we talking about 3 guys, 5 guys, 25 guys, 50 guys?

 

You literally have to date a lot to even get a reliable, statistically significant sample to draw conclusions ... I can't tell you the number of times I went out with or asked out women who I can now see were totally not right for me ... Then when things didn't work out, I would feel like all women didn't like me.

 

Take a cue from the way "players" operate. They approach one woman ... She says no ... they immediately move on to the next prospect ... On the other hand, lots of guys doing the same thing would get bummed that the first prospect said no. So while these guys are criticizing themselves and moping, the player has asked out 5 more women.

 

You want to go systematic on dating ... Vary the kinds of guys you go out with ... there might be a problem with the type you're drawn to ... Practice asking guys out as well as having them asking you out ...

 

Practice revealing more early on ... or letting your emotions show more ... You are going to need to experiment.

 

So bottom line: keep going ... the idea that we're supposed to meet a great person in X number of dates is a total fallacy. Also keep in mind that most of these guys--had they shown interest--would not have been a good fit for you.

 

By definition, the kind of guy you want is one who gets you.

 

So keep going ... vary your types ... get to more parties and social gatherings ... talk to friends about this ... vary how you open up/don't open up on dates.

 

My view: going on a date is a success ... period. That's what is in our control--putting ourselves "out there." The results aren't always in our control, but the more chances you give yourself, the more you raise your odds.

 

Reminds me of several business successes where the entrepreneur had an idea and goes to bank and gets rejected like 30 times ... then the 31st time, the bank approves a loan. Dating is a lot like that. You might simply be a unique business idea that takes someone creative to see the potential in. That's fine. Keep going til you find someone who appreciates you!

[Johnjohnson2017]

He haven’t rejected you.

 

He is waiting for you to tell him you are back from your trip.

 

He doesn’t want to appear “desperate” by texting you too soon.

[preraph]

It's fine to not write back on something that doesn't need it, but since he was the last one who did write, why not go ahead and write him just casual. Hey, was thinking of you today. What have you been up to? Don't say anything at all about him not writing. I mean, he wrote you last.

[Carlotte]

Thanks for all your responses. I will write him, I have no problem doing so, just in the past I was finding excuses as.. maybe he is busy or shy and in the end they were just not interested or they just wanted to keep me on the hook 'just in case' .

 

As for the numbers game, I met a lot of men but sometimes I was not interested or both of us were not interested. I rarely meet men with whom I have so much in common. I pick 'nice' type of guys, I don't like players an try to avoid them.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Try not to let your past negative experiences with men ruin things with the new guy. He deserves a chance.

 

In my opinion it is good dating etiquette to take turns sending messages, and since he sent the last message, it is now your turn to initiate and show your interest.

 

He is more likely to lose interest if you give him the impression that you don't care. Unless someone is clearly ending a conversation, most messages are sent with the hopes of a reply, even f they aren't asking a question. Something as simple as "I'll look forward to seeing you again when I get back. Have a nice week." ends the conversation on a positive note.

 

It would be a shame to sabotage things with a guy who seems to genuinely be interested. Sometimes you just have to put those insecurities and doubts aside and take a risk to get what you want.

Edited August 16, 2018 by Scarlett.O'hara

[d0nnivain]

As for the numbers game, I met a lot of men but sometimes I was not interested or both of us were not interested. I rarely meet men with whom I have so much in common. I pick 'nice' type of guys, I don't like players an try to avoid them.

 

Glad you are going to reach out. I agree with everyone who suggested he is giving you space on your vacation.

 

As for avoiding players that is a good idea but they can be hard to spot. Don't judge too quickly.

 

I was an odd girl who liked the occasional player. Players give good date. They wine & dine you & it's all terribly romantic even as they lie through their teeth. If you don't give them your heart it can be fun, well I thought it was.

 

Anyway, I was at an event & saw the man who is now my husband. He was hands down the best looking guy in the room. I thought "ooh yummy, player". I thought we'd have a fling. He was hot & that would be that. OMG was I wrong. Although my husband is drop dead gorgeous, he couldn't be a player even if you gave him instructions. Upon meeting him everybody including my own mother told me to be careful because somebody that good looking was bound to cheat. As we got to know each other he confessed that women often rebuffed him. Most often they jumped to conclusions about his character based on his looks. It all worked out in my favor but I tell you that story to caution you against making snap judgments based on looks alone. Talk to a guy before you write him off.

[Desesperado]

I met alot of girls like you who dont ever initiate conversation at first and then i end up thinking they are not interested so i dont send anymore texts.

 

In todays world man are scared to be too clingy too. We are thought never to double text and according to what you said he sent you last text msg...if he sends you another one he is double texting and that is a big no no in online dating.

 

 

I know this is all stupid games but i see no reason why you would not send him a text msg if you are interested.

 

Exactly, what many women don't realize is on OLD about 10% of a man's messages get replied, it's very frustrating. So from my experience as well as other male friends, at some point you realize that not to waste all your energy on it and go crazy, in such case the woman needs to text when she's back, I mean it's 2018 you can also put a little effort.

 

If not I will not give my energy for someone who cannot text me, or waits on the man to ever initiate and mostly men that are desperate and have no boundaries, will be texting you, because they are afraid never hearing from you again.

So take responsibility of your dating life, initiate sometimes do not wait on men, a woman respectfully seizing what she wants is the most sexy thing ever.

 

It's like when I hear women saying the good old, "where have all the good men gone", they are busy enjoying their lives with people who aren't afraid to take initiatives, not waiting on passive people. You attract the qualities you show in life it's that simple.

Edited August 17, 2018 by Desesperado

[TheFinalWord]

Hello!

 

I am writing to ask for an advice. I am 26 years old woman and single my whole life. I was seeing 2 guys for few months but I would not say these were relationships.

 

Lately I met a guy online. I wrote him first (I rarely do but I really liked his bio, he’s not that handsome). He responded, we were writing, he asked me out. We went for a walk, he told me I’m pretty and at the end of a date that we need to see each other again. He wrote me the same day that it was very nice to talk to me and offered a date after I come back to the city (I was leaving for holiday). We were talking, he asked me for a number “to not loose contact”. I asked him what is he looking for, he said that something serious. We were talking about my holidays, and he send the last message. I did not respond but this message did not require it. Now 6 days passed and he did not contact me.

 

It is not the first time for me a man acts interested and then just acts cold or goes silent. I was thinking maybe they need to be sure I like them so I was initiating contact but in the end they just were loosing interest and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what I do wrong. Do you have any idea?

 

I am not desperate or pushy. I have my life and interests. Sometimes I also reject men who I am not interested in but then I do not act as if I was into them and always tell them straight away that we are just meant for each other. I never meet guys who are super hot or ritch, just regular guys. Why can't any men fix on me so I could move forward with them?

 

I don't understand why you can't text him to say hi? He wrote you last.