So embarassed its almost funny.. or not

[Benrec]

Hello..

 

I had this thing with a girl for a few weeks. We hooked up having sex first time we met at a party and had sex the following morning. Great. We met up yesterday about 1 week since we first met. Both really into eachother. Shes very flirty and texts all the time etc. Well we watched a movie at her place, ended up making out like crazy, she was a little reluctant to sex. Thats fine by me. I always do 2 step forward and 1 step back..

 

We fooled around a lot more and then the fun part happened. I was going to take off her bra, but I had no chance what so ever. I was fumbling so bad for a long time Twice this has happened to me.

 

I never had this problem before with other girls when hooking up. After a whilr she was like: oh well, maybe it was not meant to be today.. or something like this. The moment was gone and we sat talking for a while, kissed and fooled around a little more but it was actually getting really late and I was going to work in the morning.

 

I felt like a stupid 12 year old not knowing what the heck he was doing. Well still she wants to arrange more hangouts and do stuff with me but maaan

 

Now I feel so emberassed its ****ing unbelievable.

 

Just had to get it off my chest.. now all of a sudden I feel pressure next time I meet her.

 

Of course her best friend is in a relationship with my best friend. This will be fun.

[damni]

You said she was reluctant to have sex, if she was in the mood she would have laughed and taken her own bra off.

 

Its not a big deal, she just was not in the mood that night and maybe she was reluctant as she wanted to know you weren't just after sex with her...

[ExpatInItaly]

You are really over-thinking this, OP.

 

I promise you, it's not because you couldn't get her bra off. I have helped that along plenty of times myself when the darn thing just wouldn't unhook and I could see he wasn't able to get it, either. I have never once reported back to my best friend when the guy couldn't get it off by himself, either. It's really not the big deal you think it is.

 

If we really want to have sex with you, a stubborn bra isn't going to stop us. She didn't want to sleep with you that night (as evidenced by her being reluctant to sleep with you that night) and took this as her opportunity to put the brakes on. It has nothing to do with the bra.

[Benrec]

Hey.. yes I hope this is the case. I rarely get off centered by stuff, I was just worried she would start lose interest cause it seemed I didnt know what the f I was doing

 

Man, what a blow to the ego.. she's also living with 2 other persons (shared rent type deal, so maybe thats why she was a little skeptical for sex.. idunno)

[ExpatInItaly]

Hey.. yes I hope this is the case. I rarely get off centered by stuff, I was just worried she would start lose interest cause it seemed I didnt know what the f I was doing

 

Man, what a blow to the ego.. she's also living with 2 other persons (shared rent type deal, so maybe thats why she was a little skeptical for sex.. idunno)

 

You're not in danger of that, if a girl is into you. It's never once occurred to me that a man doesn't know what he's doing if he can't unhook a bra. Sometimes I struggle with those stubborn suckers and I've been wearing them for over 25 years!

 

There could be any number of reasons why she didn't want to have sex that night. Roommates could hear, maybe she has her period, or just tired or otherwise not in the mood. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you personally.

[rightondude]

to paraphrase Morrisey, some bras are harder than others.

 

This is nothing. Just wait till your "little friend" won't rise to the occasion when you're with a woman you'd have done anything to be with. Now THAT'S a bummer.

 

This girl just didn't want it and was looking for an out. This time.

[preraph]

Oh, good grief. Bras are overly complicated these days. You can't snap your fingers and have the fall off like you're Fonzi. She should have offered to help. You can ask her if she'll crack the safe for you, too. Or you can totally ruin her bra and yank it over her head if she's not offering. Or you can leave it on and just get around it. Don't let it stop you.

[d0nnivain]

She wasn't into having sex right then. If she had been, she would have taken her bra off for you. I always wondered more about the guys who could seemingly get it unhooked quickly with one hand -- I was always like where did he practice something like that?

 

Just keep spending time with her. It will be fine.

[Gretchen12]

Next time you're with her don't even attempt to undo the hook, just move the straps off her shoulders then pull the whole thing down to her waist.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, you been watching to many teen movies or getting lost in recalling teenage guys bragging about how good they were at unfastening a woman's bra.

 

In reality, there is Absolutely NOTHING weird or disruptive or uncool or unsexy about this at all. In fact, fumbling with the bra is often a source of a nice little chuckle between the couple ... followed by the woman taking it off herself.

 

She would have absolutely and quickly taken off the bra if she wanted to go that route. Actually, it's a little strange that she was willing to let you try to take it off when she really wasn't in the mood.

 

And just my two cents, you really don't want to go further than a woman really wants to go ... The sex will not be as good ... and there will be negative side effects ... because she went along when she was only half into it. You'll sense she's distant and she may have a negative reaction afterwards. Have the confidence to chill.

[rightondude]

I always wondered more about the guys who could seemingly get it unhooked quickly with one hand -- I was always like where did he practice something like that?

 

LOl, the memories with those mammaries. back in my younger days I was REALLy lucky at getting the bras off. It was like my given talent. And it wasn't that often it happened, but when it did it was like, snap, down. And I got the same response you just described. Like, "whoa you must be a pro!" ... and no, I wasn't, which was revealed later. Ah, those halcyon days...

[Shining One]

I always wondered more about the guys who could seemingly get it unhooked quickly with one hand -- I was always like where did he practice something like that?

A close friend and wing-woman let me practice on her with a bra over her shirt. I was really bad at it before her help.

[d0nnivain]

A close friend and wing-woman let me practice on her with a bra over her shirt. I was really bad at it before her help.

 

Now that is a good friend! lol

 

I had visions of some teenaged boy with his mom's bra on a pillow trying to practice

 

or

 

I had major concerns about shall we say the fellow's virtue, as in how many other girls has he been with, for heaven's sake we're only ___teen.

[smackie9]

She's not looking at you as a damn fool, she thought it was cute and funny and made the moment exciting. Sounds like she really likes you, but wants to be sure you really like her too, and not some dude that in it to slam it. Make the time to get to know her, take her out and make her feel that she is special. You will have her tearing off those panties in no time.

[Benrec]

Hi there. Thanks for all your answers, made me feel better at least

 

She's actually recently gone out of a bad relationship with an emotionally abusive guy, so I try give her some space. She's not told me alot about this, which is fine by me, I just know from friends. I also don't ask her about him.

 

Looking back on the overall date we had mostly a great time, lots of talking and joking, laughter. But I see that I maaay have been a little overpursuing when we started making out heavily, maybe it was going too fast and I was getting a bit clingy at the end. I have a tendency to do that

 

Well it's now been 2-3 days and I have given her some space. I know she's also busy with work/training. She still initiating contact every day, said her sofa smell of my perfume and I seem to always get texts late at night asking how I'm doing etc.

 

Only thing that's a bit strange with her is that she's VERY touchy, wanting to hold hands, cozy, a bit clingy when we're together. but when we're texting over facebook for example she's a bit different. For example when she said her sofa smelled like my perfume, I said yeah you liked that didnt you (in light manner of course)

She was just laughing, shrugging it off and told me to go to sleep (also in a funny manner)

 

Just an example. Idunno. Maybe skeptical to new guys because of ex boyfriend?

 

Next time she texts I will set up a date. She's been all over me about this beautiful mountain she wants to go hike. (not very tiring trip) What you guys think about this? Ask her to do this hike and then we make dinner at my place after?

[ExpatInItaly]

How long has she been single, OP?

 

It seems as though it's going okay so far. Don't read too much into her texting habits; it's not the best communication tool, so if she is still reaching out and seems interested in person, I think you're fine.

 

Yes, I would invite her out for a hike if that's something she previously seemed interested in. Have you offered to take her out for dinner? Dinner at home is fine, but it doesn't sound as though you two have actually had a real date yet that didn't involve staying at home. It might be nice to change things up and show her you don't just want to get her in bed.

[Benrec]

How long has she been single, OP?

 

It seems as though it's going okay so far. Don't read too much into her texting habits; it's not the best communication tool, so if she is still reaching out and seems interested in person, I think you're fine.

 

Yes, I would invite her out for a hike if that's something she previously seemed interested in. Have you offered to take her out for dinner? Dinner at home is fine, but it doesn't sound as though you two have actually had a real date yet that didn't involve staying at home. It might be nice to change things up and show her you don't just want to get her in bed.

 

 

 

Hi. Not for long. I think it's only been for 3 months or so. She's just recently found a appartment.

 

No I have not offered to take her out for dinner. We also live in a small town and it's not that easy finding places, and transportation (if we're having drinks)

 

 

Yeah we have not had like a "date-date" I actually do not like dates like this because of I have a tendency to get quiet and nervous and not finding things to say.. I have the same feeling that she is also like this..

 

Idunno. I'm really a numbskull when it comes to dating :laugh:

[ExpatInItaly]

Hi. Not for long. I think it's only been for 3 months or so. She's just recently found a appartment.

 

No I have not offered to take her out for dinner. We also live in a small town and it's not that easy finding places, and transportation (if we're having drinks)

 

 

Yeah we have not had like a "date-date" I actually do not like dates like this because of I have a tendency to get quiet and nervous and not finding things to say.. I have the same feeling that she is also like this..

 

Idunno. I'm really a numbskull when it comes to dating :laugh:

 

There is not one single place to go out for dinner? If drinks are a concern, you can refrain. Or grab decent takeout and go to a park?

 

I think too many at-home dates too soon sets a precedent that can easily slip into Netflix & chill, without really having much to do outside of watching movies and sex. That gets boring quickly and people tend to get too complacent early on.

 

By all means, ask her for a hike or other activities. My point is not so much that you must go to a restaurant for a date, but rather that you don't want to spend too much time at your house when you still don't know each other well. I realize you've already slept together, but hanging out a lot at home carries the risk of keeping your connection based on sex instead of giving it a chance to develop into something deeper.

 

For reference, how old are you both?

[d0nnivain]

You do need to take her on a date. If you get nervous & don't know what to say, before you go on the date watch the news on multiple channels so you can discuss current event (just stay away from polarizing politics). Also do an internet search for date discussion topics. Take a minute to hand write out 5 - 10 possible questions / topics. Re-reread them a few times so you have conversation fillers handy. I tend to ask things like:

 

1. Why how somebody got into their line of work or picked their college.

 

2. Best vacation / bucket list vacation

 

3. How they feel about amusement parks? What is their favorite roller coaster?

 

4. What was their first car & memories of early driving adventures.

 

5. Favorite or most embarrassing childhood memory

 

6. Favorite local cover band / professional artist / song. Best concert ever.

 

You want to ask enough questions to get to know somebody & show that you are genuinely interested in the person but not interview them. You best be prepared to answer all the Qs you are asking. Remember you don't have to carry whole conversation. Your date has to impress you too.

 

Go easy on the alcohol in the early dates so transportation is not a problem. Are you sure Uber /Lyft don't work? You'd be surprised. You will have to be patient; when I get a long time to pick up I text & tell the driver I really want the ride & to please come. Most do. I do tip in cash for those because of the p.i.t.a. factor.

[Benrec]

There is not one single place to go out for dinner? If drinks are a concern, you can refrain. Or grab decent takeout and go to a park?

 

I think too many at-home dates too soon sets a precedent that can easily slip into Netflix & chill, without really having much to do outside of watching movies and sex. That gets boring quickly and people tend to get too complacent early on.

 

By all means, ask her for a hike or other activities. My point is not so much that you must go to a restaurant for a date, but rather that you don't want to spend too much time at your house when you still don't know each other well. I realize you've already slept together, but hanging out a lot at home carries the risk of keeping your connection based on sex instead of giving it a chance to develop into something deeper.

 

For reference, how old are you both?

 

 

Yeah there is places for us to eat. I guess I didnt think of it as you said with the netflix and chill precedent. I will take her either out on the hike or to a place to eat. You know we guys really just like to chillout, thats the problem

 

Shes 25 and Im 26. I do acutally have not been in a long term relationship before. There has been alot of family BS that made things difficult for me as well.. Maybe thats why Im so self-consious about all this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah there is places for us to eat. I guess I didnt think of it as you said with the netflix and chill precedent. I will take her either out on the hike or to a place to eat. You know we guys really just like to chillout, thats the problem

 

Shes 25 and Im 26. I do acutally have not been in a long term relationship before. There has been alot of family BS that made things difficult for me as well.. Maybe thats why Im so self-consious about all this.

 

Not all guys like to chill out early on, though. We tend to like the ones who make the effort to plan a date. The ones who don't, well, they often fall out of favour quickly.

[mortensorchid]

For some more information on how to do it correctly here's a tutorial on how to do this. If you don't have an actual woman to do this with, they say put a bra on a pillow.

 

[dream of me]

Don't worry at all... It happened with me and the man I'm totally into. But I felt ready so I unhooked it myself.. Need to confess I didn't find it too easy either. It was a new bra and the hooks were too tight. Maybe she also bought a new bra for your first time together...

[Benrec]

Yello!

 

Thanks for support and good answers.

 

I just talked to her and we setting a date for start of next week. She seems very eager and happy. I try to plan a hike (fairly easy one). She really want to go to this place I know.

 

I live on the coast in Northern Norway and it's a breathtaking view of the Atlantic ocean from this spot. Ocean as far as the eye can see. Hope it will be a nice day. The weather plays a part here. It's normally very rainy and windy. Like right now it's about 40 mph wind and pouring rain. If it's like this next week then I will ask her for dinner at some place in town.

[OnlyHonesty]

You are in serious danger of taking life too seriously.