JO_ANNA Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 (edited) I have a boyfriend of 18months. We are moving in together in 3 days. But we have a repeat fight. We both live 1000's miles from family . So friends are really important. However if he has something on with his friends he dismisses anything in my diary. So if i said friday this is on. He will agree to it but then his friend request for same night over rides it . So this weekend his friends are leaving the continent, big deal and there is party, however my auntie has travelled 1000s of miles over, only here for a couple of nights. . We might need to spend a couple hrs tops, might end up being an hour late. it starts at 8 we arrive for 9pm. Spend the rest of the night with his friends. He said this is an unbelievable request he will not be late. He is actuallylate for everything. Anyway. I see it as a compromise. He finds it "unacceptable". I'm truly worried as anything with my friends is ALWAYS a hassle. Tried the fight & the calm talk . Zero change so far. I'm so scared of moving in now ??? Should i just accept that we just do our separate things always or when it suits him and take him out of my social life. . He is more than happy for me not to go places with him as he doesnt want to have too "repay me" by coming to my stuff. Also what happens when we move home and doing family stuff wlll become much bigger. He doesnt see it as a team effort. Should it be ?? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? I want a relationship where someone wants to get to know the people in my life . Im not sure how ill be able to live with a man that doesnt want to be social together cause its hassle. Edited August 14, 2018 by JO_ANNA
bathtub-row Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 He’s controlling and self-centered. Why on earth would you put up with this? If you’re wanting a quick answer, then, no - don’t move in with him. You’ll totally regret it. Just call it off. 1
BaileyB Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 I don't know that I'd be moving in with this guy... His behavior tells you what his priority is - and it's not you. It seems very reasonable for him to come and see your aunt, then go and spend the night with his friends. The fact that he is dismissive of your feelings and unwilling to compromise is a big red flag. What is he going to be like when you have two kids and his friends are going out to party this weekend... would you be ok if you were left home to care for the kids while he goes off to have fun with his friends?
Zahara Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Goodness, I am not sure why you are moving in with him! He sounds selfish and he clearly does not give a damn about your needs. Don't move in with him. I am not sure if you have talked to him about how this affects you but if you have and nothing has changed, I'd go a step further and dump him. This is not what a relationship entails.
Rockdad Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Have you laid out a plan of who is going to do the shopping, cooking, house cleaning, maintenance and financials? It's no joke that fighting about money and sex are relationship killers. If you move in together do yourselves a favor and get a solid plan in place. The playing house excitement wears off in a hurry and you will have a host of things starting to bother each other not just a conflict between a party and an aunts visit.
bathtub-row Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Goodness, I am not sure why you are moving in with him! He sounds selfish and he clearly does not give a damn about your needs. Don't move in with him. I am not sure if you have talked to him about how this affects you but if you have and nothing has changed, I'd go a step further and dump him. This is not what a relationship entails. My experience with people like this is that talking accomplishes nothing. He is who he is.
Els Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 You are right to listen to your gut - if you're having issues with this guy, you shouldn't be moving in with him. I also think it's inconsiderate and selfish for him to constantly override your plans with his. That being said, I personally am with him in this specific instance of his friends leaving the continent. Is it really THAT big a problem if he comes with you to see auntie, but leaves at 8pm to go to his friends' farewell, while you stay with auntie and go to his friends afterwards? I get that long term couples want to do things together, but in cases where there is a genuine schedule conflict, I don't see any harm in doing things separately for a little while. 1
Normm Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Red flags are blowing all over the place. Ignore them and regret the bad decision you are about to make moving in with him. You think he doesn't care and is selfish now, just wait until you move in together. It will be like you don't even exist.
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Don't move in with him but why does he have to be there for you to see your aunt? His friends are leaving. He wants to be with them on Friday. That is the only time for the friends. Can't he see your aunt another time? If it was his aunt, then family should be the priority. But your BF is not required to entertain your family. You still shouldn't move in with him because he always does this to you & he can't make plans or keep a promise but this particular instance is not the promise to live & die on. She's your aunt. 1
preraph Posted August 15, 2018 Posted August 15, 2018 Don't move in with him. He thinks he's more important than you and your life. Who needs that? You might not always expect a man to want to accompany you to seeing relatives or friends, however, because that's not necessary and not fun for the man, but he shouldn't just be automatically doing whatever he wants and putting you on the backburner to be with his friends either. Don't move in. It's not going to be fun.
Recommended Posts