HE CAME BACK.....kinda

[MABD]

I (W33) dated this guy last year (M34). We are both divorced, both a little new to dating but instantly had an insane connection. He told me one night after 3 weeks that he loved me(drunkingly) and I told him about 3 weeks later that I loved him. We both agreed we had never felt this way about anyone before, even our ex spouses, and were completely head over heels for each other.

 

Although sooner than later he got spooked by a few arguments we had gotten into and was very wishy washy about our whole relationship. Always not sure, always hot and cold, wanting space, etc. After 4 months he ended things after an argument for about a month. We talked here and there. However in March, my ex husband lost his mind and had threatened to go to his house, and after I informed him he soon blocked me and un-friended me on EVERY outlet. I was devastated however I understood.

 

I dated, lived my life and although I moved on, never forgot about him. Suddenly a month ago.... he texted me! We’ve made small talk, talked about meeting up for drinks, until last weekend we finally did!

 

It was like we never stopped talking. He apologized, I told him I understood, we had an amazing time! He told me how much he missed me and that he finally had to text me because it was driving him nuts. We had a little too much and I fell asleep on the couch. No sex, no make out sessions, just amazing company, amazing laughs and some hand holding. A few kisses here and there too! The looks he was giving me while I was talking.... I could tell the love was still there! I look at cake that way! Lol The next morning over coffee, he told me he “didn’t want me to think his intentions were to sleep with me. That he didn’t want to do that with me the first time”. After this amazing night and breakfast he gave me a sweet kiss goodbye, went on about how we absolutely have to get together soon and that he would text me later, which he did.

 

We talked Friday and he told me he was at his buddy’s and if he had known I was free he would’ve planned something with me. However, I haven’t heard from him since!?! I texted him Saturday and have yet to get a response.

 

If it was an ordinary guy, I’d blow it off. But I truly believe this man is my soulmate. That we are meant to be together! We didn’t talk for 4 months, he could’ve easily continued to block me and live his life.... except he didn’t. Why so up and down now? He’s not a player or some smooth **** boy... he’s an ordinary man, who’s ex wife cheated on him, and has been hurt!! I don’t want to seem desperate or clingy, but I don’t want to mess this up with him! Any advice?

Edited August 14, 2018 by MABD

[MidwestUSA]

Maybe he got to thinking about the threats from your ex. Maybe his buddy put a bug in his ear about it to remind him.

 

How's that situation?

[ShyLove]

Awww this sux, I'm sorry

 

My first instinct is that he was probably fighting with a girl he is dating and he did the old "let me scroll through the phone and see who responds" trick that many people do as soon as they are dumped. It seems like more people that not would rather do that than spend a whole day/night alone anymore. If this is the case there's a possibility that he went back to that person.

 

My second thought is that he went on a dating site and found a bigger better deal and will probably text you again if that doesn't end up working out with that woman.

 

I guess I'm just trying to say that it sounds to me like he's leaving you on the back burner. Someone that was serious about you would not leave you hanging for 3 days.

 

But you'll survive!! You did before! :) Keep us updated:D

[Gaeta]

Although sooner than later he got spooked by a few arguments we had gotten into and was very wishy washy about our whole relationship. Always not sure, always hot and cold, wanting space, etc.

 

 

Hope you understand now that it was not love, love don't act this way. You 2 were infatuated. A grown woman should know the difference between infatuation and love. He had a good time and then it faded away, it sucks but it happens.

 

 

 

MABD: Get use to it, they always come back. And they only come back to be gone again. He hit you up again because he was bored, had just broken up with someone, was thinking he could get sex out of it probably. He didn't, he's gone again.

 

 

 

Hope you block him this time.

[smackie9]

I don't think he was at "His buddy's"... he had a date, and that date worked out to be something he wants to pursue. That's my take on it. And ya I agree with the other poster, he has you on the back burner.

 

 

 

But who knows maybe things are not what we see.

[Exformer]

Yikes...you sure you don't want to slow your roll for a minute and think this one out beyond the chemical spike to your brain?

Not saying it can't work, but it sure seems like you both jumped into the deep end without looking the first time around, and you're on a crash course for repeating the disaster a second time around.

 

This reminds me a bit of being a teenager and meeting a girl at summer camp...everything escalated and amped up in miniature ecosystem contained in a fragile bubble. I love yous before they don't know you and all. But the rush is so exciting, you don't even recognize when you should break up, because even in argument, all you're aware of is that you feel strong emotional response...and that must mean something...and that makes the person meaningful to you.

I think you should clam down from the excitement and consider things from an outside perspective.

 

Seriously though, good luck to you and wish you the best.

[kendahke]

From what you've written, I don't think he's your soulmate at all. I think he's just someone you can't have and that's why he's been elevated in your mind like this.

 

You two were arguing way too much in what should have been the honeymoon period of your new relationship... and he was willing to just abandon you and stop talking to you altogether until a month ago--and then again, he's gone MIA on you. That's not someone who is compatible with you, let alone a soul mate.

 

I get that you want what you want, but I think what you've built up in your head about this guy (aka: artificial construct) is nothing like who this man actually is---and who he actually is is someone who ghosts on you and fights with you and that does not speak well for your compatibility.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh dear.

 

People who go around proclaiming love after three weeks of dating are the people you cannot take seriously. They tend to be impulsive, diving in and diving out of relationships quickly.

 

And you are getting way ahead of yourself proclaiming you're meant to be with this guy. You only just reconnected and he's gone off the radar again; is that how you would treat your soul mate? You're letting your hormones get away with you. It's time to let your rational mind take over.

 

For whatever reason, he's disappeared again. I would let him stay gone.

[Gretchen12]

He's not your soulmate if there were arguments that were bad enough for him to leave. Why would you think there won't be more arguments?

[BC1980]

If someone comes back for a second chance, intentions need to be made clear up front. He may very well have gotten in touch with you to see if you would sleep with him, or he might have been curious and wanted to check in. He might have wanted to rekindle things but changed his mind. You won't know unless you ask. Also, 3 weeks is not long enough to fall in love with someone. He was also drunk when he told you that, so take it with a grain of salt. He was then hot and cold until the relationship ended after 4 months. This relationship was not built on stable ground to begin with, so round two will set up to be even worse in all likelihood.

[Larry56]

You most likely did or said something that turned him off.

 

Figure out what it was, probably a few days before you notice him starting to lose interest.