It's just not the same without her.

[mendheart]

I know it’s been more than a year already, but I still miss her terribly. I tried everything. I picked up new hobbies, traveled the country for a bit, joined some dream tours for singles events and started dating again, but nothing seems to work. It’s just not the same without her. Maybe I should try getting her back? I don’t know. Last I heard was she’s happily with some guy she met at her new job. I know it’s been so long since our breakup, but I really wanna give us another shot. Should I go for it?

[PegNosePete]

Didn't you just say she's dating someone else? Seems the opportunity for second chances is long gone.

 

Unless you want to be a 3rd wheel to her new bf?

[MountainGirl111]

I know it’s been more than a year already, but I still miss her terribly. I tried everything. I picked up new hobbies, traveled the country for a bit, joined some dream tours for singles events and started dating again, but nothing seems to work. It’s just not the same without her. Maybe I should try getting her back? I don’t know. Last I heard was she’s happily with some guy she met at her new job. I know it’s been so long since our breakup, but I really wanna give us another shot. Should I go for it?

 

I wish I could answer your questions sufficiently, but I need more info/context.

Why did you break up? Did you break up with her or she with you?

[hope86]

I know it’s been more than a year already, but I still miss her terribly. I tried everything. I picked up new hobbies, traveled the country for a bit, joined some dream tours for singles events and started dating again, but nothing seems to work. It’s just not the same without her. Maybe I should try getting her back? I don’t know. Last I heard was she’s happily with some guy she met at her new job. I know it’s been so long since our breakup, but I really wanna give us another shot. Should I go for it?

 

What's the point of getting her back if she's with another guy? Imagine what they maybe doing with each other. You really think you'll be able to accept her after the **** they must've done? You're a brave man.

 

Nothing seems to work with dating because unfortunately you got the perfect woman(for you) and you messed it up. And now the rest of the "fish" just doesn't cut it.

 

This is why it's best not to go for girls who are perfect for you cause when you lose them it's absolutely devastating or you damn well make sure they stay with you for life. The higher you climb the harder you fall.

[Ralph79]

I know it’s been more than a year already, but I still miss her terribly. I tried everything. I picked up new hobbies, traveled the country for a bit, joined some dream tours for singles events and started dating again, but nothing seems to work. It’s just not the same without her. Maybe I should try getting her back? I don’t know. Last I heard was she’s happily with some guy she met at her new job. I know it’s been so long since our breakup, but I really wanna give us another shot. Should I go for it?

 

You have tried to do a lot of things in order to get over her. That's really hard to do. Dating again after a breakup takes courage.

 

Why not try to look at things from a different angle?

 

You feel that the experiences you've gone through in the past year have been lackluster without your ex. There is a proverbial "hole" in your soul without her.

 

Well look at this as an opportunity to address this hole. This isn't caused by her absence. It's caused by issues within. There has to be a part of you that is strong without her. There has to be a part of you that grew while traveling the country. You weren't born attached to the hip to this girl.

 

It's normal to feel the way you do. I know that firsthand. But try and make your life about you. Don't travel just to forget her, travel to discover the world. Don't try new hobbies hoping you'll find something to distract you from her, instead , try everything to find your passion, find something you are really great at, something that you didn't knew how to do before.

 

Maybe you will be able to get her back one day. Life is full of surprises, but take this opportunity to grow as a person for your own sake.

[hope86]

One coping mechanism that I'm trying to instill in me given the way I think is that I think ok I did lose this perfect girl. But is it the worst pain that I could ever experience? The fact is it is not. The worst pain of separation you can experience is losing your parents who are your OWN blood. They will do anything for you isn't it? They will love you no matter what.

 

And the ugly truth is that one day you WILL lose your parents. If you can cope with that, then losing your girlfriend is considerably easier.

 

I like to think of situations that are way worse to help calm my mind. But that's just me because I'm egoistic and I always want the best no matter how much people tell me it's ok to settle for someone less because they're unique. I call BS on that because my ego simply refuses to accept it.

 

So you have two options - You either find a girl who is of equal/higher value(in your eyes) than your ex, or you bash your ego to pieces where you feel lucky that you just got a girl. The last option is that you let your ego win and you become a permanent slave of it and never date again because your ego is more important.

Edited August 14, 2018 by hope86

[mendheart]

Didn't you just say she's dating someone else? Seems the opportunity for second chances is long gone.

 

Unless you want to be a 3rd wheel to her new bf?

 

Hard Pass!

 

I wish I could answer your questions sufficiently, but I need more info/context.

Why did you break up? Did you break up with her or she with you?

 

Mutual breakup. It was starting to get toxic.

 

What's the point of getting her back if she's with another guy? Imagine what they maybe doing with each other. You really think you'll be able to accept her after the **** they must've done? You're a brave man.

 

Nothing seems to work with dating because unfortunately you got the perfect woman(for you) and you messed it up. And now the rest of the "fish" just doesn't cut it.

 

This is why it's best not to go for girls who are perfect for you cause when you lose them it's absolutely devastating or you damn well make sure they stay with you for life. The higher you climb the harder you fall.

 

A startover might be good for us. It's not going to be the same but it's the point of a redo, right? Change what went wrong.

 

You have tried to do a lot of things in order to get over her. That's really hard to do. Dating again after a breakup takes courage.

 

Why not try to look at things from a different angle?

 

You feel that the experiences you've gone through in the past year have been lackluster without your ex. There is a proverbial "hole" in your soul without her.

 

Well look at this as an opportunity to address this hole. This isn't caused by her absence. It's caused by issues within. There has to be a part of you that is strong without her. There has to be a part of you that grew while traveling the country. You weren't born attached to the hip to this girl.

 

It's normal to feel the way you do. I know that firsthand. But try and make your life about you. Don't travel just to forget her, travel to discover the world. Don't try new hobbies hoping you'll find something to distract you from her, instead , try everything to find your passion, find something you are really great at, something that you didn't knew how to do before.

 

Maybe you will be able to get her back one day. Life is full of surprises, but take this opportunity to grow as a person for your own sake.

 

I hope the void closes soon. It really feels empty without her. So empty

 

One coping mechanism that I'm trying to instill in me given the way I think is that I think ok I did lose this perfect girl. But is it the worst pain that I could ever experience? The fact is it is not. The worst pain of separation you can experience is losing your parents who are your OWN blood. They will do anything for you isn't it? They will love you no matter what.

 

And the ugly truth is that one day you WILL lose your parents. If you can cope with that, then losing your girlfriend is considerably easier.

 

I like to think of situations that are way worse to help calm my mind. But that's just me because I'm egoistic and I always want the best no matter how much people tell me it's ok to settle for someone less because they're unique. I call BS on that because my ego simply refuses to accept it.

 

So you have two options - You either find a girl who is of equal/higher value(in your eyes) than your ex, or you bash your ego to pieces where you feel lucky that you just got a girl. The last option is that you let your ego win and you become a permanent slave of it and never date again because your ego is more important.

 

 

She has showed me more love than my parents did so I can't really see it your way. But thanks for the idea though

[bathtub-row]

I'm sorry you're so sad. What could it hurt to get in touch with her again? Well, I suppose it could hurt you but if you don't try, you'll never know. Maybe she is with someone else but isn't happy. Maybe she is happy. There's only one way to find out...

[PegNosePete]

What could it hurt to get in touch with her again?

It could hurt quite a lot if the new BF finds out.

[preraph]

Those toxic dynamics will still be there. That stuff doesn't change. That's because it's hardwired into us from the time we're children. You react to each other a certain way because that's how you learned from your parents growing up and your brain formed around it. It's very hard to change basic dynamics. I'm 65 and while this may not directly correlate, it's just to make that point. I had a close circle of friends 40 years ago and we all had a certain dynamic one on one. On the rare occasion this group reunites for a gig or something, everyone goes right back to their former dynamics, the roles they played, etc. Nothing changes like that.

 

You need to accept that she wasn't who you hoped she'd be, but most of all, you need to accept that there are people you can really love but not be with because of the patterns or behavior and toxicity. Just accept it. Trying again will not magically fix it. It's too embossed in both of you.