RedThorn Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 You really need to help me on this one. I have quite an active "dating" life and ususally multiple "female friends" to hang out with. This earned me a reputation as a player and I guess this is the price to pay. I meet the odd "special girl" once in a while and then I sincerely become interested in having a proper girlfriend and sticking to one. My problem is that I am not tooled in that field, I lack experience and I don't know what to do. A couple of weeks ago the same story happened again. I met this wonderful girl and I became instantly interested in her, not just as a one night stand, but as a proper girlfriend. Sometimes it happens and what it does I am happy, but I get scared because committment means that I will have to change my lifestyle. Still I am willing to try. Anyway, we go out for a date, it goes really well and, even though I wasn't planning to, we kissed and held each other. Next day we text each other, then the next weekend we both go to different parties. After that she texts me and says that we should't really meet again. I ask why and she says something like "I was really interested in you but I met another guy at the party". Ok, now, I would understand that, if it wasn't for the fact that I have heard this before. After the first date often girls chicken out on me and the "new-guy" thing is a classic. During our date she told me that she had heard about my bad reputation but I was hoping that she didn't care and was willing to make up her own mind. I would like to do something to show her I am for real, but of course, being a player, I can't because I am not credible. I mean... a normal guys can say "I think you are really spacial and I want to be with you", but I just can't, or can I?
Zaira Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Actions speak louder than words. One's reputation will often preceed them. If you are genuinely interested in her (and willing to forego all others) you need to prove this to her. If you really like someone then you have to be in the chase for the long run otherwise they will think they're just another notch on your belt.
Author RedThorn Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 You suggest persistancy? Do you think that she is testing me?
Zaira Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 It's possible. I can't say what she is thinking, because I'm not her. It is possible she won't continue anything with you because of your reputation, and it's possible that she doesn't like you and has found someone else. Best way to find out the answer, is to ask.
Author RedThorn Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 My point is that she's too smart and mature to change her mind in a day. That's why I don't buy the "met another guy" story. The question remains: how can a player be taken seriously???
JS17 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 You can be taken seriously by growing up and not being a player.
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 You have to pay to play !! Being a player and getting that bad rep is your payment.. You have to ditch the bad rep and do as JS said .. Stop being a player. With this girl actions will speak louder than words.. Show her that you are no longer like your rep
Author RedThorn Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Yes I agree with you guys. I am willing to grow up, and I don't want to date other girls, but commit. Still it's hard to tell her because she would never take me seriously, and I can't blame her for that. First of all, do you buy the "I met another guy" story? Or is it a way to pretect herself from the danger (me)? Second, how can I end this "catch-22" situation and prove her (and myself) that I can change? Thanks for all your comments.
Zaira Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Be straight and honest with her. Tell her that you really like her, and are willing to make a real go of it. ASK HER if it's your reputation that is making her reluctant.
JS17 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Yes I agree with you guys. I am willing to grow up, and I don't want to date other girls, but commit. Still it's hard to tell her because she would never take me seriously, and I can't blame her for that. First of all, do you buy the "I met another guy" story? Or is it a way to pretect herself from the danger (me)? Second, how can I end this "catch-22" situation and prove her (and myself) that I can change? Thanks for all your comments. If you're "willing" to grow up just for this girl then it probably won't stick. At some point into the relationship you'll start thinking about who else is out there. You have to make the change because you realize the lifestyle just isn't for you anymore, that you don't want to just keep screwing women for fun, that you only want deeper more committed relationships. If that in fact is what you're looking for and you're tired of meaningless sex then start dating with the intention of staying with these women and keeping the physical aspect at bay until you're well into the relationship. Get rid of all of those "friends". Keep at this for a period of time and maybe your reputation will dissipate. To be honest, in my experience, once a player always a player. Whether she has met another guy or not, she's clear that she's not interested so it's best to move on.
Author RedThorn Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 JS, your post was very harsh. It's not so easy. I too have feelings and have a hard time making sense of them. I may be superficial not "for fun" but for fear of being hurt. Life is made of shades of gray... not black or white
ThatOneGuy Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I know where you are coming from, But this might take a lot longer then you think. This one might be a lost cause, Because she might be over-defensive, And not be willing to take the risk of starting something new with you. Plus, She might have already made that whole brain connection thing where she is comparing you to another guy that might have already "Played" her. In the case your screwed. My best advice would to just stop being a "Player" altogether. As time goes by, your reputation will die down a little more with each passing week. And eventually, You wont have your past actions to haunt you.
Author RedThorn Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Thanks ThatOneGuy, I feel like you understand where I am at. I have a long way to go, that's why I think I need to put more effort and not just give up at the first problem I encounter.
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