Teknoe Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 This coming Thursday I have a date with a 35 year old woman. I'm 35 myself, and for years, I dated girls who were at least 2 years younger than me. This is my first time dating a 35 year old. Is there a difference in dating a 35 year old vs. someone say 32 or younger? My gut says there is, because obviously at 35 their biological clock is ticking and they have less time for "games" or casual dating. They want to know as soon as they can if your values match theirs. Being 35 myself, I am past the point of casual dating. Is it too much for the first date to be a little more serious and talk about preferences like kids, religious lifestyle, spending habits, etc.? These are all pretty deep topics that I understand should be off limits especially for a first date, but is it different with a woman in her mid 30s who obviously is looking for answers ASAP. I have no idea, thus this post and seeking input from others, especially females in their mid 30s or older. Or should I go into the date not thinking about her age, her clock needs (whoa that sounded a little funny... lol) and just treat her like an old friend -- show her a good time, don't be TOO serious and the rest will fall in line if it's meant to be? Not sure how serious brass and tacks I should be (i.e. not wanting to waste anyone's time given that we're both 35). Any words of wisdom?
losangelena Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Honestly? I think you're assuming a lot to think that the primary concern for most/any/every woman 35 and over is fertility. I'm 38 and could give a s**t about my womb. If I were you, I'd concentrate on trying to discern what you want to find out. If you're not interested in games or casual, make that known up front; show your own seriousness and see if she wants to jump on board. Who knows, you may differentiate yourself from the herd of unserious man-children out there. Sounds trite, but be yourself. 1
Grey40 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Honestly it depends on the specific person, everyone is different. I wouldn't go as far with the drilling and questioning that you mentioned, but at your age there's nothing wrong with being more upfront about what you want. At 35, she's also looking for similar things, and I'm sure has no interest in dating casually, unless she just got out of something or was previously married,etc.
PegNosePete Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Is it too much for the first date to be a little more serious and talk about preferences like kids, religious lifestyle, spending habits, etc.? These are all pretty deep topics that I understand should be off limits especially for a first date Why do you "understand" that they should be off limits for a first date? It seems to me that if you're looking for a life partner it makes a lot of sense to rule out the unsuitable ones as quickly and as efficiently as possible. 1
MountainGirl111 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Oh man. You're going to get a variety of answers on this. My recommendation? Don't be too serious on the first few dates. I understand you don't want to waste time, but on the other hand, you don't want to come off as too pushy or serious. Early dating is to get to know someone, so maybe find ways to be able to really open up conversation....and conversation that leads to other interesting conversation. There is so much more to a woman than her biological clock ticking.
basil67 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 If she is concerned about these issues, she will raise the topics. You worry about what you want to know and let her worry about what she wants to know. 1
Author Teknoe Posted August 13, 2018 Author Posted August 13, 2018 Sounds good guys! Thanks! I'll relax, be myself and focus on staying in the moment having fun getting to know each other. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 First of all, you need to remember that every woman is different and not all of us have "clock needs". Some of us, including myself, are content being childless and fertility is not the primary factor in looking for a boyfriend. That does not preclude us from not wanting to play games or date casually though. I would say most women around my age (and I'm 37) have been around the block enough to know what we want and what we don't and are more comfortable with committing to a serious relationship. Your preferences in lifestyle, politics, starting a family and so on will naturally come out over the course of a few dates, most likely. If something is particularly important to her, she is probably going to mention it herself anyway.
snowboy91 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 I'm still some distance away from 30, but from the people in that age bracket I've met, it's no different to any other time. The first and subsequent dates are to get to know the person and enjoy their company. In that time, the serious stuff will trickle into the conversation and you'll be able to work out whether you want it to progress.
JuneL Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 From your various threads, you have a strong tendency of overanalyzing things. This tendency is going to be detrimental to dating, especially during the early stage. You really need to work on that. 1
No_Go Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 My advice is to gather information if she's planning to have kids soon. She might not be. If she is, just be considerate and let her know asap if you think things are not working. However - none of this is a first date issue. More like few weeks/months in, if the relationship goes to there anyway. If someone asked me for my kids plans and spending habits on date 1, I'd have been terrified. This coming Thursday I have a date with a 35 year old woman. I'm 35 myself, and for years, I dated girls who were at least 2 years younger than me. This is my first time dating a 35 year old. Is there a difference in dating a 35 year old vs. someone say 32 or younger? My gut says there is, because obviously at 35 their biological clock is ticking and they have less time for "games" or casual dating. They want to know as soon as they can if your values match theirs. Being 35 myself, I am past the point of casual dating. Is it too much for the first date to be a little more serious and talk about preferences like kids, religious lifestyle, spending habits, etc.? These are all pretty deep topics that I understand should be off limits especially for a first date, but is it different with a woman in her mid 30s who obviously is looking for answers ASAP. I have no idea, thus this post and seeking input from others, especially females in their mid 30s or older. Or should I go into the date not thinking about her age, her clock needs (whoa that sounded a little funny... lol) and just treat her like an old friend -- show her a good time, don't be TOO serious and the rest will fall in line if it's meant to be? Not sure how serious brass and tacks I should be (i.e. not wanting to waste anyone's time given that we're both 35). Any words of wisdom?
smackie9 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 I think if it goes past the 3rd date and you two are really digging each other, that's when the questions or expectations can slowly come out in conversations. Plus when you are really into someone or get really excited about this person, your priorities can change...just when you thought that you were just looking for a BF/GF, you are thinking about the possibility of a future life with them. 1
alphamale Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Any words of wisdom? if she's 35 and has no kids then she probably wants kids so be careful and wear rubbers. don't trust her when it comes to birth control.
Els Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Lots of women don't want kids, so that wouldn't be a primary concern unless she herself brings it up early on. Treat the first date like you usually would - someone being 35 doesn't mean that they'd want to talk about spending habits on a first date! That being said, have you moved out of your parents' place yet? Sorry, I haven't been following on LS much. If you have, great - if not, that would be a high priorty IMO. The older your age range, the less likely that someone will be OK with their partner living with mum and dad. 2
Woggle Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Treat them like individuals the same way you would any other gender or age group. They don't all share the same brain. 1
Author Teknoe Posted August 13, 2018 Author Posted August 13, 2018 Lots of women don't want kids, so that wouldn't be a primary concern unless she herself brings it up early on. Treat the first date like you usually would - someone being 35 doesn't mean that they'd want to talk about spending habits on a first date! That being said, have you moved out of your parents' place yet? Sorry, I haven't been following on LS much. If you have, great - if not, that would be a high priorty IMO. The older your age range, the less likely that someone will be OK with their partner living with mum and dad. I am at home. But so is she. My last girlfriend of 11 months lived at home also. It's a cultural thing plus housing where I live is INSANE. It is what it is. Everyone's situation is different.
Els Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 I am at home. But so is she. My last girlfriend of 11 months lived at home also. It's a cultural thing plus housing where I live is INSANE. It is what it is. Everyone's situation is different. But you are living in the US, right? Are you only planning to date women from your ethnic culture? If so that's totally fine, otherwise this could be a consideration. 1
Author Teknoe Posted August 13, 2018 Author Posted August 13, 2018 But you are living in the US, right? Are you only planning to date women from your ethnic culture? If so that's totally fine, otherwise this could be a consideration. I am in the US and so far I have only dated women from my culture (a personal preference although I am open minded if mutual attraction is there).
basil67 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 But you are living in the US, right? Are you only planning to date women from your ethnic culture? If so that's totally fine, otherwise this could be a consideration. Housing costs really do make a difference. In places where housing is affordable, I agree that still being at home is a problem. However I also live in a place where housing costs are insane and it's completely normal for young people to not be able to move out till much older than was previously expected. Parents tend to become more like flatmates.
Els Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 Housing costs really do make a difference. In places where housing is affordable, I agree that still being at home is a problem. However I also live in a place where housing costs are insane and it's completely normal for young people to not be able to move out till much older than was previously expected. Parents tend to become more like flatmates. I lived in a place with one of the highest housing costs in the world, previously. Generally that just meant that people stayed with flatmates longer (instead of having an entire apartment to themselves as soon as they started working full-time), and bought their first home later. But most 36-yos would still not be living with their parents. That being said, it's certainly normal in traditional Asian cultures for people to live with their parents until they get married, regardless of housing costs. So since Teknoe prefers to date within his culture, that would probably be fine with the more traditional-minded women. However, traditional Asian women (and their parents, who typically play a big part in their choice of partner) do have other requirements.
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