clandestinidad Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Well guys, I did it. I had enough, and broke up with him. So far I dont feel sad about, but thats probably b/c i'm so pissed and tired of trying to get someone to 1) be 100% honest, and 2) listen to me without formulating arguments and getting more and more rude. If you want more info, read some other posts of mine. I can link them if anyone wants, so you dont have to search through them all. It turns out that he lied to me AGAIN yesterday. I asked him if he told his mom anything that I had said, and he said NO. I found out a little bit ago that he DID tell her a lot of stuff (b/c she was saying that they can tell he's not happy and that somethings wrong...he said it was the fighting we do, and told her what I think about her and their relationship). That was definately the last straw!!!!! At first I was hurt and cried for about a minute, saying that he's "an a**h*** to me, ME of all people"!!! (b/c he had a crush on me when we were neighbors in college, and friends, and have sooo much in common and sooo much fun together...I didnt say that part, it was understood)...then I was sort of empty, realizing that I'm not going to put up with this $hit anymore. He's a liar. I told him so. I gave him everything back, even gifts and a stuffed animal he'd given my daughter, and some wilted dying flowers he gave me last week. I said much more, but it doesnt really matter right now. The main points were that in the last year the ONLY reason we do fight is b/c he LIES and b/c whenever I tell him how I feel (just telling him so that maybe he wont do it again, or so he'll understand me, or even just to vent it out) he ALWAYS comes back being way too defensive and rude, and eventually it turns into a big fight b/c I wasnt listened to or understood at all....totally incapable of compassion/empathy. (I guess I've learned that if someone comes back with arguments I should just say that I would like to be listened to, but obviously nows not a good time, and quit talking.) I also told him that if he knew how to treat someone, wasnt so selfish, and could swallow some pride rather than get rude then he'd be successful at relationships. oh yeah, and about the trust/honesty thing: he said that he doesnt think he should have to be 100% honest 100% of the time, and doesnt think that he ever could....well, that sucks for whoever he ends up with later! Anyway, thats that, pretty much. I cant think of anything else right now, but I probably will later. I'll probably need some help going through this in a few days, and I hope yall are there for me.
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 you know the drill ... Sorry .. and we will all be here fer ya Your a strong willed person .. Keep you chin up
tanbark813 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Sorry to hear that but it's probably for the best. I'm sure there are plenty of available guys who would be down for a rim job from you.
johan Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Kat, Sorry to hear about this. Actually not totally sorry, because now I know the pool of eligible women has gone up by one. But I know it's hard, because I have been and am right now going through a similar thing. Hang in there.
Author clandestinidad Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 I'm sure there are plenty of available guys who would be down for a rim job from you. oh yeah?! are you one!?! btw, thanks yall....it means a lot to me to have some listening ears/reading eyes
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I am sorry, Katty. Break-ups are always sad and full of anger, disappointment, and misunderstanding. You'll feel better son. You shouldn't have given him all his presents back though. At least not your kid's toy.
Author clandestinidad Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 You shouldn't have given him all his presents back though. At least not your kid's toy. yeah, I was in b!t(h mode....it was rude of me
RainyDayWoman Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 At first I was hurt and cried for about a minute, saying that he's "an a**h*** to me, ME of all people"!!! (b/c he had a crush on me when we were neighbors in college, and friends, and have sooo much in common and sooo much fun together...I didnt say that part, it was understood)...then I was sort of empty, realizing that I'm not going to put up with this $hit anymore. honestly, and i'm telling you this from someone who knows all too well, that is the moment when you know it's time to just let them go and focus on yourself... so much of the break-up process is based on how the other person feels/will feel...you get to a point where that doesn't matter and you just can't do it anymore, not matter how it will affect them. good for you for putting your needs first, as you should (as well as your daughter's.) at the risk of sounding cheesy, i think you have a lot to offer someone, and i think you should take the time to find someone worth offering it to. good luck. in the meantime, don't worry, be happy. good things have a way of falling out the sky, but they usually happen when you're not looking...you may be clobbered on the head by cloud nine and wake up to a beautiful new world. *i had some vodka and red bull, hence the silver lining.
HokeyReligions Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Kat, I'm not sorry -- I'm PROUD of you! Keep your chin up and your heart will be light. You took the first step forward -- the hardest step of all is behind you now.
933KJL Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 What Tanbark said. Most of these women on here (IMHO) are too good for the scum they date.
smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 [quote=kat23 I also told him that if he knew how to treat someone, wasnt so selfish, and could swallow some pride rather than get rude then he'd be successful at relationships. Wow sounds so familiar........you should know that you leaving is the best decision. He will not change and he will not suddenly become caring and supportive. I am giong thru this now. You are right.....the next girl is on for it! Just know you did the right thing. I know it is hard, but you just saved a lot of wasted time in the future.......I am going thru the same thing. I just have to remember the big picture and that is that he will never change and I deserve better, as do you!
JS17 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Hey Kat, Sorry to hear about the break up but it's for the best ya know. Come here for supportive hugs often.
NewLee40 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Honesty is a big deal breaker for me, too. When I was breaking up with my lying boyfriend, after catching him in a lie, a friend of mine said "when someone's first instinct is to lie, that's a big problem." I consider myself to be one of the most honest people you'll ever meet, but even I'm not above a little white lie every now and then. But, if you've seen it as a chronic problem, you absolutely did the right thing. Hugs to you and prayers for a speedy recovery.
Beachgrl486 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 its ok Kat. It sounds to me you did the right thing. Hey you arent alone her at the LS. We are all here for your support.
nyr_fan Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Sorry it had to end Kat. I agree, honesty is the most important part of the relationship. Why should you have to worry about someone being untruthful all the time? Hang in there, girl:)
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