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Need Help With a Girl I Like

Cagebox678

By Cagebox678
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Cagebox678 New Member

Cagebox678

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Hi I'm new to the Loveshack and I came here to discuss an issue that lately I have being having at the moment. I need help with this girl I like at work. I'm 21 and she's about two years old than me. I didnt really notice this girl much when I started working at the office for the first few weeks. Until I saw her smiling a few times at me whenever I walked by her. She seemed friendly so I decided to Introduce myself to her.

 

Shortly after that I began talking to her a lot we got to known each other and I began developing feelings for her. So two days ago I got her number and also asked her to if we could go out to lunch together next week and she said yes. I don't know where to go from here for a number of reasons.

 

First I have had a lot bad luck with the ladies. So I wanted to discuss my brief history with trying to date. My first girlfriend was in high school and only lasted 3 months after she broke up with me. We never had sex or anything just kissed so I'm technically still a virgin. It also wasn't entirely my fault for the breakup because she wasn't always honest, but I do accept partial blame for being too naive at the time. I tried a few times in high school to ask girls out specifically three. Two of them had boyfriends and one wanted to remain friends. Since than I feel like I have changed a lot and have become a better person since the breakup and after high school. Since I got to college I haven't really tried mostly because my first relationship caused a lot of depression and anxiety. Second I'm also not the most attractive guy out there. I did like this one girl in one of my classes but I never asked her out because I eventually lost feelings for her rather quickly. For 2 years I haven't tried to pursue any girls and focused instead on my studies, friends and my future career. Being in a relationship didn't seem like a thing I wanted to do for the past two years until I met this girl.

 

Second me and this girl I like don't live close by. She lives and works in the city, and I live in the suburbs. Which luckily isnt too far away from the city from where I live. So its manageable for us to be able to see each other, but it's still a worry of mine.

 

Third is fear of rejection- I fear that this girl will reject me like the other girls in the past have, if I ask her out. Which is one of my main reasons why I don't actively seek out a relationship, since being rejected has hurt me a lot in the past. Also I get really nervous talking to her, which might have come out really obvious when talking to her especially recently.

 

You guys are probably wondering that no one should ever date their co-workers. However my office and job is really laid back compared to other jobs in workforce. So I don't think this will be a issue. Plus this job is only part time thing and will be moving out in a month or so to go back to school to finish out college.

 

All in all I was hoping to get some advice on what to do next, now that I got her number and asked her out to lunch. I really don't want to screw this up because I really like her. I was wonder if I should text her and have conversation with her? Btw I'm nervous, so I don't know what to really say or talk about? Or How I should present myself when were out to lunch together? I don't know what to do? So I was wondering if any of you could give me any advice , I would really appreciate it :). Thank you

Edited by Cagebox678
Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

Posted
Posted

Honestly, I think you are overthinking this too much.

 

She must think you are a nice guy or she wouldn't have agreed to lunch, so schedule the date and try not to overthink it.

 

You don't need to start texting her a lot. Keep it light and save something to talk about over lunch. Remember this should be an enjoyable experience for you both.

 

See how compatible you are one on one before you start analyzing your future together.

 

One other tip: try not overshare your concerns over dating experience. Just try to live in the moment and enjoy her company.

 

Have fun!

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

If you let the fear of rejection hold you back it surely will.

 

It's nothing but a lunch date. Go and just act natural. If it doesn't work out so what. Take the pressure off

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

Dress nice put on some cologne but don't overdo it. One spray to the chest one for your face/neck.

 

Be a good listener. Ask her about herself, interests, etc. do not dwell or talk about your negatives in dating or lack of.

 

You'll be fine

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

HS was a lifetime ago. Put that out of your mind. It's not relevant to how you behave in the workforce as an adult.

 

Unfortunately you still have some childish ideas about adult relationships. If you work in the same company you have some common geography. After HS not everybody you date will live within walking distance. That doesn't make them long distance.

 

Second, how chill your workplace may be is not important when deciding whether to have an office romance. The problem is when you break up are you going to be able to continue to work together. This is much harder then you think.

 

 

Finally asking a work colleague out to lunch is NOT a date. It's 2 people who work in the same office consuming food together. Stop thinking this is a date & don't act like it's a date. She might not even see you romantically. You don't even know if she has a BF. Go to lunch. Be chill. Get to know her. Before lunch ends ask if she'd like to grab a drink after work with you on Friday. That is still not a date. That is happy hour but it's closer to a date then lunch. Continue getting to know her outside of the office. After you have these after work drinks if you think she's receptive, then you can ask her on a date. Use the word date when you ask that Q.

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Cagebox678 New Member

Cagebox678

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I had the lunch date I think it went pretty well, what I should do next?

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
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Text once the day after and tell her you had a good time. Then chill out. Then two days in advance, ask her out for another date. Don't bombard her with texts. So maybe on Friday, ask her if she wants to see a movie Sunday during the day or something. If she accepts, great. If she has an excuse, ask her if another day is better. If she doesn't get specific and give you a day, she's gently telling you no. And then you just be polite but nothing more at work. Good luck.

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

So I get your nervousness and uncertainty.

 

One point to keep in mind that is that you don't need to perform when you're with this woman.

 

Relax and just be honest and talk what you are interested in talking about. Ask questions about her ... share interesting experiences you're having at work and elsewhere. That's pretty much all you can do.

 

The other part is up to her ... So you show up ... be your honest best ... and see what happens.

 

If you enjoyed lunch, send her a note saying that ... and you can say. Be great to do that again sometime.

 

See how she responds ... rinse and repeat ...

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Cagebox678 New Member

Cagebox678

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Text once the day after and tell her you had a good time. Then chill out. Then two days in advance, ask her out for another date. Don't bombard her with texts. So maybe on Friday, ask her if she wants to see a movie Sunday during the day or something. If she accepts, great. If she has an excuse, ask her if another day is better. If she doesn't get specific and give you a day, she's gently telling you no. And then you just be polite but nothing more at work. Good luck.

 

I text her saying I had a good time she said she did too :)

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