max3732 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 For some reason these past few weeks I've been going on a lot more dates than I did in the past few years. It's funny because my match and eharmony subscriptions both expired so I've met these people either through real life events or other dating services. I think part of my problem before was that it was so rare for me to actually meet someone that I was extremely nervous to actually have someone that might be interested in me on the other side of the table. Just having a woman around my age was a huge treat. Now I've met a bunch of them and I don't feel anywhere near as anxious instead of thinking "how can I make her like me" I'm thinking "I wonder if she's right for me" There's one woman who I'm meeting our 3rd date that I really like so far but I don't want to bet the ranch on her. I'm also meeting this woman to play tennis for again that talked about her ex a lot last time and have gone on a lot of 1st dates. When I'm driving home after meeting someone I'm thinking "should I call her again" and I'm not sure how to answer that question.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 You can go two ways: To pursue a relationship, you generally want your answer to be, I DEFINITELY want to call her again. But ... sometimes dating is a way of just connecting with people, learning about people and yourself ... sometimes you can add to your friend network or add social information that's really helpful ... as in the date tells you about some fun activity they do ... which interests you ... even if there is no chemistry between you and them. But assuming you're interested in a long-term relationship, the feeling you want is that you HAVE to call this person. You want your heart really excited ... it's not a close call when you meet someone you're smitten by and who seems interested in us.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 After an early date (1-5) as long as you are not heading home thinking OMG I thought that would never end & I never want to see that person again, go ahead & call. It takes time to get to know someone. When you start to get more serious with 1 person, let the others drift away or better yet, be gracious & give it a clean ending.
OatsAndHall Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I've been a bit of a serial dater of the last few years and it all boils down to a couple of simple things for me: 1. Did we have fun? That is why I'm out dating; to meet someone and enjoy myself as we get to know each other. I've enjoyed dating much more since I have taken this approach as it's a simple gauge for me. It usually takes an exceptionally bad first date for me not to ask for a second as many people have a hard time relaxing around strangers. I've had my fair share of really bad dates, really good ones, and everything in between. 2. Did any red-flags pop up? Talking about an ex to a large extent is a HUGE red-flag for me and I wouldn't ask for another date. It bothers me even if we're a few dates in and we've both had fun thus far. Yes, it comes up from time to time but it's time to cut ties if they appear to be fixated. Again, it's NOT FUN. 3. How is the communication? I don't like "push-n-pull" games early on. I like communication to be consistent from the get-go. If they only message me once or twice a day early on, then that's what I expect. If they're hitting me up constantly, then that's what I expect. But, I get turned off if they bombard me with messages early on and then I'm ghosted for a few days. It takes all of thirty seconds or less to respond to a text message stating "I've been busy" doesn't work for me. In those cases, I'm either on the Rolodex (they've met someone else that's piqued their interest), they want to test my interest or they're pulling a slow-fade. It doesn't upset me but I feel like I'm wasting my time.
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