Jim23 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year. She is lovely and kind most of the time but suffers from depression and anxiety. She recently asked to move in with me and I let her but she has since said that she wants to move out again and kind of stay here now and then as she can't cope with everything. Whenever we have had disagreements she ignores me for days at a time. She also blames me for her depression and anxiety because of our arguments, even though she has suffered for years. She becomes angry and aggressive citing that it is out of frustration because I don't understand her. She went to the doctor and they gave her an increased dose of sertraline but she spoke to her dad and decided not to take the dose. I havent told her what to do about the medication. I am feeling increasingly sad that she seems to push me away. It is increasing in frequency and duration. I only want the best for her. Can I go on like this. It is taking its toll on my own mental health as I feel anxious about our relationship. Any help or advice is appreciated. Jim
coolheadal Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year. She is lovely and kind most of the time but suffers from depression and anxiety. She recently asked to move in with me and I let her but she has since said that she wants to move out again and kind of stay here now and then as she can't cope with everything. Whenever we have had disagreements she ignores me for days at a time. She also blames me for her depression and anxiety because of our arguments, even though she has suffered for years. She becomes angry and aggressive citing that it is out of frustration because I don't understand her. She went to the doctor and they gave her an increased dose of sertraline but she spoke to her dad and decided not to take the dose. I havent told her what to do about the medication. I am feeling increasingly sad that she seems to push me away. It is increasing in frequency and duration. I only want the best for her. Can I go on like this. It is taking its toll on my own mental health as I feel anxious about our relationship. Any help or advice is appreciated. Jim What you have described is what I met and ended up with from the woman I had met at my other job last year. It's been a living hell when she was living here. I give everyone a chance to prove to me the are who I am seeking. There are days when she was here for 6 months I would rather jump into the pool just to get away from the abusive verbal and sometimes physical. I do not live like this on my own I live in peace and harmony as Reiki Master/Shaman/Psychic Healer. She would let me heal her or try I ran into this type when I was looking on OLD for women. Even if yours takes the meds she will never be the same person. What you would end up with is a woman that always feeling unhappy, sad and more depress. Not much you can do with such a woman. You might want to fold the towel. She will blame you for everything, she will want to argue, fight you might hit you, scratch you. They have some sort of rage in her. Nothing you can do to change her. Trust me I've tried. My prior two were like that also. Worst that this women. I like and care for her, can't say love because she has got me to the point to bail out. Talking about it here on LS just makes it sound like it's my fault. I should know better. But she fun otherwise but you have to weigh in fun times or bad times. We me tend to fall for the wrong type of woman. I feel it's time to move on and start going out with another woman who doesn't exhibit the same traits. Some woman will appear normal then after 3 months you find out HOLY COW another ONE Yikes! I just have a Deja Vu moment.....
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Anxiety & depression are medical conditions. I'm glad to hear that she's under the care of doctor but concerned that she's listening to her father over her doctor about her medications. Meds for these conditions have to be taken pursuant to doctor's orders not on a whim The worst part of depression & anxiety is the isolation. Ironically the best treatments include activity & spending time with others but that is very hard to do when you are in the middle of it. These conditions do not get cured. They don't go away. The best case scenario is that the symptoms are managed. She will always be like this to some extent. Maybe if you are both lucky the peaks & valleys even out but if you don't want a lifetime of this rollercoaster, ending this now is the better option
coolheadal Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Anxiety & depression are medical conditions. I'm glad to hear that she's under the care of doctor but concerned that she's listening to her father over her doctor about her medications. Meds for these conditions have to be taken pursuant to doctor's orders not on a whim The worst part of depression & anxiety is the isolation. Ironically the best treatments include activity & spending time with others but that is very hard to do when you are in the middle of it. These conditions do not get cured. They don't go away. The best case scenario is that the symptoms are managed. She will always be like this to some extent. Maybe if you are both lucky the peaks & valleys even out but if you don't want a lifetime of this rollercoaster, ending this now is the better option He's in a toxic relationship, it won't get any better and now she's moved out like mine they want to stay with you but they can only come and go as they pleases. 1
FMW Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 There is nothing you can do for her unfortunately and if she's not willing to take her medication nothing will change. My advice - take care of yourself and end the relationship. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 She's not in a good place to be in a relationship at this time, OP. You can't be expected to just sit by while she manages her emotional swings (or doesn't manage them) and blames you for her problems. It's great that she is seeking medical help, but she is not responding well to it and has decided not to take her medication. That is not a good sign. And the cost to you and your well-being is seemingly increasing. I would wish her well, but I would bow out gracefully. 1
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I'll tell you what to do....get rid of her. She has to learn she is accountable and responsible to get treatment and to maintain it for life. Her problem is not your's to deal with. Since she is refusing the help, that's your cue to get the f out of there. 1
coolheadal Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Jim go find someone else, I know it's hard to me to say that but sometimes we can't be their doctor forever. You see your sad and unhappy if you marry her it will be 100% worst than now. Everyone said to run and get away from her but like you I am in the same boat. Well mine left she still comes back here when she wants too. Then when she wants too she also leaves. What a life I having now it sucks. I have another woman calling me up last night wanted me to go see her, she's new from my second job. Really gorgeous younger though within my limits. Still she has no bf so I don't have to worry about her she has her own my career job and everything. So no worries there. But you should look elsewhere too. Keep her has a friend but get her out of your house if can. The one that calls me up now talked me 5 hrs yesterday. Wow, trying to see if I can talk to her off the phone. Not easy for someone going to school and working so many hours. Well who knows what will happen next I should know LOL I can't deal with toxic woman I've had enough, never a good day always sad. Don't put up with her crap too long just does you in at end of the day. Really not suppose to be like this. The second woman has a lot in common with me. I've been asking her questions to a lot of things. At least she can cook also! LOL You need someone new too otherwise your going to go more crazy than you think!
guest569 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Whenever we have had disagreements she ignores me for days at a time. She also blames me for her depression and anxiety because of our arguments, even though she has suffered for years. She becomes angry and aggressive citing that it is out of frustration because I don't understand her. Hi Jim, sorry you're going through a rough time. She is going through a horrible time and I think your support and patience with her is the best way to deal with it. As for what you should do, and whether you can keep going like this - that is up to you. It is a complex situation. I don't think we can tell you what you should do, but it might help to talk it out. Medication is not a magic cure. People think that those suffering with depression just take the magic pills and get better or the symptoms get under control. In reality, there are many different medications and it takes a lot of trial, error, patience and heartache to find the right one, if possible. Some medications improve things, others can worsen things. Many medications will create other issues through side effects, which can lead to depression anyway - i.e. no sex drive, foggy head, distance, loss of all emotions, weight gain. What a life. Can you see why people refuse medication? Maybe upping the dosage will help, but maybe it won't make any difference. This is going to take time to sort. It's very difficult to help yourself when yourself is depressed and anxious. You don't get much of a say in matters. A lot of professionals are clueless about it too. It can be difficult to distinguish between depression or other life matters - i.e. arguments with partner. If I wasn't depressed, would I be upset by this argument with my partner? If I wasn't on the medication, would I be reacting this way? Hard to say whether it is her personality, depression, medication, or if her reactions are warranted and don't need an explanation. I doubt the aggression is warranted. Maybe explains the reasoning, but doesn't make it ok. I don't think she is deliberately being hurtful. She is pushing you away because she isn't coping, and isolation and dropping everything around you makes it seem less overwhelming. Maybe she doesn't want to burden you and make you sad when she's having a bad time. This is exactly how I felt and what I did, pushed away family, friends, broke off my relationship, took time off work, pulled out of the job interview. All the opposite things to what I should have been doing. But I took on too much and the result was being overwhelmed and wanting to fix that by escaping. You're right, you need to look out for your own health too before you get dragged down. Knowing it is not going to fix itself soon. Have things been consistently bad for the entire year? The arguments along with 'you don't understand me'.. How is the communication between you both? Have there been other issues?
coolheadal Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Lets face it toxic means toxic. Just don't have to live with a woman who can't treat herself right let alone you. I think the OP has told his story well. This is how my life is also too. Sometimes we men want things to go right but with the wrong women who display an act in this sort of behavior just nothing we can do in this situation. It will never get better, medicine is the a cure it just makes them more mellow. But really not going to be happy with her even with or without medicine does have some odd side effects. She will never be who you want her to be. That's the fact! Do not put yourself through so much pain and suffering.. Being sad is not healthy and your GF should make you happy as well as to make her happy. But you can't with her. I know from experience, I am seeing that every woman out there have some sort of issues you can't get away from those issues. Just something tragic happen to them. Rap, abuse, mental condition, bad jerks, not a loving family history. Just something we men just have to overcome as we are not 100% at times too. The world is not perfect but we can try to make a goal of it all. But if you can't then get out of that relationship that's toxic because if you don't then you become toxic in the end for the next woman in your life.
coolheadal Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Lets face it toxic means toxic. Just don't have to live with a woman who can't treat herself right let alone you. I think the OP has told his story well. This is how my life is also too. Sometimes we men want things to go right but with the wrong women who display an act in this sort of behavior just nothing we can do in this situation. It will never get better, medicine is alone is not a cure it just makes them more mellow. But really not going to be happy with her even with or without medicine does have some odd side effects. She will never be who you want her to be. That's the fact! Do not put yourself through so much pain and suffering.. Being sad is not healthy and your GF should make you happy as well as to make her happy. But you can't with her. I know from experience, I am seeing that every woman out there have some sort of issues you can't get away from those issues. Just something tragic happen to them. Rap, abuse, mental condition, bad jerks, not a loving family history. Just something we men just have to overcome as we are not 100% at times too. The world is not perfect but we can try to make a goal of it all. But if you can't then get out of that relationship that's toxic because if you don't then you become toxic in the end for the next woman in your life.
fromheart Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year. She is lovely and kind most of the time but suffers from depression and anxiety. She recently asked to move in with me and I let her but she has since said that she wants to move out again and kind of stay here now and then as she can't cope with everything. Whenever we have had disagreements she ignores me for days at a time. She also blames me for her depression and anxiety because of our arguments, even though she has suffered for years. She becomes angry and aggressive citing that it is out of frustration because I don't understand her. She went to the doctor and they gave her an increased dose of sertraline but she spoke to her dad and decided not to take the dose. I havent told her what to do about the medication. I am feeling increasingly sad that she seems to push me away. It is increasing in frequency and duration. I only want the best for her. Can I go on like this. It is taking its toll on my own mental health as I feel anxious about our relationship. Any help or advice is appreciated. Jim Having someone in your life that suffers from depression is hard enough, but what she's also starting to do is blame you for it. Thats abuse. Tel her that your her to help her, but she has to stop blaming you for her own problems. If she can't learn to take emotional responsibility and not inflict her problems on you, she has to go. Not what you want to hear I know but its not acceptable to take it on the other person, if she's having her own problems.
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