Author Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 You didn't say giving a blowjob. You said giving sex. And yes, it's calling having sex. Interested in, yes. Interest can have a different life length for each guy. With some it only lasts for a limited amount of time. Just like in your case. You know guys take you out on dates for you, right? Their not doing it for themselves or 'us'.
dream of me Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I think this is a case of a man being good looking but not having the personality the woman wants in a partner. Eg self centered, immature, not making her feel feminine etc.
Author Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Why did you ask the women here for advice if you apparently have us all figured out? Because women are more concerned with my moderating my language than actually answering me politely. Some gave me good answers which I'm grateful for.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Because women are more concerned with my moderating my language than actually answering me politely. Some gave me good answers which I'm grateful for. The reason for that is because the language ones uses is often a reflection of their thought process. The women here are trying to point out to you where your thought process (as indicated in your choice of wording) regarding this could be leading to your confusion about this situation. In any event, women can be attracted to a guy and sleep with him, like him well enough, but something happens or comes up and their interest fades. Just like men. We're not as different as you might think. 2
Author Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 The reason for that is because the language ones uses is often a reflection of their thought process. The women here are trying to point out to you where your thought process (as indicated in your choice of wording) regarding this could be leading to your confusion about this situation. In any event, women can be attracted to a guy and sleep with him, like him well enough, but something happens or comes up and their interest fades. Just like men. We're not as different as you might think. Okay fair point. I'm just honestly interested in knowing if a woman can honestly have sex without having emotions Is it possible? I'm not even referring to my situation now. Because if you're comparing men to women and saying women can do the same I would be very surprised.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Okay fair point. I'm just honestly interested in knowing if a woman can honestly have sex without having emotions Is it possible? I'm not even referring to my situation now. Because if you're comparing men to women and saying women can do the same I would be very surprised. Yes, of course. That's what we trying to convey to you. I've done so myself, and it appears I am not the only one in this thread who has. I am not sure why that would surprise you so much, but it suggests you don't understand women as well as you previously thought. It's good that we can thus enlighten you. 1
dream of me Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Okay fair point. I'm just honestly interested in knowing if a woman can honestly have sex without having emotions Is it possible? I'm not even referring to my situation now. Because if you're comparing men to women and saying women can do the same I would be very surprised. Feeling lonely is an emotion too. Or she may have felt pressured. Or if weed was involved it could be that too.
Author Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Feeling lonely is an emotion too. Or she may have felt pressured. Or if weed was involved it could be that too. I don't pressure people into anything. Yes, of course. That's what we trying to convey to you. I've done so myself, Alright..care to explain the scenario?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I don't pressure people into anything. Alright..care to explain the scenario? There isn't much to explain. It isn't limited to one specific scenario, either. An example would be a guy several years back who was a nice guy, attractive enough. We were intimate a few times but I had no romantic interest in him, in that I never wanted to date him, and vice versa. It was some no-strings fun. It ended when I met a man I did want to date. That's it. 1
Lorenza Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Because women are more concerned with my moderating my language than actually answering me politely. Some gave me good answers which I'm grateful for. I have answered you politely enough, telling that women aren't that very different from men and can have sex just for the sake of having it, not necessarily involving emotions. Most posters have been telling you the same thing. You have a hard time accepting it because you seem to have attached certain characteristics exclusively to men or women
Author Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 There isn't much to explain. It isn't limited to one specific scenario, either. An example would be a guy several years back who was a nice guy, attractive enough. We were intimate a few times but I had no romantic interest in him, in that I never wanted to date him, and vice versa. It was some no-strings fun. It ended when I met a man I did want to date. That's it. That's interesting because googling this topic tells me the total opposite..you can literally look up "casual sex for women" and every single article seems to suggest that women have a hard time doing casual sex. Are they lying? Or are you part of this 1% that can actually do it.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 (edited) That's interesting because googling this topic tells me the total opposite..you can literally look up "casual sex for women" and every single article seems to suggest that women have a hard time doing casual sex. Are they lying? Or are you part of this 1% that can actually do it. You cannot seriously believe you can rely on Google searches to teach you about women, OP. Put on your critical thinking cap here. It would be erroneous and simplistic to assume that some "articles" written by heaven-knows-who and under what specific circumstance and background accurately reflect human nature to the degree you are suggesting. Look, you can choose to listen to what the women here are actually telling you, or you can continue to refute it because it doesn't fit the narrow categories you have fixed in your mind about how we think and behave. Your choice. Edited August 12, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 3
guest569 Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 (edited) Why can't you believe us? I don't think anyone here is being rude. We are not being petty and changing your wording. It's the fact that you think women 'give it up' for a man and don't actually enjoy sex, but 'give it up' because they must, if they want to pursue something romantic. And that men 'give up' dates to women and don't get anything out of it. This is untrue also. Maybe it is true for you, that you despise having to go out and interact with a woman, but you do it purely for her sake so that you can make her 'give you sex'. Of course some women cannot have sex without being emotionally or romantically attached in some way. Same with some men!! Others are fine with it. I have had sex with a man because I wanted to. There is no way I wanted a romantic relationship with him, or to marry him. We both knew that. We were friends and nothing more. Doesn't mean we had lame, robotic sex. It was awesome. But no, we didn't plan to have a romantic relationship. So don't assume that if a woman 'gives you sex' that she is hooked. It sounds super casual to me, whether or not there was a conversation 'hey, this is just casual'. You never assume. You've gone into this and now you want more, but beacuse you assumes 'she gave me sex so she is probably falling for me and wants something more'. Now you are 'confused' that she is not interested in more. Edited August 12, 2018 by smiley1 1
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I believe women really only have three states of thinking when they meet a guy. 1) He's so hot and he's perfect, love at first sight, etc etc. 2) He's nice, maybe I would date him but I don't get super tingly feelings around him at this moment (this eventually develops into stronger feelings). 3) I don't like him. Your premise is flawed. You have to include # 4: I'd do him. Women have the same thoughts as men. Some people think that is inappropriate so women have been socialized to hide & lie about our baser instincts. Also come on. You know you only do sexual things for guys you're interested in. Stop pretending that you treat all guys the same. Of course human beings treat individuals differently. You seem to forget that a woman might be willing to do sexual things with you because she's interested in you sexually but not in any other way. Here she may have slept with you for "the green" as you say. In some way she may have felt she had to or while under the influence she may not have been strong enough to say no. Since you two often smoked together this may be a dub-con situation. You say you talked dirty to her on the phone at other times; do you know if she smoked before you talk to her? Do you know she was even listening rather than holding the phone away from her ear or muting you? Are you saying women are out in the world sleeping with guys they don't like? Sounds strange. It may seem strange to you but it's certainly true. Women have all sorts of motives for being with a guy & not all of them involve fairy tales & true love. I had a FWB before I met my husband. He was an OK guy, descent looking & funny but he is a raging alcoholic & dumb as a stump but in the bedroom he sure knew what he was doing. I didn't dislike him but I certainly didn't want to date him. I'm just honestly interested in knowing if a woman can honestly have sex without having emotions Is it possible? I'm not even referring to my situation now. Because if you're comparing men to women and saying women can do the same I would be very surprised. Of course it's possible. It's a bit trickier because for us sex is an invasive process but many women can successfully turn off their emotions & simply enjoy the carnal side of the physical act. Not everybody succumbs to the influence of those bonding hormones that are secreted during the act. You have very old - fashioned notions that demonstrate a fundamental lack of understanding about modern women. When you begin to see us as individuals with unique qualities & stop trying to pigeonhole us into neat little boxes you have designed for us, your whole world should open up. 4
losangelena Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 No one owes you politeness beyond what's required on these boards, especially not when you choose to keep mansplaining to a group of women about their own experiences. I too fall into that strange alien race of women who enjoy no-strings sex. In fact, four of the five men I've slept with this year are men with whom I wanted nothing more than physical things with. It's not that weird, however, you probably don't see a ton of articles written about this topic because still, in 2018, we are laboring under the notion that women who enjoy sex are loose, amoral, not-marriage material, and a lot of other names that I can't write here. Societally speaking, a woman isn't allowed to simply enjoy sex for the sake of sex, it can only be enjoyable within the confines of a relationship. There is large gap between reality and perception, and that's why relying on google to learn about women is dangerous. 5
OatsAndHall Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 That's interesting because googling this topic tells me the total opposite..you can literally look up "casual sex for women" and every single article seems to suggest that women have a hard time doing casual sex. Are they lying? Or are you part of this 1% that can actually do it. Everyone is different. Not all women need an emotional attachment to enjoy sex. Some women only need to feel a little romantic twinge and they'll go to bed with you. The articles you're reading are written by academics that make broad generalizations about a population and be careful about applying them to the real world. And, this is an ever-changing dynamic. I went out with a woman three times who made it clear she was looking for a long term relationship. No exceptions. We had two fantastic dates, slept together on the third one and then things went south. She sent me a message stating that she didn't think she could actually be in a romantic relationship at that point in her life but wanted a monogamous, physical relationship with me. The sex was good but that could've turned into a train-wreck so I declined. Sex is a hormone driven and more of a biological need than a want for men AND women.
BaileyB Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 That's interesting because googling this topic tells me the total opposite..you can literally look up "casual sex for women" and every single article seems to suggest that women have a hard time doing casual sex. Are they lying? Or are you part of this 1% that can actually do it. Of course, a woman can have casual sex without having feelings for a man. But here's a question for you - I'm wondering if a man is capable of listening to a group of women when they voice an opinion different from his own? Because, when I google "selective hearing" it seems to tell me that this is a common problem for many men... 2
preraph Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Just for sex. There was a cute guy who was fun in bed I slept with occasionally. He was far too disorganized and always getting in trouble for me to want to keep him. She may have someone she's super interested in that she's not actually seeing too, but that doesn't mean if he goes away, she'll change her mind about you. She's just wanting sex. Most guys do not complain about that, by the way. Sorry you're hurting a little from it. Take it as a compliment to your skills, though.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 As you can see through my replies over the last 3 pages I've accepted their answers but queried them further on some things. They said that I have some flaws in my thinking when it comes to modern women. I don't totally reject that. But they should be able to politely answer me instead of becoming worried about the type of language I use. They seem more concerned because I used the phrase "give it up" instead of "engaged with". Larry, forgive me, but I already explained to you why your choice of language does matter and could be problematic to your overall understanding of women. I'll re-post what I wrote earlier: The reason for that is because the language ones uses is often a reflection of their thought process. The women here are trying to point out to you where your thought process (as indicated in your choice of wording) regarding this could be leading to your confusion about this situation. I hope that clarifies for you.
Lorenza Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 A lot of men use the phrase "giving it up" when it comes to ladies having sex with guys. Give it up, bang, have sex, screw, do the horizontal polka, whatever you wanna call it, it's the same thing. There's nothing wrong with it. Nitpicking this phrase is a bit lame. This a fallacy, I think it's called argumentum ad populum. Just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it right. A lot of men grab women's butts and catcall, does that make it ok? The phrase is only an indication of the mentality that is behind it. Notice how the OP's mentality around women matches the very phrase he's using? It's not a coincidence. Language is a live element of our culture. A lot of racist, homophobic and sexist phrases are dying out, well at least in my part of the world, because people are opening their minds a little. However it's still a huge problem in many countries. The way people view women who enjoy sex and have multiple partners are changing very slowly. 2
Robert Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 Let's keep out the fighting/infighting on this thread please, there is no reason to argue about this topic. Thanks
stillafool Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 That's interesting because googling this topic tells me the total opposite..you can literally look up "casual sex for women" and every single article seems to suggest that women have a hard time doing casual sex. Are they lying? Or are you part of this 1% that can actually do it. Apparently that article hasn't talked to the majority of women. When my cousin's husband died she hired a male prostitute for sex. She said the best part about it was the sex was great and she didn't have to hear him talk. I had casual sex before I married and I certainly wasn't doing it because I wanted his love, just his sex and vice versa.
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