marky00 Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 (edited) I know u guys will say cease all contact. Once I get my stuff back n give back his I will. I just needed to say everything on my brain that he's always too chicken to hear. "U know what. I'm beyond pissed off with u. I'm ****ing hurt. I always accepted EVERYTHING about u. Because that's u. And now I look back at these 3 years and I think what a total idiot I was. U had a list of things u "weren't happy with" My weight was the first one, job dissatisfaction, no contact with parents, mums alzheimers and Shay. I put u on a pedestal. What a fool!"....ah well I needed to vent! Speaking your mind rarely achieves what you intended, in fact, usually the opposite. He will most likely say some stuff back that could be hurtful. I get why you want to but. It will actually sting and bother him more if you say nothing. Edited August 12, 2018 by marky00 2
Zahara Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I know u guys will say cease all contact. Once I get my stuff back n give back his I will. I just needed to say everything on my brain that he's always too chicken to hear. "U know what. I'm beyond pissed off with u. I'm ****ing hurt. I always accepted EVERYTHING about u. Because that's u. And now I look back at these 3 years and I think what a total idiot I was. U had a list of things u "weren't happy with" My weight was the first one, job dissatisfaction, no contact with parents, mums alzheimers and Shay. I put u on a pedestal. What a fool!"....ah well I needed to vent! As I mentioned, I knew there was much more to this story than just his issue with the dog. With someone like him, your words will fall on deaf ears. Just as he didn’t care then, he won’t care now. The only one that’s going to get aggravated is you. If you’re expecting some sort of self-awareness, it’s likely not happening. Mail his things back to him and shut the door. 3
basil67 Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 There's NOTHING to talk about! I hope you use this exact phrase with him. Whatever you do, do not engage or discuss what has gone down with him. Just put your hand up and turn your head the other way. "this is not for discussion" Tell him a time that he can collect his tools. If he can't lift, then he will need to bring a friend. And make sure you have a friend there with you when he comes. 1
JayHarris Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 My ex blamed my dogs on our breakup. I would never leave someone I love due to their dog and would learn to live with it. There is probably something more that isn't your fault and has more to do with him. You made the right decision.
preraph Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 The problem boils down to he has so little love in him that he thinks nothing of getting rid of something she dearly loves. BIG lack of empathy. That's always a problem.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 The problem boils down to he has so little love in him that he thinks nothing of getting rid of something she dearly loves. BIG lack of empathy. That's always a problem. He also just sounds very anal. My ex was like that about dog hair. Drove me crazy.
preraph Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 He also just sounds very anal. My ex was like that about dog hair. Drove me crazy. Oh, but he's actually jealous of the dog!
Author Melrose78 Posted August 13, 2018 Author Posted August 13, 2018 The jealousy of her is what gets me. I hate the hair factor myself n try to keep it to a minimum. But how he expresses his frustration n his jealousy of my dog is my deal breaker. I can compromise but there will never be a day where she won't be my family. She is my family. I lost contact with my Dad last year because Mum had early onset Alzheimers. How he's reacted to it all is to hold huge expectations over me (i had to make 100% of the effort, even before Mum was diagnosed. Probably from 17 years old n up) He closed the door on me. Because I've gone through a lot since 17 with my family and have found I've spent my life compromising for others, I think I've had enough. I know I need to try n contact Dad for the sake of Mum but that I'm working on. I guess I just need someone to be there for me for once. All I know is I gave my all. My ex has said I'm the most caring, loving person he has ever met and he doesn't know how he will be able to move on. But he did this. It hurts more than even my breakup with my ex husband because my ex n I fought ALL the time. He would verbally abuse me. I left sad but knew I made the right choice. My ex bf is different. To me I feel like he hurts me before I hurt him. Self preservation. Anyway. 1 step at a time. 1 second at a time. 1
Author Melrose78 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 Ok guys, help me understand this. I receive a message a a few days ago to say this "It’s only been Shay lately ticking me off, i accept you for who you are, all the things above I have no control over, yes I have brought up a few concerns with you but I have always been drawn to you, you are warm, heartfelt in every way, and I’m happier around you. I just would have liked the whole Shay situation to change a little, it just does my head in." The next day... "Don’t think that I’m sitting back, not feeling what’s going on, it isn’t in my blood to hurt anyone, let alone someone so close to me, I am finding this hard". I responded n said difference is when I love someone I try n work through things, I don't run. Yesterday he says " Adjusting without you in my life, I don’t know how I’m going to do that" Then today he's messaging me, asking if I'm ok. I tried to kindly say I've been through worse. I'm not his problem and life will go on. Why?? To keep the foor open, piss me off or just upset me ?!
Author Melrose78 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 Ok guys, help me understand this. I receive a message a a few days ago to say this "It’s only been Shay lately ticking me off, i accept you for who you are, all the things above I have no control over, yes I have brought up a few concerns with you but I have always been drawn to you, you are warm, heartfelt in every way, and I’m happier around you. I just would have liked the whole Shay situation to change a little, it just does my head in." The next day... "Don’t think that I’m sitting back, not feeling what’s going on, it isn’t in my blood to hurt anyone, let alone someone so close to me, I am finding this hard". I responded n said difference is when I love someone I try n work through things, I don't run. Yesterday he says " Adjusting without you in my life, I don’t know how I’m going to do that" Then today he's messaging me, asking if I'm ok. I tried to kindly say I've been through worse. I'm not his problem and life will go on. Why?? To keep the door open, piss me off or just upset me ?!
guest569 Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 But, but.. look at Shay.. How can she tick anyone off? From his messages, nothing has changed from his end. So what does he expect to get out of contacting you? I would say he just feels sad and lonely and confused. Pretty standard post-breakup stuff. Try to put it out of your mind and focus on you and Shay.
Author Melrose78 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 I'm trying. Her lil face helps when I'm home. At work, when I'm not busy, I think. I can't change what's happened and would never go back without a massive change. All I keep thinking is " you stupid idiot!" (Not me lol him!)
marky00 Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 might shake up his world a little when he realises she chose the dog over him.
Author Melrose78 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 No. I chose me. I chose fair compromising. I chose to hold onto self respect. And to not allow someone who I've accepted 110% including his 3 girls to continuously find reasons to find fault. To nit allow him to blow up at me and not talk like an adult anymore. I love this man but I've been through enough in life. I never treat those I love like that and at 40 have grown enough strength to stand up and say I deserve better!
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