Boyfriend fights about dog.

[Melrose78]

Hi guys. Just wanted to get some opinions on an ongoing issue I've had with my bf of 3 years.

I have a 4 year old dog who is an inside dog. She moults a lot, which drives me nut, and I'm constantly trying to control the hair factor. I vacuum and sweep all the time and try and groom her as much as possible.

Many times my bf has blown up at me because of the issues he has with my dog. 1. She loses hair and at times we get covered in it 2. She's an inside dog and feels she should be outside during the day (have no proper shelter for her to stay cool or dry) 3. He feels I shouldn't be so close to her and feels I love her more then him (I lost contact with family last year not out of total choice and also got her after my divorce 5 years ago so she is my family). 4. She loves human contact and he finds it annoying. (She's a Golden Retriever. They are people dogs)

When we first started dating she would sleep in my room. He told me he didn't like it so I compromised and put her in the laundry to sleep when he stays over.

He doesn't like her in the kitchen (neither dog I) so asked she be directed out when she comes in. I do most of the time but on rare occasions a I've not really paid attention, she's come in and sat down and he's gotten pissed off.

I feel like I'm constantly compromising but he's not in return.

He blows up about it every 3 months. Doesn't discuss issues between this. Just states I know how he feels and should respect that and try harder.

After helping care for him after he had his Appendix removed, from Saturday to Tuesday he again suddenly lost it at me. Complaining she has too much freedom, he's found hair in his food lately etc etc. Stating he spoke to his Mum and she said she understands. Wtf? I said. You don't talk to me about this. You blow up at me BUT you were able to talk to your Mum about it. Like any other issue, he has to talk to friends and family but not me?? Just let it fester then explode?

After 3 years I'm over it. Am I not compromising enough and should just put dog outside more etc or are his expectations too much and need to learn communication and compromise? Would love to hear from dog lovers and non dog lovers!

[Noproblem]

The dog who loves you unconditionally?

 

Or the heartless ungrateful man who yells and make a fit because of a helpless dog!

 

Why did you get a divorce anyway? wasn't it partly because you wanted a better man!

 

Well, this is clearly not a better man!

 

You should consider leaving him even if it hurts so much, but you are really really better off without such selfish heartless men!

 

Your dog is your family like you said, then you should defend her better and don't ever compromise because of a man.

 

Trust me, if you compromise on the dog issue, you will spend your life comprising to make a selfish heartless man happy and in the end, you lose yourself, you lose the things you hold dear to your heart, and finally, you lose your self-respect and he ends up leaving you anyway!

 

 

CHoose you!

 

Choose your dog!

 

Don't choose someone who is mean to you and to your dog!

 

The answer is simple!

 

 

I am sending hugs to your dog

[carefreegirl]

My husband had a dog when I met him. I chalked it up as a package deal. She was a crotchety B*tch but I accepted her because he loved that dog. In time I loved her as my own and she got along wonderfully with my boy.

 

It wasn't easy just because my dog is stellar. He rings a bell on the door knob to go outside, he never ate table scraps, never allowed on the couch etc. His dog on the other hand was a turd. It was difficult for me because he loved that dog so much and I thought, let her get away with so much. The only thing I didn't allow was her to sleep with us. She was allowed on the couch and had table scraps etc.

 

Ultimately we had to work them kinks out but I knew I had to deal with it because I knew this man was going to be my future hubby. She made him happy and I couldn't take that away from him.

 

 

I'm also an animal lover, so while it was difficult, I got it. I would not get rid of my dog for any person. I bought a house for him because the apartments wouldn't allow such a large dog. Lol.

 

 

I suggest taking your pup for walks together? Maybe have him holding the leash? But if he really cares and loves you....I feel he would deal with it because its a package deal.

 

 

Just my two cents!

 

Good Luck!

[Zahara]

Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling tyrant. And an immature one at that for telling you that you should not get close to your dog and for pouting because you love the dog more than him. I have to wonder if your relationship is also tarnished with his negative behavior. It's hard to imagine him being a nice guy outside of this issue.

 

And no, you should not put the dog outside where it lacks proper shelter as a compromise because you need to appease this guy.

 

I've had dogs all my life and no man is going to dictate as to how I love and care for my dog. If anything, my dog is going to take precedence over him. I understand that there are some compromises you may have to make but I would not tolerate a man blowing up at me in my own home, dog or not.

 

Poor doggie. Having to deal with this jerk.

[preraph]

I'm not going to read that sad mess. Look, if a person can't love a dog, the most loving loyal creature on earth, they can't love anybody. They are a souless human being.

 

Sister, do NOT trade your dog for any man. No. You run him off and keep your dog and your days will be joyfilled instead of annoying. That dog loves you unconditionally, and he doesn't even know what love is or he wouldn't be giving someone a hard time about them having a dog and getting jealous of the dog.

 

You SHOULD love the dog more than him. No one who wants you to give up something you love or treat it badly cares anything about you. Or probably even can care.

[MountainGirl111]

If I were you I'd throw the boyfriend in the doghouse.

[guest569]

I have always thought of pets and children as part of the package deal. If you don't like it then the writing is on the wall. If you don't like the way your partner raises the children or pets you can't really change it.

 

I've always had indoor/outdoor dogs. I love animals but I am also a neat freak. I know golden retrievers shed like no tomorrow.. I see his point. But you're doing all you can to keep the place clean. Some people let their cats sit on the bench, or dog sleep in the bed. I draw the line there. You live together permanently right? Does he do any cleaning? If he finds hair in his food, maybe he should give the bench a wipe.

 

It seems unfair that you are doing all that you can - aside from selling the dog, and he still holds it against you. He needs to figure out whether or not the dog is a dealbreaker.. not put it on you.

[hippychick3]

Keep the dog. Dump the boyfriend.

[BaileyB]

Listen to song by Carrie Underwood - The More Boys I Meet, the More I Love My Dog. It should be your anthem after you dump this guy...

[amaysngrace]

I have two goldens and hair comes with the territory. I'd have to find a different boyfriend if he didn't like my dogs.

 

How often are you having her groomed because bathing makes them shed even more?

 

He sounds mean talking behind your back to his mom. You don't need that drama.

[Melrose78]

@Noproblem I divorced my ex because I spent my whole marriage compromising. He had a son who at first I got along really well with. But because my ex never played Dad and only played his friend role we never saw eye to eye. It got to the point where my ex allowed his sons bestfriend move in, they would do drugs in the house etc. Not once at any time eg son not having friends over EVERY WEEKEND did I get heard and compromises made. The son started becoming quite nasty as well. Sad because when he was 10 he was a really good kid. By 17 his Dad n Mum had destroyed him.

He was quite verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive as well.

 

I will never give me lil girl away. I can comprmise on somethings but that will never happen!

 

I think I'm hurting more so because we connect. But I'm starting to realise he doesn't love me like he thinks he does. To put it simply he has 3 daughters. A 9 year old, 13 year old and 16 year old. I accept everything about them. Warts and all. Kinda don't understand how he can't seen an imbalance. As previously said, he's more selfish then I give him credit for.

[Noproblem]

@Noproblem I divorced my ex because I spent my whole marriage compromising. He had a son who at first I got along really well with. But because my ex never played Dad and only played his friend role we never saw eye to eye. It got to the point where my ex allowed his sons bestfriend move in, they would do drugs in the house etc. Not once at any time eg son not having friends over EVERY WEEKEND did I get heard and compromises made. The son started becoming quite nasty as well. Sad because when he was 10 he was a really good kid. By 17 his Dad n Mum had destroyed him.

He was quite verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive as well.

 

I will never give me lil girl away. I can comprmise on somethings but that will never happen!

 

I think I'm hurting more so because we connect. But I'm starting to realise he doesn't love me like he thinks he does. To put it simply he has 3 daughters. A 9 year old, 13 year old and 16 year old. I accept everything about them. Warts and all. Kinda don't understand how he can't seen an imbalance. As previously said, he's more selfish then I give him credit for.

 

I am sorry about your stepson and how he changed.

It's in the past now. What matters now is your happiness, you can't really struggle just because you have a dog, you are grown up, why would someone hurt you emotionally and make you feel uncomfortable because you have a dog and you love your dog. That's unfair.

[Melrose78]

I've moved past my relationship with my ex and stepson.

I knew I did the right thing.

 

I know my biggest fear is being alone. An issue I need to work through

[MountainGirl111]

I’d rather spend time with a good dog than a jerk!

[preraph]

I never feel like I'm alone with my dogs. Maybe you just need one more dog! You definitely don't need that guy. He doesn't care about your happiness, and that's what love is. He only cares about himself. He did ask you to give up something you dearly love. That's not someone who's on your side. That's the opposite of love.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would rather have no boyfriend at all than put up with this unreasonable and intolerant person.

 

Sorry, but I think you are going to find that this a deal-breaker, because he is turning it into one. He's now recruiting his mommy to take his side? Grow up, dude.

[Melrose78]

Yep it's a total deal breaker. I called it quits. Sadly via sms but he was too busy hiding from a sit down convo (as per usual ) so I ended it. I'm too old for drama all the time. Over a bloody dog

[d0nnivain]

You made the right choice.

 

As much as you fear being alone, getting rid of a bad relationship should give you strength, not make you feel weak.

 

Love me, love my dog. I took my Dalmatian on my 4th date with my now husband. If they hadn't gotten along, I would have ditched the new guy for the dog. Alas my dog ended up cutting his paw on a piece of broken glass somebody left on the hiking trail & my poor BF had to carry a 65 pound Dalmatian 2 miles back to my car. It's when I started to fall in love with him.

[marky00]

Bring the dog in and let your bf sleep outside.

 

I had a dog for 17 years, had mostly a white coat and hair was hard to deal with. But like you, I did the best I could. If that's not good enough for your bf, show him the door.

[preraph]

Yep it's a total deal breaker. I called it quits. Sadly via sms but he was too busy hiding from a sit down convo (as per usual ) so I ended it. I'm too old for drama all the time. Over a bloody dog

 

I'm proud of you. Stay strong in case he tries to lie and beg his way back in. I'm sorry. I know you're hurting now, but this is the right turn in life to take, the right choice to make, and it will be a happy life for you if you keep up these standards. Give your dog a big kiss for me. I just pulled a big wad of tufts of hair off my own. She's the best old girl anyone could ever want.

[preraph]

You made the right choice.

 

As much as you fear being alone, getting rid of a bad relationship should give you strength, not make you feel weak.

 

Love me, love my dog. I took my Dalmatian on my 4th date with my now husband. If they hadn't gotten along, I would have ditched the new guy for the dog. Alas my dog ended up cutting his paw on a piece of broken glass somebody left on the hiking trail & my poor BF had to carry a 65 pound Dalmatian 2 miles back to my car. It's when I started to fall in love with him.

 

Oh, that would do it for me. Sweet story.

 

Melrose needs to find a dog park after she's had a nice recuperative period and the find herself a good dog-loving man there if she still wants one.

[Melrose78]

I don't understand him at all. He told me he will always have the same issues with my dog. That was my que to say then he basically loves me, isn't in love with me and at least I can now move on from this knowing getting rid of my dog is what he wants. I know even that wouldn't change him. His list on what is wrong with me has been quite extensive to say the least. Hindsight is a pretty thing

 

But now he wants me to calm down before we talk. There's NOTHING to talk about! I'm trying to end this and give him his tools back etc (he had his appendix removed just over a week ago n can't lift heavy things) but he's dodging it. He doesn't need to see me. I don't want to see him. Why drag it out grrrrr. What's wrong with this (I so want to throw in some colourful words roght now) idiot?!!

[preraph]

Ship those tools to him. It will cost some, but then after that you can just block him and be done. Plus it will be a sure sign that you are done. All he has to do is scoot the box into his home or garage. He won't have to lift it.

[Melrose78]

I know u guys will say cease all contact. Once I get my stuff back n give back his I will. I just needed to say everything on my brain that he's always too chicken to hear.

"U know what. I'm beyond pissed off with u. I'm ****ing hurt. I always accepted EVERYTHING about u. Because that's u. And now I look back at these 3 years and I think what a total idiot I was.

U had a list of things u "weren't happy with"

My weight was the first one, job dissatisfaction, no contact with parents, mums alzheimers and Shay. I put u on a pedestal.

What a fool!"....ah well I needed to vent!

[guest569]

I know u guys will say cease all contact. Once I get my stuff back n give back his I will. I just needed to say everything on my brain that he's always too chicken to hear.

"U know what. I'm beyond pissed off with u. I'm ****ing hurt. I always accepted EVERYTHING about u. Because that's u. And now I look back at these 3 years and I think what a total idiot I was.

U had a list of things u "weren't happy with"

My weight was the first one, job dissatisfaction, no contact with parents, mums alzheimers and Shay. I put u on a pedestal.

What a fool!"....ah well I needed to vent!

 

My goodness!! I suspected there might be more to this than the dog. This aint just about the dog (although that is the major deal breaker for you both). The guy was demanding the world and giving nothing. I'm sorry

 

Is it possible to return his things while he is out, and gather yours? I think you're better off doing it while he is not there. The less said the better, although you want to speak your mind, he will likely speak his too. Aint got time for that.