Philosopher Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Last weekend I was on a date with a women from an Online dating site. We had a couple of drinks in a pub and afterwards went for a walk. Midway during the walk she had a five to ten minute conversation with a stranger walking a dog, she is quite into dogs, which I am not. When this occurred I took it as a sign of low interest as I saw it that if she was interested in me she would have kept the conversation very brief (less than a minute) and continued the conversation and walk with me. My question is, I am correct in thinking this was a bad sign. I have not since the date been in contact with her.
brigit87 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Last weekend I was on a date with a women from an Online dating site. We had a couple of drinks in a pub and afterwards went for a walk. Midway during the walk she had a five to ten minute conversation with a stranger walking a dog, she is quite into dogs, which I am not. When this occurred I took it as a sign of low interest as I saw it that if she was interested in me she would have kept the conversation very brief (less than a minute) and continued the conversation and walk with me. My question is, I am correct in thinking this was a bad sign. I have not since the date been in contact with her. yeah bad sign.
TheFinalWord Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Online dating is already a bad sign. But that aside... Did you at least act interested? Or did you just stand there and not talk? If anything, this could have been a sh*t test to see how you interact with people socially. If you liked her, I would have acted interested in the conversation and engaged the conversation with her. If you're not interested in her, then I would have done something like check my phone while she was talking to let her know I checked out and am bored to death
brigit87 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Online dating is already a bad sign. But that aside... Did you at least act interested? Or did you just stand there and not talk? If anything, this could have been a sh*t test to see how you interact with people socially. If you liked her, I would have acted interested in the conversation and engaged the conversation with her. If you're not interested in her, then I would have done something like check my phone while she was talking to let her know I checked out and am bored to death I don't think it was a test. If she had a brief conversation then that would be fine. But a 10 minute conversation says to me that she was just not that into her date and didn't care what he thought. I'm into dogs too and I wouldn't do that on a first date unless I wanted out of the date.
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 She just sounds social to me, which isn't bad. I think it's fine she talked to the person about the dogs. Now, the fact you're not into dogs is the gravemarker on this relationship, though! 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 I had this happen to me on a date at an art museum. The woman I was with got into a spontaneous conversation with another woman that went on ... and on ... without introducing me or bringing me into the conversations. I swear this went on for 20 minutes, and I knew the date was over for me. The funny thing is my date apparently didn't think anything was weird about her 20-minute talk with a stranger without bringing me in. Our social behaviors are more scripted than we sometimes realize ... like stopping for the dog ... I would say ...1 minute of interest by her is ok ... starting past 1 minute, she should bring you into the conversation ...ten minutes is way past the timeline. Someone who's really skilled and really into you ... would announce she has a dog thing ... make eye contact with you ... and find a way to bring you into that moment with her. She failed. Move on.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Bad sign. She was rude to you. Maybe not on purpose rude, but she didn't have a clue.
TheFinalWord Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I don't think it was a test. If she had a brief conversation then that would be fine. But a 10 minute conversation says to me that she was just not that into her date and didn't care what he thought. I'm into dogs too and I wouldn't do that on a first date unless I wanted out of the date. Unrelated, but most women don't know when they're sh*t testing. It's subconscious. I think there could be a lot of other explanations outside of her being disinterested. All of these signs don't really mean that much TBH. OP, if you are interested, ask her for another date. If she agrees and shows up, she still has interest. If she doesn't, she doesn't have interest. I stopped trying to read too many of these indirect signs because people do all sorts of odd things when they are nervous. But securing a second date pretty much tells you all you need to know.
JuneL Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Online dating is already a bad sign. But that aside... Did you at least act interested? Or did you just stand there and not talk? If anything, this could have been a sh*t test to see how you interact with people socially. If you liked her, I would have acted interested in the conversation and engaged the conversation with her. If you're not interested in her, then I would have done something like check my phone while she was talking to let her know I checked out and am bored to death It’s not impossible that was her $hit test, but I would think it’s to see how much he’s into dogs.
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Are you sure it was 5-10 minutes? Did you look at your watch? It probably just seemed longer because you were uncomfortable. I love dogs & I talk to people with dogs all the time. I have zero interest in the people. I just want the dog. It's not a bad sign, as in she was telegraphing lack of interest. It may be a point of unsurmountable incompatibility, as she will always do this.
Author Philosopher Posted August 11, 2018 Author Posted August 11, 2018 Thanks for all the replies. I do admit the conversation made me a bit uncomfortable. As I am not a dog person, from the replies it sounds like even it was not a sign of low interest per se, it definitely indicates there could have been a compatibility issue regardless.
Gretchen12 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I agree it's a compatibility issue. OP how do you feel about taking charge of the whole scenario? Some men actually won't stand for it and they'd simply say "I think we've taken up enough of the lady's time, we'd better run along now. Enjoy your walk. Goodbye." And break up the conversation without worrying about what the date thinks. That'd be a dominant move. You're mellow. I personally don't think it'd be rude for the man to speak up to take leave, but again that's compatibility.
kendahke Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 How was she during the date and after her conversation with the dog owner? That's what you need to gauge, not this. And it was probably more like a 1:30 conversation and not 5-10minutes--being pissy will make you exaggerate things for effect to strangers. This was just her being social. You chose to be the silent irate. Probably not compatible, so don't call her anymore.
FMW Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 If you felt dissed by her conversation with the dog owner then you have a right to feel that way. Maybe it was just a sign of incompatibility, maybe she was being rude to you, hard to say. If you want to give it another shot then go for it, if not, no reason to feel bad about it. Usually when I go against my initial gut reaction I end up regretting it. 1
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Dog people LOVE DOGS/live and breath dogs and to simply stop everything they are doing to pet a dog and talk to it's owner is what they do. It wasn't a bad thing that it happened, it was a good thing because you found out there was incompatibility. My advice: Maybe you need to have a different perspective here. Lets turn this around, if you were interested in her, you would have joined in their conversation, and be a part of her enthusiasm and enjoyed what she was enjoying. That's really getting to know someone and expanding yourself intellectually as a person. Be more involved, and positive. Better luck next time.
SunnyWeather Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 the only 'bad sign' i see here is you feeling miffed because she shifted her attention to something she found enjoyable, which could have included you, but your attitude or vibe during that moment was hostile. It could be her personality to be outgoing like that, I see this often with friendly people who stop to chat with dog owners or babies. sorry, op, but i get the feeling you just couldn't handle her not giving you 100% of her attention 100% of the time. it feels controlling. this incident could have been a window in a social exchange, which could've widened your relationship potential. live and let live 1
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