gyna89 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 while working on a summer production last year I became extremely close to my friend, we worked with each other a lot during a summer production and prior to that we went to a lot of productions at his new school together, he was a very smart man, handy, and mentally stimulating. Although he was all that and more, I felt that I had no part in his life, he was at a new school, experiencing new things, with new people, he always talked about who he liked with me, including my sister, he seemed out of touch, and I mostly cherished our close friendship, he was and is my best friend. The only time we came close to intimacy was one night on his porch, we kissed, I told him I did love him, and he invited me in. But due to previous thoughts and events, I declined, at the time I was currently talking to my now boyfriend and I knew if I went in, my life would change for good or worse. As time went on, my relationship grew with my current boyfriend and my best friend stayed my best friend. We still talk all the time, hang out with the same people, and so on.. That was basically a little history, but basically where I need help is, as time went on thoughts of those feelings never really left, when my boyfriend went out of town on the holidays I hung out with my best friend and had dinner, when I house sat down the street from him he came over and we talked on the porch, we talk to each other about many things, he is still my main go to other than my boyfriend, when I see him I still give him the biggest bear hug possible... and last time I hung out with just me and him, we had the best time but I contemplated on answering my phone when my boyfriend called, because I was having such a great time mentally, there are things I can say to him that I won't to anyone else. And our last production was hard, because I was around him almost everyday, and it reminded me of last summer.. but now he has a girlfriend, a month in, and i have been with my man for a year, im happy he some one else but i question: i wonder how our dynamic will change. am I selfish for harboring these feelings? what if i told him? why do i still feel this way at times. and dont mistaken my relationship with my current bad, our families get along, I love his parents, we just had a trip together, he's extremely good to me, and we have had lots of good times... some times i think my current boyfriend gives me fun, laughter, and enjoyment. while my bestfriend makes me curious on subjects through conversations and learning. just me rambling maybe, thoughts?
TheFinalWord Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 i wonder how our dynamic will change. am I selfish for harboring these feelings? what if i told him? why do i still feel this way at times. just me rambling maybe, thoughts? You will never be able to develop an intimate relationship with your boyfriend as long as you are hanging on to this unrequited love with your friend. To be frank, you are emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. An easy test is would you do what you are doing now, with your boyfriend present? Does he know you once kissed him and were invited to have sex with this guy in the past?
preraph Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 I'm halting at he told you he likes your sister. So be careful. What if you do get involved and then he hits on your sister and then you and your sister are crossways. We get different things from different people. Unless you feel a strong physical attraction with him, no reason not to just be friends. And if he has a thing for your sister -- nothing else.
guest569 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 (edited) some times i think my current boyfriend gives me fun, laughter, and enjoyment. while my bestfriend makes me curious on subjects through conversations and learning. Oh yes, it's all about intellectual conversation, it's purely educational and platonic so that makes it OK. How would you feel if you were in your boyfriend's shoes? Knowing full well what your feelings are towards your 'friend'. Do you not feel that this is inappropriate at all? I think you need to choose one over the other, and part ways with the other. Personally, I would ditch the best friend - since he had his chance and did not take it. Instead, he was pursuing other women such as your sister, and telling you about it (seems friend zone to me). You waited to kiss your friend and declare your love for him, while you were dating your now boyfriend. This just seems strange to me, because when your friend then invited you inside, you declined. You seem very confused and unsatisfied. What do you want?! I also find it hard to believe that everything is hunky dory in your current relationship. It is quite evident in the way you have written what happened when your boyfriend was away. BFF is your backup boyfriend. Edited August 11, 2018 by smiley1 1
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Honey, this guy was never your friend. He has always been a guy you like but you settled for no romance, pined after him & accepted his breadcrumbs all while you had a BF. Especially if he knew you had a BF, that would be why he didn't make a move past that one kiss on the porch. If you were married, I'd tell you that you are having an emotional affair with this guy. He has finally put a stop to whatever game you have been playing by finding himself a proper GF who is dating him, not teasing him while she has a BF. Of course your relationship with him will change. He's no longer going to dance on the end of your string. I am not saying that you did any of the above intentionally to be manipulative. You are young & learning the power of your own sexuality. So far you have mis-used it. If you care about your BF, focus your energy on him. Let go of the other guy. If you want things to happen with the other guy, break up with your BF & be patient. Do not interfere in the other boy's new relationship. When he is free again then you can express interest in dating. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 You really need to start putting some distance between you and this best friend. You are obviously into him. However, I don't think he feels the same way about you. He liked your sister, told you as much, and still invited you into his house? Yick. If you respect your current relationship and want to continue dating your boyfriend, you are going to need to take a wide berth from your crush. Because let's face it, you're about to play with some fire here.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Just be brutally hones about your feelings about best friend and your feelings about bf. Start there ... be brutally honest with yourself. And no, there is nothing wrong with developing feelings for bf ... But you want to be honest with yourself. And then you can get to strategy: do you want to share your feelings with best friend?
kendahke Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Do not tell him anything. It will look petty that you waited until he got a girlfriend to tell him how you feel. Doing that would be so unfair to her, who doesn't deserve you meddling in her relationship, which telling him this would be because 1. you've got a boyfriend you're not letting go of and 2. it will lob a spanner into their works. Don't be selfish--keep this to yourself unless you are done and done with your current relationship and he is free and clear to enter into something new.
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 Honey, this guy was never your friend. He has always been a guy you like but you settled for no romance, pined after him & accepted his breadcrumbs all while you had a BF. Especially if he knew you had a BF, that would be why he didn't make a move past that one kiss on the porch. If you were married, I'd tell you that you are having an emotional affair with this guy. He has finally put a stop to whatever game you have been playing by finding himself a proper GF who is dating him, not teasing him while she has a BF. Of course your relationship with him will change. He's no longer going to dance on the end of your string. I am not saying that you did any of the above intentionally to be manipulative. You are young & learning the power of your own sexuality. So far you have mis-used it. If you care about your BF, focus your energy on him. Let go of the other guy. If you want things to happen with the other guy, break up with your BF & be patient. Do not interfere in the other boy's new relationship. When he is free again then you can express interest in dating. This 100%^^^^ We are saying this, he waited long enough to know that it's never going to happen. You only ponder of "what could have been" because you will be losing him and any opportunity...well you had many opportunities.....stop kidding yourself, you were never interested in him romantically...it stopped at being emotionally attached and couldn't advance any further than that. Emotional attachment is addictive like a drug...it makes you be in denial, you avoid things to stop you from getting it or reach for it when there's opportunity, like when the BF is away. You are doing something you shouldn't be dong. And d0nnivain is right, it is an emotional affair and it's not fair to this guy, to his new GF or your BF. You are being short sighted, and selfish, that it only affects you, but it affects others around you as well. You have some growing up to do. Let him go, it's over. Time to move on, and focus on your own relationship....
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