Angelina1433 Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 My BF of 5 years and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. Since then, I've literally had to grab my hand in an attempt to stop it from dialing his number. Well today, I gave in. I called him and got his voicemail. Luckily, I was strong (and sober) enough to NOT leave a message. It just sucks because I still LOVE him immensly. We just had so many problems (including the fact that neither one of us wanted to get married) that we decided to go our separate ways. Why waste our time, we asked ourselves. Forget the fact that we fought like crazy over stupid stuff. And we sort of "grew apart". Sorry for that cliche. Anyway, if he calls back, what do I do? Ignore his call? Tell him that I just gave in to my feelings? I have a feeling he won't call back, however. I really just wanted to hear his voice, and to know that he's OK. I really miss him - especially after a couple of glasses of wine Seriously, we used to talk EVERY day. It's been 3 weeks, and I'm losing my mind. How do you get over someone with whom you've practically been married to??????
JS17 Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Do everything in your power to not call him. When you feel the urge to call him pick up the phone and call a friend. When you feel the urge to email him, write out everything you want to say and email it to yourself. You need time away to get over him. It's going to be really hard but you can do it What happened to that other guy you were interested in a few weeks ago?
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 4, 2005 Author Posted September 4, 2005 Hi JS17 (BTW, I LOVE your avatar) - Good memory! As far as the guy from a few weeks ago goes, we still talk on a weekly basis, but we're still "friends" (with benefits). It's really weird, since we've been friends for at least 10 years, and now we're kissing and such... I don't think that either one of us are ready for another relationship, because we've talked about it a couple of times and he and I just got out of long, arduous relationships. But dang, I love hanging out with him and everything else. We both know that what we're doing is as far as it's going to go. If you know what I mean. However, he's not as fabulous as my ex BF. But I have to remember why we broke up, and stop thinking about the good times. Whenever I get lonely, I become weak. How long does it take? I'm at my wits' end...
JS17 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Darlin, I'm the wrong person to ask. I still haven't gotten over the pain of a 6 month relationship that ended 9 months ago. I do know this, you're not going to be over a 5 year relationship in 3 weeks. It's going to take time Just take it day by day and start enjoying your life for you.
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 I know, I know - it takes time. But jeez o' pete's, it's hard. Best of luck with your NC.
Fallen_Angel Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Breaking NC isn't pathetic...trust me, we ALL do it! The trick is overcoming the urge. JS is right; you have to keep yourself occupied so that when you do pick up the phone or start typing that e-mail, you're not handing over your dignity at the same time. I too am severely missing the companionship I had with my ex, but I have to remind myself I'm apparently pining for a guy who no longer exists. The guy I love(d) would NEVER hurt me this badly. As fabulous and heartwarming and sweet as all of the good times were, and as much as you shouldn't let the end of the relationship define the relationship as a whole, the fact of the matter is it's over. I used to talk to my ex everyday as well, so it's taking me a lot of time to let go of the habit. What I tried to do was focus on some of the other everyday aspects of my life, such as work. I figure if I throw most of my energy into my job, at least I'll have something to show for it, right? In addition I'm trying to add some rituals or whatever - things to look forward to during the week. I'm trying to iron out a gym schedule (if you don't belong to a gym, join one! Or at the very least take a walk sometime!), I have a few TV shows that will be starting up again shortly (The OC! Woo hoo!) as well as football, I meet one of my close friends at a bar once a week, etc. You need something structured in your life that doesn't involve your ex. I think the worst part of all of this is that time is the only thing that will make you heal, and due to your pain time will now pass incredibly slowly. But again, JS is right...you have to take everything one day at a time.
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