I screwed up with a girl and have problems moving on.

[DK092]

Hey guys,

 

so 1 1/2 weeks ago i started dating this awesome girl i met on a online dating app. From the beginning we both stated our intentions to have a long lasting relationship. To clear things up, i didn't have a serious relationship since 10 years now, only one night stands and short romances for a week or so and started this whole online dating thing this year and have only been on 3 dates so far so i am still a bit inexperienced when it comes to online dating.

 

Our first date went really good. She did most of the talking and the whole date went 4 1/2 hours, which felt to both of us like only 2 hours or so.

 

 

However, at one point during the date she brought up her ex boyfriend and from there i became a bit sceptical (he cheated on her and they broke up 3 months ago and she also told me that she was disappointed that he didn't really fight to get her back).

 

She even asked me out for a second date and i accepted of course but didn't make up a set day and time when it should take place.

We ended with a hug and when she got home she texted me saying she had a great time.

 

The next days i kept getting good morning messages from her and think she really was into me. We were texting for a few days and at one point we had a light-hearted sexual convo with teasing each other which quickly switched to the topic of relationships.

 

However, because i was thinking and worrying too much i never clearly told her that im also into her, just giving her obvious signs every now and then and not really grabbing the numerous opportunities she gave me.

 

The day after she slowly flaked on me and i assume she met someone else and lost interest in me.

I then finally asked her out again and we met shortly after to watch a movie at the cinema.

 

I was wishy washy about making up a time and place because i didn't plan this beforehand.

 

While watching the movie i was laying my arm around her and she was leaning towards me.

 

After the movie ended and left the cinema we were holding hands, taking a walk and were laughing/talking. She then suddenly pulled her hand away and started texting for the rest of the date. At one point she was even flirting with another guy while standing right next to me but i managed to stay cool and just brush it off as if nothing happened.

Then i started making her compliments which she liked but then panicked a bit and asked her if i can kiss her (i know this is a surefire way to not get the kiss).

 

She rejected it and told me it's all moving too fast for her and that it's not me. I then escorted her back to the train station and when we arrived there i told her good bye and that she can contact me once she made up her mind.

2 days later i got no response from her and decided to apologize for being too pushy and having taken it all too slow followed up by saying that i will give her the time she needs and that i would be happy if we can take another shot and see each other again.

Now she has blocked me and i have trouble letting it go because i regret my choices and keep thinking about what could have been if i did this or that sooner...

Edited August 10, 2018 by DK092

[coolheadal]

Hey guys,

 

so 1 1/2 weeks ago i started dating this awesome girl i met on a online dating app. From the beginning we both stated our intentions to have a long lasting relationship. To clear things up, i didn't have a serious relationship since 10 years now, only one night stands and short romances for a week or so and started this whole online dating thing this year and have only been on 3 dates so far so i am still a bit inexperienced when it comes to online dating.

 

Our first date went really good. She did most of the talking and the whole date went 4 1/2 hours, which felt to both of us like only 2 hours or so.

 

 

However, at one point during the date she brought up her ex boyfriend and from there i became a bit sceptical (he cheated on her and they broke up 3 months ago and she also told me that she was disappointed that he didn't really fight to get her back).

 

She even asked me out for a second date and i accepted of course but didn't make up a set day and time when it should take place.

We ended with a hug and when she got home she texted me saying she had a great time.

 

The next days i kept getting good morning messages from her and think she really was into me. We were texting for a few days and at one point we had a light-hearted sexual convo with teasing each other which quickly switched to the topic of relationships.

 

However, because i was thinking and worrying too much i never clearly told her that im also into her, just giving her obvious signs every now and then and not really grabbing the numerous opportunities she gave me.

 

The day after she slowly flaked on me and i assume she met someone else and lost interest in me.

I then finally asked her out again and we met shortly after to watch a movie at the cinema.

 

I was wishy washy about making up a time and place because i didn't plan this beforehand.

 

While watching the movie i was laying my arm around her and she was leaning towards me.

 

After the movie ended and left the cinema we were holding hands, taking a walk and were laughing/talking. She then suddenly pulled her hand away and started texting for the rest of the date. At one point she was even flirting with another guy while standing right next to me but i managed to stay cool and just brush it off as if nothing happened.

Then i started making her compliments which she liked but then panicked a bit and asked her if i can kiss her (i know this is a surefire way to not get the kiss).

 

She rejected it and told me it's all moving too fast for her and that it's not me. I then escorted her back to the train station and when we arrived there i told her good bye and that she can contact me once she made up her mind.

2 days later i got no response from her and decided to apologize for being too pushy and having taken it all too slow followed up by saying that i will give her the time she needs and that i would be happy if we can take another shot and see each other again.

Now she has blocked me and i have trouble letting it go because i regret my choices and keep thinking about what could have been if i did this or that sooner...

 

Listen this happen to me as well, you need to pull it together and forget her. She still in contact with the ex-bf. When she was on the cell texting you should have told her your going and when your done texting give me a call or text. Because that would have show her you wasn't having it. But wouldn't have matter anyway she used you until she was ready to get back with her ex-bf. Remember when they said they broke up 3 times always go back well that's what she did now gone back. Never allow them to tell you to slow down or give her time. That just means she doesn't have the guts to tell you she's not interested in you anymore. The guy she interested is who she was texting and your done. Move on and next time listen more to what they say to you when it comes to their ex-bf because this one did tell you what was going on. You need to be more confident and aggressive, you let her call the shots.

[Gaeta]

However, at one point during the date she brought up her ex boyfriend and from there i became a bit sceptical (he cheated on her and they broke up 3 months ago and she also told me that she was disappointed that he didn't really fight to get her back).

Right there on the first date she spelled it out for you. She is freshly out of a relationship and isn't done emotionally with him --> her wishing he had fought for her.

If you are inexperienced with dating from here remember to not go on dates with women just out of relationships.

 

She even asked me out for a second date and i accepted of course but didn't make up a set day and time when it should take place.

We ended with a hug and when she got home she texted me saying she had a great time.

 

The next days i kept getting good morning messages from her and think she really was into me. We were texting for a few days and at one point we had a light-hearted sexual convo with teasing each other which quickly switched to the topic of relationships.

 

However, because i was thinking and worrying too much i never clearly told her that im also into her, just giving her obvious signs every now and then and not really grabbing the numerous opportunities she gave me.

 

The day after she slowly flaked on me and i assume she met someone else and lost interest in me.

I then finally asked her out again and we met shortly after to watch a movie at the cinema.

 

I was wishy washy about making up a time and place because i didn't plan this beforehand.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. She wasn't in a state of mind to date a new man, remember she is still hoping for her ex to fight to get her back. Even if you had done everything perfectly by the book she still would have flaked you.

 

While watching the movie i was laying my arm around her and she was leaning towards me.

 

After the movie ended and left the cinema we were holding hands, taking a walk and were laughing/talking. She then suddenly pulled her hand away and started texting for the rest of the date. At one point she was even flirting with another guy while standing right next to me but i managed to stay cool and just brush it off as if nothing happened.

Do you start seeing the big picture here? Do you really think she acted that way because you did 'something wrong'? That's how people behave when they're not ready to date seriously, they're ambivalane, one moment they hold your hand and the second moment they're gone. It was probably her ex texting her.

 

She rejected it and told me it's all moving too fast for her and that it's not me. I then escorted her back to the train station and when we arrived there i told her good bye and that she can contact me once she made up her mind.

Typical statement from people that are not into you - or are not ready to date.

 

Again, you did nothing wrong, this has nothing to do with you. You ended up on a date with a woman lying to herself about being ready to date. She shown all the typical symptoms of someone looking for a band-aid while waiting for an ex to come back.

 

You need to toughen up a bit, if you keep online dating you will have many 1-2 dates that go nowhere. You can't feel defeated and responsible each time. This woman is a stranger you've lost nothing.

 

 

 

 

.

[Lotsgoingon]

Right there on the first date she spelled it out for you. She is freshly out of a relationship and isn't done emotionally with him --> her wishing he had fought for her.

If you are inexperienced with dating from here remember to not go on dates with women just out of relationships.

 

You did absolutely nothing wrong. She wasn't in a state of mind to date a new man, remember she is still hoping for her ex to fight to get her back. Even if you had done everything perfectly by the book she still would have flaked you.

 

Do you start seeing the big picture here? Do you really think she acted that way because you did 'something wrong'? That's how people behave when they're not ready to date seriously, they're ambivalane, one moment they hold your hand and the second moment they're gone. It was probably her ex texting her.

 

Typical statement from people that are not into you - or are not ready to date.

 

Again, you did nothing wrong, this has nothing to do with you. You ended up on a date with a woman lying to herself about being ready to date. She shown all the typical symptoms of someone looking for a band-aid while waiting for an ex to come back.

 

You need to toughen up a bit, if you keep online dating you will have many 1-2 dates that go nowhere. You can't feel defeated and responsible each time. This woman is a stranger you've lost nothing.

 

Gaeta nails this 100 percent.

 

You didn't do anything wrong in your approach with her.

 

What you did wrong was your approach to yourself. She showed you multiple times she was not available and was unreliable.

 

Dude, you're leaving the movie and a date pulls out a phone to text other guys ... assuming you really knew that ... date ends right there. You say goodbye and you do NOT walk her to the train station. You tell her to call whoever she's texting and have that person walk.

 

Basically you participated in your own humiliation ....

 

I notice you felt ambivalent ... trust that! ... That hesitation is a sign to not get hopes up ... and that something in you is picking up a problem. You seem to think your mistake was in not overriding your ambivalence and hesitation.

 

Not, that was not a mistake. The mistake was not following and paying attention to your own hesitation and ambivalence. She showed some interest early on ... but told you right away about bf and anger that he didn't fight for her (translation: I want him to call me and apologize and come after me again).

 

Let go and move on ... work on your boundaries, dude! ... Learn how to accept that someone isn't treating you right. That's not a failure.

 

Ruling someone out as a dating prospect after spending time with them and seeing problems ... is as much a success as pursuing the relationship with someone you like.

[ChatroomHero]

I can summarize your post like this:

 

 

Had a good date with a girl that then displayed disrespect to you on future dates. Indicated she was hung up at least a little on her ex that cheated on her. She flirted with a guy in front of you and thought so little of you she spent a date on her phone likely chatting with her ex.

 

 

Then you apologized.

 

 

You're not dating on your own terms. Until you are ready to date on your own terms and not accept bad behavior and crumbs, you're probably not ready to date.

[Doost]

Just move on by daring one of those manic pixie dream girl types

[brokengirl85]

Sorry but you did all wrong. I’d block you because you sound creepy.

First, you let her pase the relationship. Are you always this passive?

Second, you never show interest on her.

Third, you ask for a kiss??

Fourth you apologize profusely for asking her a kiss??

 

Overal, horrible. Understandable she run away as you sound creepy and inexperienced. Sorry

[DK092]

Þ

Sorry but you did all wrong. I’d block you because you sound creepy.

First, you let her pase the relationship. Are you always this passive?

Second, you never show interest on her.

Third, you ask for a kiss??

Fourth you apologize profusely for asking her a kiss??

 

Overal, horrible. Understandable she run away as you sound creepy and inexperienced. Sorry ��

 

I know it was stupid to ask her for a kiss but in that Moment i was in panic and tried to Safe the situation. And i didnt just apologized for the kiss, just for being intrusive having moved so slow and being passive.

Also I wouldnt describe what we had as a relationship since we barely knew each other and i prefer to get to know the Person i enter a relationship with better first to See if I can trust them rather than having sex on the first date and jumping Straight into a relationship blindly and risking being used as a replacement or a rebound.

And tell me why a guy that in the end just wants long lasting commitment and doesnt trust someone new immediately is creepier than a girl that Carries over emotional issues into a relationship with a guy she just met and probably just wants to use as a Band aid instead of trying to get over her ex on her own.

I was just trying not to get disappointed again. Which was wrong of course.

Edited August 11, 2018 by DK092

[smackie9]

You didn't see it but I did...She told you: she was disappointed that he didn't really fight to get her back. Do any bells go off here?

 

 

 

She started texting, and flirted with a guy, but you kept your cool. Dude she was testing to see if you would fight for her and you didn't, you just stood there like a stump which didn't make her too happy.

 

 

 

IMO she's nuts, and you didn't do anything wrong. This behavior of hers was rude anyways. You dodged a bullet.

Edited August 11, 2018 by smackie9

[DK092]

You didn't see it but I did...She told you: she was disappointed that he didn't really fight to get her back. Do any bells go off here?

 

 

 

She started texting, and flirted with a guy, but you kept your cool. Dude she was testing to see if you would fight for her and you didn't, you just stood there like a stump which didn't make her too happy.

 

 

 

IMO she's nuts, and you didn't do anything wrong. This behavior of hers was rude anyways. You dodged a bullet.

 

 

Well, i was aware from the start that she might test me. Also i generally never react if a girl tries to make me jealous and intentionally ignore it because so many people confuse jealousy with a sign of interest/love but in reality it's just a sign of a scarcity mindset.

[Imajerk17]

Þ

 

I know it was stupid to ask her for a kiss but in that Moment i was in panic and tried to Safe the situation. And i didnt just apologized for the kiss, just for being intrusive having moved so slow and being passive.

Also I wouldnt describe what we had as a relationship since we barely knew each other and i prefer to get to know the Person i enter a relationship with better first to See if I can trust them rather than having sex on the first date and jumping Straight into a relationship blindly and risking being used as a replacement or a rebound.

And tell me why a guy that in the end just wants long lasting commitment and doesnt trust someone new immediately is creepier than a girl that Carries over emotional issues into a relationship with a guy she just met and probably just wants to use as a Band aid instead of trying to get over her ex on her own.

I was just trying not to get disappointed again. Which was wrong of course.

 

 

I think you are beating yourself up too much....for nothing actually.

 

 

Earlier in the date she was the one who yanked her hand away from yours, and started texting. That is a huge sign that she isn't ready to date, probably not over her ex whom she wishes fought for her. In any even, extremely rude behaviour.

 

 

 

So I agree with almost all of the other responses that say that it was her.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude you're missing the point.

 

I think you have cluttered your mind with too many rules of how a guy is supposed to behave.

 

Women talks about ex ... only women connected to an ex do that! ... Women who are past the ex or want to quickly get past the ex ... will not bring up ex on a date ... except perhaps to quickly note that they had some bad experiences.

 

That's no test. Or rather, that's only a test of your good sense and confidence.

 

Think ... if I am going to bring up an ex on a date, then that ex has to REALLY be on my mind. Because I know in meeting someone, talking about an ex is the last thing they want to hear. Later on ... if you start to get serious, sure people will talk about past relationships ... but in a natural and relaxed way.

 

So ... you stayed stoic when she told you about an ex. You could have grimaced if you wanted to ... or screamed ... or said, "look let's be friends. Sounds like you're still connected with him."

 

In any case, that's a red flag, a loud warning sign ... You know how at a train crossing there are these bells and whistles that sound ... lights go off ... and then the posts blocking the train tracks come down ... to warn you about an oncoming train?

 

By ignoring her mention of an ex, you did the equivalent of ignoring an coming train.

 

First step in dating: find out if person is available. Before we even figure out if we like them. If they are not emotionally available ... move on ...

[Rocker71]

Listen this happen to me as well, you need to pull it together and forget her. She still in contact with the ex-bf. When she was on the cell texting you should have told her your going and when your done texting give me a call or text. Because that would have show her you wasn't having it. But wouldn't have matter anyway she used you until she was ready to get back with her ex-bf. Remember when they said they broke up 3 times always go back well that's what she did now gone back. Never allow them to tell you to slow down or give her time. That just means she doesn't have the guts to tell you she's not interested in you anymore. The guy she interested is who she was texting and your done. Move on and next time listen more to what they say to you when it comes to their ex-bf because this one did tell you what was going on. You need to be more confident and aggressive, you let her call the shots.

 

I agree. Texting someone else, while on a date with you, whoever it is is a big disrespect towards you. You allowed her to do it and now I guarantee she thinks less of you now.

The fact that you didn't let her know her texting someone else for the rest of the date bothered you says you don't get many dates and you have low self respect too.

I wouldn't bother with her anymore. Take this as a lesson and try to move on. She is low quality for a relationship. Meet more women and watch for these little things. Forget about her. You're better off. Trust me on this one.

 

And for christ sakes STOP APOLOGIZING TO WOMEN! It looks weak & feminine to them.

Edited August 13, 2018 by Rocker71