Lessonsinlove Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 I broke up with my girlfriend of three years last November. She actually ended it with me. She suffers with depression and anxiety which is one of the reasons (I stupidly) agreed to remain "friends" I didn't want to stay friends because it was too hard on me. Every time I've tried to leave she would guilt trip me into staying in contact with her. Two months after we broke up she started dating her "best mate" which hit me hard. Even saying if the tables were turned she wouldn't like it (no sh*t) Since they've been together she's confessed that she still loves me and it's tearing her apart. Regularly saying she misses me a lot and that her new boyfriend doesn't love her and never will like I did. I stopped talking to her a while back but she came back saying she was so upset that "I'm done" with her and I'm ignoring her. I'm even starting to feel a bit sorry for the bloke she's seeing now. If the breakup was messy I'd show him what she's been saying to me. For whatever reason she just won't let go of me. I said once that her heart would always look for me, and she repeated that the other night. But I don't want that anymore. I just want to move on. She's confusing the hell out of me if I'm honest. Bearing in mind her mental condition, how can I get her to let go of me? I do worry about her, but this shouldn't be my problem anymore. Is it a case of blocking all contact and sending a quick message to someone she knows saying to keep an eye on her? I've probably been too good to her and maybe that was my downfall. Any advice is appreciated
Zahara Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 How to get her to let you go? You don’t — YOU let her go. The problem here is that you keep choosing to be accessible to her. She keeps you in the background as a fallback guy and she knows you’re a doormat who will keep sitting on the sidelines feeding her the attention she needs. Block and move on. She can take care of herself. She has a boyfriend, family and friends. You’re not her guardian. She doesn’t seem to care how this tears you up so start focusing on your own wellbeing and remove yourself from this unhealthy situation. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 You just walk away & stop talking to her in person or through social media, including your phone. Delete her contact info & be done with her. Her best mate can glue her back together if she's distraught. It's not your problem or your responsibility. You are allowing her to manipulate you at this point. Just stop.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 (edited) I agree with the other responses here. Remember women can be very manipulative and play the "victim" card to get a response out of you and keep you attached in some way. It's sick, but it's what they tend to do to keep someone in their life somehow. She likely knows you're a caring person and not a cold hearted cad so she playing into that as well. What's going on here is like being in co-dependency...you feel obligated to help her somehow and she full well knows that...so she's playing it. If you need out completely for your own well being you are going to have to be the one to stop contact and stop feeling that sense of obligation; motivated partly by guilt...she a grown woman who is in another relationship now and she is going to have to figure things out for herself...that would actually be BETTER for her own well being is to stand on her own two feet more than depending on others for her well being. If you want her to let go, you need to let go yourself. She's doing her best to keep you attached somehow....playing on your guilt. That is a sick basis for any relationship. Edited August 10, 2018 by MountainGirl111
kendahke Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 The reason why she keeps coming back is because YOU are leaving the door unlocked and wide open. Let her deal with her mental issues with her therapist, which she probably needs more than a boyfriend.
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Block her and cut her off. That is the best for both of you.
Author Lessonsinlove Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 Thanks for the responses everyone. I've blocked her now without saying anything. I've had enough now anyway of her. It was a bizarre relationship to be perfectly honest. One that I've learned a great deal from. 1
MountainGirl111 Posted August 11, 2018 Posted August 11, 2018 She broke up with you.....but begged you to stay in her life....likely to be able to use you....She needs to get her act together....You don't owe her anything....no explanation, nothing. Good job on blocking her! 1
Author Lessonsinlove Posted August 16, 2018 Author Posted August 16, 2018 Woke up this morning to a new snapchat from her new account... Is she really that unhappy in her relationship?
Zahara Posted August 16, 2018 Posted August 16, 2018 Woke up this morning to a new snapchat from her new account... Is she really that unhappy in her relationship? She's just attention seeking. You've been her backup plan and now you are gone so she is trying to tug on the leash. Block her on the new account. 1
Ralph79 Posted August 16, 2018 Posted August 16, 2018 Woke up this morning to a new snapchat from her new account... Is she really that unhappy in her relationship? Just remember, as long as this Ex keeps her unwanted presence lingering, you can kiss any other potential suitors goodbye. NOBODY will want to seriously date you, if they start constantly running into messages, pictures and run ins with your Ex . Keep that in mind the next time she gets in contact with you. 1
MountainGirl111 Posted August 16, 2018 Posted August 16, 2018 Woke up this morning to a new snapchat from her new account... Is she really that unhappy in her relationship? Actually, it does sound like she is unhappy in her relationship>>>>>>>>>>> *Not*Your*Problem*. I hope you've blocked her new Snapchat account. If you have, good job. Staying involved with her in ANY way will just weigh you down and you don't need that. Don't get sucked back in to her "problems" thinking you can fix her. She's going to have to fix herself! If she chooses to stay in an unhappy relationship that's her problem as well. She either needs to get out of the relationship or stay and work on it. Is the man in her relationship good to her? I don't know...but it's totally possible he is an okay guy and she's just not satisfied because of her mental issues. 1
Author Lessonsinlove Posted August 16, 2018 Author Posted August 16, 2018 Actually, it does sound like she is unhappy in her relationship>>>>>>>>>>> *Not*Your*Problem*. I hope you've blocked her new Snapchat account. If you have, good job. Staying involved with her in ANY way will just weigh you down and you don't need that. Don't get sucked back in to her "problems" thinking you can fix her. She's going to have to fix herself! If she chooses to stay in an unhappy relationship that's her problem as well. She either needs to get out of the relationship or stay and work on it. Is the man in her relationship good to her? I don't know...but it's totally possible he is an okay guy and she's just not satisfied because of her mental issues. I haven't responded, I only have a couple of friends I use snapchat for so I'm probably going to delete the app. I never met him but he's the total opposite to me. Goes to the gym every night, has a flashy car and whatever else. I've got money but choose not to display it to the world. She complained about him a lot, said he wasn't good at relationship stuff and he doesn't love her etc. They don't talk much and he rarely stays over. Personally I think it was a massive rebound, that close after us and he was always there as a mate.... I'll never get rid of her, I can see it now she'll just keep coming back. But maybe that's a sign I'm a decent guy and I treated her well for over two years? I must have done something right
MountainGirl111 Posted August 16, 2018 Posted August 16, 2018 I'll never get rid of her, I can see it now she'll just keep coming back. But maybe that's a sign I'm a decent guy and I treated her well for over two years? I must have done something right Of COURSE you did something right! Are you questioning yourself on that? If you really WANT to get rid of her you can. [just so you know] It sounds like you don't have the heart for that? Yeah, you're a decent guy, of COURSE...actually, perhaps you're more than decent!! Give yourself a little credit here!! Maybe you're too decent. Maybe you're too "nice". She knows that and she wants you in her life still, FWIW. It's totally up to you if allow her to stay in your life. It sounds like she needs you and you care about her even though you're broke up. She needs to get on top of her anxiety and depression and I know that's way easier said than done. She also knows you are secure enough in yourself that you don't need to display money, even though you COULD. That trait of being secure is very attractive.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 16, 2018 Posted August 16, 2018 I never met him but he's the total opposite to me. Goes to the gym every night, has a flashy car and whatever else. I've got money but choose not to display it to the world. She complained about him a lot, said he wasn't good at relationship stuff and he doesn't love her etc. They don't talk much and he rarely stays over. Personally I think it was a massive rebound, that close after us and he was always there as a mate.... : OK: Beware of the woman who complains to you about her boyfriend/husband/lover. SHE tells you "he doesn't love her". You know, since that is coming out of her mouth, I would definitely question it, especially given her mental status...actually she may be even struggling with reality and her perception is skewed...consider the source, is all I'm saying and don't believe everything she tells you; [[it may or may not be true]]. Since you are not a live witness to her personal relationship with him, how could you possibly know whether or not she is telling the truth. Is it possible she's unhappy/unfulfilled with him? Sure. But for her to go to you and complain about it tells me it's a way for her to manipulate you....If she really feels he "doesn't love her" she needs to address that and either get it settled with him, or get out of the relationship....or stay in it and suffer. It's possible he DOES love her, but has a different way of showing it.
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