bear123 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Basically we were long distance, we were never properly in a relationship but I loved him so much, he was my first love and he always said to me that he felt the same way. We've been seeing eachother for 9 months, with on and offs where he wouldn't speak to me for a whole month at times.He's already been in a rebound relationship in the middle of our relationship but he came back to me ofcourse. Ok so basically I hadn't seen him in person for a while because of issues in real life and he was giving me one last chance to see him otherwise he would move on, anyway clearly i never saw him in the end and he moved onto a girl from tinder, he kept seeing her and taking her to his house, I asked him if he loves her and he said yes, and he said he loves her more than he ever loved me but it was only 2 weeks ago he was saying he would still want to see me because he loves me and I thought he loved me so much I'm so hurt and confused, I don't know if this is real love or a rebound, I mean he says she's nicer than me and I bet she's way prettier than me plus she lives close to him. Any advice?
Normm Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Stop listening to him tell you how much more he loves her than you. In fact, just stop talking to him completely. 2
Author bear123 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 Stop listening to him tell you how much more he loves her than you. In fact, just stop talking to him completely. I'm planning on not speaking to him again, unless he contacts me first I just dont understand how he can love someone within 2 weeks 1
Normm Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 I'm planning on not speaking to him again, unless he contacts me first I just dont understand how he can love someone within 2 weeks That's not love. 2
Author bear123 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 That's not love. It seems like he just wants company, but maybe he could actually love her? How can you get in a relationship within 2 weeks Sounds too quick to me plus she has similar features to me...
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 He could love you both. But he told you he loves her more. In your shoes I wouldn't waste anymore time playing second fiddle. If he per chance wants to know why you've pulled way just tell him straight out how you feel. Life is too short girl. You could be spending time doing other worthwhile things and filling up your noggin with better thoughts. 1
DKT3 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Haha, I doubt there is another girl and he is trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing what he wants. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 OP, it's not love if he's known her for 2 weeks. He's either saying that to make you feel bad for not coming to see him, or he's lying about how long he's been seeing her and she's been around longer than he claims. However, he's right to move on from this. You aren't a couple, this has been going on for 9 months, it sounds like you don't spend much time together in person, it's on and off, and he's seen other girls in the interim. This isn't the foundation of a relationship and he clearly is not invested anymore. I'm not saying it's your fault, but this is not working out. You need to let him go. 1
kendahke Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Basically we were long distance, we were never properly in a relationship but I loved him so much, he was my first love and he always said to me that he felt the same way. We've been seeing eachother for 9 months LDR's will not work if both people have not got strong self discipline to get through the weeks/months of absence. You were in love with the version you imagined him to be, not him.. Everything you describe is you two conducting this situationship in your heads and not in real time in the same location. I'm so hurt and confused, I don't know if this is real love or a rebound, I mean he says she's nicer than me and I bet she's way prettier than me plus she lives close to him. Two things you know for sure--the third is you speculating and devaluing yourself. Her looks really have nothing to do with you or anything else, to tell you the truth; however, if he's telling you that she's nicer than you, the question becomes: is there merit to what he is saying here or is it in his nature to say mean and hurtful things to you? Also, location location location is a thing. There is a lot to being in close proximity that helps the relationship to grow better than being in completely different locations. I seriously doubt he loves her--what he might be saying is he loves how he feels about himself when he's with her. But from what you've written, he rather likes this monkey-branching from one chick to the next and being in a relationship with you doesn't/won't hinder him in his quest. This has run its course--best to just let it go and let him go swing to some other chick, since that's what he's going to do no matter what you think/say... 1
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 I doubt he has JUST known her 2 weeks. He has been fooling around with her for a while (more than likely while he was with you) and just got in a relationship with her 2 weeks ago. I guarantee they didn't just meet.
preraph Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 He doesn't love either of you. He didn't love you or he'd have been with you and not still on OLD. He's not looking for love. He's looking for sex. And a little tip: Men are so visual and sex is mainly what makes them think they're in love enough to really dive into a relationship. You have to be in front of them to keep them interested. Long distance doesn't work very well with men. They are always looking for sex. 2
Author bear123 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Posted August 19, 2018 I doubt he has JUST known her 2 weeks. He has been fooling around with her for a while (more than likely while he was with you) and just got in a relationship with her 2 weeks ago. I guarantee they didn't just meet. Well apparantly he found her on tinder only a week before actually meeting her in person but it's possible he lied about when he found her on tinder, he was delaying meeting her for a whole week (so long, Not) because he still loved me lol (thats what he said anyway but like id trust anything he says ever again_ 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 Well apparantly he found her on tinder only a week before actually meeting her in person but it's possible he lied about when he found her on tinder, he was delaying meeting her for a whole week (so long, Not) because he still loved me lol (thats what he said anyway but like id trust anything he says ever again_ Yeah, you need to stop believing everything he tells you. In the future, stay away from situations like this in which you're clearly only a casual interest and it's long-distance. I know he claimed this was love, but really, actions speak louder than words. Stick to No Contact with him. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 You were long distance & she is right there. Hence it was easy for him to transition. I suspect you were far more invested in this then he was. I'm sorry you are heartbroken. Take some time to grieve but disconnect from him & concentrate on finding yourself a local guy when you are ready.
Author bear123 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Posted August 19, 2018 Yeah, you need to stop believing everything he tells you. In the future, stay away from situations like this in which you're clearly only a casual interest and it's long-distance. I know he claimed this was love, but really, actions speak louder than words. Stick to No Contact with him. Thank you. I'm really messed up after this tbh I feel so lonely
Author bear123 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Posted August 19, 2018 You were long distance & she is right there. Hence it was easy for him to transition. I suspect you were far more invested in this then he was. I'm sorry you are heartbroken. Take some time to grieve but disconnect from him & concentrate on finding yourself a local guy when you are ready. Yeah, I lost my virginity to him and everything. I really believed he loved me, but then again I was the one pushing him away in a way because I kept delaying seeing him again due to issues in real. But he can't of loved me that much if he can "love" another girl that fast and he could of still been here for me as I even told him enough times that I felt down
gracey123 Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 My ex has done the same. Let them do what they want, we can do better anyway x 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 Yeah, I lost my virginity to him and everything. I really believed he loved me, but then again I was the one pushing him away in a way because I kept delaying seeing him again due to issues in real. But he can't of loved me that much if he can "love" another girl that fast and he could of still been here for me as I even told him enough times that I felt down I don't think he loved you in the way you thought, but he might have cared and liked you a lot. The problem is when you can't spend much time together in person, interest fades and other local options start to look more appealing. I am guessing you two are also on the younger side - is that correct? If so, it follows that he is still exploring and in his more carefree years and probably not ready for a serious commitment yet. The big take-away here is that your expectations were quite high, while he was apparently not as invested. My sense is that since he was your first sexual partner, you got more emotionally attached than you realized. It's a big moment for many people but unfortunately it doesn't always result in a relationship or even a friendship thereafter. He could be there for you, sure, but he's not obligated to be your support network. Especially now that he's dating someone, it wouldn't be appropriate - for her or for you. It hurts, but you will move past this. When you are healed, I would stick to local guys. You will enjoy it so much more. 1
Author bear123 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 My ex met someone off tinder and he ended up really liking her. after a week he told me he loves her more than he ever loved me (I asked him if he loved her) and he was really mean towards me. He now ignores me completely and they're officially in a relationship. I just feel so down he said I'm just a loser etc and it's made my self esteem really low. Oh and this girl is similar to me looks wise. He's done this to me before where he was seeing a girl behind my back and once i found out he stopped talking to me altogether, they had sex etc but then he came back to me withina month saying she was just a rebound. I feel so stupid for taking him back just for him to do this. Worst thing is that he said he loves me not her (the girl he found on tinder) but that was before he met her in person
Author bear123 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 Stay away and block everything It's already been a month since they've been together and just today I went mental at him through text, I'm not even sure if he reads it but I already regret it. Do you think its a rebound? I'm so confused because it was only a week before meeting her he said he loved me but we were having troubles in our relationship. Maybe I should just forget about him as he only ever brings me pain. It's hard when it's your first real love
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 According to your previous thread, you two were never really together. You dated, but it seems he was never all that invested: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/662051-he-s-relationship-another-girl-after-2-weeks As such, no, I don't think it's a rebound. Not in the usual sense of the word, anyway. Rebounds are generally the territory of the broken-hearted, as a means of filling the void left behind by an ex. That doesn't really to apply to him. Yes, you need to forget about him. He wasn't serious about you, girl. 1
Author bear123 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 According to your previous thread, you two were never really together. You dated, but it seems he was never all that invested: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/662051-he-s-relationship-another-girl-after-2-weeks As such, no, I don't think it's a rebound. Not in the usual sense of the word, anyway. Rebounds are generally the territory of the broken-hearted, as a means of filling the void left behind by an ex. That doesn't really to apply to him. Yes, you need to forget about him. He wasn't serious about you, girl. He made out he really loved me, i know it wasn't a real relationship but the way he apparantly "loved" me made it feel like it. And he could be broken hearted because like i said in the other thread i was delaying meeting him cos of issues in real. I don't even know anymore, i give up on life Why would he still try to see me just a week before seeing her because he "loved me, not her" then telling me a week later he loves her why would he play mind games with me like that. he knows i've been suicidal in the past and that was cos of him even back then. Maybe he has no feelings at all. He's probably after sex altogether even if he is in a relationship . I mean i think shes already moved in with him, that's what happened in his previous relationships, he would move really fast with them and they would be living with him within a month.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 At the risk of sounding blunt, I think you need some healthy perspective. Emotionally, you were much more invested than he was. You had issues going on that prevented you from seeing him more, but he's dated others in the meantime anyway. This was not the foundation for a serious relationship, from either end. You were not in the right place to offer a relationship, and he wasn't interested enough to see it through. I don't doubt that he cared about you, but his definition of "love" seems to be completely different from yours. He throws the word around with little meaning behind it, based on your description. Also, if he knew you felt suicidal before because you felt rejected by him, he is right to exit the relationship. He cannot be the one to save you from yourself, in kindness. That's an intense level of emotional responsibility to place on anyone, even if that was not your intention. Are you getting some help for that? A good professional should be able to help you develop better coping strategies. By the way, how do you know his girlfriend has already moved in with him? You appear to know a bit about her, so I am curious where you're getting these details. And if moving quickly is his pattern, then you know you can't take this guy seriously. He flies by the seat of his pants and does what feels good in the moment. Telling you he loved you one week and then changing his mind and loving her the next is evidence of that. He sounds young and immature - how old are you both? I know you want to believe she is a rebound, but I just don't see it that way. What you two had wasn't going to go anywhere, and he moved on. It sounds like that's the best for you, too. It would be healthier to date a local guy you can spend more time with in person, and develop a deeper connection with. 1
Author bear123 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) He's 25 and I'm 21. And I'm not certain shes moved in with him, I just asked his ex because they live close and she said "I'm not telling you, you'll only bitch and moan at him" Why would I bitch and moan at him if she hasnt? so basically, she gave it away that she has moved in with him but still not 100% certain. She's probably not a rebound you're right considering he didn't seem to serious about me, I just think he's desperate for a girlfriend and he's moving fast with her. I would be fine if her features weren't similar to mine because it's basically like he can have me still but in a better version I don't know maybe I'm just making my self sound like a right idiot (Haven't slept so forgive me) Edited August 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
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