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Why did my fwb reject my facebook request? And he didn't follow through with plans?

Dodgersfan11

By Dodgersfan11
in Friends and Lovers

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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Hence, the word, "friends." I thought it was okay for fwb to be friends with on facebook. Like 2 months ago, he told me he wanted to cool things with me because he was talking to another girl and wanted to see where things go with her. So, for one month we didn't talk, I texted him and asked if we were going to get together he said that we were when he comes back to town, well obviously that never happened, because I texted him a few times with no response. I mean, if he seriously didn't want to see me, then why not just SAY it? Is that sooo hard? I personally don't like it when people just do the "fade" away behavior. And before someone saids, he doesn't owe me an explanation, I think he does, I mean, we hung out, cuddle, watched movies. It wasn't just a booty call.

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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What do you mean, when he comes into town? How far away does he live? How often do you see each other?

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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I'm sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like you had a very genuine friendship or potential for a relationship.

 

His actions are making it very clear that he doesn't want the hassle of a lover while he is actively pursuing other women. Hence the reason why he rejected your friend request. He doesn't want you to know what he is up to or cause problems for him.

 

It is possible that the reason that he doesn't just come out and reject you outright is that he doesn't want to rule out the possibility of having sex with you again in the future, if he has a dry spell. He is treating you like the dreaded "backup" option.

 

This type of guy will only have time for you when it is convenient for him, otherwise you don't matter. Hanging out, cuddling, watching movies together may have felt like it he really cared, but now appears that it was superficial and meaningless given his more recent behavior.

 

Remember the saying, you teach people how to treat you. It is a good principle to live by. You are worth more than this, and you don't have to put up with it. There are better quality men out there.

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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I just don't understand. When we first met, he told me that he couldn't date me because he doesn't want a long distance relationship. And if he did start seeing someone that we could still "talk as friends" everything seemed cool until 2 months ago, our texts were always sexual, flirty, then when I texted him he was very short with me. Then 2 weeks ago, he told me that things weren't going well with the girl he was talking to, we were back to normal, told me he was excited to see me, then he did the fade away. I texted him several times, "if you don't want to see me, you can say no" Still no response. Why do people do that? Are they soo afraid of confrontation by text? I would prefer a text that would have said, "NO." instead of not saying anything at all.

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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What really made me mad was that when he left for school back in May we were keeping in touch daily. He always said that he couldn't wait to see me in August. Then a month later, he told me he didn't know if he was going to see me because he met a girl there. I blew up, because he gave me all this false hope of him seeing me when he comes back this month. Just a few days ago, he told me that things with his girl wasn't working out anymore, now he has gone cold.

anika99 Established Member

anika99

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What really made me mad was that when he left for school back in May we were keeping in touch daily. He always said that he couldn't wait to see me in August. Then a month later, he told me he didn't know if he was going to see me because he met a girl there. I blew up, because he gave me all this false hope of him seeing me when he comes back this month. Just a few days ago, he told me that things with his girl wasn't working out anymore, now he has gone cold.

 

You sound pretty clingy for a FWB. I think your answer is in what you wrote above. He tried the direct approach with you. Told you he met a girl and that he didn't think he would see you. Perfectly acceptable considering you are his FWB not his gf. You blew up so now he is wary of being that honest, doesn't want to be on the receiving of your blow up again.

 

I see a lot of girls saying they have a guy who is a FWB but acting more as if he is a boyfriend. FWBs are supposed to be for casual no strings attached hanging out and having sex. It's not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and it's not really even a friendship because true friends would not cheapen or risk their friendship by involving sex.

 

FWB are supposed to be able to walk away from the arrangement at any time without guilt and without drama. FWB automatically come with an expiry date because when one of the two people involved finds a partner then the FWB usually has to go because most people would not be very happy if their boyfriend or girlfriend has some person they used to have casual sex with still hanging around.

 

If you are a person who will be hurt when your FWB meets someone knew or who will feel rejection and pain when your FWB walks away then you are not cut out for FWB relationships. I don't have FWB because I am not cut out for that either. I have a couple of good male friends whom I would never in a million years have sex with because I want to protect our friendship.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Then 2 weeks ago, he told me that things weren't going well with the girl he was talking to, we were back to normal, told me he was excited to see me, then he did the fade away.

 

I think when things were bad with the other girl, he was excited to see you (sex and fun). But when he started doing the fade away, things may have changed again with her. Or he may have thought it would be fine to meet you but maybe had second thoughts knowing that you are possibly more involved than you should be -- you seem emotionally invested and that is possibly why he is stepping away from you. He does not want to deal with your emotions.

 

hen a month later, he told me he didn't know if he was going to see me because he met a girl there. I blew up, because he gave me all this false hope of him seeing me when he comes back this month.

 

Too much emotion when you are an FWB. You're supposed to be able to walk away when the dynamic changes. Instead you blow up when he can't see you. You should not be in an FWB arrangement when you feel easily hurt or rejected. FWB is about fun and convenience -- none of this emotional drama.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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He no longer was flirty with sexy texts because he wants this other girl for sex but she must be playing hard to get; which makes him want her more. I don't know why you are wasting your time with this guy. If you want a FWB I'm sure there are other guys who are game for it. He said you guys could still be friends if he got a gf but that is unlikely to happen.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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He did tell you. He said he was seeing another girl and wanted to cool things off. That means stop seeing you so he doesn't mess up his relationship. He doesn't want you on Facebook because he doesn't want his current relationship(s) to wonder who you are. You were strictly for sex. That's what FWB is. FWB is an agreement not to get in the middle of each other's life or mess up their relationship. It's a sex agreement with no strings.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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He did tell you. He said he was seeing another girl and wanted to cool things off. That means stop seeing you so he doesn't mess up his relationship. He doesn't want you on Facebook because he doesn't want his current relationship(s) to wonder who you are. You were strictly for sex. That's what FWB is. FWB is an agreement not to get in the middle of each other's life or mess up their relationship. It's a sex agreement with no strings.

 

I don't know why people are not understanding this. I notice a lot of people, especially women, are trying to turn it into more.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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^ Yes, it's time for a term change, because the "friend" part of FWB seems to confuse women no end. Men have always called casual sex partners friends but it's largely tongue-in-cheek. Need to go back to calling it what it is "just sex."

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Dodgersfan11 Established Member

Dodgersfan11

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I just don't get why a grown man who is over the legal drinking age can't just send a text saying, "NO." The whole rules of FWB or causal sex partners is dumb- no one owes an explanation? Its called courtesy. Its not like I was some prostitute he picked up. And I don't get why he didn't want to add me on facebook when I can clearly see he seems to "like" this girls picture-who happens to be his friend he met from his school-and seems to like all her cleavage pictures of her on instagram. You mean to tell me he hasn't had sex with her, but decides to keep her as a friend on social media?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I just don't get why a grown man who is over the legal drinking age can't just send a text saying, "NO." The whole rules of FWB or causal sex partners is dumb- no one owes an explanation? Its called courtesy. Its not like I was some prostitute he picked up. And I don't get why he didn't want to add me on facebook when I can clearly see he seems to "like" this girls picture-who happens to be his friend he met from his school-and seems to like all her cleavage pictures of her on instagram. You mean to tell me he hasn't had sex with her, but decides to keep her as a friend on social media?

 

Unfortunately, you can’t project your expectations on others. And if you choose to involve yourself in a sex only arrangement, prepare yourself for the likelihood that the other person may not choose to extend any level of respect or courtesy towards you. Not everyone is going to handle situations you believe must and should be the right way. This is a valuable lesson to learn sooner rather than later.

 

As for his FB activities — none of your business. Who he likes and who he chooses as friends has nothing to do with you. You signed up as a sex buddy and that’s as far as he’d like to keep it. He probably doesn’t want you having access to other areas of his life.

 

Again, if you are easily hurt and cannot handle rejection, this type of arrangement isn’t for you. I tried it once and i knew it wasn’t for me. I was getting emotional about him. I had a girlfriend who had 2 guys on roster. And she had boundaries with each of them. Her life was very private from them and it was strictly about in the moment sex/fun. When one of the guys chose to move on with another woman, it was a simple goodbye. She let him go completely. No fuss, no hurt, no reaching out again, no nothing.

 

He told you he was interested in another girl. You waited a month and reached out again. Why? You should have let it go at that point. You sound emotionally invested and affected — that’s not how an FWB arrangement works.

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FMW Established Member

FMW

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You are having a hard time letting this go because your feelings for him were beyond just being a sex buddy. He's shown you his were not. He probably enjoyed hanging out and cuddling as well as the sex, but not because he was really connecting with you emotionally. None of it meant to him what it meant to you.

 

Guys (and I'm sure some women) are good at "being in the moment". It can appear as if they are really into you - and they are. But only for that moment. It doesn't translate to lasting deep emotions. And yes, it can go on over a long period of time as long as they aren't having to give you too much time and effort, only seeing you occasionally.

 

He wasn't your friend (he proved that by how he's handled ending things). Continuing to analyze why and how is only going to mess with your head (and heart). It's never going to make sense to you.

 

I can't do casual sex, I know this about myself. You probably need to be honest with yourself about whether you can or not and don't get into a similar situation in the future unless you want to be hurt.

 

Accept it as a hard lesson learned and put it behind you.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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It was always only just sex for him.

 

We tried to tell you that. Now, you are trying to find meaning in his behavior and understand this "rejection" when really, you were always more invested and saw more to this relationship than there really was...

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend or a relationship. Next time, you need to chose a man who has a similar interest and dare I say it, date him for a while before you jump into bed with him.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I just don't get why a grown man who is over the legal drinking age can't just send a text saying, "NO." The whole rules of FWB or causal sex partners is dumb- no one owes an explanation? Its called courtesy. Its not like I was some prostitute he picked up. And I don't get why he didn't want to add me on facebook when I can clearly see he seems to "like" this girls picture-who happens to be his friend he met from his school-and seems to like all her cleavage pictures of her on instagram. You mean to tell me he hasn't had sex with her, but decides to keep her as a friend on social media?

 

I don't get why you are wasting mind space worrying about some guy who doesn't give a hoot about you. There are so many men out there why are you hung up on this one who is showing no interest in you? Trust me, he's definitely trying to have sex with her and probably wants to make her his FWB that's why he's ignoring you. You're too invested to be his FWB.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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He's not interested in you beyond sex. He thinks he might be with these other women and he's not going to let a sex-only relationship get in the way of his other pursuits. He doesn't want to be friends with you. He doesn't want to date you. Listen, you just have to learn that most men will go for no-strings casual meaningless sex, but that doesn't mean anything else to them. And when you start falling and they know it, most of them clear out if they have any decency instead of letting you think they care.

 

You say you're not a prostitute. No, you're not. And that's good. You gave him sex because you wanted to. He wanted to because of sex. It seems you wanted to because you thought it had something to do with romance. It didn't.

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