Does he see me only as a friend or is there more to it?

[Texting]

My family and I met him through a local WhatsApp group (we joined around the same time) several months ago. We sometimes joked back and forth with each other on the group. Then I met him in real life.. he came over to introduce himself.. and all I can say is, it was love at first sight for me. I tried not to think about it since I only saw him once or twice a month in a group setting after that, and I felt he was way out of my league, so I just buried any thoughts of him taking any real notice of me.

 

One day, out of the blue, he added me as a contact on another phone app connected to the group. Before that, I also noticed that he started to ignore my posts on the group, where previously he would comment etc. Then one day I was checking my messages, and lo and behold I had a message from him! He got my number off WhatsApp. I nearly fell out of my chair when I read it.. he wanted me to go camping with him the following week! It was a group event and I previously mentioned to him that I would be going alone. But I kept thinking he must be confusing me with someone else?! We never had any one-on-one time before and never exchanged any private messages before this. I didn't think I ever crossed his mind.

 

He said he would message me again the following day and he did. He started commenting on my posts again too, changed his profile pic (first time since he added one of himself), and phoned the day before we were going, to confirm the time and get my address to pick me up for the trip. I was still somewhat in shock and had butterflies in my stomach the whole week.

 

He picked me up and made space in the car for all my stuff. He talked the entire 1-2 hour trip (I prefer to listen anyway), which I found endearing. He even apologized for talking so much and said he wanted us to get to know each other. He got super excited when he realized how much we have in common (even down to important past events in our lives) and said we could talk for hours.

 

At the camp, I realized that he kept me in mind when he packed for the (overnight) trip. There wasn't enough space to set up my tent, so he set up his tent for me and gave me something to sleep on. He slept in the car. He was constantly doing things for me, making me something warm to drink, giving me something to eat. (I ended up coming back with most of my stuff without even using it.)

 

That day, he mentioned a girl he knew.. how they were very good friends but they decided not to be together to not risk losing the friendship. I had a really painful experience in the past where I lost my best friend (guy) because it was too painful to not have him in my life as more than a friend... It was something that took me years to get over, and when he started to talk about her, I felt like he was telling me that if we became friends it would be the same. I just completely shut down when he talked about this.

 

The friend I mentioned above used to play a lot of mind games and I never really knew where I stood.

 

At a group barbeque, people were apparently watching us together... The next day, I was chatting to a married couple and the guy wanted to know where my husband was (?). His wife also thought that we were married! Both of them were in disbelief when I told them we weren't even a couple. Shortly after that, another married guy we both know, approached me with a smile on his face and commented on how well he (the guy I like) was taking care of me. It was really eye opening to hear married guys saying this about us... totally out of the blue.

 

But hours after the barbeque, he was on duty (there was a bit of training and work at the camp inbetween socialising and just relaxing) and I walked past him a couple of times where he was standing with a few other people, and when I greeted him, it was as if he looked through me and he didn't say a word. He looked like he'd just lost his best friend. On the inside, I was totally freaking out. The second time, I don't even think he looked at me. I walked past him once more when he was alone and he gave me a little wave hello but still didn't say anything. Then his shift ended and he said goodnight to everyone, but I waited for him to look in my direction and he just didn't.. I didn't know what was happening. When I saw him later that morning at a meeting, I could tell he still wasn't his usual cheerful self. When I later met up with him, I asked him if he was upset with me about something, and mentioned the night before when I saw him. He said I was just imagining it, so I left it at that and he was pretty much his old self again after that, or at least it looked that way.

 

During the day, he started to open up to me. He said the more you love someone, the more you can get hurt. I didn't know where this was coming from! He told me that he wants to have children one day, that he wants to be in a happy relationship like some of the other couples we knew. He talked about saving up to move further away soon. He knows I'll be moving to the same area - I'm just not sure when. He asked about the guys in my life and I told him that I am single. He asked if I've prayed about it and I said I have. He said it would then be given to me. He said he wanted to find a girlfriend, and said that it was hard to find one. He also said he was praying about it. My heart sank when he said these things... I felt like he was saying that it couldn't be him... and I don't want to go through that again.

 

Later, he was trying to help a guy friend who came to him for relationship advice, and he (the guy I like) decided he wanted me to join them, so they could get a woman's perspective on it. He sat there listening, then said he agreed with me.

 

A couple of times, I felt like he "set me up" to see what I would say or do, and then once he had the answer, pretended he meant something else. If that makes any sense.. It's something my friend constantly did to me. It's possible that it's not what this guy was doing, but that I'm just hyper sensitive to these things and looking for signs that it might go the same way as things happened with my friend. They are completely opposite people though. My friend was somewhat of a player, whereas this guy is a solid Christian.

 

On the way home, he started to tell me why he broke up with his ex, and how the break up affected him. It seemed to be the same girl he told me of the day before, but with more to the story. He really, and I mean REALLY opened up to me and I just listened. I couldn't say anything, I was hurting too much, I didn't want to hear him talking about other women...

 

We had some coffee with my family before he headed home, and during conversation he also told my family that he wants to find a girlfriend, and how hard it is to find one. (He elaborated on what he meant by "hard to find one" this time, and it had to do with finding someone who would be happy living with the bare minimum in the future. He knows I will be in the same situation as him when I move.) I was sitting next to him while he said this... to my family!

 

When he left, I messaged him to thank him for the weekend, and he messaged me back immediately to say that he enjoyed it too. I sent him another reply but didn't receive a reply. The same happened the previous week but the fact that he didn't reply (no questions were asked) didn't seem to mean anything. Since then, he's been sending me a joke or a link to something he knows I'll enjoy once every day or two. Nothing today yet and he's on the group chat again as usual. It feels like he's avoiding commenting on my posts again (not that I post very often), but then again I find myself doing the same since we came back... I'm too nervous to reply to his posts because I'm not sure where I stand with him, so I'm commenting on other people's posts but not his.

 

I'm pretty sure he has to know how I feel.. I find it difficult to hide my feelings, but I didn't say anything to him. I just get super quiet when he talks about other women, and I'm pretty sure others noticed how I felt about him just by the way I was when I was around him.

 

I don't know if there's cause for concern with him just forwarding me links, jokes etc every now and then, but his first private message to me was only less than two weeks ago, and then only to make plans - he wasn't big on messaging privately then too it seems, although he's very active on the group chat in general. I was completely oblivious to the fact that he even noticed me beyond the 5 minute chats we had with the rest of the group face-to-face once or twice a month so I don't know if messages from him is anything to go by. In between asking me to go camping with him and calling to let me know what time he'll pick me up the day before, I didn't hear from him at all.

 

Today he changed his pic back to the previous one of himself and I'm really longing to hear from him. I adore him, but I won't chase him. He also wants to be the one in control in a relationship, something I learned from listening to him on the trip, so probably a good thing I'm not chasing him?

 

I'm really hoping for some insight into what all of this means please, and if possible also from a guy's perspective. Does he see me only as a friend? Has he disqualified me from being anything more than that? Why all the talk about wanting children, a girlfriend, moving out of the city, his ex girlfriend, and asking me about guys in my life? I've never before actually had a guy tell me that he wants children and wants a girlfriend, let alone tell my family in front of me that he wants a girlfriend.. I don't know what this means coming from a guy! What could have caused him to avoid me that night..?

[Kelliousme]

It's very possible he's into you. Why don't you just ask him? It's better than missing an opportunity. If you don't want to straight up ask if he likes you.. just ask if he wants to go on a date with you. Simple.

[MountainGirl111]

I would just step back and let everything unfold, if he likes to be the one doing the pursuing. He's obviously interested in you.

 

On the other hand...it's okay to take the initiative for yourself, girl! Totally okay. I don't think it's a good sign when a person worries too much about pleasing the other person. Do what YOU want? Go for what YOU want. Assert your needs. Does he actually listen to you, or you do most of the listening? Have you even got a chance to talk about yourself much and what you are looking for. It seems to me as if most of your post is about him.

[preraph]

I think that girl he's hung up on was at the barbecue. He likes you and he likes you romantically, I think, or why invite you camping. But he's still hung up on that girl, and the truth of that story is probably he wanted her romantically but she told him "just friends" and it broke his heart. So it's probably not that she wants him. Maybe you can help him get over her, but it is possible it's bad timing.

[Texting]

Thanks for the feedback!

 

It now feels like he is pulling away! After I made the above post, he messaged me and we chatted back and forth for a while, but it felt awkward.. I have so much I want to say to him, but I feel like I can't. The text messaging feels empty, I so want him to ask me out again.. I need to SEE him to know that everything's ok and to relax about the situation. At one point in the conversation he just stopped replying again like he's done previously (before the trip too), instead of just telling me bye or that he has to go. I've never known someone to do that?! He told me he was going away this weekend so I assumed he was chatting to me because he may not have time during the weekend. I didn't hear from him yesterday, but he got back today and then sent me another link. I thought well why not reply and ask how his outing went? So I sent him a message and got an OK reply back, but when I tried to continue the conversation, it started to feel like he was trying to push me away! He hasn't even opened my last message. What should I do?? I'm too afraid to tell him I'm interested, or to ask him on a date, because it always backfired on me when I did that with other guys in the past...

 

When we were at the camp, he did ask questions, and listened to me. There are some things I am just not ready to talk about, and I felt a bit 'put on the spot' when he asked some questions, so I kind of just let him know 'not now'. I don't know what he thought about it when I did that.. I think he knows I'm looking for someone. I don't know if by asking me 'have you prayed about it', it was his way of telling me that it couldn't be him, or his way of finding out if I want someone in my life. There was a time when my mind drifted to thinking about why he ignored me, and he actually noticed... but I told him it was nothing so he left it at that. He's a really amazing guy, and everyone adores him, including my family. I guess that's why my post is so focused on him.. he means a lot to me.

 

The thing about him avoiding me at the camp is strange because the entire camp site was booked by the group, so no one else outside the group could camp there while we were there. It's a very specialized group and I highly doubt his ex even knows the group exists. She couldn't have been there. There were not that many women there... maybe 30? And no phone reception either so he couldn't have gotten a message from her. I don't quite know how the whole story fits together, but she tried to push for marriage and he wasn't ready for that with her. I do know the situation really hurt him.

 

Something I forgot to mention before: When we were making plans to go camping, he commented on my profile pic (which isn't of me, but of my pets). At the barbecue, he pulled out his phone and started showing my profile pic to whoever would look. I know for me, I only do that type of thing when I've fallen for someone. I don't know... why would a guy do that? Just trying to make sense of where I stand with him without actually asking him.

 

How do I know if he's acting like this because of me or his ex? I actually thought about it and it is possible that he has no clue I like him, unless he was watching my reactions to what he was saying and asking me. I was extremely guarded when I was with him. He was the one who opened up to me, and he was the one who took care of me. I don't know if he's hurt, or if he just lost interest.