Author Britney25 Posted August 11, 2018 Author Posted August 11, 2018 Sure, that's great. Realize that you should stop expecting and hoping for him to reply until after he's home. While it 'only takes a second' to reply, it will take some thought (meaning he shouldn't reply until he's in a somewhat private place and time), and if he replies, of course he should also allow time for you to reply, and some back and forth. Otherwise, you'll be back here asking, "we were finally chatting, and right in the middle his answers got short, and then he ghosted me! What's wrong? Just chill. Do other things. If he's been pursuing you on facebook or what ever for a year, then he is not going to evaporate unless you chase him off. Thank you again...God Bless
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 One last question. Was my thank you text OK? This is what I said " Hey handsome! How is Brazil? Thank you for the other night, it was nice ;-)" That was perfect. It acknowledged that he was away. It did leave it open for him to respond which unfortunately he isn't doing. Seriously, just chill. See what happens when he comes home.
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 That was perfect. It acknowledged that he was away. It did leave it open for him to respond which unfortunately he isn't doing. Seriously, just chill. See what happens when he comes home. Yeah but he might be already back for all I know. This is not like him at all. He was traveling too before and we texted and now he just left me on 'read'. I'm just flabbergasted. Either he got the vibe I'm not so into him or he wanted the whole buffet on the second date?! He was way to aggressive with the kissing and I told him to behave but once he didnt listen and kept his hands on my face forcing me for that kiss. Afterwards he asked what's wrong I told him listen this is. Public place and you want a hot make out session here..slow down. He said ok and started on another subject. So maybe he is analyzing that I am maybe way to reserved. I just dont get men. I mean I kissed him back like 3 time with tongue the 4th time he was a bit aggressive and I gave him a deep kiss after he drove me home and he said see you real soon. So I'm just surprised that he wouldn't want a 3rd date with me. We are still getting to know each other I mean I'm not throwing myself like that. And to not even reply you welcome at least!!!??? Wtf??!!
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Again, he might have decided that you two aren't on the same page. You already concluded that he's too aggressive & you were concerned that he only wanted sex. Although being rejected is no fun, are you really all that upset that this one got away? C'mon. You weren't all that thrilled with him to begin with. Now you don't even know if he's back. There is just too much drama here. Let it go. 1
losangelena Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 I agree—you sound like you're all over the place (no offense). OP, have you not dated much? This seems like very common behavior to me, and it's stuff that you're going to have to learn to let roll off your back if you're going to find success in dating. You judge a man by his actions, not his words. The fact that he pushes your boundaries after you told him to cool it is a big red flag—not just regarding his intentions, but in general. He should have pulled away from you immediately. If I were you, I'd be somewhat relieved that this guy kind of dropped out, because I'd be on the defensive from now on. Do you want to be with someone with whom your guard must be constantly up? Maybe this isn't the best approach, either, but I assume that a man's intentions are for sex, and if they're not, the burden of proving that is on him. 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Again, he might have decided that you two aren't on the same page. You already concluded that he's too aggressive & you were concerned that he only wanted sex. Although being rejected is no fun, are you really all that upset that this one got away? C'mon. You weren't all that thrilled with him to begin with. Now you don't even know if he's back. There is just too much drama here. Let it go. Well I never asked him when he's returning. I guess I will wait a week and see. If no text will be sent then I know he doesnt want to pursue anything. But I still cant believe that he didnt even manage a reply. Like wtf. Yes my ego is bruised that's why I care that he is not replying. I know that there is no point in me sending another text during the week right? I'm not that desperate and I know if a guy wants to talk with you he will. True I wasn't that much into him but I saw hes a good guy so i guess I wa Ted to find out if my feelings would change.
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 I agree—you sound like you're all over the place (no offense). OP, have you not dated much? This seems like very common behavior to me, and it's stuff that you're going to have to learn to let roll off your back if you're going to find success in dating. You judge a man by his actions, not his words. The fact that he pushes your boundaries after you told him to cool it is a big red flag—not just regarding his intentions, but in general. He should have pulled away from you immediately. If I were you, I'd be somewhat relieved that this guy kind of dropped out, because I'd be on the defensive from now on. Do you want to be with someone with whom your guard must be constantly up? Maybe this isn't the best approach, either, but I assume that a man's intentions are for sex, and if they're not, the burden of proving that is on him. Honestly I haven't been on dates with a lot of guys only because of my personal reasons. But when I was on dates before they weren't that aggressive like this guy is. I love kissing. I didnt even give him a real kiss on the first date o ly a kiss on the lips and he was saying why all these rules? I told him they are not rules just I need to feel comfortable with a man. He held my hand on the first date and even put his hand on my knee the drive home. I'm beginning to think he just wanted to get laid maybe? He thought maybe he can crack me? But he sees I'm a load of work? I find it odd that we chatted for like 2 years on Facebook really and he even called me before I actually agreed to a date! I feel like he should at least communicate with me because this situation is different then just dating a random guy. Should I ask him what's up? Like does he want to be friends?
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Do not ask if he wants to be friends. He either wants to date you / have sex with you or he'd prefer to not be part of your life.
losangelena Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Does it matter so much what he wants/wanted? What do YOU want? Is this guy really acting like a man you want to spend your time with? He pushed boundaries, he's slow to respond—what more do you need to find out about him? Do you want to be with someone like that? Stop wasting time/energy/emotional labor giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. He is not even worth extending friendship to. What do you stand to gain by trying to be his friend? 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Does it matter so much what he wants/wanted? What do YOU want? Is this guy really acting like a man you want to spend your time with? He pushed boundaries, he's slow to respond—what more do you need to find out about him? Do you want to be with someone like that? Stop wasting time/energy/emotional labor giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. He is not even worth extending friendship to. What do you stand to gain by trying to be his friend? Yeah true...but isnt it weird for him to pursue this long only to disappear?
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 Do not ask if he wants to be friends. He either wants to date you / have sex with you or he'd prefer to not be part of your life. I'm not going to ask him that. Honestly I wasn't that attracted to him just I'm so confused how he lost interest that fast lol.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Yeah true...but isnt it weird for him to pursue this long only to disappear? No. He may have realized you're not a good match once he finally met you in person.
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 No. He may have realized you're not a good match once he finally met you in person. It took him a second date to realize that?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 It took him a second date to realize that? Yes. I don't find that unusual. 1
alphamale Posted August 12, 2018 Posted August 12, 2018 Yes. I don't find that unusual. taking 2 or 3 dates to "feel" someone out is par for the course 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Posted August 12, 2018 taking 2 or 3 dates to "feel" someone out is par for the course You're a man yes? Can you give me your insight? Why didnt he reply at least you welcome and leave it at that??
rightondude Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 You're a man yes? Can you give me your insight? Why didnt he reply at least you welcome and leave it at that?? I'm not (an) alphamale, but he may not response because that would invite a response from you he doesn't want ... right now. Look this dude wants to hit it, no doubt. It's up to you whether to string that happening along or cut bait. Relationship wise who knows, could happen, may not, but you obviously want to find out. If that's the case you're gonna have to be a bit more inviting I think. Quit questioning every move and just go with what feels right to you. 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 13, 2018 Author Posted August 13, 2018 I'm not (an) alphamale, but he may not response because that would invite a response from you he doesn't want ... right now. Look this dude wants to hit it, no doubt. It's up to you whether to string that happening along or cut bait. Relationship wise who knows, could happen, may not, but you obviously want to find out. If that's the case you're gonna have to be a bit more inviting I think. Quit questioning every move and just go with what feels right to you. I'm done. I'm not interested in only sex and I didnt feel any chemistry with him at all. So im grateful he's not contacting me. If he will I will update this thread. 1
lurker74 Posted August 13, 2018 Posted August 13, 2018 You're a man yes? Can you give me your insight? Why didnt he reply at least you welcome and leave it at that?? While I don't approve of ghosting, I suspect that you came across as very confusing - very mixed messaging. Not in anything you did, per se, but in the unspoken communication, which is where most communication lies. Here's what we know: 1) You were reticent to date him in the first place 2) You communicated a lot back and forth 3) You were open or even eager for a second date 4) You were turned off by use of tongue in a first kiss (Note: there is, in my opinion, a continuum of French kissing from a brush of a tongue to consistent open mouth to trying to swallow your date's face. For second dates, the brush kiss is perfectly acceptable to most people, albeit you do not have to succumb to most peoples' wishes) 5) You communicated after the date - it looks like a day after - that he was handsome and that you had a good time. 6) You're not very attracted to him Numbers 1, 4, and 6 were at odds with numbers 2, 3 and 5 (although number 2 was before you met, so let's just say 3 and 5). Again, you didn't say anything wrong but you likely communicated the confusion that we all read when you read your story and responses and he either figured you weren't worth the trouble or he figured you weren't that into him (which you weren't). So he ghosts you. I would expect he will reach out when he's back. It's totally fine to say thanks but no thanks but at least figure out what you want. 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 While I don't approve of ghosting, I suspect that you came across as very confusing - very mixed messaging. Not in anything you did, per se, but in the unspoken communication, which is where most communication lies. Here's what we know: 1) You were reticent to date him in the first place 2) You communicated a lot back and forth 3) You were open or even eager for a second date 4) You were turned off by use of tongue in a first kiss (Note: there is, in my opinion, a continuum of French kissing from a brush of a tongue to consistent open mouth to trying to swallow your date's face. For second dates, the brush kiss is perfectly acceptable to most people, albeit you do not have to succumb to most peoples' wishes) 5) You communicated after the date - it looks like a day after - that he was handsome and that you had a good time. 6) You're not very attracted to him Numbers 1, 4, and 6 were at odds with numbers 2, 3 and 5 (although number 2 was before you met, so let's just say 3 and 5). Again, you didn't say anything wrong but you likely communicated the confusion that we all read when you read your story and responses and he either figured you weren't worth the trouble or he figured you weren't that into him (which you weren't). So he ghosts you. I would expect he will reach out when he's back. It's totally fine to say thanks but no thanks but at least figure out what you want. Yes I think my vibe most likely said it all on the second date with the kissing. I'm just not that attracted to him true... I guess I was hoping that would change somehow. Hes a good guy I think but not for me. I do wish him well thou and I'm grateful for those 2 days anyway. It was OK.
Author Britney25 Posted September 1, 2018 Author Posted September 1, 2018 Update--- He texted me late yesterday saying hi long time no talk how are you and sorry. I haven't replied yet and I dont know if I should. It's been 2 weeks.
losangelena Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 What do you WANT to do? I would personally probably not respond, unless I just wanted to get a quick lay out of the situation. Otherwise, forget it. This guy got up in your personal space in a way you didn't like, kissed you in a way you felt was inappropriate, and then ghosted you. What good do you think will come of interacting with him again? Guys like this are a merry-go-round. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 If you are happy he reached out & you want to see him, tell him that If you prefer he stayed gone, tell him that.
Recommended Posts