d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 From the info you supplied we have no idea what his intentions are. First different people have different ideas about the timing of certain things. You think French kissing with tongue on a 2nd date is too much. Some people have sex on or before a 1st date. Neither is wrong. You just have to find somebody compatible with you. My husband had not yet kissed me when we he picked me up for our 3rd date. I had it in my head that if he did not kiss me that night I was done. We kissed & the rest as they say is history. Modern etiquette suggests that if you want another date with a man, the least you can do is send a text shortly after a date saying how much you enjoyed the date. It's kind of like giving the guy the green light to ask for the next date. Without it some men won't bother to reach out again.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 From the info you supplied we have no idea what his intentions are. First different people have different ideas about the timing of certain things. You think French kissing with tongue on a 2nd date is too much. Some people have sex on or before a 1st date. Neither is wrong. You just have to find somebody compatible with you. My husband had not yet kissed me when we he picked me up for our 3rd date. I had it in my head that if he did not kiss me that night I was done. We kissed & the rest as they say is history. Modern etiquette suggests that if you want another date with a man, the least you can do is send a text shortly after a date saying how much you enjoyed the date. It's kind of like giving the guy the green light to ask for the next date. Without it some men won't bother to reach out again. But I texted him after the 1st date saying thank you...do I really have to do that after every date???
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 But I texted him after the 1st date saying thank you...do I really have to do that after every date??? Yes. Why wouldn't you? 1
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Yes. Why wouldn't you? Are Men that stupid??? Someone told me it's too much if you tell them in person and then texting.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Yes you do if you want to see them again. Really? It's not enough in person? I mean I literally kinda asked him out for the second date. Doesnt he have a clue??? It's been only 2 days anyway.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Are Men that stupid??? Someone told me it's too much if you tell them in person and then texting. Well then text him something else! Ask him how his day is. If you don't want to see him again, just don't communicate with him. If you do, you're gonna have to communicate. 2
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Well then text him something else! Ask him how his day is. If you don't want to see him again, just don't communicate with him. If you do, you're gonna have to communicate. So what happened to being a high value woman? The chase? Now women have to keep initiating???
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 So what happened to being a high value woman? The chase? Now women have to keep initiating??? What makes one a "high value woman?" Do you think women have no responsibility in showing interest to a man? 2
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 What makes one a "high value woman?" Do you think women have no responsibility in showing interest to a man? Not what I said at all. I showed him interest. I kissed him back. We had a good time. I even suggested that second date. So that's not being interested enough? During the beginning I think the man should take charge. When we are past the 3 dates then I dont mind initiating first.
Noproblem Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 I feel you don't like him that much! Otherwise, you would be Ok with the kissing right! Right?
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 I feel you don't like him that much! Otherwise, you would be Ok with the kissing right! Right? I was ok with he kissing. I french kissed him back but he was being so aggressive in a public place. I'm just a bit reserved that's all.
Sunlight72 Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 My thoughts on what you've written here Britney25... Your first kiss from him was with tongue? Way too forward in my opinion. No thanks. More to the real issue though - It is important for you to acknowledge your feelings on such things - they are quite valid. The best reaction would have been to pull back and tell him you like kissing without tongue. (Eventually, when you're ready to go there in the future, he'll follow along as soon as you want I am sure). I would feel he is more interested in sex than interested in you as a person, yes. In my view his first kiss is either asking you if you want him to be that (kissing only) close to you, or it is testing to see if you are ready to go to 2nd or 3rd base. Tongue on first kiss to me says he is pushy for sex, not that he really liked the conversation you had and he wants to get to know you better. You did well suggesting a next date during the first date. Also though, yes, you must be direct - if you enjoyed the second date, tell him directly in words or text that you enjoyed it. During or after every date. For ever. This is not initiating, this is thanking him for a nice time. It's called courtesy. This is not you setting up a date and inviting him out. Do you see the difference? You ask if guys are this stupid that you need to tell them you enjoyed spending time with them so they'll ask you out again. I know it seems terribly obvious inside your head that if you didn't leave the date early and in a huff that you want him to ask you out again, but actually, outside of your head where this guy has to operate, it is not at all clear. What you describe is called 'mind reading', and is the great bane of men in dating. Please use words in both cases If you don't want tongue in your kisses right now, say it - out loud and clearly. If you enjoyed your date, say it - out loud (or in text) and clearly. Please don't get annoyed that he doesn't read your mind. It is your responsibility to tell him clearly what you want and don't want, and to do what you want to do, and don't do what you don't want to do. It is your life after all 2
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 My thoughts on what you've written here Britney25... Your first kiss from him was with tongue? Way too forward in my opinion. No thanks. More to the real issue though - It is important for you to acknowledge your feelings on such things - they are quite valid. The best reaction would have been to pull back and tell him you like kissing without tongue. (Eventually, when you're ready to go there in the future, he'll follow along as soon as you want I am sure). I would feel he is more interested in sex than interested in you as a person, yes. In my view his first kiss is either asking you if you want him to be that (kissing only) close to you, or it is testing to see if you are ready to go to 2nd or 3rd base. Tongue on first kiss to me says he is pushy for sex, not that he really liked the conversation you had and he wants to get to know you better. You did well suggesting a next date during the first date. Also though, yes, you must be direct - if you enjoyed the second date, tell him directly in words or text that you enjoyed it. During or after every date. For ever. This is not initiating, this is thanking him for a nice time. It's called courtesy. This is not you setting up a date and inviting him out. Do you see the difference? You ask if guys are this stupid that you need to tell them you enjoyed spending time with them so they'll ask you out again. I know it seems terribly obvious inside your head that if you didn't leave the date early and in a huff that you want him to ask you out again, but actually, outside of your head where this guy has to operate, it is not at all clear. What you describe is called 'mind reading', and is the great bane of men in dating. Please use words in both cases If you don't want tongue in your kisses right now, say it - out loud and clearly. If you enjoyed your date, say it - out loud (or in text) and clearly. Please don't get annoyed that he doesn't read your mind. It is your responsibility to tell him clearly what you want and don't want, and to do what you want to do, and don't do what you don't want to do. It is your life after all Thank you for your advice. See that's the thing I'm scared he just wants sex since he put his tongue in my mouth every time he initiated the kiss. Plus he kept touching my hair and back of my neck a lot. We did had a good convo, laughed a lot. He offered to drive me home, opened the car door for me and then at the end he said see you real soon, but today is the second date he didnt text me anything. He did tell me he is leaving for a work trip abroad for a few days thou. So it's a good sign "see you real soon"? I did t text him either thank you for the date yet. So i should just say thank you then today? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Thank you for your advice. See that's the thing I'm scared he just wants sex since he put his tongue in my mouth every time he initiated the kiss. Plus he kept touching my hair and back of my neck a lot. We did had a good convo, laughed a lot. He offered to drive me home, opened the car door for me and then at the end he said see you real soon, but today is the second date he didnt text me anything. He did tell me he is leaving for a work trip abroad for a few days thou. So it's a good sign "see you real soon"? I did t text him either thank you for the date yet. So i should just say thank you then today? Does he want sex with you? Most likely. Does he want ONLY sex with you? Probably not. He sounds interested in getting to know you better, but you don't seem to be showing interest back (besides the kiss you tolerated). He may not ask you out on another date because of this, so if you're wanting to go out with him again, yes, text him today.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Does he want sex with you? Most likely. Does he want ONLY sex with you? Probably not. He sounds interested in getting to know you better, but you don't seem to be showing interest back (besides the kiss you tolerated). He may not ask you out on another date because of this, so if you're wanting to go out with him again, yes, text him today. The Man is 38 and I'm 25 tho...doesnt he have a lot of experience to at least say hi? Wtf
Sunlight72 Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 ...I did t text him either thank you for the date yet. So i should just say thank you then today? You're very welcome - if it helps you understand and be more comfortable with what's happening and all, that would be great. Yes, I think it's a good sign he said, "See you real soon" - that's quite clear to me that he wants and plans to see you again in the next 10 days if possible. Also, he let you know he's going to be travelling and focused on work for a few days, which is a good sign because he's sharing with you what's happening and letting you know that if he doesn't communicate in the next 4 days he is just preoccupied, and he doesn't want you to wonder if he likes you or not. He likes you. Yes, I think you should certainly send a short, warm text and either say thank you for the date, or that you had a really nice time (if you did). It's just considerate and lets him know so that he doesn't have to wonder.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 You're very welcome - if it helps you understand and be more comfortable with what's happening and all, that would be great. Yes, I think it's a good sign he said, "See you real soon" - that's quite clear to me that he wants and plans to see you again in the next 10 days if possible. Also, he let you know he's going to be travelling and focused on work for a few days, which is a good sign because he's sharing with you what's happening and letting you know that if he doesn't communicate in the next 4 days he is just preoccupied, and he doesn't want you to wonder if he likes you or not. He likes you. Yes, I think you should certainly send a short, warm text and either say thank you for the date, or that you had a really nice time (if you did). It's just considerate and lets him know so that he doesn't have to wonder. Ok cool. I will send him a thank you text.
losangelena Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Well, I think the hard reality is that there's no guaranteed way to know whether someone is interested in more than sex. There are certain things you can do to try and discern the difference, but you won't really be sure until after you have sex. In my experience, men can say and do a lot of things that would suggest deeper interest, but even those turn out to be false flags, and once the relationship is consummated, they're out. You could ask him point blank what his intentions are, but he could equivocate in response, or you could do what Sunlight suggests and be very clear about your own expectations. Beyond that, you really don't have any way of being certain of his intentions. Reading into his kissing style is probably not going to tell you much. The fact that he's 13 years older than you makes me have my doubts. What is your gut telling you?
Sunlight72 Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Lastly, you mentioned again that in part you are afraid/concerned he just wants sex. Really do trust your feeling. If you feel he is more interested in sex than he is interested in you, listen to your heart. You don't owe him anything, and vice versa. Go slow. Be comfortable before you go further into intimacy. It's healthy for you, and if he cares about you, he of course wants you two to be enjoying each other in a healthy atmosphere
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Well, I think the hard reality is that there's no guaranteed way to know whether someone is interested in more than sex. There are certain things you can do to try and discern the difference, but you won't really be sure until after you have sex. In my experience, men can say and do a lot of things that would suggest deeper interest, but even those turn out to be false flags, and once the relationship is consummated, they're out. You could ask him point blank what his intentions are, but he could equivocate in response, or you could do what Sunlight suggests and be very clear about your own expectations. Beyond that, you really don't have any way of being certain of his intentions. Reading into his kissing style is probably not going to tell you much. The fact that he's 13 years older than you makes me have my doubts. What is your gut telling you? Hmmm on the second date he did tell me he is looking to start a family soon as that is what's missing in his life. He was asking questions about my past relationships, what my goals are etc. So honestly I think he is looking for a real relationship but I'm just trying to feel if I have chemistry with him because that's kinda holding me back. Would I go out with him again? Yes sure to check my feelings.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 Lastly, you mentioned again that in part you are afraid/concerned he just wants sex. Really do trust your feeling. If you feel he is more interested in sex than he is interested in you, listen to your heart. You don't owe him anything, and vice versa. Go slow. Be comfortable before you go further into intimacy. It's healthy for you, and if he cares about you, he of course wants you two to be enjoying each other in a healthy atmosphere He did mention that he is ready to start a family as that is missing in his life as his brothers are already married and with kids. Maybe he is serious..anyway I did sent him that thank you text and asked him hows Brazil?
central Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 These days, second or third dates usually involve sex, it seems, or Australian kissing (French kissing, only "down under"!). Sometimes, even first dates lead to sex! French kissing isn't a big deal, IMO, but if you're uncomfortable, then you should definitely speak up about it and go at your own pace. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 I don't think you two are very compatible. He's pushing faster then you are comfortable with & you want him to put in more effort then he's demonstrating. Based on your concerns that he "only" wanted sex, I see his comments to you on the 2nd date about wanting to start a family as him saying what he thought you wanted to hear about his intentions to lure you into bed. I am not saying all men do this. You were there. I wasn't. In person I could read this better & tell you for sure. But from what you posted, it could be nefarious rather than sincere. Even though you kissed him back, based upon your description of him being "aggressive" about it in a public place you probably telegraphed your discomfort to him in a non-verbal way even if you didn't realize you were doing it. I doubt you are going to hear from him before he leaves for this work trip abroad. If you do hear from him, that is a good sign that he does like you for more then just sex. At this point, I bet he ghosts because you are more work then he wants to put in, at least before the trip. If he reaches out from the trip that is a positive sign but not as good as arranging something before he goes away. The craziness before the trip might be why he's not reaching out but as everybody constantly points out it only takes a few minutes to shoot somebody a text. If he is already on this work trip abroad, stop expecting him to contact you until he gets home. Anyway you can try reaching out. That may spur some response. Otherwise just move on.
Author Britney25 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Posted August 9, 2018 I don't think you two are very compatible. He's pushing faster then you are comfortable with & you want him to put in more effort then he's demonstrating. Based on your concerns that he "only" wanted sex, I see his comments to you on the 2nd date about wanting to start a family as him saying what he thought you wanted to hear about his intentions to lure you into bed. I am not saying all men do this. You were there. I wasn't. In person I could read this better & tell you for sure. But from what you posted, it could be nefarious rather than sincere. Even though you kissed him back, based upon your description of him being "aggressive" about it in a public place you probably telegraphed your discomfort to him in a non-verbal way even if you didn't realize you were doing it. I doubt you are going to hear from him before he leaves for this work trip abroad. If you do hear from him, that is a good sign that he does like you for more then just sex. At this point, I bet he ghosts because you are more work then he wants to put in, at least before the trip. If he reaches out from the trip that is a positive sign but not as good as arranging something before he goes away. The craziness before the trip might be why he's not reaching out but as everybody constantly points out it only takes a few minutes to shoot somebody a text. If he is already on this work trip abroad, stop expecting him to contact you until he gets home. Anyway you can try reaching out. That may spur some response. Otherwise just move on. He already left yesterday on the trip. We were out on Tuesday he left Wednesday. Today I texted him a thank you as others have suggested I should do.
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