Crustedlobster Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Okay so, we’ve been together about 8 months now, we liked me a long time before I liked her .. as I showed no interest she used to flirt with other guys/ try to move on and I understood that. After we got together this seemed to stop. However about 2 months ago she got a new job. A guy there made a joke to her, football has a goaly doesn’t mean you can’t score, after she told him she had a boyfriend. She found this funny and didn’t see any disrespect after I told her she should have shut him down (not sure if I was right or wrong). She added him on snap chat and fb but she also added a lot of her colleagues.. however she was snap chatting him at work. He then messaged her on fb asking her for the rota that week and she gave it to him- but then carried on the conversation and deleted the messages. Eventually she got screenshots to show they were nothing bad. Ever since then she’s always hidden how close they really are, she told me she wasn’t friends with him, and on a work night out they had planned she told me she wasn’t bothered whether he was there or not. She asked him if he was coming, which she told me about and he said no. He also told her that day he wanted to **** her (she didn’t outright reject him). Three days later she was messaging him in their work group chat to see if he was coming out. I asked her on the day who was going and she showed me who was in the group chat and said they’d all been invited but she wasn’t sure on two of them (didn’t mention his name) . I said I thought he wasn’t coming ... she said oh I’m not sure he said he was to everyone but then he said yesterday he wasn’t. I had to ask several times to get the real story that she’d actually messaged him that morning asking if he was coming and he’ quite clearly said yes. Her excuse for not telling me was she would have told me if he actually did come as soon as he got there, despite the fact we made a rule we’d be honest from the very start with these kind of things due to issues in the past (I stuck to my part of the deal). I grew frustrated at her lies and eventually ended it out of anger. She then went out that night, and gave him her number. Her wrk lot were trying to set them up, and she was being flirty with him (she’s admitted this) and said he made comments about getting a boner from hugging her and she laughed along , and also he asked if she’d get with him and she said not tonight maybe in a couple of weeks. She told me all of this and said she only flirted to distract from being dumped, said sorry and promised not to talk to him again (they’ve only had one shift so far but as far as I’m aware she’s stuck to this). We’re curretly back together but i just wanted someone else’s perspective, am I overthinking / should I mind them being mates ? I don’t think I’d have cared at all if she actually turned him down at any of those comments instead of flirting back, I’ve never cared or got jealous when she’s had a laugh with other boys I just thought those comments were too far to not outright reject him, and her lying about them being friends, hiding messages etc and only showing me when I made her ? Was I too hard or is what she did borderline cheating?
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 She's not "cheating "physically, she's soaking up the attention from this guy, which she finds flattering, etc. You should dump her because it seems to be heading that way and you can't stop it. they call that monkey branching right?
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Why did you take her back? She showed a lot of disrespect toward you. Now you're gonna lose trust in her and start torturing yourself wondering if she cheats or not. She is not the only woman in the world to date. Dump that one and let her go ridicule someone else.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 He got a boner from hugging her? Yikes. Bad news. He's after her big time and if she doesn't have the sense or ability to shut it down, that's trouble. I wouldn't tolerate for that sort thing. That's just me, though. I'm thinkin' she's history?
Author Crustedlobster Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 Why did you take her back? She showed a lot of disrespect toward you. Now you're gonna lose trust in her and start torturing yourself wondering if she cheats or not. She is not the only woman in the world to date. Dump that one and let her go ridicule someone else. Well I wasn’t sure if she had a point. I remember when she first told me about the goalie comment, she said she just found it a joke at work etc and I wasn’t sure if I was gunna be that controlling boyfriend I’d i said anything. Then when I saw the snap chat and that she’d deleted the messages, I lost it went mental at her called every name under the sun etc. She deleted him off everything and I wasn’t sure if maybe I was to blame for getting angry the first time. Maybe that was why she lied? Also that night he tried to get her to go back to his and she said no, and the next day after I told her to she did message him saying she wasn’t interested. It just confuses me because she lied so much, I don’t know if she was interested or if it was just a joke to her and she went to him that night we broke up out of anger/ upset due to the break up (that was what she said ) and I know she cried a lot that night. She also stuck to her part of the deal that she wouldn’t talk to him anymore and she was honest about everything that was said. That’s why I asked here, I wasn’t sure if it’s normal for a girl to maybe have banter like that that doesn’t mean anything, or if that is downright disrespectful?
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 That’s why I asked here, I wasn’t sure if it’s normal for a girl to maybe have banter like that that doesn’t mean anything, or if that is downright disrespectful? No, girlfriends that have respect for themselves and their boyfriend do not act like this. What do you do with the fact she lied to you on multiple occasions? My friend found her bf doing the same as your gf. She gave him chances, took him back numerous times. Now we're 4 years later and he's still sexting women. When people show you who they are... believe them.
OnlyHonesty Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) I had to ask several times to get the real story... No you didn't...because you should have ditched her already. She's shown disloyalty and disrespect. She might as well laugh in your face at this point. It's over... Your problem is that you keep on trying to make her act in the way that she should have acted all on her own. It's only a matter of time before she accidentally ends up sleeping with this guy and says '''one thing lead to another...'' Edit: It looks like I missed the part where you said ''We’re curretly back together'' Therte's your problem. When you make a decision to end it, stick to it. Taking her back after all of that is foolish. Edited August 8, 2018 by OnlyHonesty
Author Crustedlobster Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) it’s the fact she does seem to really love me , she does a lot for me and really doesn’t strike as someone who would cheat. I just don’t know what to believe, it was her whole attitude that got me, she blamed me for wanting to see her phone and called me paranoid and said it was all me. She was just horrible about it all and I just wanted to check I was right to be annoyed as it’s really getting to me. I don’t understand why she didn’t just tell me they were friends and why she didn’t reject him I’d like she says she’s not attracted one bit. It makes me paranoid that if someone she is attracted to it’s on her how would she react then?! Thank you for your comments though guys, appreciate them. I’m going to give her one more chance but I think one more lie or one more not outright rejection a guy like that and I’m gone. Edited August 8, 2018 by Crustedlobster
coolheadal Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) it’s the fact she does seem to really love me , she does a lot for me and really doesn’t strike as someone who would cheat. I just don’t know what to believe, it was her whole attitude that got me, she blamed me for wanting to see her phone and called me paranoid and said it was all me. She was just horrible about it all and I just wanted to check I was right to be annoyed as it’s really getting to me. I don’t understand why she didn’t just tell me they were friends and why she didn’t reject him I’d like she says she’s not attracted one bit. It makes me paranoid that if someone she is attracted to it’s on her how would she react then?! Thank you for your comments though guys, appreciate them. I’m going to give her one more chance but I think one more lie or one more not outright rejection a guy like that and I’m gone. She's not she's not satisfied with you that's why she's doing what she does. She urges for him and yet she toy's with you. The lust and the sexual act is so close to her heart for him. She enjoys the rush and thrill. What do you get out of all of this just being the her guy on the side. You know what she's doing and yet you allow her to continue because we men don't want to reject it in her minds and ego plays a huge part of this. Let her go, ditch the tramp, she's not good, she's emotionally cheating on you (means with words). What will happen you'll be left out in the dust. The man she flirting, teasing and playing with is the sort of man she wants. You shouldn't even think of giving her a second chance which you already have many times already. Wait up my friend she's doing you wrong and yet you don't see it in your eyes or mind or heart. Anyone can love you with words but actions speaks louder than words. Come now, if she was so much in love with you would she be contacting another guy online with you. NOPE NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU Edited August 8, 2018 by coolheadal
Highndry Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 (edited) Okay so, we’ve been together about 8 months now, we liked me a long time before I liked her .. as I showed no interest she used to flirt with other guys/ try to move on and I understood that. After we got together this seemed to stop. However about 2 months ago she got a new job. A guy there made a joke to her, football has a goaly doesn’t mean you can’t score, after she told him she had a boyfriend. She found this funny and didn’t see any disrespect after I told her she should have shut him down (not sure if I was right or wrong). She added him on snap chat and fb but she also added a lot of her colleagues.. however she was snap chatting him at work. He then messaged her on fb asking her for the rota that week and she gave it to him- but then carried on the conversation and deleted the messages. Eventually she got screenshots to show they were nothing bad. Ever since then she’s always hidden how close they really are, she told me she wasn’t friends with him, and on a work night out they had planned she told me she wasn’t bothered whether he was there or not. She asked him if he was coming, which she told me about and he said no. He also told her that day he wanted to **** her (she didn’t outright reject him). Three days later she was messaging him in their work group chat to see if he was coming out. I asked her on the day who was going and she showed me who was in the group chat and said they’d all been invited but she wasn’t sure on two of them (didn’t mention his name) . I said I thought he wasn’t coming ... she said oh I’m not sure he said he was to everyone but then he said yesterday he wasn’t. I had to ask several times to get the real story that she’d actually messaged him that morning asking if he was coming and he’ quite clearly said yes. Her excuse for not telling me was she would have told me if he actually did come as soon as he got there, despite the fact we made a rule we’d be honest from the very start with these kind of things due to issues in the past (I stuck to my part of the deal). I grew frustrated at her lies and eventually ended it out of anger. She then went out that night, and gave him her number. Her wrk lot were trying to set them up, and she was being flirty with him (she’s admitted this) and said he made comments about getting a boner from hugging her and she laughed along , and also he asked if she’d get with him and she said not tonight maybe in a couple of weeks. She told me all of this and said she only flirted to distract from being dumped, said sorry and promised not to talk to him again (they’ve only had one shift so far but as far as I’m aware she’s stuck to this). We’re curretly back together but i just wanted someone else’s perspective, am I overthinking / should I mind them being mates ? I don’t think I’d have cared at all if she actually turned him down at any of those comments instead of flirting back, I’ve never cared or got jealous when she’s had a laugh with other boys I just thought those comments were too far to not outright reject him, and her lying about them being friends, hiding messages etc and only showing me when I made her ? Was I too hard or is what she did borderline cheating? Next time use some paragraphs like I have added above. It is much easier to read. Without them a lot of people, including myself, will just ignore the post. That being said, if she hadn't cheated on you she is going to. It is flat out wrong for a gf or wife to entertain a man who has made his intentions clear like he has. Edited August 9, 2018 by Highndry 1
rightondude Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 that dude will be drilling her within the month. Guarantee it.
Marc878 Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 it’s the fact she does seem to really love me , she does a lot for me and really doesn’t strike as someone who would cheat. I just don’t know what to believe, it was her whole attitude that got me, she blamed me for wanting to see her phone and called me paranoid and said it was all me. She was just horrible about it all and I just wanted to check I was right to be annoyed as it’s really getting to me. I don’t understand why she didn’t just tell me they were friends and why she didn’t reject him I’d like she says she’s not attracted one bit. It makes me paranoid that if someone she is attracted to it’s on her how would she react then?! Thank you for your comments though guys, appreciate them. I’m going to give her one more chance but I think one more lie or one more not outright rejection a guy like that and I’m gone. Famous last words. Her actions show you she's flying close to the flame bud
Marc878 Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 If you have to tell them what to do or police them it's not worth it.
Andy_K Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Would you rather break up with her before or after she cheats on you?
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