ShaneMcCaw Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Okay so i made a previous post on here about my boyfriend. I did talk to my boyfriend about that incident and his some what “ex” but while talking to him about that his exact words were “i don’t want her!” While making a disgusting look on his face. For those who didn’t see my other post (i met my boyfriend while he was trying to be with another woman, it wasn’t working out for him and he immediately pursued me, he gave up on her and got with me ) My boyfriend and i have mutual friends that’s how we met. I found out my boyfriend was talking about me to someone else. He told someone about how my mother didn’t like him and how he never gets involved because he knows she doesn’t like him. Then the person he was talking to said well “you need to be with someone who doesn’t live with their parents” and he said “well i don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but i thought she was older. She looks way older” And the person asked him “well do you want to get married” and he said “yeah eventually but not to her (her=me, his current gf)
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Everybody talks to somebody. People need outlets to express themselves, to think out loud & to problem solve. Unfortunately your BF chose to confide in a gossipy person who is spreading what he said so it got back to your ears. You can't come down on him like a ton of bricks but you can point out that the person he talked to cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Then you mention that the version which reached your ears hurt your feelings. If she was serious about not wanting to marry you ever, then you need to figure out if you want to stick around in the short term, knowing this relationship might not be going anywhere. 1
Author ShaneMcCaw Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 Everybody talks to somebody. People need outlets to express themselves, to think out loud & to problem solve. Unfortunately your BF chose to confide in a gossipy person who is spreading what he said so it got back to your ears. You can't come down on him like a ton of bricks but you can point out that the person he talked to cannot be trusted to keep a confidence. Then you mention that the version which reached your ears hurt your feelings. If she was serious about not wanting to marry you ever, then you need to figure out if you want to stick around in the short term, knowing this relationship might not be going anywhere. The nature in how we got together makes me question his intentions, that’s why I’m upset if marriage isn’t the goal why stick around
stillafool Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Well now you know he doesn't have any intentions to marry you so just break it off. 1
hippychick3 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Given his last remark, I see no reason to stay with him. It doesn’t matter how you found out. Knowing his true intentions and feelings would be enough for me to move on. He doesn’t seem to think of you in high regard and has no plans for this to be long term. I would just tell him that you don’t feel this is working out and gracefully exit. 1
kendahke Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 (edited) And the person asked him “well do you want to get married” and he said “yeah eventually but not to her (her=me, his current gf) Well now you have a clearer picture of what you're future will be--and it will not be including him in any meaningful way. Those are your dismissal papers. Time to get going. There is nothing left for you to talk about. And if he's hanging around, it's because you let him. Time to take responsibility for what you're contributing to the dysfunction in which you find yourself. Edited August 8, 2018 by kendahke 1
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Have you sat down with him and talked to him about these remarks or are you simply going off of second hand information? Or was it done via text message and you have proof? It's time to call it off with him if this is the case. If it's the latter, then it's time to sit down with him and ask him if he stated those things. But, that's going to be tricky as now you're trying to decipher exactly what was said. What I wouldn't exactly call his "confidant" a reliable source as he spoke to them about personal information and they came running to you.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 It's obvious marriage isn't on the table at this point in his life with anyone. And tbh no one really knows for sure even if they do want to marry....you are just dating for 4 months, that's hardly enough time to know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Over time things could change either way. I don't see the issue unless you have been together for over a year and a half. BUT this guy has been unsatisfying with his behavior so why not just call it quits....I think you will feel better about it if you did. I don't think you are losing out on an opportunity with him if you kick him to the curb.
Author ShaneMcCaw Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 It's obvious marriage isn't on the table at this point in his life with anyone. And tbh no one really knows for sure even if they do want to marry....you are just dating for 4 months, that's hardly enough time to know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Over time things could change either way. I don't see the issue unless you have been together for over a year and a half. BUT this guy has been unsatisfying with his behavior so why not just call it quits....I think you will feel better about it if you did. I don't think you are losing out on an opportunity with him if you kick him to the curb. Couldn’t he have said “i want to get married but not right now”? Or “i want to get married but that’s not until the future”? He didn’t state that
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Considering the problems outlined in your last thread here, https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/660464-boyfriend-got-invited-housewarming-didn-t-mention-me, I would end it. He doesn't take you or this relationship seriously. 1
caveman621 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Is your "dating goal" marriage? If that's what you want, and all you are looking for, time to move on.
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 And the person asked him “well do you want to get married” and he said “yeah eventually but not to her (her=me, his current gf) Of course, we all know who he'd like to marry. That is a lot of drama for a 4 months relationship! 1
stillafool Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Couldn’t he have said “i want to get married but not right now”? Or “i want to get married but that’s not until the future”? He didn’t state that Yes he could have said the above but he wanted to make it clear he wasn't planning on marrying you. Don't waste your precious years if marriage is your goal. The writing is on the wall. 1
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Couldn’t he have said “i want to get married but not right now”? Or “i want to get married but that’s not until the future”? He didn’t state that Why should he? Like I said marriage with anyone is the furthest thing from his mind. It's not in his near future in his opinion, so why both even ponder about this. It turned you off what he said so it's time to kick him to the curb.
Malin889 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 It's bad enough if a guy says "I don't want to get married" (if you do), but saying "I don't want to marry her" is just an insult more than the regular insult. Call it a day already.
kendahke Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 (edited) Couldn’t he have said “i want to get married but not right now”? Or “i want to get married but that’s not until the future”? He didn’t state that Your first very clear clue--what he chose to say. There is no point in talking about what he could have said or meant because he was rather pointed and direct with what he said. There is no alternative interpretation to it. You will not be Mrs. Him. Edited August 10, 2018 by kendahke
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