Good first date? Not sure...

[iamme10]

Hey all,

 

Wall of text warning… sorry just had to get this out there though…

 

So I went on a 'blind date' with this girl last weekend. I feel the date and response immediately after the date was very positive, but since then, I’m not really getting any responses from her. So here’s the story:

 

The 'blind date' part is a long story that I won’t go into here, but essentially I hadn't seen her in 4 years, and she didn't remember me from when I briefly had met her before. In any case, when I first contacted her on the phone about a month ago, I asked her out for coffee. Because we were both busy due to work/life/etc we had been texting here and there over the last month to find a day that would work for us to meet up. So finally she's free this last weekend, and I suggest going to get sushi rather than coffee. She says she loves sushi and agrees.

 

So we meet at the sushi place Saturday night, and overall I feel like we had a really good first date. I could tell she was a bit nervous at the beginning since she babbled on a bit, but as the date went on, she got more comfortable and the conversation really flowed. During the dinner, I felt she was really engaged (good eye contact), smiled a lot, laughed, joked, etc. We ended up being there for over two hours, chatting for a while even after all our food and drinks were gone.

 

She unfortunately had to head home for an early start on Sunday, so I didn't suggest continuing the evening. So I walked her to her car, and asked if she had a good time (yes) and said it would be nice if we could do this again sometime (she agreed). At her car, I unfortunately didn't go for a kiss, so we just hugged. As she was leaving, I told her to let me know she got home safely.

 

So about an hour later, I get a text saying "I’m home... thanks again! It was delicious and so nice to finally meet you! Gonna go get my rice and get to cooking lol (inside joke a bit)"

 

I responded "Glad you made it home safe, and you’re welcome! Was good to finally meet you as well Have fun getting that brown rice cooked! haha". Then I sent her an inside joke image we had talked about on the date and she laughed.

 

So the next day (Sunday) I texted her in the afternoon just to check in on her: "Hey hows your Sunday going? Hope your friend’s daughter is kicking butt in her tourney ".

 

A few hours later she texts: "Good... just got home. She won so it was worth the long day", and I reply: "Wow yeah thats a really long day… but awesome that she won! Hopefully you weren’t too tired from staying up and cooking your brown rice last night ;)"

 

She reads the last texts a while later (we have read receipts on) but no reply. No big deal since she's not the best at always texting back (based on previous experience during the month of texting).

 

So then on Monday, I figured I should call her to tell her I had a great time and would like to see her again. So in the morning, I send her this text: “Good morning! I hope you had a relaxing rest of your Sunday. Are you going to be around later today or tonight? I’d like to give you a call if you’re free ”. I see she reads it several hours later, but never replies.

 

Not sure what that means, but figured she was just busy or blanked on it, so I tried calling later that night, and just got her VM. I left a message saying ‘Hey looks like I missed you - I’ll try back some other time. Have a good night!”

 

So with all that said, am I totally misreading the date and text after the date that she liked it? Or was that just her being nice, but really I somehow scared her off? Any input or comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Lotsgoingon]

There can be a fine line between a perfectly pleasant date and a date that reveals some spark and chemistry.

 

Sounds like she was just a friendly person who enjoyed your company during dinner and was willing to engage in a good conversation.

 

This is the reveal here:

 

I’m home... thanks again! It was delicious and so nice to finally meet you! Gonna go get my rice and get to cooking lol (inside joke a bit)"

 

Her reply is actually weak ... someone who has some romantic interest or even curiosity would includes phrases like .... I had a wonderful time ... or ... That was so much fun ... and/or ... Look forward to seeing you again. Also, nice to meet you is what you say generically about meeting someone who is generally a good person.

 

There would be more "lean" as in leaning towards getting together again in her message if she were interested.

 

BTW: your messages don't lean either ... So you want to up your game a bit ... express an interest in seeing her again ... Here reply at her car doesn't count as she could have just been polite there ... Hard to tell someone, well no, I had a good time talking, but I don't want to go out again with you.

 

But her followup texts and now her silence have told you that. Not returning your call was her way of saying she isn't interested in anything more. That's not accidental ... she didn't forget. People interested in going out with us again remember!

 

Sorry ... I know that's disappointing ... But use this info for your next date.

[DontBreakEven]

She read and didn't respond to a text asking if you could call her that evening ... and that was 2 days ago. She then put you to voicemail when you did call, and still hasn't said a word.

 

She's not interested. Sucks. I've been there many times.

[rightondude]

yeah sorry brother she aint into you. Best to cut all contact with the hope maybe she'll reconsider. But she definitely won't reconsider by you continuing to contact her. Trust me I know.

[iamme10]

Yeah I've realized none of my followup texts were really expressing what I should have in terms of asking to see her again. Definitely should have been more up front after the date from my end.

 

On her side, she's never been a very verbose texter since we got in contact, so the 'lukewarm' post-date text actually seemed a bit more emotive than others I've gotten from her, hence the hope I had.

 

Also, its not the first time she hasn't returned a call, so I might be freaking out over nothing. Last week (while trying to set up the date) I called her on Monday, then no response from her all week until I texted on Thursday, at which point she apologized for not returning my call.

 

But I agree all of this seems to indicate low interest from her, unfortunately for me. So my plan now is to call tonight or tomorrow night one last time, and let her know I had a really good time and would like to see her again. Just hope its not too late for that, but my hope is that she's figured that out based on my call on Monday...

[rightondude]

she knows you had a good time and she knows you want to see her again. I don't think it matters how she texted you before, she hadn't "met" you until the other night. If she were into you that would have changed.

 

But hey you do you. I don't think you really have anything to lose.

[MidwestUSA]

Do not call or text her again. She got the messages. There's nothing wrong with your communication up to this point. She'll either reply later, with an excuse, or she won't. Then you'll have your answer. You don't want to feel like you had to force a reply.

 

You didn't scare her off, but her interest is/was low. Ball is in her court, you've done your part.

 

Sucks, I know.

[iamme10]

she knows you had a good time and she knows you want to see her again. I don't think it matters how she texted you before, she hadn't "met" you until the other night. If she were into you that would have changed.

 

But hey you do you. I don't think you really have anything to lose.

 

Haha thanks As much as I'd like to see this work out (because the girl is amazing, both personality wise and looks) its been a bit of a long shot from the beginning. The long story I didn't include was how I got in touch with her...

 

A few years ago, I was at an event, and started talking to this girl at her booth selling her products. We seemed to really hit it off, but I'm normally pretty shy and reserved, so I didn't have the guts to ask for her number. So at the end of the conversation, she hands me her card... I remember thinking at the time, is she wanting me to call her, or is this just business? In any case I didn't act on anything at the time, and eventually misplaced her card.

 

Fast forward to several weeks ago, I was cleaning my place and found her card. So I figured, what the heck, let me call this girl and ask her out. When I finally built up the courage to do so, I called her, explained how I got her number, asked if she'd want to grab coffee sometime and she agreed. We ended up chatting on the phone for 30 mins after that... Then as I mentioned above, life got in the way for both of us and we didn't have a chance to meet until last weekend.

 

So long story short, this whole thing has been a bit 'unconventional'... Guess I'll see if continuing to be that way will keep working...

[Imajerk17]

I'm thinking that her interest overall seems rather thin. I bolded some pretty clear hints.

 

Hey all,

 

Wall of text warning… sorry just had to get this out there though…

 

So I went on a 'blind date' with this girl last weekend. I feel the date and response immediately after the date was very positive, but since then, I’m not really getting any responses from her. So here’s the story:

 

The 'blind date' part is a long story that I won’t go into here, but essentially I hadn't seen her in 4 years, and she didn't remember me from when I briefly had met her before. In any case, when I first contacted her on the phone about a month ago, I asked her out for coffee. Because we were both busy due to work/life/etc we had been texting here and there over the last month to find a day that would work for us to meet up. So finally she's free this last weekend, and I suggest going to get sushi rather than coffee. She says she loves sushi and agrees.

 

So we meet at the sushi place Saturday night, and overall I feel like we had a really good first date. I could tell she was a bit nervous at the beginning since she babbled on a bit, but as the date went on, she got more comfortable and the conversation really flowed. During the dinner, I felt she was really engaged (good eye contact), smiled a lot, laughed, joked, etc. We ended up being there for over two hours, chatting for a while even after all our food and drinks were gone.

 

She unfortunately had to head home for an early start on Sunday, so I didn't suggest continuing the evening. So I walked her to her car, and asked if she had a good time (yes) and said it would be nice if we could do this again sometime (she agreed). At her car, I unfortunately didn't go for a kiss, so we just hugged. As she was leaving, I told her to let me know she got home safely.

 

So about an hour later, I get a text saying "I’m home... thanks again! It was delicious and so nice to finally meet you! Gonna go get my rice and get to cooking lol (inside joke a bit)"

I responded "Glad you made it home safe, and you’re welcome! Was good to finally meet you as well Have fun getting that brown rice cooked! haha". Then I sent her an inside joke image we had talked about on the date and she laughed.

 

So the next day (Sunday) I texted her in the afternoon just to check in on her: "Hey hows your Sunday going? Hope your friend’s daughter is kicking butt in her tourney ".

 

A few hours later she texts: "Good... just got home. She won so it was worth the long day", and I reply: "Wow yeah thats a really long day… but awesome that she won! Hopefully you weren’t too tired from staying up and cooking your brown rice last night ;)"

 

She reads the last texts a while later (we have read receipts on) but no reply. No big deal since she's not the best at always texting back (based on previous experience during the month of texting).

 

So then on Monday, I figured I should call her to tell her I had a great time and would like to see her again. So in the morning, I send her this text: “Good morning! I hope you had a relaxing rest of your Sunday. Are you going to be around later today or tonight? I’d like to give you a call if you’re free ”. I see she reads it several hours later, but never replies.

 

Not sure what that means, but figured she was just busy or blanked on it, so I tried calling later that night, and just got her VM. I left a message saying ‘Hey looks like I missed you - I’ll try back some other time. Have a good night!”

 

So with all that said, am I totally misreading the date and text after the date that she liked it? Or was that just her being nice, but really I somehow scared her off? Any input or comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

I am sorry to say this OP, but a woman who is really having a great time on a date will not bail on a Saturday night to go home and "cook rice". That was a pretty solid giveaway that her interest was low.

 

I mean think about it, would YOU have ended a date early because you like to lift on Sunday AMs? Unless you are truly training hard for some sort of upcoming event, you'd instead work out later in the day or something. And even if lifting on Sunday AM is that important to you and you had to cut the date short, you would have done everything to lock down the next date.

 

Well similar principle applies here with your date. This isn't a gender-specific issue.

 

I'd say the best thing you can do is move on. Her loss!

[Lotsgoingon]

Avoid any further calls.

 

By texting her again, you are only slowing your own shift to looking for another date, and you make yourself seem desperate.

 

She has tried to be polite by not responding.

 

Dude, when people want to date, they show it, they act aggressively and openly. They make know they had a wonderful time and want to do that again. It's usually NOT a close call.

 

You haven't done anything wrong. You spent a pleasant evening with her.

 

Let go and keep rocking and rolling to the next prospect.

[iamme10]

Thanks for the feedback everyone... just thought I'd come back and give an update.

 

First on the cooking rice/early morning thing. I do know from discussions before the date that she was heading to a friend's daughter's tennis tournament early the next morning (had to leave at 6). So that seemed to ring true. As far as the rice thing, that was a bit of an inside joke, but also, this girl is super serious about her nutrition (will be competing in a few weeks) so its a priority for her and I totally get it since I've been there before.

 

That being said, you're probably also correct that it was a bit of an excuse. I did send her one final text on Friday afternoon letting her know I had a good time with her and telling her I would like to see her again and asked if she was free next week to hit up some mini-golf. Haven't heard a word back so she's definitely in the 'not interested' side of things

 

For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time moving on from this one... its rare I meet a girl like this that really matches the things I'm looking for in a partner, so I feel like I really screwed up somehow. So my brain keeps running through the date, trying to figure out if I screwed up and should have done something differently, etc. I know I shouldn't do this, but its been really tough to shift my thoughts... ugh.

[Larry56]

Dude, if you're an inexperienced dater. It's totally understandable that you feel nervous around women.

 

I think a good indicator based on your description is interesting. She said she doesn't remember you.

 

That's a good indication that someone is very neutral about you because you don't fit their ideal type.

 

Meaning, she is not going to gush over you straight away, that takes time. Don't text a girl back first after a date. NEVER chase a woman. Especially one that is neutral about you.

 

Just keep cool, go do something else and let her reply at her own pace. If it's a lame response. Just let it go for now.

[Larry56]

For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time moving on from this one... its rare I meet a girl like this that really matches the things I'm looking for in a partner, so I feel like I really screwed up somehow. So my brain keeps running through the date, trying to figure out if I screwed up and should have done something differently, etc. I know I shouldn't do this, but its been really tough to shift my thoughts... ugh.

 

As a man, you're going to analyse every single thing the other person is doing.

 

You didn't screw up and you're overthinking everything.

 

I know it seems like shes perfect, but she probably doesn't feel like you're PERFECT for her, so far - it might change but you're gonna have to go and do something else and focus on something else in the meantime.

Don't try to force a relationship with a woman EVER. Sorry if I'm a bit blunt.