AmberAriesMom Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Checking the current trends again..... Under what circumstances should a man allow his female date to pay her own half of the date....or pay for it all?
kitkat826 Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 If it is a real live "date", then in my experience the man always pays. I am very progressive in a lot of ways, but this is one of those traditions that I have just learned to accept and expect. I have offered to pay my part of many dates, and have not only been turned down, but almost looked at as if I was crazy. Then again, most of the men I have dated have been Latino, and they are much more traditional in that sense to begin with (date paying, door holding, etc.). Now, I think, if ANY guy didn't pay, I would be worried. It would seem to show a lack of attention to and respect for the dating process itself. Another old tradition: When walking down the street, do you guys stand on the outside and you girls on the inside (the outside being the street side). With many guys I've dated, they will "switch us" if we are walking "incorrectly". They say the girl isn't supposed to walk on the outside because it looks as if she is being "pimped". Standing on the inside, then, is a sign of respect and shows she is taken. When I was younger I laughed at it and found it to be terribly old and patriarchical, but now its something I've almost learned to expect. I think if I dated someone who let me walk on the outside, I might actually be offended....like "What?!? This mother#@$#@% wants to pimp me??!?":laugh:
nosybear819 Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Yeah most men hate when you try to pay. I've found that even when I go out with my guy friends they don't expect me to pay for anything. If I pull out my money they look at it like it's kryptonite or something. The only time a guy will allow a woman to pay is probably if he's trying to be a jerk...or if he runs out of money by the end of the night. Kitkat - I know what you mean about the walking on the inside thing my EX,whom I dated for 6 years, and all his friends were like firm believers in that. If I was walking down the street with him or any of his friends they'd automatically switch me to the "correct" side it's funny it was almost like a reflex. Now what's even funnier is after having been "trained" to walk the sidewalk that way I have the same reflex now when I go out on dates I'm always switching the guy to the correct side.
Jayhawks Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I have no problem letting a girl pay. If we are friends then we usually alternate paying. If it is a dateable girl I will pay but I have had girls offer to pay. I don't think there is a set in stone tradition on who pays. If you are comfortable with each other it really doesn't matter and if I had a gal get miffy over it I would be freaked.
Art_Critic Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I have no problem letting a girl pay. If we are friends then we usually alternate paying. If it is a dateable girl I will pay but I have had girls offer to pay. I don't think there is a set in stone tradition on who pays. If you are comfortable with each other it really doesn't matter and if I had a gal get miffy over it I would be freaked. I'm with Jayhawks on this one .. I feel the same way . I do know there are alot of women that try to pay so they don't feel like they owe the guy anything. I think that thinking is from the younger immature days when guys would think that they need to get something because they paid for dinner.
Author AmberAriesMom Posted September 4, 2005 Author Posted September 4, 2005 Ok you menfolk, if the girl asked you out and wanted to pay for it all, wouldn't you feel like a kept man?
JS17 Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I'm with Jayhawks on this one .. I feel the same way . I do know there are alot of women that try to pay so they don't feel like they owe the guy anything. I think that thinking is from the younger immature days when guys would think that they need to get something because they paid for dinner. I am one of those women that these guys are talking about. My friends always get all up in arms that I pay because guys are supposed to. It's rare that I feel taken advantage of for paying...for other things yes, but not for paying. In general though, it's the man's responsibilty to pay until you are exclusive.
animo Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I always try to pay, but often women want to pay their half and i have learned not to take arguments about this any further then 'no really i insist.. I guiss if the tables were turned on me and the women offered to treat me to dinner then i would also argue but no further then 'no really i insist' :-)
Outcast Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I never pay. I'm a lady. It has nothing whatsoever to do with ladylike behaviour, unless your definition of 'lady' is still 'hapless, helpless boob who can't even change a lightbulb without needing to call an engineer'. In a world where many women make as much as or even more than men it's not fair to make men pay all the time, IMHO. It's called being a 'decent human being' and you can be every bit a lady (instead of a kept woman) while paying your own share or taking turns.
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 It has nothing whatsoever to do with ladylike behaviour, unless your definition of 'lady' is still 'hapless, helpless boob who can't even change a lightbulb without needing to call an engineer'. Lady = Woman
mixwell Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I never understood the whole having your girl walk on the inside of the sidewalk thing.. My mom always told me this when I was a kid so I just do it naturally but never understood why.. I always thought it was like to get them secure or whatever. At least my mom taught something of use in the real world.. haha I got a lot of practice opening doors also because my mom used to just stand there when we were about to walk into somewhere and I was like oh yeah i forgot to open the door.. haha this was when I was like like 6years old too.. haha good ol mom..
Outcast Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I never understood the whole having your girl walk on the inside of the sidewalk thing.. And here's the perfect example of why traditions that carry to today are pretty funny. The reason men walk on the outside is that before toilets, people would empty their chamber pots out the windows. The contents had a much better chance of hitting the person nearest the road (I believe they were aiming for the gutter) so the idea was that the human waste would land on the man instead of the woman.
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 so the idea was that the human waste would land on the man instead of the woman. So what has changed then ?? It is still that way today
battleworn Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Is that for real? Good stuff. I will use that next time I go for a walk with someone. One more way to fill the awkward silences. I do it because my sister told me it was one of the things that differentiated her husband when they were dating. All the little things he did. And she is a very independent and progressive woman.
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 You put it well, Mixwell, it's a matter of good manners too. The sidewalk rule means you're taking the side that is less comfortable and more risky. I feel like I want to be protected and taken care of and I like my man to be stronger, older and more mature, more successful and secure... Perhaps I'll change with time, but for right now this is the way I am. I like gentlemen with good manners. I am old-fashioned in that respect.
Kengne Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Ok I never knew about the whole sidewalk rule, but IMO whomever initiates the date... pays for the date. And being that I RARELY ask a man out, men typically ask me out and it's my expectation that THEY pay. This has never been a problem for me. Once in rel'ship the dynamic changes of course.. but when it comes to dating, I believe the initiator of the date should pay. K.
tanbark813 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 In the beginning I prefer it when the woman at least offers but then I pay anyway. That way she doesn't look like a gold-digger and I don't look cheap. Everybody wins. Ideally I like when I pay for dinner and then she offers to buy a round of drinks or something. But if the girl never makes a single move for her purse the entire evening then she loses major points. Once we're past dating and into an actual relationship, my past experience is that the paying has alternated for the most part. I'll pay one time, she'll pay another. It's probably not exactly 50/50, since I think I've always made more than the girls I date, but I think it's split up fairly. If a girl offered to take me out and pay for everything then I wouldn't feel like a kept man, I'd feel like a pimp. I never understood feeling like less of a man just because your woman wants to pay. "Oh no, please don't save me money. Okay, you twisted my arm." If a guy feels like less of a man because one time he doesn't pay, then he must not have had much manhood to begin with.
mixwell Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 "Honey please walk on the inside of the sidewalk just incase some trys to shlt on us I will get hit instead of you" wow how romantic !! haha
Craig Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Checking the current trends again..... Under what circumstances should a man allow his female date to pay her own half of the date....or pay for it all? His birthday. It's all an individual thing and anything goes these days. I like to keep it simple and always pay--except where I am taken out for something like my birthday. If you are asking when a man should ALLOW his female date to pay, then I'd say if her heart is set on paying THEN he should GIVE her that and not TAKE it away from her by insisting that he pay. Sometimes to give, we must allow others to give to us.
clandestinidad Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 well, if youre my now ex b/f, you'd expect the girl to pay her way all the d@mn time. After all, she should be independant enough to do that hmmm...wonder why I didnt feel very important sometimes, besides other reasons (one of my favorite quotes was: "its MY money, and I dont want to spend it on YOU")
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 IMO whomever initiates the date... pays for the date. And being that I RARELY ask a man out, men typically ask me out and it's my expectation that THEY pay. I like your excuse! I can't imagine asking a guy out and then paying for his dinner. I have only met two guys who were okay with me paying for them: 1) my ex-BF of 6 years, we broke up 9 years ago; and 2) a friend of mine who was hitting on me, but he is a weirdo anyway.
aviva_dawn Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 My bf and I have been together for six months (plus 10 months in a LDR) and we ALWAYS go dutch. He rarely offers to pay and I've found myself in the past scraping up money just to go out on dates with him while I wasn't working, but was in school full-time. (I'm still in school full-time, but I'm working part-time now.) I know that's odd for a couple to do that, but that's the way that our relationship is......
Kengne Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I like your excuse! I can't imagine asking a guy out and then paying for his dinner. I have only met two guys who were okay with me paying for them: 1) my ex-BF of 6 years, we broke up 9 years ago; and 2) a friend of mine who was hitting on me, but he is a weirdo anyway. See girl, that's why I DON'T ask men out unless I'm feeling particularly financially generous and/or want to treat. It's funny cause I asked my friend out the other day and when I was askin' him how much it's gonna cost (cuz I'll be paying MY way, but not his!)... he told me 'Don't worry about it!" which I figure means he'll be paying for both of us. I was pleasantly surprised, but this guy is a gentleman with a G so I shouldn't really be shocked. K.
Naive Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Checking the current trends again..... Under what circumstances should a man allow his female date to pay her own half of the date....or pay for it all? I think that it really does not matter. You just have to make sure that he does not stick you with the bill too many times:p
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