BluesPower Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Well you married a nice guy, saw a hot guy got drunk and high and messed around With him. Kinda proves the point, right? Well I was going to say something... but I got dinged so I am trying to stay quiet. But, OP, your own words PROVE what we all say about NICE guys. They finish last. Sorry but it is true. In fact my GF thinks I am the nicest guy in the world, with one difference... I can basically find a woman anytime I want, she knows that. Because in reality, I am nice to her, but one false move or any amount of unnecessary drama and she gets replaced. Kind of keeps her on her toes... In all seriousness, I have been trying to find some way to help you with your situation. I just don't know how. My guess is that you H may be cheating again and he probably feels entitled. I'm not for a second saying it is right, but for me I would have filed for divorce already. Absolutely filed with I knew you were pregnant with another mans child and pass it on me. But I do think that a serious, frank talk with him about the future of the marriage is well in order, no matter what the result. 1
Adotta Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 I am sort of lost. I went through your old thread and nowhere does it mention your husband cheating... or I missed it. Then you mention he cheated and somewhere else in this thread said he never would have cheated unless you did first. Am I right to assume that hubby found out early, kept quite for various reasons, then decided he would do some cheating of his own to even the score a bit (understandable, but still a wrong choice.) Can you explain this more in depth. How many relationships has he had? What kind were they? Emotional? Nsa? Monetary? How long did he cheat for? You have also not gone into much detail about his thoughts on this all. I guess I'm asking for less broad strokes and more of the finer details. I'm having a hard time understanding the situation as I don't have a very good picture of what your husband is like or even what his actions have been besides that he cheated (assumabley because he knew you did... again he ****ed up there. Not as bad as you, but a **** up is still a **** up.) And that he still maintains contact with some of these girls. Oh and that he is willing to father another man's child. Which is One of the reasons I think your husband is a good man despite his cheating. Though he doesn't get off Scott free. He is still a ****head in my opinion for cheating. My analysis So far (with limited info) on your husband's possible motives to act like this is that he is doing it on purpose. Either he is still cheating. (I think this is less likely, though not impossible in the least) OR he is dangling contact with these women in front of you as a tactic. A sort of "I could leave you for another woman in a second. So don't you ever forget it." I'll say it again... an understandable move, but still a **** up. No matter how much YOU ****ed up (and boy did you) his **** ups can only make this worse and more complicated. Your betrayal isnt an excuse for him to introduce more chaos and doubt and worry into the situation. My recommendation is a little patience (for now) and keep at talking to him about it. Keep filling us in on the details of your AND his thoughts and words on the matter. Be open and honest with him about your negative feelings about this. Don't berate but stick up for yourself. I've seen it before that a woman (even men) cheat and then become little slave spouses that allow their betrayed spouse to dictate ever little detail. Yes your husband should probably take the lead on reconciliation, but he is not your better. He isn't your dad , and he sure as **** isn't your master. You don't have to walk on your tip toes around him and shouldn't. Dday was 2 years ago, Not yesterday, and while your betrayal will probably forever sting a little at times, it's no excuse for him to do whatever he want. You are still a married couple, and that means partnership.
DavidJoseph Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 My counselor told I need to stand up for my self. It isn’t I think I’m ready to do let. Your counselor told you to do one thing, and you are doing another. What is your understanding of how the counseling thing works? Does the counseling advise what is best for you? What about your husband? Does the counselor take into account what is best for your husband? Or only if you specifically ask for that? What do you think the counselor would tell your husband should do? Is the counselor basically saying the counselor knows better what is best for you than you know what is best for you?
DavidJoseph Posted August 9, 2018 Posted August 9, 2018 Who are only looking for a guy with money nothing else and he knows this. I am wondering if your husband thinks about that with you? That you are with him only because of his money? Cheated, had a child and lied to him about it for years. Do you think your husband believes you respect him? If so, based on what? Your words? Or your actions? Do you think your husband holds any resentment toward you because of how you treated him?
Author Kate84 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 Well you married a nice guy, saw a hot guy got drunk and high and messed around With him. Kinda proves the point, right? No because what I’m trying to get at is during that period of time I was going to cheat at some point. Everybody around me who was in relationship was cheating or having affairs. It didn’t really matter who I was married to cheating was going to happen. My lifestyle wasn’t that of what a married woman should have.
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 I don’t have problem with him having friends of the opposite sex if I could trust them but I don’t. Most of them are fake insta models who think there actual models. Who are only looking for a guy with money nothing else and he knows this. What bothers me the most is he tries to deny it. He’s not stupid he knows what they want. It isn't the models you need to trust but your husband. If you can trust him all should be well. 1
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 the OM doesn’t know and isn’t involved with my daughter. I plan to keep it that way. I want nothing to do with him. My husband and our daughter are very close. He’s made it very clear to me that he is her father even if he’s not his biological child. She probably a big reason why he’s still here with me. I have no doubt it’s true when he says he loves her and would do anything for her. I’m not ready or at a point where I want or could kick him out. It’s not what I want. I’m going to talk to him about going to counseling again because that this rate the both of us are going to end up hating each other. So you don't think your daughter has a right to know who her real father is?
Author Kate84 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 I am sort of lost. I went through your old thread and nowhere does it mention your husband cheating... or I missed it. Then you mention he cheated and somewhere else in this thread said he never would have cheated unless you did first. Am I right to assume that hubby found out early, kept quite for various reasons, then decided he would do some cheating of his own to even the score a bit (understandable, but still a wrong choice.) Can you explain this more in depth. How many relationships has he had? What kind were they? Emotional? Nsa? Monetary? How long did he cheat for? You have also not gone into much detail about his thoughts on this all. I guess I'm asking for less broad strokes and more of the finer details. I'm having a hard time understanding the situation as I don't have a very good picture of what your husband is like or even what his actions have been besides that he cheated (assumabley because he knew you did... again he ****ed up there. Not as bad as you, but a **** up is still a **** up.) And that he still maintains contact with some of these girls. Oh and that he is willing to father another man's child. Which is One of the reasons I think your husband is a good man despite his cheating. Though he doesn't get off Scott free. He is still a ****head in my opinion for cheating. My analysis So far (with limited info) on your husband's possible motives to act like this is that he is doing it on purpose. Either he is still cheating. (I think this is less likely, though not impossible in the least) OR he is dangling contact with these women in front of you as a tactic. A sort of "I could leave you for another woman in a second. So don't you ever forget it." I'll say it again... an understandable move, but still a **** up. No matter how much YOU ****ed up (and boy did you) his **** ups can only make this worse and more complicated. Your betrayal isnt an excuse for him to introduce more chaos and doubt and worry into the situation. My recommendation is a little patience (for now) and keep at talking to him about it. Keep filling us in on the details of your AND his thoughts and words on the matter. Be open and honest with him about your negative feelings about this. Don't berate but stick up for yourself. I've seen it before that a woman (even men) cheat and then become little slave spouses that allow their betrayed spouse to dictate ever little detail. Yes your husband should probably take the lead on reconciliation, but he is not your better. He isn't your dad , and he sure as **** isn't your master. You don't have to walk on your tip toes around him and shouldn't. Dday was 2 years ago, Not yesterday, and while your betrayal will probably forever sting a little at times, it's no excuse for him to do whatever he want. You are still a married couple, and that means partnership. My husband found out I cheated a couple months into my pregnancy. Someone at the party told him what happened. At the time he chose not to say anything to avoid adding any unnecessary stress to me. Well two months after I give birth he had a DNA test without me knowing. That’s how he found out. At first he wanted to kick me out but he knew I had nowhere to go and no way to support myself. I mean I really had nowhere to go. Im not originally from the states I came to the states when I was 18 on a H-1B visa. I have no family here and most of my means to make money dispersed once I was pregnant. So called friends turned out not to be real my friends most of them also dispersed when I needed them the most. I really had no one my husband was the only one who cared enough to help even though he probably hated me at the time. He decided to let me stay with him until I figured out how to support myself and my daughter. He figured I would leave once I was able to take care of myself and since his career requires a lot of travel he wouldn’t be home anyway. From the middle of September till about April sometimes May my husband is usually only home 2-3 days out of the week sometimes less. This is how he has explained when I asked why he didn't leave. So for about the two years after I gave birth my husband and me didn’t really have a relationship we rarely did anything together. During this period my husband cheated. Most of the time he cheated it was mostly only sex and nothing else. He did have one affair where it was very emotional and had thoughts about leaving. It lasted almost a full year apparently the only reason he stayed was because of my daughter. All this cheating or affairs took place for the first 3 years after I give birth. At the time I didn’t know he was cheating he did a good job keeping always from home. I don’t know if he’s cheating now but I don’t think so. I don’t believe cheated to get back at me. That’s not the kind of person he is. In his mind he thought the marriage was done and he was as good as single. He was only acting the way single guys act. It wouldn’t make sense using the other women as tactic to scare me or make me realize I can be released. Because I already know that and that’s why I didn’t think I would ever get a chance to save my marriage. Dday was only a year but he has known about my daughter for over 7 years
Author Kate84 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 What have you done to change your behavior? What are you doing to make him feel he is safe investing back to the marriage? Have you given him full access to your phone and social media accounts? Do you go out with friends? Why should he really invest back into the marriage after this. I get he says he wants to but in all seriousness if he is feeling unsafe then he is probably keeping those women around as a back up measure. C I’m not the same person I used to be. Being a mother has changed me in a good way I like to believe. I’m much more responsible and accountable. I have become more independent I am able to take care of myself I don’t need to rely on anyone to survive. At first my husband did not have my social media account but most of it is used for work related things. Since last year I have given him all my passwords so if he wants he and check it out. Also stared using find my iPhone so he could know and find me anytime he wanted to. More importantly I know wants best and for him to be happy. If he thinks that staying with helps him find his happiness then I will don anything to make feel safe and loved. He only needs to give me a really chance.
Author Kate84 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 So you don't think your daughter has a right to know who her real father is? OM doesn't want to be involved. He isn't a good man if all the things I hear about him are true it's best he stays far way from my daughter
Author Kate84 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 It isn't the models you need to trust but your husband. If you can trust him all should be well. Yes but he has other friends who i know want what's best for him and respect the fact that he is married. some might not be my biggest fans but they respect the fact that I am his wife. Those other women could careless
Mr. Lucky Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Those other women could careless I feel like you're missing stillafool's point. Unless these women you're concerned about pull a Cosby on him and drug his drink, his participation in any interaction with them is voluntary. So if he's committed to making your marriage work, the model's level of care matters not. He's responsible for holding up his end just as you are for yours and these women are just symptoms, you should be focused on the disease... Mr. Lucky 1
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Yes but he has other friends who i know want what's best for him and respect the fact that he is married. some might not be my biggest fans but they respect the fact that I am his wife. Those other women could careless Again, as long as you trust him there is nothing to worry about.
stillafool Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 OM doesn't want to be involved. He isn't a good man if all the things I hear about him are true it's best he stays far way from my daughter At some point that will be your daughter's decision and she will want to know him even if your husband had raised her as his own. She will want to know the other side of her DNA and for medical reasons it's best she know.
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