Frontvauxhall Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I have been seeing this bloke for 10 months now...he lives two hours away but we see each other every other weekend and we get on really well.....he never says he loves me unless he is drunk. He says he doesnt do love and that he likes me lots and lots....he shows he cares in othe ways, he rings me every day apart from this weekend when he is in Germany..... And last weekend we spent four days together which was really nice, but I think by 10 months I should feel secure in my relationship but I dont.... Any advice....am I beingsilly and should I should carry on with the relationship and see how things go...
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 am I being silly and should I should carry on with the relationship and see how things go... That entirely depends on how important it is to you to hear those three words. If he starting saying them would things suddenly change for the better? And if so, how & why? If you're not feeling loved hearing those words from someone who is sober isn't going to change that.
Candy Cane Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 You definately should be feeling more secure in your relationship by now and you are not being silly. I didn't quite get the part..."He says he doesn't do love..." Not getting what that means...but I'm guessing he's just going with the liking you "lots and lots" and you are allowing him to get away with that. If you guys are intimate, I'm sure he's really appreciating the free lovin' you're giving without demanding a commitment. I think I'd cut him off. Tell him you aren't sure where the relationship is going and that you don't feel comfortable being intimate with him. And then back off for awhile. Maybe find some time to do things with friends instead of him. You seriously need to back off awhile from this guy if you want him to appreciate you. You are giving him everything he wants without him having to commit or give you what you need in return. In return for your time and affection, he should be making sure that you are feeling secure in this relationship. Keep us posted on how things progress. Will you?
Author Frontvauxhall Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Yes I will keep you posted...thanks for your advice.... Frontvauxhall
Author Frontvauxhall Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 The bit he says he doesnt do love.....he was married and I said he must have loved her....but he said No. Dont know whether it is just that he has been hurt in the past and cant do love.......or am I making excuses....
RainyDayWoman Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 The bit he says he doesnt do love.....he was married and I said he must have loved her....but he said No. Dont know whether it is just that he has been hurt in the past and cant do love.......or am I making excuses.... people who were in love once and then end the relationship (or the relationship ends for whatever reason) often think it wasn't love to begin with... you know, just to put that out there.
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Well you can ask him straightly. You've got nothing to lose. But find a moment when he has to be honest and serious, not when he is drunk. His behavior should be the most important thing to you. If he acts like he is crazy about you, does a lot of things for you then he loves you. If you just hang out and have fun then you can't really know whether he likes you or loves you by judging his actions. You can also tell him you love him (you do, dontcha?) and see what he's going to say.
Author Frontvauxhall Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Thank for your reply...yes he does do a lotfor me.....and we also hang out and have fun....I dont know if I am looking too much into thesituation....whether I should just see how things go...
upsetnhurt Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I find that when a person can't say I love you when questionned about it, it means that their love still sits with someone else. I am willing to bet that deep down there is still love for the ex wife and by saying those words to you it will be completely closing the door on her. Although his actions (divorce) indicate that he is ready to do it, he just can't let go of that one last cord.........
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 No, you're not looking into the situation too much. I would also like to know after 10 months whether my guy is in love with me. My BF admitted it after 2-3 months of LDR. But the situation was kinda provoked. Due to the distance I felt insecure about our relationship so he "had" to tell me he loved me. You have a right to know how he feels about you. I would ask him if I were you. What are you afraid of? Embarrassment? I wouldn't make such huge assumption about his ex-wife, Upsetnhurt. In my opinion, our ex-spouses are the people we should least be jealous of... most of the time. Some people are shy about pronouncing these 3 words and some people just don't love us. Why does there have to be an external reason for us not being loved?
smile95 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 let me tell you........I would have rather been shown that told......sounds like he really does love you........when I would tell everyone that my ex would tell me he loved me, they would say"they aer only words" it applies here too. Sounds like he is really good to you. Count your blessings! Words are just words. Also, I think when people are drunk....the truth comes out, so take comfort i that.
upsetnhurt Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Record Producer, You are quite right in your post. I was simply giving him the benefit of the doubt and hoping that at the very least he does have those feelings for her. I thought it might be over the top to say "did you ever think he is not saying those words because he is not in love with you".
Author Frontvauxhall Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Thanks beth 5201......made me feel better about things....
Mr.positive Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 If the relationship is good don't worry about it just enjoy it.
Author Frontvauxhall Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 Thanks Mr Positive yeah I think I will just enjoy the relationship....see how it goes....I think I worry too much about things Frontvauxhall
Candy Cane Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I would worry myself. I think you are having doubts for a reason, and I think that your bloke should have the ability to express his love for you by now. Also, I don't think you should not accept someone telling you, "I don't do love." Your situation is almost exactly like the one I had with my ex. He acted like he loved me but never verbalized it. I waited and waited but it never came. Granted, your situation could end up differently than mine and I hope that it does. Or, you could end up feeling like I do and that is used and betrayed. But most importantly, I am angry with myself because I didn't listen to the inner doubts that I was having. I can't believe I gave so much of myself to a person who could not provide me with the basics, and that is the expression of love. I learned something from my pain though. I will never again be intimate with a man who has the inability to express his love to me. In fact, if I can see that a man might be having a problem with that issue from the start of the relationship, I'm prepared to hit the path. Personally, I want a man who can tell me he loves me because otherwise, he's simply wasting my time.
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