hohoit Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. Things have been pretty good other than your minor bump in the road and petty arguments that every relationship has. I LOVE his family. His mom is all the time telling him he has to marry me because she is in love with me. I live with him. So after i get off work I’m with him and we wake up and both go to work and do it again the next day. He has a daughter that’s 5 and i love her just the same. She doesn’t have the best mother and a lot of times she’ll even call me her mom. I say all this to say that even though it has been a short 10 months, the relationship is fairly serious. My boyfriend always says “when we get married” or “when we buy a house” He makes plans for the future. However, i can’t get past his ex girlfriend (not the baby mama) Since he had his daughter, he’s had one other girlfriend. They broke up almost a year and a half before me and him met. But Here lately she added my boyfriend d back on fb. Went back and liked some of his old pictures. And i saw they had messaged eachother about a week ago. I asked him about it and he said that she messaged him and told him that him and his family were in her thoughts (because they’ve been going through some things) and he said all he replied was “thanks, means a lot” And the other day i was looking for some paper at his house and i found old pictures of them in one of his drawers. She still shares “memories” on her Facebook with the two of them. Even though it’s been two years and she has a baby with another guy. Like a brand new 4 month old baby. I don’t think he’d ever go back to her. I feel like our relationship is good and serious. But i can’t get the thoughts out of my head like “what if he still loves her?” “What if he wishes it were her instead?” “Does he miss her” “is he thinking of her” I really didn’t date before him so my whole hearts in it, and I’m just worried that maybe his isn’t?
40somethingGuy Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. Things have been pretty good other than your minor bump in the road and petty arguments that every relationship has. I LOVE his family. His mom is all the time telling him he has to marry me because she is in love with me. I live with him. So after i get off work I’m with him and we wake up and both go to work and do it again the next day. He has a daughter that’s 5 and i love her just the same. She doesn’t have the best mother and a lot of times she’ll even call me her mom. I say all this to say that even though it has been a short 10 months, the relationship is fairly serious. My boyfriend always says “when we get married” or “when we buy a house” He makes plans for the future. However, i can’t get past his ex girlfriend (not the baby mama) Since he had his daughter, he’s had one other girlfriend. They broke up almost a year and a half before me and him met. But Here lately she added my boyfriend d back on fb. Went back and liked some of his old pictures. And i saw they had messaged eachother about a week ago. I asked him about it and he said that she messaged him and told him that him and his family were in her thoughts (because they’ve been going through some things) and he said all he replied was “thanks, means a lot” And the other day i was looking for some paper at his house and i found old pictures of them in one of his drawers. She still shares “memories” on her Facebook with the two of them. Even though it’s been two years and she has a baby with another guy. Like a brand new 4 month old baby. I don’t think he’d ever go back to her. I feel like our relationship is good and serious. But i can’t get the thoughts out of my head like “what if he still loves her?” “What if he wishes it were her instead?” “Does he miss her” “is he thinking of her” I really didn’t date before him so my whole hearts in it, and I’m just worried that maybe his isn’t? Yes, you are being a little insecure but so long as he isn't sexting with her then you should be fine. All you can do is be the best gf he can ask for and give your all. Did he say anything that indicates interest in her? If not, then let it go and take care of each other.
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 The answers won't be much different since last time you asked. Yes you are being insecure. It's just *likes* on FB, nothing else. I think your insecurities come from the fact this is your first relationship. People with past relationships will have pictures at the bottom of a drawer somewhere, they will occasionally put a *like* on a post from their ex. It doesn't mean they have feelings for them. . 3
ExpatInItaly Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 OP, this is now your fourth recent thread about your insecurity. Yes, you are over-reacting.
Kelliousme Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 Uhh I actually don't think you're being insecure. I mean even if you are.. I feel it's reasonable. Because why would he keep a photo of him and his EX GF in his drawer? Sure they can still talk and be friends but ex's RARELY stay as "friends" for many many reasons. I'd also wonder why they just recently become friends again and why they're commenting on each other's Facebook and messaging each other. But ultimately it's the photo in the drawer that might indicate your boyfriend still loves his ex. I'd talk to him about it if I were you.
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 Uhh I actually don't think you're being insecure. I mean even if you are.. I feel it's reasonable. Because why would he keep a photo of him and his EX GF in his drawer? Are you male or female? I don't know many men that clean their drawers. If guys can forget their dirty socks on their bedroom floor for days they can easily forget and old picture at the bottom of a drawer. If you go through my closet you will find a couple of boxes with old souvenirs, including a couple of pictures of exs. I do not have feeling for them. . 1
kendahke Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 It depends upon how invested you are in this fantasy drama you're weaving for yourself. There is absolutely nothing anyone here can say to his ex to make her stop posting pictures on her facebook wall about whatever she wants---and from what you've written, it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is giving her anything to work with because he's got better things with which to occupy his mind other than an ex who he put down a while ago. You're going to have to stop creeping on her page trying to clock her and understand she can post whatever she wants to post. The people who matter to your boyfriend already know he's with you--those that don't matter, don't matter. If you can't believe that your boyfriend is 100% with you right now, then you've got bigger problems than this chick Now, if you want to push him towards her, keep up with this insecurity routine you've been laying bare in your myriad of posts on this guy. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 You should probably block the EX GF. Then you won't have to see her interacting with anybody. If your BF isn't reaching out to her, don't worry so much about the social media. 1
LisaV Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Your boyfriend must be replying just for old time's sake and politeness. People get confused sometimes and you have to be there for him and let him know you care. I would feel the same as you if I were in your place. You are fine though. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I would not be cool at all with the "sharing memories" thing on Facebook. That's deliberate and meaningful when you do that. That's really all I have to say about this.
coolheadal Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 OP I am with you on this one.. He shouldn't chatting with his ex unless they have a kid together then there is no way to stop communication.
Gretchen12 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 The truth is somewhere in between. He is not still in love with her, but he is also not completely without any feelings for her. It is normal to have feelings for people in your past. I'd be wary of someone who can wipe out all memories of someone he once had feelings for, because that's cold blooded. Your bf is not spending his days and nights thinking about her either. People are not one dimensional. What you are feeling is not so much insecurity but possessiveness. You have the idea that you should have not only the bf but possess his thoughts as well. This does not happen in relationships. Every other man you date will have a past as well. They also have aspects of their lives that you will never gain access to. So there you are. Accept this fact. That's how the world is. 1
Kelliousme Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Are you male or female? I don't know many men that clean their drawers. If guys can forget their dirty socks on their bedroom floor for days they can easily forget and old picture at the bottom of a drawer. If you go through my closet you will find a couple of boxes with old souvenirs, including a couple of pictures of exs. I do not have feeling for them. . I'm female lol. I guess it depends from person to person. However.. I find it not as concerning if it was in a closet with old souvenirs. But drawer is another thing. I know A LOT of people who clean their drawers regularly. I also tend to put things I need often in my drawer. Stuffs that's in the past/things I might not need will go into that box of old souvenirs like you had described which is why I think it's suspicious that he has the picture in his drawer still after 1 and a half years AND ALSO because he recently contacted her. OP doesn't have to beat herself up for feeling insecure.. it's reasonable to. I would feel uncomfortable if the same thing happened to me. 1
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