brokengirl85 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Hi there!! I’ve been contacted by an old flame who ghosted me three years ago to just being ghosted again this last week. Basically, he started conversation on an online dating to never replied to my last message. This was about 10 days ago. This guy is so flaky and I think he’s a bad person. I loved him notheles abd I still wait for him to be interested. How silly I am. My dilemma is this: should I quit online dating? I’m there because I’m waiting for him, but I have no interest at all in other men, I realized I don’t need men in my life right now. Should I just delete my profile? Should I just forget about him and his crazy behavior one and for all? Why I keep hurting myself with this guy who doesn’t care and never cared about me?? Background; fwb for three years, he ghosted me in 2015, contacted me again one month ago, never met, didn’t reply my last message on OLD
CollegeKid101 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Hi there!! I’ve been contacted by an old flame who ghosted me three years ago to just being ghosted again this last week. Basically, he started conversation on an online dating to never replied to my last message. This was about 10 days ago. This guy is so flaky and I think he’s a bad person. I loved him notheles abd I still wait for him to be interested. How silly I am. My dilemma is this: should I quit online dating? I’m there because I’m waiting for him, but I have no interest at all in other men, I realized I don’t need men in my life right now. Should I just delete my profile? Should I just forget about him and his crazy behavior one and for all? Why I keep hurting myself with this guy who doesn’t care and never cared about me?? Background; fwb for three years, he ghosted me in 2015, contacted me again one month ago, never met, didn’t reply my last message on OLD He ghosted you THREE years ago. This guy does not want anything more than sex with you. Stop waiting, he will never be interested in a relationship with you. Yes, quit online dating. This is not healthy for you.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 If this guy is the only reason you're doing online dating, yes, you need to quit. I would say your self-esteem is not great if you let this guy come in and out of your life like this, knowing he doesn't want commitment. So, that's where I would begin to move forward. Work on valuing yourself more so you don't wind up here again.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 I’m really not interested in dating as I don’t have that need right now. The only reason I’m online dating is because I’m waiting for him to contact me again. I know it sounds silly, but I’ve kearhed to be honest with myself, so I’m not sugaring my behaviors.
coolheadal Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I’m really not interested in dating as I don’t have that need right now. The only reason I’m online dating is because I’m waiting for him to contact me again. I know it sounds silly, but I’ve kearhed to be honest with myself, so I’m not sugaring my behaviors. You have the urge to be with him yet you never met yet? You have this magical connection with him. Yet you can't explain why to others that you feel like you do for him yet you never met him yet. He is just doing his own thing online. You just sit and wait for someone you really don't know or have ever met yet in person. Well this is your life, you choose to do whatever you want with it. This guy might be married or you just don't know what. But you still want him no matter what anyone says here. Good Luck!
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 You have the urge to be with him yet you never met yet? You have this magical connection with him. Yet you can't explain why to others that you feel like you do for him yet you never met him yet. He is just doing his own thing online. You just sit and wait for someone you really don't know or have ever met yet in person. Well this is your life, you choose to do whatever you want with it. This guy might be married or you just don't know what. But you still want him no matter what anyone says here. Good Luck! We were friends with benefits for three years. I know him well, unfortunately.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 I just deleted my account. End of the story. This guy was really mean with me when we were seeing each other (from 2012 to 2015). He never loved me but he knew I had feelings for him. He stopped communicating with he after he found someone and he was out of the picture for almost three years. I thought he was going to miss me or look for me but all this time I realized he really never felt anything for me. That’s sad but it’s the reality. I’m done with all the crap.
coolheadal Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I just deleted my account. End of the story. This guy was really mean with me when we were seeing each other (from 2012 to 2015). He never loved me but he knew I had feelings for him. He stopped communicating with he after he found someone and he was out of the picture for almost three years. I thought he was going to miss me or look for me but all this time I realized he really never felt anything for me. That’s sad but it’s the reality. I’m done with all the crap. Yes my dear you need to move on find true love with a man who really likes, cares and soon to love you. What you been living isn't healthy and since I see you have met him those years are gone it's 2018 get on with your life now!
MountainGirl111 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I’m really not interested in dating as I don’t have that need right now. The only reason I’m online dating is because I’m waiting for him to contact me again. I know it sounds silly, but I’ve kearhed to be honest with myself, so I’m not sugaring my behaviors. My opinion? I don't think you should hold out with the OLD if you're only there "in case" he wants to contact you via that method. Surely he has ways to contact you IRL if he really wants to. My advice: Don't engage in OLD at this time. You've stated you're not interested in dating...so why the OLD...if you're holding out for him...don't do that either. Don't wait for someone who has not unequivocally specified he wants you to wait. Even then, you are still not obligated to "wait". Still your choice.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I just deleted my account. End of the story. This guy was really mean with me when we were seeing each other (from 2012 to 2015). He never loved me but he knew I had feelings for him. He stopped communicating with he after he found someone and he was out of the picture for almost three years. I thought he was going to miss me or look for me but all this time I realized he really never felt anything for me. That’s sad but it’s the reality. I’m done with all the crap. Good job deleting your account! I'm hope you're not too sad over him. If he was mean, that's a deal breaker. Don't look back.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Posted August 7, 2018 My opinion? I don't think you should hold out with the OLD if you're only there "in case" he wants to contact you via that method. Surely he has ways to contact you IRL if he really wants to. My advice: Don't engage in OLD at this time. You've stated you're not interested in dating...so why the OLD...if you're holding out for him...don't do that either. Don't wait for someone who has not unequivocally specified he wants you to wait. Even then, you are still not obligated to "wait". Still your choice. That’s true. I was waiting for him to contact me on a dating site and he had for sure my phone number (we texted and talked in the phobe hundreds of times) and we were also friends on Facebook at one point, so he knows my full name. Meh never made any attempt to contact me in three years. Moreover, he just sent me that’s jessage on the dating site after we both visited that same site for a complete two years!! (He deleted his profile during 2015 but went online again in 2016 and 2017)
MountainGirl111 Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 That’s true. I was waiting for him to contact me on a dating site and he had for sure my phone number (we texted and talked in the phobe hundreds of times) and we were also friends on Facebook at one point, so he knows my full name. Meh never made any attempt to contact me in three years. Moreover, he just sent me that’s jessage on the dating site after we both visited that same site for a complete two years!! (He deleted his profile during 2015 but went online again in 2016 and 2017) If he was FWB for three years with you and then ghosted you, that's a bad sign. Also, he's ghosted you again....bad sign. It's possible he just wants to resume a FWB with you and feels like he can just make some sort of contact with you whenever he so pleases. Were you happy/content being his FWB? Had you always hoped for more and held out for it? I can understand the whole FWB thing if both parties are okay with it. All this deleting profiles and then becoming active again...well, it's seems to me it just causes more confusion and mind games than anything and hasn't been good for you....Social media and OLD can full of crud sometimes. We need to remember it's virtual.
Gretchen12 Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 You do mean in the title, that it's dilemma with your crazy behavior, right? His behavior is not crazy. He's just a guy looking for the right girl to love. He was honest to keep it fwb with you bc he knew you weren't the one. He's still searching. Pretty normal. 1
ThreeRainbows Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 You do mean in the title, that it's dilemma with your crazy behavior, right? His behavior is not crazy. He's just a guy looking for the right girl to love. He was honest to keep it fwb with you bc he knew you weren't the one. He's still searching. Pretty normal. Disagree. It may not be "crazy," but it is insensitive and completely lacking in empathy. I'm sorry he lead you on for so long, dear. That sucks. Keep your chin up and learn the art of self-respect. Trust me, this guy ain't worth it. 1
coolheadal Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 That’s true. I was waiting for him to contact me on a dating site and he had for sure my phone number (we texted and talked in the phobe hundreds of times) and we were also friends on Facebook at one point, so he knows my full name. Meh never made any attempt to contact me in three years. Moreover, he just sent me that’s jessage on the dating site after we both visited that same site for a complete two years!! (He deleted his profile during 2015 but went online again in 2016 and 2017) But he"s not with you he was in a relationship with someone else then came back on when that was over. Not your fault but you need to let him go and move on. Can't hold the candle in your hand forever it has to burn out sometime so let it burn out and now your free!
Gretchen12 Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 Disagree. It may not be "crazy," but it is insensitive and completely lacking in empathy. I'm sorry he lead you on for so long, dear. That sucks. Keep your chin up and learn the art of self-respect. Trust me, this guy ain't worth it. What I'm getting at, is a different way to approach this. It's often easier for a woman to let go, when she realizes he did not do her wrong. Too many times I have seen women hang on to a guy that everyone says is no good. Probably because many women believe men can change, so that she can right the wrong and receive final validation, or she wants to "win" the challenge. But when he didn't do anything wrong, it's simple, no drama, no subplots, no victimization hence easier to let go.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Posted August 7, 2018 If he was FWB for three years with you and then ghosted you, that's a bad sign. Also, he's ghosted you again....bad sign. It's possible he just wants to resume a FWB with you and feels like he can just make some sort of contact with you whenever he so pleases. Were you happy/content being his FWB? Had you always hoped for more and held out for it? I can understand the whole FWB thing if both parties are okay with it. All this deleting profiles and then becoming active again...well, it's seems to me it just causes more confusion and mind games than anything and hasn't been good for you....Social media and OLD can full of crud sometimes. We need to remember it's virtual. Always hoped for more and he knew it. But he could never feel the same. Still, he agreed to meet me and sometimes it was him the one who wanted to meet me first. It was pretty obvious now he never cared.
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Posted August 7, 2018 You do mean in the title, that it's dilemma with your crazy behavior, right? His behavior is not crazy. He's just a guy looking for the right girl to love. He was honest to keep it fwb with you bc he knew you weren't the one. He's still searching. Pretty normal. Crazy situation overall, I wasn’t trying to say he had a crazy behavior. He was pretty consistent, showing how’s trashy can he be over and over.
Normm Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 Why I keep hurting myself with this guy who doesn’t care and never cared about me?? Sounds like you're punishing yourself, usually this happens because a person feels guilty for past actions that they have not atoned for. Can you think of anything?
CrazyKatLady Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I have done this too-waiting for a guy, then getting a message to meet up for sex...uh-uh. I blocked and I'm done, he has a lot of growing up to do IMO, but I feel your crazy pain! We can be silly creatures at times, huh?!
Author brokengirl85 Posted August 10, 2018 Author Posted August 10, 2018 Sounds like you're punishing yourself, usually this happens because a person feels guilty for past actions that they have not atoned for. Can you think of anything? This comment is unfortunate. People acts in ways that are not rational sometimes and this has nothing to do with guilt for past actions. People punish themselves and again, it’s not guilt. It could be a variety of things, but thinking it’s their fault is really unfortunate
MountainGirl111 Posted August 10, 2018 Posted August 10, 2018 Always hoped for more and he knew it. But he could never feel the same. Still, he agreed to meet me and sometimes it was him the one who wanted to meet me first. It was pretty obvious now he never cared. I'm sorry about that. It bites. It's possible he cared to an extent. It sounds like he was trying to evade commitment.
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