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What if we never found the one and got married?

toomanyquestions123

By toomanyquestions123
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Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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I am 28 years old and I am pretty much worried I will not find the one and get married.

 

The good news is there are a whole bunch of the "ones", all of whom could make you happy in different ways. The bad news is, there's no one who can make you happy in every way.

 

You might need to recalibrate accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Striver Established Member

Striver

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Posted
The good news is there are a whole bunch of the "ones", all of whom could make you happy in different ways. The bad news is, there's no one who can make you happy in every way.

 

You might need to recalibrate accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think "the one" is more of a woman thing, especially when younger.

 

Men are more used to finding many women attractive... and the women not returning interest. So men are more used to making do with the % of women that are willing to play along.

 

I am divorced. If I went by my natural impulses I would not have gotten married. That being said, I was no longer happy being single. Had enough of it. So I don't regret getting married and having children, even though it was not "finding the one, and it's just so natural..." doesn't work that way for everyone. I had to work at socializing.

 

At my age, I value companionship. I can always be with me.

Echo74 Established Member

Echo74

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Just don't rush into anything! I got married at 21 and 6 months later I realized I didn't truly know him. I didn't find "the one" until my mid-30's.

 

Relax and don't get desperate.

carefreegirl New Member

carefreegirl

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I didn't marry until 37. That being said, I'm glad I didn't rush into anything. I took my time with learning myself then I opened up to share my life and his with me.

 

At this age I can handle a lot more. I can read him and people better. It comes with time and experience.

 

Take your time and enjoy everything, whatever may come your way.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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WOW, I'm sipping my morning coffee while reading all of your comments guys and they are so damn inspirational !

 

I may have those thoughts mainly during summer time when i see everyone is getting engaged/married/having babies/going to honeymoons and then i look at myself and see a very single woman who was never lucky in love.

 

I do enjoy my life and i am generally a happy person. I am successful in my career, i travel a lot, making good money, i am very good looking and i am pretty much sane yet i never succeed in attracting a good sane guy.

 

I live in an arab country that is why there is pretty much pressure on me concerning marriage. I was engaged 1.5 years ago for the wrong reasons ( age and society pressure ) and it broke my heart, and i promised myself not to break my heart this way.

 

The reason why I want to get married is i want to have kids and make my own family. Adoption and eggs freezing is not an option in my religion that's why it's harder for me.

 

I would love to continue living my life with a mindset that it's okay to be single until i meet the right guy, i dont want to settle for anyone just so i can meet my society's expectations.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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Question is: how are you contributing to your ongoing lack of finding a guy? And what can you do differently?

 

I recall this thread you made a while back about not wanting to date a guy who was taller than you, but not super tall. Did you end up giving him a chance?

 

No, it was a matter of attraction and i couldnt be attracted to him. I dated a lot after him, i'm completely over my ex-fiancé who broke my heart and was the reason i am on LS but finding a right guy is hard these days.

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Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

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I think that most of us have to let love find us for the most part.

 

I for one can only marry a woman, if I really think she and I are very good for each other.

 

It has to last at least 2 yrs.

 

If I don't get married then I will live with it. I don't think that being married is the be all of anything for being happy.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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I think that most of us have to let love find us for the most part.

 

I for one can only marry a woman, if I really think she and I are very good for each other.

 

It has to last at least 2 yrs.

 

If I don't get married then I will live with it. I don't think that being married is the be all of anything for being happy.

 

but it's a major thing to happiness if you are married to the right one. I cant imagine i am in my 50s where all my sisters are busy with their families and I am just living alone and still hooking up and feeling lonely... this what scares me :p

Edited by toomanyquestions123
Striver Established Member

Striver

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Posted
I think that most of us have to let love find us for the most part.

 

I for one can only marry a woman, if I really think she and I are very good for each other.

 

It has to last at least 2 yrs.

 

If I don't get married then I will live with it. I don't think that being married is the be all of anything for being happy.

 

Once you get past a certain age, this is no longer true.

 

Saw a woman on Match.com a while back. 39. She stated directly she was only there to start a family. At her age it made perfect sense. She knew what she wanted and had limited time. Why she'd gotten there? Broken promises, too much emphasis on career, too much fun? Who knows? At some point you stop "going with the flow" and make hard decisions.

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Bufo Established Member

Bufo

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My now wife and I met at age 31. It can and does happen. She never seemed too anxious by mentioning marriage as her goal. Some guys like me got scared away by such talk. I’d had four girlfriends who were hinting or pushing at marriage from age 19 to 28.

 

When the right one comes along you’ll know it. And so will he.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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My now wife and I met at age 31. It can and does happen. She never seemed too anxious by mentioning marriage as her goal. Some guys like me got scared away by such talk. I’d had four girlfriends who were hinting or pushing at marriage from age 19 to 28.

 

When the right one comes along you’ll know it. And so will he.

 

Thats beautiful :)

Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

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but it's a major thing to happiness if you are married to the right one. I cant imagine i am in my 50s where all my sisters are busy with their families and I am just living alone and still hooking up and feeling lonely... this what scares me :p

 

This is why being able to make new friends and indulge in recreational activities is crucial to well being.

 

Its nice to have a family and a lover. If you don't have it. Then what. Sadness for the rest of life? I think that we all have to put this Love thing in perspective. If you can find a great partner and you both love each other great. If not. Still have a great life.

 

I think a lot of us feel like we are missing out, due to not having a partner to love/lust over and vice versa. I will admit I do feel restless, but for me. My thinking is so methodical, that there is only a few ways I am going to have a LTR in my life.

 

Whats best for me is the woman taking the time to do the fun legwork to get us on track. For some reason. All my choices are wrong. All the women I seem to like, before I really get to know them, are attached. I never latch on to the women that are single. Unless I go to a Dating site. Its hard to tell. Some women don't tell right away that they have a SO in their life. Some don't where a wedding ring.

 

The pattern that I keep seeing is constant obstacles when one is out there looking for love. If I had to go by my life its like this. All my choices are wrong/don't work out. The women that come to me are better choices for me, but I can't control when it will happen/On my side I have to dig a little bit deeper and not be so hesitant towards having kids/marriage. Its like I want major assurance that the woman and I are a good fit, and some of that has to be learned by trial and error. Or I want major vetting to make sure we are both good for each other.

 

I am in no rush to have kids/marriage.

Chilli Established Member

Chilli

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Thats beautiful :)

 

 

And it's true too, that's the way it goes .

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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What is the ideal age for marriage ? especially if you want at least 1 biological kid ?

Otter2569 Established Member

Otter2569

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Things happen when they happen. I would NOT settle or marry someone because I was afraid of being alone or time was running out. You will regret that move. You are actually better waiting: you will grow and you will find the person you were meant to be with.

 

 

I settled and divorced after 18 years. Gave up half of my retirement and half of my assets but I am so much happier now. I could date 5 days a week if I wanted, go out with friends or stay home and relax. I have never traveled more, dated more and have more sex than the last few being single.

 

IMO marriage is a young persons dream that often ends in disaster. Do NOT settle.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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What is the ideal age for marriage ? especially if you want at least 1 biological kid ?

 

The two questions are not related.

 

I think that marriage can be great any age, providing the couple has reached adulthood. People can be married at 60yo and have a great life together.

 

If one wants a biological child, the woman should be trying before she's about 35. Of course it can happen after that age, but you are talking ideals.

Realitysux Established Member

Realitysux

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I am almost 36 and I have never been married. I went through a period when I was in my early thirties that I felt horrible about this. I spent holidays in envy of other couples. I haven't had the easiest time since I turned 30, and suffered a lot of mental health issues. I remember someone actually told me "no one wants crazy" and "your the last one on the planet that I would ever want to be with". You can probably assume by those comments that I was in pretty bad shape. I had too much to focus on that a relationship was never going to work. I accepted that I am probably not going to have a traditional family but that didn't stop me from finding happiness. I went back to school, found work, made my house cozy and I do the best I can each day. I received a lot of help for my mental health disorder but I still get stigmatized by it. Infact, I don't think mental illness is a problem today but it's still brought to my attention on a daily basis. You will not be single forever. I might be and if I can find happiness, then so can you.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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I don't think that OP or anyone should force themselves to date someone they are not strongly attracted to. If someone doesn't like tall or short guys or whatever, no point of pushing into it or settle. Occasionally, people meet someone that blows them away and is not what they considered their type, but if that happens height or whatever else won't even cross her mind.

 

 

There is also a problem of falling in love or even mutual love and marrying someone who is a poor choice of a long term partner. That's also going to make your life hell. My mum and dad have married in their 20s, deeply in love and living the dream from the outside. They have been married for 40 years - seems like a success story. But...what goes on behind closed doors only I know. My dad is extremely controlling and jealous. He would never let mum wear certain clothes or even put on make up. If she so much as smiled at another man, there would be hell to pay. She is extroverted but he doesn't like her having friends, even female ones and basically tracks her every move.

 

 

 

Really good marriages are few and far between. Maybe slightly better odds than winning lotto but not by much.

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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I am 28 years old and I am pretty much worried I will not find the one and get married. When i was younger I always thought i would be married by 27 and now since I am 28 and I did not meet the "one" yet, I am pretty much worried. Do you, people who still did not got married, and are almost 30 or in their 30s worried about this also?

 

I used to imagine I'd be married with kids at 27. Now, I'm like omg thank God that didn't happen! As my life plans and journey changed in so many good and unpredictable ways and as cheesy as it may sound, I've learned to trust the journey and realize stuff will happen in due course and I can't always predict it , but many plans that didn't work out in the imaginary time frame I made up, seem silly now or I'm thankful they didn't.

 

That said, sometimes I do wonder about what's in the cards for me regarding love and marriage or just a longterm relationship. But I'm also optimistic that stuff happens in its own time and there is no time limit on finding love frankly. People are marrying and finding love at all ages and stages. And honestly, "the one" is nonsense. There are multiple people we can be happy with and some people who get married don't even stay married to that "one" and some people stay married and are miserable. So I don't really focus on marriage as an end-goal in and of itself. I think you can set your sights on finding love but also do other things with your life and accept that there isn't a time limit that you need to be chasing. You're 28....not 68....and even if you were 68, if you still are alive, anything is possible. But to give up hope for marriage or love because you're not married at 28 is a bit dramatic.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I met the one at 29.

 

Hardly too late....

 

BTW there is no such thing as "the one". There are a small amount of people with whom we fall madly in love with, and then end up compatible with them things get old/boring/the honeymoon stage ends.

 

"The One" is basically someone you feel an instant spark with, the person who texts you and makes you heart jump (usually you are on dates with the "nice guys" who actually want you yet jump at any text from such men, the ones we REALLY look forward/hope to hear from:lmao::rolleyes:)

 

To me, The One is just that guy/girl who you meet and get all excited about and actually effortlessly feel super attracted to.Then you end up actually being compatible. Rare but there are more than ONE person in the world who you would mutually share that with.

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

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I met the one at 29.

 

Hardly too late....

 

BTW there is no such thing as "the one". There are a small amount of people with whom we fall madly in love with, and then end up compatible with them things get old/boring/the honeymoon stage ends.

 

"The One" is basically someone you feel an instant spark with, the person who texts you and makes you heart jump (usually you are on dates with the "nice guys" who actually want you yet jump at any text from such men, the ones we REALLY look forward/hope to hear from:lmao::rolleyes:)

 

To me, The One is just that guy/girl who you meet and get all excited about and actually effortlessly feel super attracted to.Then you end up actually being compatible. Rare but there are more than ONE person in the world who you would mutually share that with.

 

The one is the one i will end up making babies from haha

 

And did u end up getting married with your person?

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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The one is the one i will end up making babies from haha

 

And did u end up getting married with your person?

 

We are engaged to be married but want kids first (we are early 30s now).

 

I am practical and want to see if we can have kids (I have fertility issues) and I want to see him in the light of being a father before I commit for a lifetime - it tends to either make or break it (having children).

 

We have not much money and have not gotten the option to go on many dates or relax or go on trips together so we gig the hard part first and the best is yet to come for us (after college for me when we have two incomes).

 

It has been hard without many dates (aside from the beginning where despite being poor, he just spent it all on me). Then things got serious - he is a recovering addict too so we did break up for a time.

 

We didn't really care and were happy to be single again.

 

For some reason we just got together again - things just worked. I

 

I am personally against "trying" too hard to meet the one OR make it work... it should feel right and whilst some people have more pressing personal issues than the average person, the "one" should be a person where you are not too far "gone" mentally to be able to functionally make it work..

 

Things feel really great - super affectionate, loving and laugh a lot plus are more attracted than ever years later - but our relationship was not without its challenges - we were both very flawed and our old selves were not at all conductive to a healthy adult relationship - we both took a lot of work before we were ready for a proper adult relationship, despite being in our late 20's.

 

Some men assumed my aloofness - even with men who were WAY better looking than me and I really had NO business rejecting - was on me. And while it was my fault I was not ready to commit - the "one" I wanted ended up being just the right person I needed at that stage in life - someone as flawed as I was who was making the same mistakes and who was in need of similar life lessons as I was.....

 

I personally think meeting the "one" is random luck... There are actually a few men who I meet them and just know right away that " yep, I would love to sleep with them and flirt and have a thing....". I am not into (sexually) attracted to many men but there are men where right away, I am drawn to without it actually meaning more than " yay let's have a thing/fun sex/enjoy hanging out".

 

Very few of those instant attractions (that are so much fun and garner the same instant thrill as "the one" did) end up actually COMPATIBLE, as in, a life partner type of thing.....

 

And in fact, most of the men I am and MOST women seem to be drawn to, are the men who are NOT at all good for us! Subconsciously it seems that many of us women, are the most sexually excited about (read: attracted)to, are the ones who are NOT life partner material......

 

Just summing up how I felt about my own the "one". Basically - just the same as those "instant want to have sex with" men, who ended up being compatible life stage wise and who I liked their character enough. Simple but hard to find.

 

I even think models and beautiful people with great personalities find it hard to truly find "the one"... sure, they could find mind blowing sex more often - the more options you have, the more people who you share that instant " I want to have sex with you immediately" instant attraction for and the more likely it is that more of those instant thrill types will end up in your bed - but true compatibility is not something looks and a great personality can buy - it takes truly clicking, which looks and great personalities cannot buy you.

 

Just my thoughts on meeting the "one". Everyone has different views. They are all correct views, and how we look at "the one" an the way we may cross paths and the subsequent standards we all have inbuilt in us - makes

the one mean different things, for different people.

pepperbird Established Member

pepperbird

Posted
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I am 28 years old and I am pretty much worried I will not find the one and get married. When i was younger I always thought i would be married by 27 and now since I am 28 and I did not meet the "one" yet, I am pretty much worried. Do you, people who still did not got married, and are almost 30 or in their 30s worried about this also?

 

 

I've been married a few days short of 21 years ow, and if you don't mind some advice form an old married fogey, it's this.

 

 

Use this time as an opportunity to learn about yourself, what you want and what you need in a relationship partner. Find out what makes you happy. and decide what your "must haves" are. Learn the do's and don'ts of a romantic relationship. Learn the difference between limerance and real love. This way, you'll hopefully be ready when the right person comes along.

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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I hope you hear me out on this.

 

Please please, please

 

don't decide a number on when you will or should find the one or else get married.

 

Please don't!

 

It's unhealthy, unrealistic, and it will give you too much pressure and might lead you to do desperate stuff.

 

 

PS: you are still young.

 

Actually, don't put a number to everything in your life.

 

You are still alive and life is full of surprises, don't put a number because life will humiliate you and laugh at you with these numbers

 

Life has a saying, you can decide all you want, but your life will change up the numbers, mess it up and make you cry because you set up a number and thought it was settled.

 

 

There are no numbers, there are no plans.

 

Just try to your best to enjoy your time, and one day you might find the one or not!

 

 

But the one will not come to someone who is sitting whining about it, doing nothing on his part to find him.

 

 

The one wants you to find him!

 

Go find him!

 

He is waiting!

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toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

Posted
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I hope you hear me out on this.

 

Please please, please

 

don't decide a number on when you will or should find the one or else get married.

 

Please don't!

 

It's unhealthy, unrealistic, and it will give you too much pressure and might lead you to do desperate stuff.

 

 

PS: you are still young.

 

Actually, don't put a number to everything in your life.

 

You are still alive and life is full of surprises, don't put a number because life will humiliate you and laugh at you with these numbers

 

Life has a saying, you can decide all you want, but your life will change up the numbers, mess it up and make you cry because you set up a number and thought it was settled.

 

 

There are no numbers, there are no plans.

 

Just try to your best to enjoy your time, and one day you might find the one or not!

 

 

But the one will not come to someone who is sitting whining about it, doing nothing on his part to find him.

 

 

The one wants you to find him!

 

Go find him!

 

He is waiting!

 

DAY IS MADE THANK YOU FOR THIS !! that is exactly what i am doing but i guess since my 28th birthday 1 month ago i started exessively thinking about it and I am irritated about it because i dont like to set numbers and plan for stuff but i hoped by now i would have been in a stable relationship. I know i will meet someone that will meet my do;dont ratio and i will fall in love healthily and be loved one day, till then i want to be happy everyday and enjoy this life while im being single as much as I can !

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