Jump to content

What if we never found the one and got married?

toomanyquestions123

By toomanyquestions123
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

Posted
Posted

I am 28 years old and I am pretty much worried I will not find the one and get married. When i was younger I always thought i would be married by 27 and now since I am 28 and I did not meet the "one" yet, I am pretty much worried. Do you, people who still did not got married, and are almost 30 or in their 30s worried about this also?

guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted

I'm 30, unmarried, and I don't mind the idea of never marrying or having children. It's not what I expected, but as time goes on your plans change. Time flies by so it was unrealistic for me to ever have been married with kids by now.

grays Established Member

grays

Posted
Posted

I think everyone worries about it until they find the one. Just make sure that your anxiety doesn't cause you to jump at thefirst opportunity.

  • Like 1
guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted
I think everyone worries about it until they find the one. Just make sure that your anxiety doesn't cause you to jump at thefirst opportunity.

 

I guess that makes me nobody then.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

There are some things in life that despite your best efforts, you can not make it happen... they happen in their own good time. This is one of those things.

 

Have faith that it will happen, but if it doesn't happen... you will find a way to deal with that too. Your life can still be wonderful if you don't get married or have a child.

  • Author
toomanyquestions123 Established Member

toomanyquestions123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
There are some things in life that despite your best efforts, you can not make it happen... they happen in their own good time. This is one of those things.

 

Have faith that it will happen, but if it doesn't happen... you will find a way to deal with that too. Your life can still be wonderful if you don't get married or have a child.

 

I do believe this as well but i really do prefer to have my own family when I am aging. I do believe also that it will happen eventually i hope, but the idea of not getting married scares the hell out of me. I am almost jealous of all the married couples and how they made it so far...

FMW Established Member

FMW

Posted
Posted

Keep the faith, plenty of people don't marry until their 30s.

 

As grays said, don't let your worry about it make you jump at just any opportunity that might arise. An unhappy marriage is a painful depressing thing.

 

As to jealousy of others, remember that you only see what they show to the public. You don't know what really goes on behind closed doors.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Believe me OP, you have plenty of time. At 28 you are still young.

 

I'm only 10 years older than you, but already some of the couples I know who married around your age are divorcing or have divorced. Not all, of course, but certainly not all who expected to remain married forever have stayed that way.

 

Don't assume that married always means happier or better relationships.

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Don't assume that married always means happier or better relationships.

 

Ain't that the truth!

 

I decided long ago that I would rather be single, than in a bad relationship/marriage.

  • Like 2
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
I do believe this as well but i really do prefer to have my own family when I am aging. I do believe also that it will happen eventually i hope, but the idea of not getting married scares the hell out of me. I am almost jealous of all the married couples and how they made it so far...

 

By 35 it will happen to you..

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

There is a chance you will end up unmarried but you can quite easily prevent it from happening, it's totally within your control. For example, if you want to sell a house, you can keep lowering the price until it sells. It's impossible for it not to. Same applies to dating - how do you think majority of population gets married?

 

 

Now if you want to fall in love, that's a different matter altogether.

  • Like 1
brigit87 Established Member

brigit87

Posted
Posted
I do believe this as well but i really do prefer to have my own family when I am aging. I do believe also that it will happen eventually i hope, but the idea of not getting married scares the hell out of me. I am almost jealous of all the married couples and how they made it so far...

 

I was like that too. Jealous of all my girlfriends who got engaged before me. But then I got lucky and so will you.

 

Here is the best advice I can give you:

 

Learn everything you can about what it really means to be married. Not the romantic fun stuff but the stressful married stuff.

Iris The Butterfly Established Member

Iris The Butterfly

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am halfway through 34 and never married no kids. I had two opportunities to get married and have kids. Two proposals. Two lost pregnancies. Lots of men who wanted to be with me but few that loved me and vice versa. I’ve had chances but I didn’t take it. I thought by the time I was 25 I would marry my boyfriend at the time and have three kids. Almost 10 years later I have zero to zero. No boyfriend, no husband, no kids. I make jokes that I’m going to end up a crazy cat lady. So yes, people in their 30s worry about it too. I still want marriage very much but the ones who want it with me I don’t want, and the ones I wanted to be with didn’t want me or wouldn’t be a good long term partner. I’m not sure if I will ever get married. Some of us are late bloomers and have to find ourselves first. I know some people who got married in their late twenties and early thirties who are not happy, or getting divorced. I think it’s better to be single than settle. Who knows. My time may never come and I may be single forever. Maybe many little relationships that go nowhere. who knows. Maybe I already know my future husband. We never know. Part of life is not knowing what the future holds. 28 is still young. Maybe you’ll get married next year. Maybe in 10 years. Maybe never.

If you strongly desire marriage, my best advice is to only date marriage material and men who want to commit and settle down. That will get you closer to your goal.

Edited by littlebridge
Iris The Butterfly Established Member

Iris The Butterfly

Posted
Posted
By 35 it will happen to you..

 

Sorry that’s not how it works. There’s no timeline or guarantee in life.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

toomanyquestions123,

 

 

Unfortunately, too may women (and maybe some men) think that they are defined by their marital status.

 

 

This is rubbish.

 

 

It is far better to be single and happy than in a miserable marriage where you have "settled" in order to comply with the expectations of society.

 

 

I would say, be the best person you can be, skill up, get an education (if you haven't got one already) be self-sufficient, emotionally, financially and psychologically and you'll be surprised what comes your way.:)

  • Like 2
Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

My first marriage was in my 30's...divorced in late 30's.. then married 2nd time in 40's...

 

No children from first marriage but now have a child from my second, at the age of almost 45, today I'm 56...

 

I worked too many hours in my 20's to settle down but in my 30's I cut it back some and got serious about finding someone stable.. hahaha

 

I thought I would never get married again after the first but here I am..

 

I do think it crossed my mind a few times but honestly I was pretty ok with how my life was and if it meant being single forever I would have been fine with that...

 

You will be okay...

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

If I never met my wife I would probably still be single and I would be perfectly okay with that. I love being married to her but some other marriages put me off severely.

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

LOL at 28 I barely started dating. First my first date was when I was 27.5, and he wasn't even close to 'the one'. The only time it became an issue was when I was 30 and decided to 'do what people do' and got involved with 'marriage-minded' TERRIBLE (for me) dude for 2 years. Never ever ever again.

 

I got super happy after our breakup, bought myself a house, revived new hobbies, I'd have been 100% content staying single forever... and then started falling in love. Once didn't work out (but was an amazing, unforgettable encounter, and we are still friends), second time - still together and counting. Will we get married? I can't care less, open to it if he wants to. Kids - that's more of an issue because the 35 cliff of losing fertility is real. But hey, with freezing eggs even that can be postponed.

 

So on your point what if you never meet 'the one' and get married - then you'd be happily single ever after :) Remember it is a societal construct not biological need.

 

 

I am 28 years old and I am pretty much worried I will not find the one and get married. When i was younger I always thought i would be married by 27 and now since I am 28 and I did not meet the "one" yet, I am pretty much worried. Do you, people who still did not got married, and are almost 30 or in their 30s worried about this also?
Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

Posted
Posted

Well, I am hitting 60 and never found 'the one'. And, let me tell you how horrible it is... I certainly hate being in charge of my own life and having the freedom to do what I want when I want and where I want. I absolutely cry myself to sleep every night knowing I have never had to pay child support for decades, alimony for ever, nor giving up half of my life's savings in the divorce :D Every single child hood pal I had has had these things happen to them - they have no spendable income because of one or more of those things happening to them. One buddy can only go onto the internet from work because he can't afford a lousy couple hundred dollars to repair his 10 year old computer... I even offered to fix it for him as long as he pays for the parts, but he cant even come up with 50$ for a hard disk. SO yeah... it's horrible - NOT!

 

 

On the other hand, if I could have found a woman like my mother, I'd have married her in a heart beat. My dad got lucky, and found a woman who actually LOVED him, and stuck by him even when they didn't have a pot to pee in... they just don't make 'em like that anymore. I'd have to invent a time machine and go back to the 1950's to find someone like that... so until I do exactly that, I just have to content myself with a couple FWB's and barbequing steak in my back yard... truly a horrible life... :lmao:

  • Like 2
Juha Established Member

Juha

Posted
Posted
There are some things in life that despite your best efforts, you can not make it happen... they happen in their own good time. This is one of those things.

 

Have faith that it will happen, but if it doesn't happen... you will find a way to deal with that too. Your life can still be wonderful if you don't get married or have a child.

 

I would put an addendum to this statement. Your life can still be wonderful but it will not be the same and if you really want children and to be married then you could still be happy but sad at the same time.

 

If what you want to be is married and have children then you need to get out there and truly look for a good person to marry. If you just go about your life hoping it happens or try somewhat to make it happen it will not be good enough.

 

Some people get lucky and it just falls into their lap.

  • Like 1
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

Sure, if you have always dreamed of being blissfully married--or simply married (many people confuse the two) it's quite scary to look around and see your friends and peers walking down the aisle when you have no immediate prospects.

 

One point to think about ... you want to live a full life whether you're married or not married. And marriage, despite fantasies to the contrary, is not a guarantee of living a rich, vibrant, fulfilling life.

 

So ... live a full life now, if you're single. Find the activities and interests that are deeply meaningful and pursue them. Get your career going in a field that interests you. Find some hobbies and pursue them. Not just cute hobbies, but hobbies that are downright fun and enjoyable. Get healthy ... with exercise and rest and sleep and attending to all health issues aggressively.

 

I'm in my 50s, and I can tell you that there are a lot of single people out there who live great lives ... I will include divorced people like myself in this category. I'm divorced after being married briefly ... and yeah, it took some time for me to accept and then really believe and understand that there is NOTHING wrong with being single. In fact, not only is there nothing wrong with being single, but you should talk to married people, half of them envy people who are single.

 

In living a full life you are also raising your chances of meeting someone who is great for you ... and your are also increasing your own attractiveness to would-be partners.

 

They key is to find activities you really love ... that might also allow you to meet people ... I will qualify that, however, by saying that there was a time I did events in order to meet people. That's fine and that works. But I got a little tired of doing that ... because if I didn't meet "someone" at one of these activities, I would come away disappointed.

 

So now ... I do stuff that I love--and would love--even if no dating prospects emerge from that activity. Ironically, even not worrying about meeting people in an activity, allows me to meet all kinds of people.

 

So yes, you can do a lot of activities to meet people. Fine. But to me, better still is to do activities that I would love to pursue even if I were married. It's a mistake to think that a spouse will meet all our social needs and share all our interests and hobbies. They won't. So you still have that task even if you were to get married.

 

BTW: 28 is not that old for getting married these days. There is research out there that shows that delaying marriage ... even into your 30s ... results in more satisfaction in the marriage and lower divorce rates.

 

A friend of mine married her husband when she was 23--and a quite mature 23 as she grew up quite independent and always worked and played a central mature role in her family. She knew what she wanted in life from a young age, and she has pretty much stuck to that path ... And ... she says now that she got married WAY TOO SOON. She didn't really know herself, she says.

 

Anyway, it's easy to succumb to the fallacy that all the single people in the world are living Plan B lives ... not true.

 

Being a badass single person can be a great life ... and frankly, being an awesome single person is what makes you more independent and mature ... to handle marriage.

  • Like 1
losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted

38-year-old here. There are times when I think, "gee, it'd be nice to find someone and get married," but honestly, I'm pretty content being single. In all my years of dating, I've never met a guy who made me think, "I cannot spend the rest of my life without this person;" even supposedly good marriages can be overrated. I think about my own parents, who ostensibly had a decent marriage, but I look at my mom now, some dozen years after my dad died, and she's healthier—physically, financially, and mentally—than when he was alive. So even if she'd categorize their marriage as "good," it still really took a toll on her.

 

I don't want to actively not get married, but I certainly don't want to do so just because I feel like the clock is ticking. I see no real benefit of it, beyond companionship, and possibly to have ppl around to take care of me in my old age, but even that's not guaranteed. Chin up, OP. There are plenty of better things to lose sleep over.

  • Like 2
MountainGirl111 Established Member

MountainGirl111

Posted
Posted

OP: You're still very young. Don't buy into the notion you MUST be married by age __. There is no magic number. You'll know when you have met the "right one". And, it's possible the "right one" will come into your life when you are least looking for it. Just live your life; find out what you are passionate about that doesn't involve looking for a man to spend the rest of your life with. The "rest of your life" begins now; today. Embrace each day like it is the first day of the rest of your life and each day try to start over with that mindset. What do you want out of life? What do you feel called to do? What are some things you've always wanted to do? Goals. Travel Europe? Meet some fitness goals? Take up a musical instrument? Forge better friendships and associates? The list can be endless. You go girl!

  • Like 1
MountainGirl111 Established Member

MountainGirl111

Posted
Posted

Anyway, it's easy to succumb to the fallacy that all the single people in the world are living Plan B lives ... not true.

Being a badass single person can be a great life ... and frankly, being an awesome single person is what makes you more independent and mature ... to handle marriage.

 

 

^^^This. Bravo.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Question is: how are you contributing to your ongoing lack of finding a guy? And what can you do differently?

 

I recall this thread you made a while back about not wanting to date a guy who was taller than you, but not super tall. Did you end up giving him a chance?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...