donotmicrowave Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) Hey all, I guess I'm looking for a bit of encouragement here. Some of you know the story. I'm 19, my ex is 21, 5 years of emotionally abusive relationship (gaslighting, manipulating, lying, constant dumping, hiding me from everyone, using and so on). We were long distance, so at 17, I moved countries for him. He officially dumped me beginning of 2017, but of course, while hitting up an old ex and getting with her afterwards, he still kept me around. Cheated on her, etc etc. All in all, what I'm trying to get across is that this person is the most cowardly manchild I've ever met. Over 3 months ago I finally cut contact with him. I was hurting a lot, life has been a mess anyway, but I was doing well recovering from him. Until a few days ago when I hit him up again. I don't know how I let myself do it. I got this really strange overwhelming feeling, never had it before. Waited for 3 days for it to go over, but it just didn't. I couldn't eat, anything. So I called him. And he was nice. He said he's busy so he asked me to hit him up on a different app later, he thanked me, and we said bye. We've been in contact for these days now. He hasn't changed one bit. He still has his "subtle ways of being an absolute d**k and trying to one-up me", he is passive aggressive, tries to show me he doesn't care, is trying to punish me when he sees pictures where I'm happy and living life, he is still the same excuse of a man. But I'm just letting him hurt me all over again. It sickens me to think of him with other girls, it kills me to think he actually doesn't care. We will be calling tonight, and I know it's going to hurt. I will probably be cutting him out after the call as I'm sure he will try to hurt me as much as possible, but how can one be like this. I might as well stick my hand into the fire and wonder how I could possibly get burned this badly. Why can't I just let go and move on like a normal human being, why does one keep going back to hurt and agony? Edited August 6, 2018 by donotmicrowave
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Only you can answer the why. But I suggest not getting on that call.
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) Have you ever been to see a counsellor? You are far too young to have been in a five year long, emotionally abusive relationship. How in the world did you move to be with this man at 17 years old? You have a lot of work to do to figure out who you are, to learn to stand on your own two feet. You have never learned these skills. This is the time of your life that you should be going to school, laying the foundation for your future, and enjoying time with friends. My best advice, find a good counsellor and forget about men for a long time... Focus on yourself and create the life that YOU want. You have absolutely no idea what that is right now... and that, is what is most important for you to discover. When you are ready, spend more time talking to a counsellor to learn what it is to have a healthy relationship... because, you don't know this right now. Involving yourself in a very unhealthy relationship at such a young age changes who you are and what you expect from others... You have a lot of work to do before you are ready for another relationship. Don't waste your time talking to this bad man... Good luck. Edited August 6, 2018 by BaileyB 1
stillafool Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Not only has he not changed but nor have you. You continue to do the same thing over and over and you will continue to get the same response from him. Why? Because he doesn't value you and probably never will. He doesn't care about hurting your feelings because it doesn't matter to him how you feel as he is looking for another girl. When you start caring more about you than him then you can heal.
overcome Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 You really need to speak with a therapist. You know what you need to do but you can't seem to do it. People on this site will tell you what they think but you really need to seek help from a professional. I would go NC and block him from everything. I understand this is hard and painful but this has gone on waaaayyy to long. Do the right thing for yourself and for your dignity. 1
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