crazyguy123 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Would you be in a relationship if the significant other wanted to get out of their current relationship? I’m kinda in one right now and the guy found out. But anyways.... would you be in a relationship like that?
Lotsgoingon Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Hold on, you're dating someone ... and you want to get out of the relationship ... and your partner found out that you want to leave? And you're asking what would we do if we were dating someone who (we learned but were not directly told) wanted to leave the relationship? Clarify please. As a general principle: someone doesn't want to date me, I don't want to date them. First condition of dating someone is that they want to date me as well. But elaborate a bit cause I'm not sure I'm answering you.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Please clarify. Are you asking if you should go ahead and get into a relationship with someone else who is not your SO?
preraph Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 He's dating someone's woman and the guy found out. She's dating two men and was trying to conceal it from her main guy, but he found out. If she wanted out of that relationship, she'd be out of it. I mean, she's not even married, right? She might be trying to find a financial replacement first, but if it's all just about relations, if she wanted out, she'd be out. If she's leaning on him financially, she'll do the same to you. So if that's her excuse, it's a bad one. Plus you'll know she'll date someone else and keep looking until she hits the motherlode. It would be different if she was married but legally separated headed for divorce, but she's still in this relationship.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Dang preraph! Your translation and interpretation skills are brilliant. 1
Author crazyguy123 Posted August 3, 2018 Author Posted August 3, 2018 Please clarify. Are you asking if you should go ahead and get into a relationship with someone else who is not your SO? I met my girlfriend when she had a boyfriend. She’s been wanting out. Would you have done that?
MountainGirl111 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I met my girlfriend when she had a boyfriend. She’s been wanting out. Would you have done that? I don't know if I would have pursued it. Yes, it's totally possible to meet someone new when you already have a boyfriend. Life happens. That's why they call it dating and why dating isn't always permanent. But, if I were you and found out she already had a boyfriend, my instinct would be to back off. Also, I guess it would depend if you KNEW she had a boyfriend from the get go or if she kept it hidden from you and then "surprise!" ... 'Oh, I already have a boyfriend." [not cool] Proceed with caution. I think you have to ask yourself how much it's worth it to you. If she kept it hidden from you, you also need to ask yourself why she would do that as opposed to being straight forward with you at the very start. [Maybe you knew she had a boyfriend when you got involved.] I've been in your shoes and don't like love triangles. Been there, done that, DON'T have the T-shirt! Consider this: Many of the homicides and homicide/suicides in the area where I live involve some sort of love triangle. I'm not trying to scare you or anything like that. But jealous lovers are SCAAARY. 1
act00 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Dating someone who has a boyfriend? No. Then from the sound of it, this guy found out...she is cheating...with you. Monkeybranching never works out well. It's just a matter of time before she moves on to a new guy when she's with you. I dated a guy like this once...I was just one of many branches. The proper course of action would be, that upon finding out she has a boyfriend, cut ties and let her know that after she breaks up with him, if you're still available, she can look you up. Not a second before. Even then, you have to deal with the notion you are merely a rebound or transition as she sorts out her feelings and breakup. If you knew ahead of time she had a boyfriend, NOT get involved with her at all. A serial breaker-upper for a newer and shinier bauble isn't that much better than a monkey-brancher. Dating is what it is. You meet someone, you determine they are not the one, and you break up. Sometimes there's some overlap. It happens. I guess you have to determine if there's an unhealthy pattern or simply some circumstance. No guarantees here which is which. What this sounds like to me, seems more in line with an affair than it does simply dating and this dating running its course. If she's this involved with her SO that cheating has entered the picture, and she's so unhappy but "can't get out of it", then her relationship with this guy is deeper than just a handful of dates and moving on. Whatever the case may be, she needs to end relationship #1 before getting involved with #2, and you need not be part of this little love triangle. She can put her ducks in a row first. 1
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I met my girlfriend when she had a boyfriend. She’s been wanting out. Would you have done that? When my parents first met they were both dating other people... as the story goes, they talked at a party that night, dumped their significant others the next day, and then they started to date. I would have told her to call me up when/if she found herself single again. No way would I date someone who is in a relationship with another person - I have too much self respect for that. 1
Malin889 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 He's dating someone's woman and the guy found out. She's dating two men and was trying to conceal it from her main guy, but he found out. If she wanted out of that relationship, she'd be out of it. I mean, she's not even married, right? She might be trying to find a financial replacement first, but if it's all just about relations, if she wanted out, she'd be out. If she's leaning on him financially, she'll do the same to you. So if that's her excuse, it's a bad one. Plus you'll know she'll date someone else and keep looking until she hits the motherlode. It would be different if she was married but legally separated headed for divorce, but she's still in this relationship. Very confusing!!
smackie9 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I know plenty who have. The OM or OW never wins in these situations. The GF/BF end up lying that they are going to leave...sometime, but they never do. They fill your head with BS that the relationship is bad and they want out....well if it was that bad they would have left a long time ago on their own accord. OP you are a shlep, being used, and she will ditch you soon enough to either A) make things work with her BF or B) she will ditch the both of you and date some outlaw motorcycle guy.
lovesickcanuck Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Cheat with me.........cheat on me. That's always been my philosophy. I watched for 2 years, the effect it had on my mom and my sister, when my dad left for another woman. I made myself an oath....I would never get involved with anyone who was already in a relationship and I would always be faithful in relationship I was in. I ended up in a 15 year relationship with a hardcore alcoholic. Even at it's worst and even once I knew it was done, until she physically moved out of the home, I did not ever break the vow of marriage that we had made. 1
Author crazyguy123 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) [] First of all, I met this girl and she was wonderful. She was very flirty and quite touchy for me. After a few days of hanging out, she told me she was married. I was a little hesistant to make a move now because of her status so I kept my distance. She continuously kept moving on to me. As if she really liked me. So we ended up hanging out then got into a relationship. She told me she wanted out for a very long time but he always left it and didn’t bother to do anything. So the other guy found out. Had a chat with me in person. He somewhat threatened me and tried to talk as if he is the bigger guy. He even has photo of me wth her. She is moving out at the end of the month. Now he wants to talk to me again and I don’t want too. I am going to the cops prior to having a talk again. To let them know the situation. I don’t even know why he wants to talk to me again. I just felt like ranting. Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content and moved to OM/OW
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Be Very careful. Since your GF, a MW, was willing to cheat with you, she will eventually cheat on you. 2
heavenonearth Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Be Very careful. Since your GF, a MW, was willing to cheat with you, she will eventually cheat on you. Urgh, I can't hear this nonsense anymore. You can't possibly know the background story of this woman and her marriage. When I was 22 I was with an abuser for 3 years and I was looking everywhere for a way out, but couldn't... until I finally met a man at a party and fell in love with him head over heels and found the strength to leave the abusive relationship. It was the only way out at that moment. I did not cheat on my following partner, and i did not cheat on any partner after that. So please, stop with these generalizations. it means absolutely nothing. 6
Artdeco Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Urgh, I can't hear this nonsense anymore. You can't possibly know the background story of this woman and her marriage. When I was 22 I was with an abuser for 3 years and I was looking everywhere for a way out, but couldn't... until I finally met a man at a party and fell in love with him head over heels and found the strength to leave the abusive relationship. It was the only way out at that moment. I did not cheat on my following partner, and i did not cheat on any partner after that. So please, stop with these generalizations. it means absolutely nothing. I agree. Generalizations are not helpful. No matter how you met, everybody's history is different. If I wanted to generalize, I could say that everybody who cheats was "unhappy" in their R, and that's why they were looking elsewhere. Not true for everybody, but for some. In the perfect world of LS, a person who is involved in a R that is not satisfying will split first, and then stay single for a while to "heal", and then slowly start looking for a new love. That is not how it always works, though. As a matter of fact, that's how it rarely works IRL. OP, you don't have to get involved in a conversation with her ex. She needs to end her R. That's her job. Stay out of it and let him know that that's what you're going to do.
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Be Very careful. Since your GF, a MW, was willing to cheat with you, she will eventually cheat on you. While this is definitely a generalization, it's not wrong to advise someone to be very careful when entering a relationship with an individual who has cheated in the past. 4
heavenonearth Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 While this is definitely a generalization, it's not wrong to advise someone to be very careful when entering a relationship with an individual who has cheated in the past. No need to speak in absolute terms, or limit the woman to being a cheater at best.
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 There is a big difference between breaking your marital vows & cheating on a BF/GF. Somebody needing to lean on another person to find the strength to leave a an abusive relationship is one thing -- not a great thing because there are support services out there that do not involve infidelity. But certain lines, once you cross them, it's easier to cross them the next time. Some people may only cheat once or may develop maturity as they grow up, but caution is always the operative word when you meet people who start one relationship before they are fully finished with another relationship. Besides, this is an internet message board, not a meaningful substitute for genuine professional counseling. Pithy one liners are not unheard of. 1
OatsAndHall Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Moral of the story; this is what happens when you mess around with married men or women: their husband or wife get angry. Don't bother meeting him and don't waste your time going to the cops because a) he hasn't done anything wrong and b) they're going to tell you to stay away from him! If you want further drama, then continue to "date" the married woman. You're just asking for trouble. 1
kendahke Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I'd leave this whole situation alone before he and his boys ride up on you. You're messing with someone's wife and they know who you are. And snitching to the police about your contribution to the situation you find yourself in right now is a waste of time because dude hasn't done anything to you--it sounds more like your guilt talking than anything else. You need to work on making yourself scarce in their lives... and leave married women alone.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 In what way did he threaten you, OP? What is it you are going to bring to the police? I find it curious you refer to him as the "other guy." He's not. He's her husband. You are the other guy. 1
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I find it curious you refer to him as the "other guy." He's not. He's her husband. You are the other guy. I suppose, it's all a matter of perspective. Indeed, you are the one who has inserted yourself where you do not belong. He has a right to be angry, this is the consequence when you sleep with another man's wife. It is a waste of time to go to the police, he has done nothing wrong and unless you plan to file a restraining order, there is nothing they can do. This is a whole lot of trouble that could have been avoided if you would have stayed away from this woman - as her husband is reminding you... she is married and thus, unavailable to date at this time. 1
MountainGirl111 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) What would you be "taking to the police", OP? The fact you are involved with another man's wife and he has approached you? Has he threatened you? I don't think there is much the cops can do for you at this point. They WILL likely advise you to stay away from her and her husband. I'm not judging you or her for being interested in each other. That happens. But maybe we can just give a word of warning there will be trouble ahead.Her husband wants to talk to you because you are in a relationship with his wife. This may get a lot more messy as time goes on. She's moving out at the end of the month? Well, we'll see if she keeps her word, eh? Edited August 6, 2018 by MountainGirl111
seixal Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Urgh, I can't hear this nonsense anymore. You can't possibly know the background story of this woman and her marriage. When I was 22 I was with an abuser for 3 years and I was looking everywhere for a way out, but couldn't... until I finally met a man at a party and fell in love with him head over heels and found the strength to leave the abusive relationship. It was the only way out at that moment. I did not cheat on my following partner, and i did not cheat on any partner after that. So please, stop with these generalizations. it means absolutely nothing. Very good points. In the real world things don't always go by the book, people on here tend to ignore that. OP, that girl's marriage has been dying since long before the very first day you met. One person cannot make another person leave a relationship they do not wish to. Her soon to be ex-husband cannot come talk to you aggressively, getting the authorities involved in the right thing to do. I can understand he's hurt but he doesn't own his soon-to-be ex-wife. Coercive action on thirds are never acceptable, married or not married. If you like this girl, I say go for it, just be careful. She would have left him with or without you around either way.
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