Iris17 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I will tell you a brief story first. I discovered that my bf (father of my child) was having an affair. This women that he was having an affair with was a guest at our JOINT birthday party so she knew he was taken and has a family. Anyway to make story short. Once the affair was discovered there were lots of crying, shouting and all emotions that normally happens when you find out that you have been betrayed. We are currently seeing a couples therapist and im not sure whether it is helping us or me especially. Anyway im trying to forgive and move on, however I sometimes have thoughts that I want to punch my bf for doing what he did..the things that he bragged to friends about and things he lied to me during his affair etc. I also feel like calling her up and say all the nasty things that I thought of her. NOW....I know that I won't do these things as I know nothing good will come out of it. It may make me feel better but I don't know how long for and I will probably regret it anyway and may backfire. Also I shouldn't go that low by being violent. I know im not a violent person and some of my friends who know the story says i have been incredibly patient with the whole thing ..I know I have to be as im trying to save my family as well as to move on and forgive .. i guess im not there yet and sometimes I wanna do what was mentioned above. Can someone give me reasons or just give me a reminder why I shouldn't do those things.
Poutrew Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Well... if you wind up breaking up with the scoundrel, you WILL be effectively punching him (in the balls) with every child support payment he makes for the next 2 decades... And it will all be legal... 1
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Violence never solves anything but I do understand the impulse. You are angry, frustrated & upset. You want to release all that negative energy. Perhaps, join a boxing gym & hit a heavy bag for a while.
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Well, if you become physically violent with either, you can be charged with assault. That would be enough to make me not do those things. I hope you are able to move through this anger. Good luck to you. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Can someone give me reasons or just give me a reminder why I shouldn't do those things. Your BF not only cheated on you but he bragged to friends about doing so? I'm trying to come up with reasons for staying with someone who does that... Mr. Lucky 2
Author Iris17 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 Violence never solves anything but I do understand the impulse. You are angry, frustrated & upset. You want to release all that negative energy. Perhaps, join a boxing gym & hit a heavy bag for a while. Haha, in fact I did have to look into boxing classes in the local area and starting tomorrow. Hope it helps me avoid jail 1
Author Iris17 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) I keep telling myself that if it wasn't this particular woman, it will be someone else. Any woman who is willing to play around with a man who has a family. Her background I know a little..she came from a broken home. Her mother was a mistress as well and this girl was the result of her mother and that man's 'adventure'. In the end that man abdoned both of them and this girl who my bf is having an affair with doesn't speak to her mum..nor her biological dad..he doesn't want to know about her. I guess for some people who came from a broken home with that kind of background, they think being the other woman is the best they can get . When I think of it like that it keeps me from wanting to scream in her face ..even if I do..she probably won't feel a thing. Edited August 6, 2018 by Iris17 1
BluesPower Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Haha, in fact I did have to look into boxing classes in the local area and starting tomorrow. Hope it helps me avoid jail Well let's start here... If your counselor is TELLING YOU to move on, then time to change counselor's and I mean today. Anyone that knows anything about infidelity, should know that you will move on at YOUR own pace. After which you BF does a lot of things, such as: 1) No contact with the OW. 2) Writes you a timeline of the affair. 3) Provides you complete and total access to his phone and all means of communication. 4) Builds trust with you over time, which means at a minimum 1) No going out with the "Boys" drinking. 2) No unexplained time away from home. Those are just the basics. 1
Author Iris17 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 Well let's start here... If your counselor is TELLING YOU to move on, then time to change counselor's and I mean today. Anyone that knows anything about infidelity, should know that you will move on at YOUR own pace. After which you BF does a lot of things, such as: 1) No contact with the OW. 2) Writes you a timeline of the affair. 3) Provides you complete and total access to his phone and all means of communication. 4) Builds trust with you over time, which means at a minimum 1) No going out with the "Boys" drinking. 2) No unexplained time away from home. Those are just the basics. Hi, yes we are doing that. Sorry I didn’t make it very clear as I tried to make the story as short as possible. We are currently doing the above and I guess it is still fresh. I’m still angry and switching from one emotion to the other. Some days I just wanna walk out
BluesPower Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Hi, yes we are doing that. Sorry I didn’t make it very clear as I tried to make the story as short as possible. We are currently doing the above and I guess it is still fresh. I’m still angry and switching from one emotion to the other. Some days I just wanna walk out And that would be your RIGHT... and nothing says that you have to stay with him. But just know that you are in the drives seat and not him. If he does not like that, then he can leave and pay child support. Sound like a young guy that thought he was cool to be banging 2 girls, never mind that he had a child to think of. Which means he is a punk. I know that you want your family together, but if he is not perfect, then you really need to think what is better for you and your child in the long run... 1
BenchCoach Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 For 1 punch, you'll probably get a slap on the wrist if you have no priors... just sayin'.[not advocating any violence, just stating my opinion]
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Are you on Facebook? If you're in a smallish town, local police departments and/or news outlets often post about such arrests on their Facebook pages. You don't want the embarrassment of that, do you?
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 Your anger is completely justified but you need to find ways of letting it out. And, from my experience, I can tell you that meditation, yoga, deep breathing (etc..) doesn't do the trick when you're this angry. When I was in your shoes, I attended counseling on my own (something to consider) and I spent two hours per day, six days a week at the gym. I put on the loudest, heaviest music on my iPod and beat the hell out of myself for a solid three months. It not only allowed me to get that anger out but also helped me to remove myself from the situation and get out of my head. One probably doesn't need to take it as far as I did but intense physical exercise can certainly d the trick when you're experiencing this level of anger. And, it doesn't land you in jail. 1
Author Iris17 Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 Your anger is completely justified but you need to find ways of letting it out. And, from my experience, I can tell you that meditation, yoga, deep breathing (etc..) doesn't do the trick when you're this angry. When I was in your shoes, I attended counseling on my own (something to consider) and I spent two hours per day, six days a week at the gym. I put on the loudest, heaviest music on my iPod and beat the hell out of myself for a solid three months. It not only allowed me to get that anger out but also helped me to remove myself from the situation and get out of my head. One probably doesn't need to take it as far as I did but intense physical exercise can certainly d the trick when you're experiencing this level of anger. And, it doesn't land you in jail. Thank you..that's a very helpful advice. I am attending individual counselling..it helps..ish. I dunno. Yoga definitely doesn't help. Meditating im gonna try..running helps. I don't like gym but boxing should help lol.
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