CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Hi all, I recently began talking to a girl about a month ago. Things have been really good, we've talked every day/snap chatted. We've been on five dates and have been intimate since the second one. I've met her friends and she's met mine and it all went great. Last weekend we made plans on Sunday for the following Saturday. On Wednesday, I asked to confirm and she said she completely forgot she had another commitment but asked to make it up to me. I said yeah that works for me. I could tell she was taking longer to text me back that day and the following. We work together and on Friday she seemed to evade me at work. I was confused and felt like she was blowing me off by not giving me a concrete date to make it up. On our way out we were alone and I asked if something was wrong and if she didn't want to talk anymore it's no problem. She laughed and said "no, you're fine." I thought this was probably the end, but also I may have caught her off guard. That same night she went out and snap chatted me and then texted me when she got home. We've talked a bit all weekend, her initiating, but I can just sense that she's trying to slowly fade by taking longer than usual to respond to me and her texts have gotten a bit dry. She didn't text me back last night, but then snap chatted me of her in her bed watching TV. I didn't answer. She still hasn't texted me back this morning and I am assuming she is trying to let me down easy possibly. What do you guys think? We have acted very coupley and this hasn't just been a hook-up situation with us going on real dates. Should I just back off? I leave for graduate school a couple hours away at the end of the month so maybe this also plays into it. I like her, but I also don't want to continue talking to someone who doesn't seem as excited to talk to me anymore.
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 I bet that's what it is. You haven't really known each other all that long to have an intense LDR. She's probably sad about it, and is trying to make a decision. But I can't tell you why or what she is thinking. You need to ask her. Just text her what you said here and see what kind of reaction you get. If she avoids you, you have your answer.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 I bet that's what it is. You haven't really known each other all that long to have an intense LDR. She's probably sad about it, and is trying to make a decision. But I can't tell you why or what she is thinking. You need to ask her. Just text her what you said here and see what kind of reaction you get. If she avoids you, you have your answer. I just feel like I gave her the opportunity already to tell me. I don't want to be too pushy. But thank you for your advice.
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 (edited) Like you said you put her on the spot, so you wouldn't have gotten the truth out of her. People hate confrontation, and since this is the age of texting, an avoidance, you are going to have a tough time no matter what you do. I always say, go by their actions, not what they tell you. Words are easy. I'm not knocking her, but someone else could be in her orbit. The internet is a big place...lots of opportunities. Did you talk about being exclusive? Edited August 5, 2018 by smackie9 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 Like you said you put her on the spot, so you wouldn't have gotten the truth out of her. People hate confrontation, and since this is the age of texting, an avoidance, you are going to have a tough time no matter what you do. I always say, go by their actions, not what they tell you. Words are easy. I'm not knocking her, but someone else could be in her orbit. The internet is a big place...lots of opportunities. Did you talk about being exclusive? I agree. Her actions seem to be mixed and I think that's what is confusing me. She may have met someone else, that is possible for sure. We did not talk about being exclusive but seemed like we were progressing towards that the next 1 or 2 times we were gonna hang out. I will back off and let her be. I don't want to be with someone who cannot be straight up with me if that's the case. We are both only 23, so also young. There will be plenty of opportunities for me to meet other girls.
act00 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 You're moving away...two hours isn't close, easy, or convenient by any stretch. You shouldn't be seeking a serious relationship when you're about to move away...just don't. If you embark on relationships and are crystal clear on your intentions of leaving, expect lackadaisical, back burner initiative...a woman will not seek you as her first choice of serious, but you may be a fun fling if there aren't other plans, whether dating or plans iwth friends or family...you won't be the priority....you're leaving. Expect it. Take what you can. She may be slow fading you because you're leaving...why bother? She doesn't want to take the initiative to pursue a non-relationship. You're about to pack up and leave, so despite her interest level, you are untouchable, and she's not going to get herself all wrapped up in some quasi, long distance, relationship. Let it go. Did you tell her your intentions of moving in a couple months when you first met her, or did you spring it on her later, after she got herself a little bit attached..."Oh, by the way..." Be clear on your life circumstances in the future. Don't pull a bait and switch.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 You're moving away...two hours isn't close, easy, or convenient by any stretch. You shouldn't be seeking a serious relationship when you're about to move away...just don't. If you embark on relationships and are crystal clear on your intentions of leaving, expect lackadaisical, back burner initiative...a woman will not seek you as her first choice of serious, but you may be a fun fling if there aren't other plans, whether dating or plans iwth friends or family...you won't be the priority....you're leaving. Expect it. Take what you can. She may be slow fading you because you're leaving...why bother? She doesn't want to take the initiative to pursue a non-relationship. You're about to pack up and leave, so despite her interest level, you are untouchable, and she's not going to get herself all wrapped up in some quasi, long distance, relationship. Let it go. Did you tell her your intentions of moving in a couple months when you first met her, or did you spring it on her later, after she got herself a little bit attached..."Oh, by the way..." Be clear on your life circumstances in the future. Don't pull a bait and switch. Thanks for your reply. Yeah, she’s known that I am leaving at the end of her month since we started seeing each other. You made some good points that I didn’t really consider. Still no text..but it was expected. This is probably my fault for thinking it could work. Live and learn.
Marc878 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 You have a good attitude which will stand you well. Like others said they don't want to break the bad news so they just try and fade away. Just let her go. You'll see later it's no big deal. Your reactions are much better than most but you have little time invested. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 You have a good attitude which will stand you well. Like others said they don't want to break the bad news so they just try and fade away. Just let her go. You'll see later it's no big deal. Your reactions are much better than most but you have little time invested. Thank you. I have been through this before but usually it didn’t abruptly end like this so I was very confused. I will focus on my studies and will get over this soon. I guess I thought if she really liked me we could casually date since I can be back on most weekends. I think I got too excited too soon because I never usually catch feelings.
newyorker11356 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 There's either another guy in the picture and/or she realizes that she doesn't want to be in an LDR.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 (edited) There's either another guy in the picture and/or she realizes that she doesn't want to be in an LDR. Yeah, I think you’re right on the distance. The other guy factor could be a thing as well. What I am mostly confused about is as to why she decided to initiate conversation this weekend if her plan was just to ghost me anyways. Maybe that was her plan though, text me and then ghost me after a couple days. She did tell me the last guy she was hooking up with for awhile she wanted to end things so she hooked up with his friend so he would find out. I’m not surprised she is just ghosting me now. On to the next! Edited August 5, 2018 by CollegeKid101
act00 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 You can't go through life thinking people have vindictive or sinister ulterior motives. People generally don't. Most people are good and are muddling through life just like the rest of us. This woman has has no crystal ball on her dating endeavors, the same way you don't. The reality is, she liked you. She struggled with the fact that you're pretty much out the door, and she liked you. Then there's some other guy, and who knows who he is in the land of Prince Charming or not, but he's local, and you're leaving...do the math. If she's monkey branching the men...different story.
Marc878 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Yeah, I think you’re right on the distance. The other guy factor could be a thing as well. What I am mostly confused about is as to why she decided to initiate conversation this weekend if her plan was just to ghost me anyways. Maybe that was her plan though, text me and then ghost me after a couple days. She did tell me the last guy she was hooking up with for awhile she wanted to end things so she hooked up with his friend so he would find out. I’m not surprised she is just ghosting me now. On to the next! Good god almighty. You should have dropped her. Extremely low class 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 You can't go through life thinking people have vindictive or sinister ulterior motives. People generally don't. Most people are good and are muddling through life just like the rest of us. This woman has has no crystal ball on her dating endeavors, the same way you don't. The reality is, she liked you. She struggled with the fact that you're pretty much out the door, and she liked you. Then there's some other guy, and who knows who he is in the land of Prince Charming or not, but he's local, and you're leaving...do the math. If she's monkey branching the men...different story. I don't think she does. I didn't believe I gave off this vibe. I just said I'm not surprised by the sudden break in communication.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 (edited) What are you going to graduate school for? I am in med school. Edited August 6, 2018 by CollegeKid101
DontBreakEven Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 She did tell me the last guy she was hooking up with for awhile she wanted to end things so she hooked up with his friend so he would find out. I’m not surprised she is just ghosting me now. Ew. Love shack doesn’t allow that short of a reply, but that’s literally all I can say.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 She ended up texting me starting a new conversation. Then proceeded to ignore me for two hours. Decided I'm not texting back given the amount of confusion and games that seem to be at play.
Marc878 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 She's not worthy anyway. Better leave that alone 1
act00 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I am in med school. How did you have the scruples to get into med school, yet can't figure out the dynamics of living far away, let alone having zero availability to pursue a relationship for the next four years of your life while you pursue your studies and career, and this would be an issue? Someone is being realistic, and it's not you. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 (edited) How did you have the scruples to get into med school, yet can't figure out the dynamics of living far away, let alone having zero availability to pursue a relationship for the next four years of your life while you pursue your studies and career, and this would be an issue? Someone is being realistic, and it's not you. Okay, I am not sure what your deal is, but I am currently in med school, NOT GOING to med school. I have one year left away from home as I can do my final year in my city. I have had a long distance relationship before and it actually lasted quite awhile. Additionally, I am not across the damn country. I am a two-hour drive away and come home every weekend. You have repeatedly made assumptions about me without asking questions. Regardless, I have nothing to prove to you. Please stop commenting on my thread. Edited August 6, 2018 by CollegeKid101 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 I would let her go. Fading/ghosting sucks and is pretty mean esp if you have been talking to her for awhile. If you feel like she is fading, more then likely she is, like a gut feeling. This is something I've felt with a few guys and it ended up being that they didn't want to be with me. Someone like her isn't worth your time anyways.
fromheart Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 SHe's just short term hook up material, lacks the integrity to be anything more than. Keep her in the book for fun but nothing else. She probably forgot about your date as she was banging someone else that night.
Author CollegeKid101 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Posted August 6, 2018 I would let her go. Fading/ghosting sucks and is pretty mean esp if you have been talking to her for awhile. If you feel like she is fading' date=' more then likely she is, like a gut feeling. This is something I've felt with a few guys and it ended up being that they didn't want to be with me. Someone like her isn't worth your time anyways.[/quote'] I never answered her text. The gut feeling is exactly how I describe it as well. She followed up on our talk Friday with ignoring me all Sunday. I usually don't care about texting, but you would think if she's into me she wouldn't give me that sort of indication of lost interest after such a talk. If you have time to post snapchat stories, you have time to send back a text. She also told me she had done nothing all day but she couldn't have texted me back? It's a slow fade and I'm not wasting my time anymore. Thanks to everyone for the help. 1
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