lifeispeachy Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 My ex-bf has indicated that he wants to get back together with me. But he is giving signs that he wants me to change. He told me one of the reasons that he felt it didnt work out between us in the first place was that I didnt get along with his friends, which he thought I would but I didnt. And he means all of his friends, colleagues, relatives, everyone he knows. OK. I understand that in a relationship it is important to get along with his friends, but all ??? And he wants them, all of them to like me. The thing is ... I'm not God or Jesus. Even God has enemy like Satan and not everyone on earth got on well with Jesus. Even the Pope and Gandhi had people who didnt get along with them. And here I am, expected to get along with all of friends. Some of his friends are really nice people, some are not. Some of his so called friends he only know for 3 months. I have been with him for 6 years. I dont mind hanging out with him and his friends once in while but not everytime. I need my space and time for myself. I need to live my own life too. I have my own set of friends. I want to hang out with them too. But he wants me to hang out with him and his friends every single time. I told him that it would be good for him to just be with his friends, without me there. I'm giving him freedom to hang out with his friends and he is saying that I'm an introverted person and that I dont get along with his friends. Just because I willingly let him to go with the guys, and I choose not to go. His guy friends doesnt have girlfriends and I thought it would be good for him and them to bond. Just the guys, but he wants to join them. I'm sure his guy friends doesnt mind but I just want him to hang out with them without me being there. Is that wrong ? On top of that, at one time, he had a lunch break gathering at his house for his colleagues. His lunch break was 1 1/2 hours long. He had about 15 of his colleagues there. 10 of his colleagues and me was hanging out in the play room where we were playing Playstation. And I was talking to them, joking with them and getting to know them and I remembered each of their names. Then the other 5 were in the living room talking to his mother. And they were asking about his childhood. OK. And after the lunch gathering, this one girl who was talking to his mother in the living room said that I didnt talk to her. And he asked her why she didnt come to talk to me, she said she was shy. So OK. THEN, he confronted me saying why I didnt talk to her. I said I was in the play room, playing and talking to his other 10 colleagues. And at that point, he said, I didnt get along with his friends and that it was a clear sign that me and him are imcompatible. HUH ???!!! And I felt resentful and from that day onwards I didnt want to meet any of friends. He asked me whether I would be willing to change. I said NO. I'm not desperate to get back together with him. Is that kind of expectation to get along with his all of his friends reasonable ? Tell me what I did wrong ?
Tiggerlove Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Boy you have a situation here. Its odd, my boyfriend has only like 2 friends other than myself, one of which is a female who dispises me because I took up his time from her. She won't interact with me therefore he has to have a "friendship" with her and her child alone. I wish I could be invited to do stuff with them. I've asked that he not go to movies, bars or any activities like that with her since she won't have anything to do with me. Don't go back to him. He's very selfish...and apparently he cares more about his friends than you. You've shown respect towards his friends enough. I think you need to tell him that you've tried to get along with most of his friends, but you can't help when there are shy people who won't approach you, its not your fault..you're not super human who can make convo with everyone in the room at once. If you want back with him,tell him that you have your friends and he has his friends. You'll make it to as many gatherings as you can, and that some times there will be days you don't want to mingle, either you're going out with your friends, or you're just not in the mood. If he doesn't like that, then tough.
Infusion Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 It's simply unfair that he asks for you to get along with every one of your friends. My girlfriend has few friends, but of those few friends she have, all of them are very close to her. Even so, I cannot get along with some of them now and probably never will in the future either, because otherwise they would be my friends too, and not just my girlfriend's. If he wants you to not only know each of his friends, but also get along with them, then I suggest you to question whether or not he can do the same with your friends. But even so...there's not much meaning to that. However, I am only saying this judging from how you've described the situation. Perhaps he was upset that you had trouble getting along with some of his best buddies but instead displaces that anger on you whenever you cannot get along with one of his pals.
bluechocolate Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I'm sure his guy friends doesn't mind but I just want him to hang out with them without me being there. Is that wrong ? No. Is that kind of expectation to get along with his all of his friends reasonable ? No. My ex-bf has indicated that he wants to get back together with me. But he is giving signs that he wants me to change. What changes is he willing to go through? It would be wonderful if everyone got along with everyone & the world was one big happy love-fest, but it ain't gonna happen. His expectations are unreasonable & you'll never be able to fulfill them. I think you should seriously consider if getting back with this guy is a good idea.
AmberAriesMom Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 You didn't do anything wrong! This guy is being wierd about his friends. Actually sounds like bachelor mentality to me. You can be civil to his friends, but no one says you have to like all of them or any of them. But I will add that if you don't then perhaps you don't know your guy as well as you thought you did. And I believe a person's mate should be number one. If you're second to any of his friends or their feelings, say bye bye.
Author lifeispeachy Posted September 4, 2005 Author Posted September 4, 2005 I dont force him to like my friends. I dont force him to get along with them. And I dont force my friends to get along with him either. So far, some of my friends thinks he's ok. Some of my friends doesnt think much of him. But they said as long as I'm happy, thats good enough for them. Honestly, I dont have any problems with his friends. I respect them because they are his friends. The ones that have known him b4 me are really nice people and they are the ones who make an effort to make me feel comfortable. And I have no problem with them. I get along with them. But of course not until like best friends. I'm resentful with the ones that he only knows for less than 1 yr or after me. Some of them are really nice and sometimes I hang out with them without him. But some are just plain bitchy. There was one of his friends that he just know for 3 months, asked him whether he thought one of her friends was hot and if he wanted to, she could hook him up with her. And she asked him that in front of me. What sort of a friend does that ?? And what I resent is that I told him I didnt appreciate that remark of hers, he said, I was just being sensitive and she was just teasing him. And then there was another of his friend that acts really nice to him but ignores me when I'm around. She flirts with him, does things for him and pretends I dont exist. I made an effort to be friends with her but everytime, she doesnt want to have a conversation with me. I think that I'm a nice person and I do make an effort to be friends with others. Whether they are parking attendants, vendors, or anyone. I get it when some people just doesnt like me. If they like me, thats great, if they dont, so what. And to top it, I dont force or even ask him to stop staying friends with those people that doesnt get along with me. If he is happy having them as friends, I dont mind. But doesnt mean there is a problem with me if they dont like me. Some days I just want to stay home and do my stuff. And sometimes I dont go out with my friends when they ask me out. And everytime that happens, he questions me why I dont want to go out my friends, I explained to him that I just wanted to rest and relax at home. And its my choice whether I want to go with whom or when. He then said, I'm a introverted person and not outgoing at all. He said I'm anti-social. Know what, screw it. I dont want to be with him and his little messed up world.
AmberAriesMom Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I dont force him to like my friends. I dont force him to get along with them. And I dont force my friends to get along with him either. So far, some of my friends thinks he's ok. Some of my friends doesnt think much of him. But they said as long as I'm happy, thats good enough for them. Honestly, I dont have any problems with his friends. I respect them because they are his friends. The ones that have known him b4 me are really nice people and they are the ones who make an effort to make me feel comfortable. And I have no problem with them. I get along with them. But of course not until like best friends. I'm resentful with the ones that he only knows for less than 1 yr or after me. Some of them are really nice and sometimes I hang out with them without him. But some are just plain bitchy. There was one of his friends that he just know for 3 months, asked him whether he thought one of her friends was hot and if he wanted to, she could hook him up with her. And she asked him that in front of me. What sort of a friend does that ?? And what I resent is that I told him I didnt appreciate that remark of hers, he said, I was just being sensitive and she was just teasing him. And then there was another of his friend that acts really nice to him but ignores me when I'm around. She flirts with him, does things for him and pretends I dont exist. I made an effort to be friends with her but everytime, she doesnt want to have a conversation with me. I think that I'm a nice person and I do make an effort to be friends with others. Whether they are parking attendants, vendors, or anyone. I get it when some people just doesnt like me. If they like me, thats great, if they dont, so what. And to top it, I dont force or even ask him to stop staying friends with those people that doesnt get along with me. If he is happy having them as friends, I dont mind. But doesnt mean there is a problem with me if they dont like me. Some days I just want to stay home and do my stuff. And sometimes I dont go out with my friends when they ask me out. And everytime that happens, he questions me why I dont want to go out my friends, I explained to him that I just wanted to rest and relax at home. And its my choice whether I want to go with whom or when. He then said, I'm a introverted person and not outgoing at all. He said I'm anti-social. Know what, screw it. I dont want to be with him and his little messed up world. Yay! Good move!
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