westbound Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 (edited) Long story: Hi all. Im a woman who met this girl on a dating app, late 20s. We decided to meet and she seemed cool so I was intrigued to see her more. Only red flags at that point were that immediately when i gave her my number she would text me a lot. Long paragraphs, multiple times a day. She would also text me every morning asking how Im doing. She also followd me on Instagram immediately. We had trouble figuring out a second time to meet bc I was busy. She suggested i just come over to her place, but she was really persistent about asking and would ask almost every other night for me to come to her place. I did go over to her place and we fooled around twice. At this time tho i was going thru some emotional stuff and wanted to keep my personal space in tact. I felt like i didn't owe her too much of my personal space since we were still getting to know each other. My job is also stressful so sometimes on the weekends I needed to unwind. Long story short, she was so persistent about asking to hang out, that I told her I was going thru some stuff and could not hang out everyday. She claimed she understood, but she also started overanalizying things. She also KEPT asking me to come over and started acting like we were already a couple. I texted her that i wasn't sure this would work out because it seemed like she had needs and part of those needs were wanting to hang out with someone regularly. She seemed to lose it a little, guilted me by saying "it is me, you're just not telling me that" and it turned bad after that. We cooled off after that and I was busy with work but she still was texting me, and replying to me on social media at the same time. Then she got mad at me when I didnt reply to her text right away and accused me of hating her. I told her I didnt hate her, but she never replied. Then weeks later she texted me again asking me to hang out and I said its not going to work out. She then flipped out and guilted me again and put the whole situation on me saying i don't know how to talk to people. I admit i could have explained my situation more clearly but i felt like i didnt owe her every detail of what i was going thru, and she was asking me for details. She still follows me on social media and watches my stories all the time. She also "accidentally"called me and i asked her about it and she ignored my question and tried to strike up a conversation instead. Its kin d of creepy but i dont want to be rude. Should i block? Edited August 5, 2018 by westbound
ThreeRainbows Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Block! She is very needy. Anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I would have just straight up told her the truth. It would help her to hear the honest feedback. Nothing about your emotional stuff, it's not you it's me crap, I kind of think that's a dodge to avoid hurting her feelings. Saying anything other than the truth gives her hope, which results in more stalking. Probably best to just block her now, but a truthful answer of "I am really not into you. I feel you are too clingy," would have given her no hope, and helped her to understand what she is doing to sabotage herself.
ThreeRainbows Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 One last thought, OP. From reading your post, I think you could work on becoming more assertive with your truthful feelings. The vibes I am getting are that you felt pressured by this woman. Communicate this next time. Even though, in this case, she has way more issues, this is something that can destroy a healthy relationship. Being radically honest with your feelings creates the space you need, while giving feedback to your partner. Don't be afraid to let someone down, or hurt their feelings. They can benefit from the feedback. GL. (A good book: Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton). 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Cray cray! You need to be blunt, and tell her why, then block immediately, do not engage her. Someone like that will only be your worst nightmare if you try to ghost. She needs tough lovin closure.
DontBreakEven Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 First off, I don’t think it’s fair to label someone as “crazy” due to either a) an anxious attachment style or b) the obvious fact that she really liked you. As a fellow lesbian, if you want to get rid of her, just be a d*ck and ghost her as you have been. What are you like scared for your life? You have a girl that fooled around with you and got attached and probably thought maybe you were on the same page, and now is probably super disappointed that you weren’t, yet she is still crushing. So what? Try to show some compassion. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Yes, Yes, YES! She is crazy. I dated a guy like that and he was crazy controlling. That isn't normal behavior even for a happy relationship. My bf and I have amazing communication, but never at that level. The other guy wanted constant attention and would freak out when I asked for a day to myself (previously he told me that he was fine w/it). He told me the exact things she tells you. I ended up dumping him because the situation was emotionally taxing me. Run as far as you can. Block her on everything, that's what I did w/the guy and he thankfully left me alone.
guest569 Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 First off, I don’t think it’s fair to label someone as “crazy” due to either a) an anxious attachment style or b) the obvious fact that she really liked you. I agree. I don't think she is crazy, she just really likes you and got attached and got ahead of herself. It doesn't make her behaviour ok though. I would just tell her that it's not working and if she keeps bothering you then go ahead and block. 1
kendahke Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 She should have been blocked the first time she got silly with you.
Borboleta Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 I think unless you're still interested on working things out, block it...
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