whydontwe Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I have been getting my haircut by a hairstylist (Asian and me too) for about a year now. I am attracted to her and I would like to take her out on a date. On two occasions I have given her gifts at the salon. One was a small pastry for National Hairstylist Day (that was the excuse I used) and the other was a dark chocolate bar. I bought her a chocolate bar because the prior month she mentioned that was her favorite when I asked her what she liked in terms of sweet stuff. Most recently, actually yesterday, when she finished with my hair and in the process of styling it, I asked her if she would be interested in going with me to a high-end bar in the downtown area. She asked what time and I said, "10 pm?". I think this was my first mistake. She replied that the time was too late because she would be too tired for work the next day. I then said, "9 pm?", and her reply was the same. During this back and forth, I vaguely remember her saying, "there's no dinner", but I can't remember for sure. Also, she didn't mention that she was seeing someone or has a boyfriend during our conversation, so I am assuming that's the case because I would think she would have said so. When she was done styling my hair, I said, "well, you know, I am gonna try again", and she said "ok". I know I made some major mistakes here, but I would love some advice. Should I try again next month when I come back for a haircut? Should I come back sooner? Am I out of the running because she's simply not interested? I think I should have asked out for some coffee because the bar ask seemed a bit much, in retrospect. On a related note, I am new this modern dating scene because I was in a very long relationship. Am I out of the running?
kendahke Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 You will be out of the running if you don't learn to speak up and ask for what you want. She can't read your mind. You're going to have to ask her out directly. Find out what time her last bookings usually are and make the date within 45 minutes of her out time and try to select a place close to where she works so it's not a hassle to get somewhere in traffic after work. Next time you ask a woman out on a first date, make it no later than 8pm if it's during the week--people have things to do during the week when they're off work. Save the later than 9pm dates for when you're a few dates/weeks into an enjoyable experience with them.
preraph Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Ask her to an early dinner, 6:00 o'clock. It sounds like she can't stay up late for whatever reason. Kids or parents or whatever. Ask her to dinner at 6:00 and tell her you'll get her home early. If she refuses this time, give up, but she sort of left the door open, so good luck. 1
smackie9 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 ask her out for dinner...if you don't get an answer other than yes, it's a no
act00 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 She's a stylist and her industry includes rapport and camaraderie, it's what keeps people coming back, along with skill, of course. Getting on well with her clientele, and they tolerate superficial flirtation and advances from their customer base...their customer base keep coming back. I wouldn't put much stock in her seeming friendliness and interest level. She's getting a repeated customer, and she's getting above and beyond normal tipping, and she'll continue to engage you, even flirt, to maintain this...not that she's necessarily interested in dating you...but she'll keep that fishing line in the pond. Repeated customers and word of mouth keep her employed...with good tips...she'll play the game if it works for her. Men love a good dose of cleavage as a woman runs their fingers through their hair and being treated like the only thing important with 100% attention, which is true in the 30 minutes for a haircut, and not the reality of daily life. If you feel she is interested, offer a defined time that is reasonable according to your culture...10 o'clock is completely unreasonable, IMO. Keep in mind, she's friendly as a component of her job...and flirting with you comes with bigger tips, more frequent visits, and gifts..don't mix up work rapport and friendliness with genuine romantic interest.
basil67 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 Also, she didn't mention that she was seeing someone or has a boyfriend during our conversation, so I am assuming that's the case because I would think she would have said so. Not necessarily. Some women will decline a date without mentioning their boyfriend. A "no" does not require an explanation. Anyway, the vibe I'm getting is that she's not interested. If she was interested, she would have worked with you to find a suitable time. Be careful to not mistake friendly professionalism with romantic interest.
Author whydontwe Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 I am gonna give one more shot by the next time I go in for a cut. It will be in about 3 weeks. Some others tidbits from getting to know her after a year: --She likes dark chocolate and sweets, which as I mentioned in my original post, I responded with some pretty nice gifts. --Most recently, I was interviewing for a job in SF and Seattle, and mentioned this to her. When I returned for a subsequent visit, the very first thing she asked me was whether I took those jobs. Again, probably and maybe she asked because she was worried potentially losing a client. At that time, she also said that she would be sad if I moved to another city (maybe there's interest or worried about income). --She works everyday except for Sunday (she goes to church every Sunday) from 10 am to 7 pm. Wow, that's a lot of hours. Maybe she needs the income or she loves her work. --She doesn't really like to drink except for the occasional glass of wine or pint of beer. I just have realized this when I asked a couple of a days ago. Oops! --About 4 months ago, I mentioned that I was going to a happy hour with co-workers to a local wine bar and she said she wanted to check that place out. I told her that we were meeting at 6 pm and whether she was interested in meeting some of my friends and co-workers. She said she had to work until 7 pm, so I asked if it was another day and she said "sure". I totally forgot about this comment until literally now. But then again, this was for happy hour with a group of folks. All in all, I want to respect her profession and I am emphatic that "being nice" to clients is part of her doing a good job. Still, I don't it hurts to try one more time by asking for her number or asking her out to dinner for a reasonable hour of the evening.
basil67 Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 --Most recently, I was interviewing for a job in SF and Seattle, and mentioned this to her. When I returned for a subsequent visit, the very first thing she asked me was whether I took those jobs. Again, probably and maybe she asked because she was worried potentially losing a client. At that time, she also said that she would be sad if I moved to another city (maybe there's interest or worried about income). I'm female and could very easily have this conversation with my female hairdresser. She didn't ask about your job because she's worried about losing a client - she asked because she has good customer service skills. People appreciate when others remember stuff about them. If she's a good hairdresser, she will replace you as a client in no time flat. If I have a good rapport with a hairdresser (or any other person in my life) I can easily imagine saying that I will miss them if they leave. There's nothing in this which indicates romantic interest or concerns potential loss of income/client. It's just standard female hairdresser banter. 1
JuneL Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 I'm female and could very easily have this conversation with my female hairdresser. She didn't ask about your job because she's worried about losing a client - she asked because she has good customer service skills. People appreciate when others remember stuff about them. If she's a good hairdresser, she will replace you as a client in no time flat. If I have a good rapport with a hairdresser (or any other person in my life) I can easily imagine saying that I will miss them if they leave. There's nothing in this which indicates romantic interest or concerns potential loss of income/client. It's just standard female hairdresser banter. Ditto. In fact, that’s the type of chitchatting I have with my hair stylist or my nail technician or even my cleaning lady. I have used their service for a while, and have built some trust over time. 1
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