quencher78884 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I was in this exact situation but I was the guy. I befriended everyone in her office and would talk to her whenever I could. I however was so nervous every time we spoke and couldn't gather the courage to ask her out. When you describe him, it sounds like me to to the T. She unfortunantly met another guy and I was told I had waited to long in what turned out to be a pretty embarrassing and unfortunate night. I havent posted since that evemt happend almost a year ago. But after reading yours I had to. You need to create a situations in which he can make the move. Let him know of a place or thing that you do or go and allow him a date idea. Perhaps he can't or wont ask you out. Figure out what he likes to do and tell him that sounds fun... Basically volley a situation in which its easy for him or you to make a plan to see each other outside of work...No matter what it is...even just a walk. You two need to spend time together outside work....no matter how small it seems
Author oneinamillion93 Posted August 8, 2018 Author Posted August 8, 2018 I was in this exact situation but I was the guy. I befriended everyone in her office and would talk to her whenever I could. I however was so nervous every time we spoke and couldn't gather the courage to ask her out. When you describe him, it sounds like me to to the T. She unfortunantly met another guy and I was told I had waited to long in what turned out to be a pretty embarrassing and unfortunate night. I havent posted since that evemt happend almost a year ago. But after reading yours I had to. You need to create a situations in which he can make the move. Let him know of a place or thing that you do or go and allow him a date idea. Perhaps he can't or wont ask you out. Figure out what he likes to do and tell him that sounds fun... Basically volley a situation in which its easy for him or you to make a plan to see each other outside of work...No matter what it is...even just a walk. You two need to spend time together outside work....no matter how small it seems So these other days I “break the ice” with him. And his reaction was good. Well I guess it’s because I asked him for a favor, so I don’t really know how would he treat it differently, if somebody asked you for a favor you definitely would help. We smiled at each other a lot that day and that’s it. Like today when he’s around my desk to talk to the other guys next to me we didn’t smile at all, not even look into each other eyes. It’s really weird cause he made many attempts to be around but when we’re actually close to one another he would do nothing. I have a few guys at work interested in me as well and I know it right away, after I break the ice and talk to them first they would add me on my social media and following it is talking/approach me more. So I’m wondering why is he the way he is. I know he glanced at me when I wasn’t looking and my gut is usually right when it comes to someone interested in me. But in this case, I don’t know how to say. Maybe he’s gay?
OnlyHonesty Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 So these other days I “break the ice” with him. And his reaction was good. Well I guess it’s because I asked him for a favor, so I don’t really know how would he treat it differently, if somebody asked you for a favor you definitely would help. We smiled at each other a lot that day and that’s it. Like today when he’s around my desk to talk to the other guys next to me we didn’t smile at all, not even look into each other eyes. It’s really weird cause he made many attempts to be around but when we’re actually close to one another he would do nothing. I have a few guys at work interested in me as well and I know it right away, after I break the ice and talk to them first they would add me on my social media and following it is talking/approach me more. So I’m wondering why is he the way he is. I know he glanced at me when I wasn’t looking and my gut is usually right when it comes to someone interested in me. But in this case, I don’t know how to say. Maybe he’s gay? Your comment about the gay thing is simply your ego doing damage control. You mentioned how other guys show clear interest, but since this one doesn't...he must be gay. If you convince yourself he's gay, then your ego can rest assured that it was nothing to do with you. I think deep down you know he's not gay. Do you know whether he's single? recently broken up? divorced? emotionally unavailable? Just imagine if a guy tried to get your attention and failed, then he said ''maybe she's a lesbian?'' Sounds silly doesn't it...
Desesperado Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 (edited) That's what I mean. If you pursue a man, there is a higher chance that he's just accepting something because it's easy for him. Higher chance for low interest. If you let them pursue you, it's higher chance that his interest is high - a good thing in a relationship. The reason to avoid that is just to avoid heartbreak. If you're ok with that risk, then sure, it would always be good experience regardless of outcome. No the reason you want to avoid this, is because you're comfortable in guys doing all the job and can't face rejection if it were to happen. Sorry not roasting you but, It's 2018 all talk of egalitarianism and still women have this outdated conception of dating ! Ladies if you like someone what's the harm asking, getting a great relationship by any chance ? You prefer staying in your corner, letting the guy catch "signals" and then when the don't, complain men are bad at dating or something... Well it's a great recipe for staying alone and miserable. People that are great at dating don't have fears or hesitations they seize what could be and are prepared for things not to work, that's just being a grown up human being. Your comment about the gay thing is simply your ego doing damage control. You mentioned how other guys show clear interest, but since this one doesn't...he must be gay. If you convince yourself he's gay, then your ego can rest assured that it was nothing to do with you. I think deep down you know he's not gay. Do you know whether he's single? recently broken up? divorced? emotionally unavailable? Just imagine if a guy tried to get your attention and failed, then he said ''maybe she's a lesbian?'' Sounds silly doesn't it... OMG... for me who was shy for decades, if a woman would say this gay nonsense, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her, this is just immature, if he's not the cliché of the responsive man, your ego is bruised and you need to pull such idiotic response that he's gay. This whole thing not wanting to ask men out, not wanting to get rejected and deeming shy or busy men, gay or not worth it, is EGO talking, it takes introspection on your part to lose the EGO and you should do it. Edited August 24, 2018 by Desesperado
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