First 2nd date in years

[max3732]

Recently I've been redoubling my efforts to find a girlfriend and among other things went a singles event with a bunch of activities and 4 women I was interested in. Got all their numbers and one of them responded so we went out and played some sports activities around a park and then she asked if I wanted to meet her dog and I said sure so we went back to her place to get him.

 

I was pretty surprised she brought me to her place, but she basically just opened the door and the dog came out and never invited me in.

 

At the end of the evening I asked her to lunch and she said sure, just tell her the day. I also texted her to confirm and she said the same thing.

 

This is the first time I've made it to a 2nd date in 5+ years of trying. After sending hundreds of messages with OLD I had very few meetups and none of them ever translated into mutual interest in a 2nd date.

 

During the 1st date I was concentrating so much on what to say I forgot all about any kind of touching. Since we met a singles event I'm pretty sure she realizes my intentions are to date vs. just someone to hang out with. How do I move things into another gear? We're both going to be coming from work with limited time and meeting at a restaurant. What kinds of things should I say or do? This is kind of uncharted territory for me.

[Normm]

she basically just opened the door and the dog came out and never invited me in.

 

 

Why would you expect the dog to invite you in?

[max3732]

Why would you expect the dog to invite you in?

 

Haha, I thought the dog would be more welcoming and nudge me into her place.

[max3732]

Any rules of thumb or anything to this 2nd date? I'm already getting nervous about it.

[act00]

I'm speaking as a female who is not fearful of touch or affection or kissing on the first date. My thought is if you meet before walking in, you can hold the door and touch the small of her back as you guide her...not that you need to guide, but it's the touch. If you're sitting across from her at the table, and she has her hands on the table, hold her hand. When you're walking her to her car, hold her hand. Offer your arm while walking, especially if she's in heels and there's a step or curb...there's your jacket over the puddle moment, and your excuse to get a little bit more personal...and chivalrous. Give her a hug...and a kiss...during that goodbye phase, when you get her to her car or transportation method.

 

There are so many women who post here that would be quite taken aback and fearful of any form of physical interaction on a first or second date, so I really can't offer much on what you should or should not do, other than be mindful of obvious cues and recoil that touch is unwelcome. If it's welcome, there will be no recoil and there will be reciprocation, if not initiating a "next step." Not that "next step" means sex, but they are welcoming you into their bubble.

 

The fact she brought you to her house to "meet the dog" is a good sign.

[smackie9]

Body language....that is how you gauge anything you do or say.

 

 

Me, I like funny stories. Never talk about negative things or politics.

[max3732]

I'm speaking as a female who is not fearful of touch or affection or kissing on the first date. My thought is if you meet before walking in, you can hold the door and touch the small of her back as you guide her...not that you need to guide, but it's the touch. If you're sitting across from her at the table, and she has her hands on the table, hold her hand. When you're walking her to her car, hold her hand. Offer your arm while walking, especially if she's in heels and there's a step or curb...there's your jacket over the puddle moment, and your excuse to get a little bit more personal...and chivalrous. Give her a hug...and a kiss...during that goodbye phase, when you get her to her car or transportation method.

 

There are so many women who post here that would be quite taken aback and fearful of any form of physical interaction on a first or second date, so I really can't offer much on what you should or should not do, other than be mindful of obvious cues and recoil that touch is unwelcome. If it's welcome, there will be no recoil and there will be reciprocation, if not initiating a "next step." Not that "next step" means sex, but they are welcoming you into their bubble.

 

The fact she brought you to her house to "meet the dog" is a good sign.

 

Thanks you! That is very helpful. What about going for a kiss after some of the other touching you mentioned? It's been over 5 years since my last kiss so it's a big deal to me and something I'd really like to do.

 

There are a few places within walking distance of her office so we're probably going to go to one of those. I'm guessing I should walk back with her to her work rather than just separating at the restaurant?

[SevenCity]

You messed up by asking for a day date - kissing a girl is much harder during the day and it is more of a friend vibe. Not to mention it is time bound.

 

What you should have done I should take her out at night.

 

If she really likes you it won’t hurt you that much but I refuse to believe in 5 years all of your first dates didn’t like you initially and just went out for a free whatever. What that means is you are doing something to turn them off.

 

From what you posted you sound insecure. Don’t be. Fake it until you make it if you have to but being insecure is one of the biggest turn offs to women.

 

A feminine woman wants a man she can feel protected by and if you are afraid of her, how will you ever handle real danger?

 

Treat your dates less like a buddy hanging out and more like someone you want to date. Not saying throw money at them, but take them to a place couples go like a bar or bowling, or pool. Somewhere you can be touchy feely with her and escalate. You won’t be doing that at a work lunch.

 

You would be shocked at how much your behavior influences attraction with women. It’s about as much as their looks influence attraction with us. People may say “Be yourself!” But that’s not working so you have to fine tune.

 

Also use humor - a lot. When you make a woman laugh she gets more comfortable with you. The women who I made laugh the most, liked me the most. Keep the convo light and fun, not at all sad, serious, or negative.

 

I hadn’t dated in almost 17 years after my last RL and I got so much better as I researched and practiced.

[max3732]

You messed up by asking for a day date - kissing a girl is much harder during the day and it is more of a friend vibe. Not to mention it is time bound.

 

What you should have done I should take her out at night.

 

If she really likes you it won’t hurt you that much but I refuse to believe in 5 years all of your first dates didn’t like you initially and just went out for a free whatever. What that means is you are doing something to turn them off.

 

From what you posted you sound insecure. Don’t be. Fake it until you make it if you have to but being insecure is one of the biggest turn offs to women.

 

A feminine woman wants a man she can feel protected by and if you are afraid of her, how will you ever handle real danger?

 

Treat your dates less like a buddy hanging out and more like someone you want to date. Not saying throw money at them, but take them to a place couples go like a bar or bowling, or pool. Somewhere you can be touchy feely with her and escalate. You won’t be doing that at a work lunch.

 

You would be shocked at how much your behavior influences attraction with women. It’s about as much as their looks influence attraction with us. People may say “Be yourself!” But that’s not working so you have to fine tune.

 

Also use humor - a lot. When you make a woman laugh she gets more comfortable with you. The women who I made laugh the most, liked me the most. Keep the convo light and fun, not at all sad, serious, or negative.

 

I hadn’t dated in almost 17 years after my last RL and I got so much better as I researched and practiced.

 

Our first date was an active nighttime one so I wanted to mix it up. Plus she lives far from me, but works close by so this was a way to see her in a busy week without too much driving for me. I didn't think about different dynamics for day/night.

 

When I first met her at the singles activity all the guys and women self segregated and looking back I think I showed a lot of confidence by being the only guy to go up to groups of women and start talking to them.

 

In everything else I'm pretty confident, but with women because I get such few dates with women I'm attracted to I put a ton of pressure on myself and just really want it to go right. I also don't have much experience getting past just a 1st or 2nd date so I really don't know what to do and have struggled for years with initiating physical contact.

 

Something else I really struggle with is that the last woman I really liked and went out with more than once really used me as her personal piggy bank. I paid for multiple expensive meals and activities and never even got a kiss on the cheek.

 

Right now I'm in the unusual position of having 2 women I've gone out with so I actually do feel a bit more confident. I'm hoping to show a lot of confidence with her. Can you give an example of what kind of humor to use? I tried teasing before with a different woman (years ago) and she got really offended.