guest569 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Ugh, so awkward. He must have made up his mind from the moment he arrived
ThreeRainbows Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Ugh, so awkward. He must have made up his mind from the moment he arrived This happened to me, too, Op, just a few days ago. A few minutes in, my "date" actually suggested I try out the Bumble dating app. I think this was his way of saying "not interested." Whatevs.
rightondude Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 what I'm missing from this story is what in the world kind of messaging were y'all doing before agreeing to meet? Just hey, hey, wanna meet? k? Did you guys not build any kind of interest at all? Now I am not one to spend too much time texting before meeting, but at least I establish it's someone I am interested in meeting before doing so... as for the meeting itself...yeesh. Nuf said about all that. I can't imagine someone showing up to a place of business and ordering nothing. Just sitting there. What a weirdo. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2018 Author Posted August 5, 2018 what I'm missing from this story is what in the world kind of messaging were y'all doing before agreeing to meet? Just hey, hey, wanna meet? k? Did you guys not build any kind of interest at all? Now I am not one to spend too much time texting before meeting, but at least I establish it's someone I am interested in meeting before doing so... We were doing usual things. "Hi how are you?" and updating one another how our days were going. I did send a confirmation text the day we were supposed to meet saying "Are we still on for tonight? If you do not respond I will assume no". And he responded and ... IT was a dud. as for the meeting itself...yeesh. Nuf said about all that. I can't imagine someone showing up to a place of business and ordering nothing. Just sitting there. What a weirdo. I agree. The only other time that happened was many years ago when I had another OLD and the guy showed up high as a kite. He was an hour late, I was about to leave the place when he called saying he would be there. He looked like he just rolled out of bed with his hair in spikes and pillow creases on his face, and he was high. He didn't eat/drink anything, because he was too high. After he nodded off, I got up, gave the hostess a $20 and said to her that the man over there was high. I said I know you don't know me, but I am walking away from this, and I really am sorry. And I left and never heard from him again (thank God).
losangelena Posted August 5, 2018 Posted August 5, 2018 All this back and forth about paying or not paying—yawn. Y'all would do well to keep in mind how strange/socially inappropriate it is to go to a cafe/bar/restaurant and ... not order anything. A cafe is a place of business. Unless you're waiting for a companion before you order, refusing to pick something off the menu is grounds for the place to ask you to leave. It's rude. Even if the guy knew right away that he wasn't interested, that didn't mean he needed to sit there like a lump. Why does a date only need to be results-oriented? What's wrong with simply staying and having a conversation with someone? What is the harm? Hasn't anyone heard of making the most out of a bad situation? 1
Normm Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Ugh, so awkward. He must have made up his mind from the moment he arrived My thought as well. Which means he didn't meet the girl he was expecting to meet. Happened to me a lot back in my online days. More often than not I'm sorry to say.
FMW Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Mortensorchid, I love your stories, but man, they really solidify my decision not to try OLD. Yikes. The guy sounds incredibly rude. He should have ordered something, a soda, a coffee, etc. He should have contributed to the conversation. I'm not saying he should have hung out for a long time if he wasn't interested, but common courtesy was obviously missing in his actions. If someone gives you time on a Friday night at least have a conversation with them. As far as paying, I frequently pay for drinks for men, but I expect them to return the favor. But clearly this episode didn't venture into reciprocity of any kind. As for walking you to the car, in my experience common courtesy results in a guy at least OFFERING to do so. Because like it or not, women are more vulnerable alone in a parking garage. Keep sharing your stories
OatsAndHall Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 At least the guy was a tool from the very beginning and you didn't waste a couple of dates on him.. I know it sucks and it's obnoxious but that's the upside, I s'pose. I had two fun dates with a woman once and was really looking forward to the third. We'd spent close to ten hours together during those dates, chatting, laughing, and enjoying the company. But, the third date was an absolute nightmare. We met up for dinner and was a half-hour late. She didn't respond to a text, asking if everything was alright and I almost left.. She had given me a hug to start off both of the first two dates and there had been some heavy-petting between us on the second. I tried to give her a hug at the door and got a "side hug". I went to open the door for her and she walked past without saying a word or even making eye contact. At first, I thought she might have been embarrassed because she was late but the night just got worse from there. It was like being with a completely different person. She wouldn't make any eye contact, initiate conversation, and she was short and kind of abrasive. Example; I asked her how her day was and she said "Just another work day..." then dead silence. Thankfully our food came out quickly and we ate in silence while she kept looking over at the clock. I was getting uncomfortable and kind of irritated and initiated this conversation: "Are you feeling alright?" "Yeah, just tired." "Well, if it's been a long day for you, we can call it a night so you can get some sleep." "That'd be best." She got up to leave and I followed her out the door and was going to walk her to her car but she was speed walking ahead of me. We get to her car and she turns around and says "I'll talk to you later" and drives away. I never heard from her again and to this day, have NO idea where that train derailed. I went back through our text messages between the two dates and nothing odd had been said. In fact, her last message before the third date was "I'm looking forward to seeing you again!" and that was sent that morning.
Tristian Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Folks as a quick reminder we already have a rather lengthy thread focused on paying for dates so let's keep this one focused on the OP.
DontBreakEven Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) At least the guy was a tool from the very beginning and you didn't waste a couple of dates on him.. I know it sucks and it's obnoxious but that's the upside, I s'pose. I had two fun dates with a woman once and was really looking forward to the third. We'd spent close to ten hours together during those dates, chatting, laughing, and enjoying the company. But, the third date was an absolute nightmare. <snip> Wow. I thought I had some stories. That's insanity. And sucks. I would've driven myself crazy with overthinking in the aftermath of that. Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
coolheadal Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 I had made an arrangement to have an internet date tonight with someone. We had just been exchanging pleasantries through texts and whatnot, then he asked to meet. I said sure, what is the time/place? He said I should pick. I said okay. Based on the geography we should meet at a place between. So we meet at a place with an outdoor patio because it was a nice night out and both wanted some chat time outdoors, which was good for me. I ordered a non-alcoholic drink, he got nothing. I got it because otherwise they don't want you sitting around loitering there. I asked if he wanted one, he said no he ate already (it was 8 pm so it's alright if he ate already, which I had as well). He didn't pay for it, I did. (Strike 1) We sat down and had some chats, he seemed a bit ... Awkward at first but it's natural so I put him at ease with trading horror stories being a teacher. He was also. About 45 minutes into it, I feel raindrops starting to sprinkle upon me. He yawned and said he wanted to get going. (Strike 2) We walked to a central point, he asked where I had parked, I said I was in the parking garage over there, he was in another at another place. He didn't walk me to my car, he stopped, shook my hand, and said "Bye." (Strike 3) I'll never hear from him again, but come on people, how do you expect to ever get something off the ground with ANYONE if you don't show common courtesy to others? Especially in a first meeting setting like this. I am home now. Moving on. OMG why do you put yourself though all this torture my dear. I don't get it these are bad dates, bad men and they're all rude with you. You need a better man than them!
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) At least the guy was a tool from the very beginning and you didn't waste a couple of dates on him.. I know it sucks and it's obnoxious but that's the upside, I s'pose. I had two fun dates with a woman once and was really looking forward to the third. We'd spent close to ten hours together during those dates, chatting, laughing, and enjoying the company. But, the third date was an absolute nightmare. <snip> I have done this sort of thing before. The reason was that I was on the fence, or more correctly not interested but I tried to talk myself into giving it a chance. So I would make an effort to be engaging and fun for up to 3-4 dates until I figure it out. Sometimes it would hit me at the beginning of a date: I am really, really not into this guy and I am tired and I don't want to make small talk with someone I have no interest in. Sometimes this realization comes in a split second and I just want to bail immediately. I suspect that it's also because I am highly introverted. Extroverted people would probably still enjoy making small talk. Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
NuevoYorko Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 He sounds like a rude dud. You wouldn't want to spend any more time with him anyway. That said, experiences like this are pretty much expected in online dating first meets. I believe anyone who's done it has similar or worse things to share. They're just part of the territory. Seems like you let them get to you every time. Maybe you're not cut out for online dating.
OatsAndHall Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 I have done this sort of thing before. The reason was that I was on the fence, or more correctly not interested but I tried to talk myself into giving it a chance. So I would make an effort to be engaging and fun for up to 3-4 dates until I figure it out. Sometimes it would hit me at the beginning of a date: I am really, really not into this guy and I am tired and I don't want to make small talk with someone I have no interest in. Sometimes this realization comes in a split second and I just want to bail immediately. I suspect that it's also because I am highly introverted. Extroverted people would probably still enjoy making small talk. I've been a bit of a serial dater in the past and like to think I've gotten good at reading the women I see. So, I can generally pick out a woman that's losing interest through changes in communication and how they act on dates. I've had a few other bad dates but I pretty much saw it coming.. But this one totally caught me off guard. I'm not over-exaggerating when I say this was a total 180. Those first few dates were fun and full of conversation and she had been very communicative between dates. We came close to going to bed together but both decided it'd be a bad idea. This was honestly like being out with a completely different woman. Night n' day difference. But, to tie this back into the thread, I really would've preferred having this kind of date straight out of the gates, versus three dates in. Yes, we had some fun together but I still scratch my head on that one.
Echo74 Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 I'm a very old fashion (American) woman so yes, I'd be uncomfortable in the situation that you were in. That said, I would NOT want have wanted him to walk me to my car. I think that any texting beforehand would should have indicated any type of real interest. Or showed a part of his personality in general. In my three month OLD experience I was fortunate to have met men who were all old fashioned gentlemen. But in retrospect I think I was stayed too long (two hours) on the date when I knew there was no interest. I think 45 minutes is long enough when you're not interested in the person. I generally know in the first minute or so.
newyorker11356 Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) {snip} I never heard from her again and to this day, have NO idea where that train derailed. I went back through our text messages between the two dates and nothing odd had been said. In fact, her last message before the third date was "I'm looking forward to seeing you again!" and that was sent that morning. That is definitely odd... But if I had to guess, I'd say that maybe she was dating someone else in addition to you, and ultimately realized that she liked the other guy more than you. It just took her going on that 3rd date with you to confirm it I guess.. She just did a complete crap job of ending things with you (even if I'm right or wrong about my guess). Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OatsAndHall Posted August 7, 2018 Posted August 7, 2018 That is definitely odd... But if I had to guess, I'd say that maybe she was dating someone else in addition to you, and ultimately realized that she liked the other guy more than you. It just took her going on that 3rd date with you to confirm it I guess.. She just did a complete crap job of ending things with you (even if I'm right or wrong about my guess). There are a any number of scenarios that could have played out and that is a likely one. In the end, it didn't bother me much as I know I didn't do anything rude or out of line and I've seen my fair share of strange behavior in the dating world.
newyorker11356 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 There are a any number of scenarios that could have played out and that is a likely one. In the end, it didn't bother me much as I know I didn't do anything rude or out of line and I've seen my fair share of strange behavior in the dating world. The only reason I think my scenario is likely is that you said she did a 180 after the morning when she confirmed the 3rd date when things were amazing prior to that. Maybe after when she confirmed the 3rd date, another guy she had been dating asked her to be exclusive or something. She agreed and realized she liked him more than you. After that, she wasn't sure how to end things with you, which is why she was completely awkward and did a 180 on the 3rd date.
TheFinalWord Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 There are a any number of scenarios that could have played out and that is a likely one. In the end, it didn't bother me much as I know I didn't do anything rude or out of line and I've seen my fair share of strange behavior in the dating world. I agree. When women want things to end, a lot of them will turn into a B, so that you will be the one to break it off. OP: I think he was just not interested and wanted to make it painfully obvious. With OLD, I have found flakiness and mental disorders to be the norm, rather than the exception. 2
newyorker11356 Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I agree. When women want things to end, a lot of them will turn into a B, so that you will be the one to break it off. OP: I think he was just not interested and wanted to make it painfully obvious. With OLD, I have found flakiness and mental disorders to be the norm, rather than the exception. Yup. With some women, they will literally do everything BUT actually tell you that they're no longer interested.
Normm Posted August 8, 2018 Posted August 8, 2018 I agree. When women want things to end, a lot of them will turn into a B, so that you will be the one to break it off. People who are cowards might act that way. Others just "go ghost". It's not gender specific.
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