memekay Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 About six weeks ago, I met a guy at a conference. We both hit it off really well, and agreed to keep in touch after returning to our respective cities. Our communication since then has been fun, light and flirty; we both admitted to having feelings for each other and hoping to see each other again. It has not been CONSTANT communication, but I have started to feel in the last fortnight that I have always had to initiate the conversations. Anyhow, a few days ago, a friend of mine who lives in a town a couple hoursÂ’ flight from him invited me to attend her 40th next month. I text him letting him know IÂ’ll be in the neighbourhood, and he replies: “The weather should be good. Tell your friend I said hi.” Is he blowing me off? I feel like I gave him an opportunity to act on what he said heÂ’s been wanting to do, and he just went...cold. I haven’t heard from him since.
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 (edited) It burned out, and his attention is somewhere else. You didn't even go out on a date yet, so there is no solid ground to make it into something....he probably isn't into the long distance and it's possible he either is A) in a relaitonship or B) met someone else, or C) just lost interest...it's been 6 weeks...that's a long time not to see someone you only met at a conference. Very little to invest on. So ya he's done. Next time, you really want someone, you need to be an aggressive woman. I know Iknow, people say oh no you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. Well no not really if you do it right. Just have to be straight forward like "Hey I am heading your way, I would love it if we could meet for dinner." Edited August 3, 2018 by smackie9 4
MountainGirl111 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Yeah, it sounds like he's blowing you off, sorry. You got acquainted at a conference. He's long distance. You really don't know much about the guy's regular life. He could be married, even. You have no way to know. If he really wanted to see you again, he would let you know. Saying vague things like, "Let's keep in touch" sort of leaves the door open...but it isn't a commitment by a long shot. My guess is he doesn't want to pursue anything long distance or has commitments elsewhere.
Gretchen12 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 A couple of hour's flight from him is NOT "in his neighborhood". 1
Author memekay Posted August 3, 2018 Author Posted August 3, 2018 Is it worth my texting him saying I’d really like to meet him if it works for him?? Or just not spend anymore energy on him... So confused how to decode him. Ten days ago, he was telling me he’d like to show me his moves “next time.” Maybe guys do move faster than women...
stillafool Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Considering his lack of interest I would say no don't contact him again. The trail ran cold.
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 He's been waiting for you to "bite" for 6 weeks, and you haven't got up and go to see him so I think he feels you are just blown smoke up his butt.
hippychick3 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 If he were really interested and into you, he would have made definitive plans to see you again. It's just been flirty fun for him, nothing more. I wouldn't bother initiating anymore. It's fizzled out for him.
kendahke Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Is it worth my texting him saying I’d really like to meet him if it works for him?? Or just not spend anymore energy on him... So confused how to decode him. Ten days ago, he was telling me he’d like to show me his moves “next time.” Maybe guys do move faster than women... No. If his feelings were anywhere near where yours are, he'd have said "let's make a plan to see each other" when you mentioned it. At the very least, he'd have asked for more concrete information about your itinerary. He didn't, which means there's more going on in your head over this than his. I'd let it go...
ChatroomHero Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 yeah, that's about as clear as someone could be without just coming out and saying it. Not interested.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Is it worth my texting him saying I’d really like to meet him if it works for him?? Or just not spend anymore energy on him... So confused how to decode him. Ten days ago, he was telling me he’d like to show me his moves “next time.” Maybe guys do move faster than women... In many cases long distance relationships are just too much work for a lot of people...BUT.....I've seen cases in which it ended in marriage even. If a guy is really into you he'll make it plain and keep encouraging things. He won't be real vague. He'll be wanting to make concrete plans to get together.
preraph Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Two hours' flight from him is not close, and he's not willing to spend any money to see you. He's not trying to see you. He was enjoying being flirty, but doesn't sound like he has any intentions except he might see you at the next conference. Listen, conventions and conferences are famous cauldrons for men cheating on their wives and girlfriends. It's pretty much a given. They figure there's no way they can get caught, so they find someone to have sex with. Then they're done until the next conference... 1
act00 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I don't think this guy is interested in pursuing anything further, considering the distance, and perhaps he has a girlfriend or wife...or he's simply only interested in the superficial validation and entertainment and ego boost with the occasional fling as he goes about his daily life with no responsibilities (to a relationship) or attachments. That said, if you're willing to fly the two hours to meet him in his city (this is in no way "in the neighborhood") and of course arrange your own accommodations and transportation, I don't see anything wrong with extending an invitation. "I'll be close to you on the weekend of XX and would love to see you for dinner before heading home. I can fly out from your city..." Expect that he won't bite; he can't, he's traveling, he has other things going on, etc., or be met with crickets. If you were going to be in a relatively close vicinity of a long lost HS friend you write to on occasion and really only know what's going on through FB, would you try to arrange to meet? I would. I don't see this as any different, except for the fact that you have to resolve yourself to the fact that this relationship probably won't be an actual dating relationship, but friends who might hook up, and then go about their lives. The bottom line is, you can't get yourself all wound up around a guy you barely know who lives so far away. You have recognized he doesn't initiate contact (much), he has become less engaged, and now you were met with a less than enthusiastic response about being (sort of) in his area, and nothing that even remotely resembled an interest in getting together...the writing is on the wall...he's just not into you. Take a chance or not. Either way, I don't see this guy being "the" guy.
Malin889 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Two hours does seem far away, but you do have each others' numbers, right? That's how you've been keeping in touch? So if he's giving you his number or contact info, I'm guessing that means he's not with anyone... I guess... I think you might as well be direct and ask him if he wants to meet. You seriously have nothing to lose. 1
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