coolheadal Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) I always thought it was better to move them into your house, apartment or flat (UK). But now I learn you only move them in if you planning on marrying them. In my case nope because of their abusive verbal behavior. I am not the sort to play these games and take anything from a woman. I stand-up and say you keep this up we're done for good! She's scared to break-up! I am bad with texting since I use voice dictation it can be exceed the limit of text! LOL The end result wasn't a good day yesterday for me. She wants to get her own place I said NO I wasn't having it. That's not what I wanted But now I realized it's best for her to go then. if and when she does want to come back here and live with her again. But she needs to change what comes out of her mouth. If not it will never be good between us and I know you can't change anyone only they can change themselves. I have asked for the keys to my house back and removed her last name from my mail box. It has to be like this. She can't have it both ways. Break-up or not but this has to be end somehow... Edited August 2, 2018 by coolheadal
ThreeRainbows Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I always thought it was better to move them into your house, apartment or flat (UK). But now I learn you only move them in if you planning on marrying them. In my case nope because of their abusive verbal behavior. I am not the sort to play these games and take anything from a woman. I stand-up and say you keep this up we're done for good! She's scared to break-up! I am bad with texting since I use voice dictation it can be exceed the limit of text! LOL The end result wasn't a good day yesterday for me. She wants to get her own place I said NO I wasn't having it. That's not what I wanted But now I realized it's best for her to go then. if and when she does want to come back here and live with her again. But she needs to change what comes out of her mouth. If not it will never be good between us and I know you can't change anyone only they can change themselves. I have asked for the keys to my house back and removed her last name from my mail box. It has to be like this. She can't have it both ways. Break-up or not but this has to be end somehow... Wow. I am getting the vibes that this is a 2 way problem. You sound controlling and manipulative, and your relationship sounds toxic. You do not own her, and you cannot tell her "no" she can't get her own place. Don't move in a lady who wants marriage, when you don't. That's not fair to either of you. 1
darkmoon Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 verbal abuse? she sounds adorable (not) beware, for such abuse has an underpinning of hate or contempt, and is used to punish, rather than to simply discuss
Els Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Errr, what on earth? Why are you two even still together? She wants to get her own place I said NO I wasn't having it. This sounds really concerning and controlling. Along with your description of "move her in" (hello, she's not a chest of drawers), if I could talk to her, I'd advise her to run. 1
Author coolheadal Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) Wow. I am getting the vibes that this is a 2 way problem. You sound controlling and manipulative, and your relationship sounds toxic. You do not own her, and you cannot tell her "no" she can't get her own place. Don't move in a lady who wants marriage, when you don't. That's not fair to either of you. Sorry I have worded it wrong. I am not controlling she is. I did want her to move in because of a lesser commute time to our job. Thus she didn't have a place to stay. I had flown her in paid for it all. She left for another reason to "play the system" is the term. I told her I was against that wasn't a need for her to do that. Also she is very stern, direct, and likes to control everyone to bid her utter wants and needs. She does it with her family as well. I was told do not let her get under your skin by her own mother. She has some bad ways also. I am allowing something to be for now she's hard-ass at time too. For her daughter sake I have managed my life around this problem. Yes it's toxic I am not the one that's toxic. She Drugs pot (she pushes me to take her to her drug dealer) She Drinking to point of being drunk She Smoking She Gambling for 8 to 10 hours (that's a lot not to win but to play) She attack with side jabs She attack verbal and sometimes physical. Listen it's not easy to deal with her. She wanted a room for herself called it a girl friend room. I let her have one of the rooms I had her, she also took over the guest bath room called her bathroom no guys allowed. For some odd reason she won't use the master bathroom. She doesn't want man scent on her. I've been through a lot these past 6 to 7 months. She won't clean the house I have to do it. She cooks with too much oil. I am now just trying to make mends now. I have given her a chance to prove to me she could change. This is what she wanted to do is change. Now someone else has pop into our mess a new girl friend for her. This women is bad to me very controlling to her. I told her but she won't listen. I told her that woman is not allowed in my house again. It's my house I do have the right to call that. To me she's a complete stranger she comes from the homeless shelter has taught the GF how to "play the system" now you know what I mean by that statement which I had mentioned earlier. Edited August 2, 2018 by coolheadal
Author coolheadal Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 I met her a year ago at work, story of her wasn't what I had though she was going to be like. Now she told me she might not move out and wants to know if she can still come back here to live with me. She wanted to get married. I was going to marry her but look at what she's doing to me. Would you marry her?
Author coolheadal Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 I gave out so may advise on LS for years but sometimes most of us here don't take out own advise. No only me this has happen to we're human we make the wrong choices and have to sleep in our beds still. I wanted to try to see if this could have worked or not, meeting someone from work an to see if we could get along. I was wrong to move her in, when I told her that she got upset with me when she came back from the swap shop she sells stuff she picks up around the area. She does to to make extra money. She doesn't want me to go with her at times but today she wanted me to go but I didn't. She doesn't live her now she lives in homeless shelter. This is way beyond me now. Sometimes I need help figuring out all of this. Her two kids are also confused. One left home early and now has the same issue like her mom when it comes to living with a man. To her the guy can stay for 2 to 3 days then he has to leave. I trying to teach her you should consider getting married if you want too with him. But he's just a player, just comes over to cook play and sex and go.. I am not like that all..
Author coolheadal Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 OLD doesn't work and Meeting someone from work (up in the air) I need to quit while I am ahead. She's blames me for her car also. Long story... Hey I got it to run I didn't know she was going to drive so far with it but I did caution not too. She didn't listen. Things like this she does and likes to do the "pity party" method I got that from her daughter. Where she wants everyone to feel sorry for her and blames others for her problems. Daughter told me she likes to control and argue and get into fights. So you see really a roller coaster here!
ThreeRainbows Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Look, you're not going to convince me you're not controlling. You messed your words up? Or you gave yourself away by your use of words. Shame sucks when we feel it because we ALL have egos that get exposed now and then. Mine got exposed in a thread just a couple days ago where I advised a girl to do a little game playing to get the attention of a guy she liked. I got called on it. Makes us stronger. GL to you.
Author coolheadal Posted August 3, 2018 Author Posted August 3, 2018 (edited) Look, you're not going to convince me you're not controlling. You messed your words up? Or you gave yourself away by your use of words. Shame sucks when we feel it because we ALL have egos that get exposed now and then. Mine got exposed in a thread just a couple days ago where I advised a girl to do a little game playing to get the attention of a guy she liked. I got called on it. Makes us stronger. GL to you. Really I can do what I want I usually do, but this case sure I made a mistake and I told her when she came over yesterday. But it takes two sides of this. I don't see why anyone would want to have their own place if you as a man will take care of their needs. This woman is very independent, she wants to do thinks her way. She now wants to move back in and had asked me if that was okay. I told her it's up to you but sure you can start again. I am not the sort we all talk about here about men. But today a little aggressive can't hurt. I don't have to prove myself to anyone I live free and have no responsibilities. Meaning I am not tied down to anyone or anything. Anyway yes I would have married this woman but she's very verbal and the swear words can take their toll. I just like it to be where both of us are 50/50 where no one is in control of each other. Listen this is my life and this is how I going to live it. You have your own life and your going to live it as you see it. But in that point of view we're going to work out she and myself. When she gets upset like anything can set her off. I going to try some new ways to deal with that. Most of you here will say she's a hot mess or she's toxic. But sure that could be so. There are some good points in her as well. She doesn't understand why I am on LS as I did explain to her. She thinks the internet is like a play toy. But that's not the case for me I've help so many people since the early 90's. I going to do what I know is best I just wanted to share this because I just couldn't deal with it and talking to her is like the "gleam (craze look) of her eyes and the grin on her face with her so call smile" What did I ask her as a question if she would like to go dancing.. tonight? She said yes~ As for you got called on what saying something on here. Yes this site has some rules and we have to follow it. Can't get to personal with members. I had build my own version of LS called LO but since LS is back no need to active it of course it's there where I build it also it has OLD built into it as well. I don't have the time to run it. So as LS is here that's all too it. I tried to help when LS gone down build a site to mirror it. With me you can say and do what you want of course some limits to being nice on there. I just live to be open minded to things. Take care my friend... Edited August 3, 2018 by coolheadal
Els Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Sorry I have worded it wrong. I am not controlling she is. I did want her to move in because of a lesser commute time to our job. Thus she didn't have a place to stay. I had flown her in paid for it all. She left for another reason to "play the system" is the term. I told her I was against that wasn't a need for her to do that. Also she is very stern, direct, and likes to control everyone to bid her utter wants and needs. She does it with her family as well. I was told do not let her get under your skin by her own mother. She has some bad ways also. I am allowing something to be for now she's hard-ass at time too. For her daughter sake I have managed my life around this problem. Yes it's toxic I am not the one that's toxic. She Drugs pot (she pushes me to take her to her drug dealer) She Drinking to point of being drunk She Smoking She Gambling for 8 to 10 hours (that's a lot not to win but to play) She attack with side jabs She attack verbal and sometimes physical. Listen it's not easy to deal with her. She wanted a room for herself called it a girl friend room. I let her have one of the rooms I had her, she also took over the guest bath room called her bathroom no guys allowed. For some odd reason she won't use the master bathroom. She doesn't want man scent on her. I've been through a lot these past 6 to 7 months. She won't clean the house I have to do it. She cooks with too much oil. I am now just trying to make mends now. I have given her a chance to prove to me she could change. This is what she wanted to do is change. Now someone else has pop into our mess a new girl friend for her. This women is bad to me very controlling to her. I told her but she won't listen. I told her that woman is not allowed in my house again. It's my house I do have the right to call that. To me she's a complete stranger she comes from the homeless shelter has taught the GF how to "play the system" now you know what I mean by that statement which I had mentioned earlier. No one is saying that she's a good partner or that you should stay with her. However, reading your posts in this thread, I'm not surprised you ended up with her. A decent woman will not be attracted to a man like that. I suggest you break up with her, and then seek help to address your own issues.
ThreeRainbows Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 No one is saying that she's a good partner or that you should stay with her. However, reading your posts in this thread, I'm not surprised you ended up with her. A decent woman will not be attracted to a man like that. I suggest you break up with her, and then seek help to address your own issues. Bingo. What you're not seeing here is that the relationship is toxic. Not just one person in it. Toxic people get together with toxic people. Love is about the other person, and there really is no place for pride in it. Best of luck.
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