Navybluegal Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Met a guy online, talked a few times over the phone. He seems nice but what got my attention is him telling me to be careful with other men ( The conversation was about our experiences with online dating). He seemed to imply that men are “pigs” in general and are out to get women to sleep with them. I don’t believe that notion personally, and it’s a bit concerning to me. In my past experience, the man who was saying something similar turned out to be exactly like that – a Casanova. Thoughts?
basil67 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I think I need more context. Was he saying that all men - except him - are just looking to get their end in? Or was he acknowledging that there are some men out there like this and to be careful? If it was the former, I'd be wary of him. Not because he's necessarily a Cassanova, but more likely he's socially alienated and thinks that all other men are bad guys. If it was the latter, then it's just commonsense. That said, if you weren't asking advice, his comment was a bit patronising. Sounds like something a girl's father would say. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Some OLD dude who tried to impose his life / world view on me before I even met him warning me to be cautious of all men, well I'd take his advice to heart on a limited basis -- by steering clear of him. 1
stillafool Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I can't say he it totally wrong in what he told you but beware that his words also include him. So next him if you didn't like what he said. 2
kendahke Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Met a guy online, talked a few times over the phone. He seems nice but what got my attention is him telling me to be careful with other men ( The conversation was about our experiences with online dating). He seemed to imply that men are “pigs” in general and are out to get women to sleep with them. I don’t believe that notion personally, and it’s a bit concerning to me. I've heard plenty of men say this--I guess they'd know... men don't generally talk off the cuff like this to someone who could be a romantic interest unless it's a strictly platonic friend or a male relative. Why this guy said this to you only he knows. In my past experience, the man who was saying something similar turned out to be exactly like that – a Casanova. Thoughts? If past experiences brought a certain outcome, then keep your eyes peeled for it manifesting once again and smothering it before it takes on a life of its own.
PRW Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) Who cares? It is online dating. Move on to another one. You'll probably find out he is right anyway, regardless of whatever his motives were. To your original question, He wants you to stop considering other men and focus on him. He is trying to eliminate the competition,...it ain't rocket science. Edited August 2, 2018 by PRW
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 He's one of those bitter "nice guys", that hates other guys for their successes with getting women and him being rejected, even tho he thinks he's the best option for women. Stay away from guys like that. They say they are nice, but they are not. They are jealous, paranoid, and can be manipulative..for which he was trying to do with you. Thank god you saw through it. Now block/delete him. 3
PRW Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Stay away from guys like that. They say they are nice, but they are not. They are jealous, paranoid, and can be manipulative..for which he was trying to do with you. You nailed it. The real nice guys are the ones that don't seem so nice because they are confident and "real". So the contrast to the so-called "nice guys" make them look like jerks. 1
Gretchen12 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I don't know how much of it is your own interpretation. If a guy told me to be careful I would just think he is caring.
PRW Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I don't know how much of it is your own interpretation. If a guy told me to be careful I would just think he is caring. I'm a "recovering nice guy", and I did it without a twelve-step group. I've lived on both sides of that proverbial fence. Above, SMakie9 nailed it,...you can bank on it. I know it when I see it because years ago I did the same thing. Now if we are talking about a guy who is happily married or in a solid relationship and who is not romantically interested in you at all,...and he says something like that,...then yes, that might be legit. 1
Gretchen12 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I'm a "recovering nice guy", and I did it without a twelve-step group. I've lived on both sides of that proverbial fence. Above, SMakie9 nailed it,...you can bank on it. I know it when I see it because years ago I did the same thing. Now if we are talking about a guy who is happily married or in a solid relationship and who is not romantically interested in you at all,...and he says something like that,...then yes, that might be legit. I honestly still don't know what you and the others are talking about. Guy says to beware when online dating. Isn't that all it is? A simple remark about women's safety in general? I think posters kept adding ingredients. And the OP said he "implied" this and that.
PRW Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I honestly still don't know what you and the others are talking about. Guy says to beware when online dating. Isn't that all it is? A simple remark about women's safety in general? If only that were true. No,...not when the guy has a stake in the game and has something to lose. But if you look in the quote of me, if a guy has no stake in the game then it may be legit. Hang in there, we'll get ya all up to speed on the man-speak as we go along. Now if a guy has an avatar that looks like it belongs on the bathroom door, you might want to raise an eyebrow 1
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I have had my fair share of "Nice guys" that wore the "I care" cloak to steer you away from other guys, and put them in a better light. I know the game all too well. A) he's a total stranger B) he's on a dating site, for one purpose only....to find women. Not be a protector.
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Now if a guy has an avatar that looks like it belongs on the bathroom door, you might want to raise an eyebrow :lmao::lmao:....................
Mrin Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Half of the stuff that falls out of a dude's mouth or from his fingertips is totally stream of consciousness drivel that he has put zero thought into and certainly doesn't have much in the way of ulterior motives and is really just a manifestation of the digestion of the last thing he ate or the last bright shiny object that he saw and so I wouldn't overanalyze this too too much except to say that he's probably a creeper because there are a lot of creepers on OLD and therefore you should... SQUIRREL! 2
bachdude Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Judging by your reaction to his comment, you seem to agree with him. 1
Gretchen12 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Hang in there, we'll get ya all up to speed on the man-speak as we go along. Now if a guy has an avatar that looks like it belongs on the bathroom door, you might want to raise an eyebrow Hahaha! I'm listening. You got my attention!
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I honestly still don't know what you and the others are talking about. Guy says to beware when online dating. Isn't that all it is? A simple remark about women's safety in general? I think posters kept adding ingredients. And the OP said he "implied" this and that. Since the speaker of the warning to beware of men when online dating is himself a man who is online dating who is his warning supposed to cover? It reads like all men other than him. If that is the case, where does some stranger on the internet come off giving paternalistic advice to a competent adult woman? Does he think she is so daft that she can be easily manipulated by anybody & everybody? That's pretty insulting to someone you want to date. 4
Author Navybluegal Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) Thanks for replies everybody. Yeah, my gut is telling me that something is weird about him. Another thing I didn’t like is that, when we were chatting over the phone and I shared some of the details of my day where I had a long day at work, he said- verbatim- “Aww, poor baby!” I try not to read too much into words but, being a professional mature woman, that kind of talk is a major turnoff for me . Edited August 2, 2018 by Navybluegal 2
basil67 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I don't know how much of it is your own interpretation. If a guy told me to be careful I would just think he is caring. This is why I asked for context. If woman complains about a lot of bad experiences with men in OLD and man agrees with "yes, you've got to be careful out there" it's not a problem. If man offers unsolicited advice which criticises all other men online and tells her she must be careful, it's a red flag saying that he's a bitter 'nice guy'. 1
PRW Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I had a long day at work, he said- verbatim- “Aww, poor baby!”I think that one creeps me out more than the other 4
MountainGirl111 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I think we need to know the context of your conversation with this guy. Were you opening up with him about past bad experiences with other men? It's not unusual for people to talk about past dating history in the course of getting to know a potential date or future boyfriend. If a person has been badly burned before I think they would proceed with caution and maybe try to find out about the other person as well. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 I have had my fair share of "Nice guys" that wore the "I care" cloak to steer you away from other guys, and put them in a better light. I know the game all too well. I had that happen too. The guy was a completely crazy, but told me things about not trusting other guys and how a great guy like him is very rare. Big manipulation tactic, so that you will be afraid to leave him.
OatsAndHall Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 I have had this conversation on a few occasions with female friends and significant others but it has never been on a flippin' date and I've never tossed out a blanket statement the way the OP described. There was always a catalyst in the situation and either one or both of us were getting a bad vibe from a guy that popped up out of the woodwork. The conversation always went something like this: "There are plenty of guys out there that are just looking for platonic friendship but there are also a fair number of guys who will use "friendship" in an attempt to weasel their way into a woman's pants. So, just keep your eyes open and don't get stuck in in a bad situation." This turned into a fight between a significant other and I as there was an orbiter that I REALLY wasn't comfortable with. He was a married guy we both knew from high school that paid way too much attention to her Facebook page. He "liked" literally every single picture she posted and commented on most of them as well. He'd shoot her messages to boot. Sure as sh-t, he was divorced a year later because his wife caught him sexting with another woman he'd been in contact with through Facebook. So, yes, it is something to be careful of but, no, not "all" guys are looking to get into a woman's pants. 2
PRW Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 "There are plenty of guys out there that are just looking for platonic friendship but there are also a fair number of guys who will use "friendship" in an attempt to weasel their way into a woman's pants. So, just keep your eyes open and don't get stuck in in a bad situation." This turned into a fight between a significant other and I as there was an orbiter that I REALLY wasn't comfortable with. I had that happen with a platonic chick. I told her this Orbiter was into her and she through a fit accused me of "acting jealous and hitting on her". That ticked me off or course,...men have their lives and careers destroyed over false accusations like that. I rewarded her with "missing me" for a good year. Eventually she came back around and all is good now. The guy in question eventually paid some money to "Brides-R-Us" and got an asian chick to come to the US for him. We all know where that goes,...once she gets established in the US she'll kick him to the curb and keep half his income and half his retirement. So, yes, it is something to be careful of but, no, not "all" guys are looking to get into a woman's pants. Well actually I hope for manhood's sake they all are looking to,...as long as they are honest and upfront about it,...it is just the deceptive Oribiters, Betas, and married cheaters trying to sneak it in under the radar that I have a problem with.
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